Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.
Warnings: Angst.
Pairings: Raito/L
Summary: At L's death, he spoke of love. Raito believes it was to mess with his head and a new game begins, but Raito can't win. What will he do to win the game of love when L is dead?
Notes: Thanks for all the reviews, comments, favorites, and alerts for this story. Glad everyone enjoys it. Hope you like this chapter and please tell me what you think.
A week later, L came out of the bathroom with Raito following behind him. The teenager has been asking every second if he was all right. The answer was the same fine. He didn't feel fine. All he wanted to do was curl up in the bed and sleep. Of course, sleep wouldn't come to him. Well it would but then he would have nightmares again. He walked down the stairs to the main room. Misa was yelling in there. He rubbed his temples, trying to make the headache go away. He should get checked out by Kats but he refused to show any sign of weakness. As they walked into the room, Misa ran to them and latched herself onto Raito. Raito looked annoyed every time the girl was around and he was also annoyed with her. All week long she has been coming and latching herself onto Raito. He couldn't take it anymore. He growled, "Amane-chan needs to get a therapist and stop trying to claim to be someone's girlfriend when he shows no interest in her."
Misa stared watery eyed at the detective. She whined, "Raito, Misamisa is hurt by what Ryuuzaki said."
Yagami stared at L. He never heard L talk like that before. Usually L would ignore Misa's ways and go back to work. He watched as L dragged his son to the desk. L didn't look good. He was paler than he normally is and those circles under his eyes were getting darker. He stood up and asked, "Ryuuzaki, are you all right?"
"For the last time, I am fin…" L began to say until he felt more of the stuff he ate for breakfast coming up. He grabbed a can and threw everything up. He wasn't fine. He felt terrible. He even tried to eat real food, to change his diet. That didn't even work. He sat there, his head over the can. He didn't even what to know what the others thought of him right now.
Kats stood up and was ready to walk to L. L looked at her, more like glared at her. She was ready to flip out. She heard he has been like this every morning for the past week. She glanced over at Raito who was looking at L in concern. She sighed, "Ryuuzaki, go rest. You are not fit to work."
"I am damn well perfectly fine to work." L hissed as he lifted his head up from the can. How dare anyone tell him whether he was all right or not to work? He needed to relax. He would be fine in ten minutes, and then he can storm through the work again. He would over look every document again to find Kira.
Yagami sighed as he rubbed the bridge of his nose, "Ryuuzaki, you aren't fine. You look terrible." He was concern for their boss. It would seem the late hours were finally catching up to L.
Misa walked over to Ryuuzaki and said cheerfully, "Ryuuzaki said he is fine. You should believe him." She wrapped her arm around Ryuuzaki's and sighed, "Ryuuzaki is just tired from focusing on Kira so much. Ryuuzaki will be better in no time."
L pulled his arm away from the clinging girl and growled, "If you ever touch me again, I will throw you back in that cell. Now, everyone leave me the hell alone." He didn't want the others' attention. He just wanted to work.
Watari walked into the room and put his foot down, "That is enough, Ryuuzaki. You need some rest. Yagami-kun please take Ryuuzaki back up to your room. I will bring some tea up." He wasn't about to let his ward continue this way. L hasn't been acting like himself. Instead of being calm, L was acting emotionally. He never saw that in his ward as long as he knew him.
Ryuk floated into the room and watched amused as Raito dragged L off the chair. He never heard L curse so much. Even all the times he fought against Raito, L never cursed once. It was amusing.
Raito dragged the stubborn man up the stairs and into their bedroom. As he forced L to lie down, he sat on the edge of the bed. He was worried about the other man. He shouldn't after all L said to him. He shouldn't feel this way but he does. He lay beside the older man and whispered, "Please rest."
"No."
"If you don't, I think Watari and Kats will give you something to make you sleep." Raito threatened, hoping it will work and get the older man to at least try to sleep. He didn't know why the other refused to sleep. It has been an entire week and he swore the detective didn't sleep yet.
L thought about it for a moment and growled annoyed. He knew Watari and Kats would do it. He couldn't refuse his food and drinks. They would put it in there to force him to sleep even if they knew about the nightmares. He closed his eyes. It felt so great to rest his eyes after so long. The bed was so comfortable and the heat coming from Raito felt so great. He moved closer to the younger man and sighed. It felt good to finally have some time alone and rest. Maybe everyone was right and he needed some rest to finally be himself again.
Outside was dark and loud screaming could be heard throughout the entire house. He knew that he should hide under his bed but he heard his mother crying. He couldn't stand hearing her cry. He slid out from under the bed and went out to the hallway. No one was in the hallway. It meant they were downstairs. He walked down the stairs, knowing he should run back up to his bedroom. But he couldn't. He couldn't let his mother be hurt again. He walked into the kitchen where the fighting was happening. His mother was lying on the ground, her face bloodied and bruised. He stepped forward and went in front of her. His father punched him, sending him flying against the wall.
'So the little damn bastard decided to protect that worthless woman.' His father sneered as he picked up the boy from the ground. He slammed the boy's body against the wall.
When his wrist was taken, the boy cried, 'No, daddy. Please don't, daddy.' He screamed in pain as the man broke his wrist. He slumped to the floor when his father dropped him. He looked over to see his mother was gone. He was left alone with the man. Why couldn't his mother protect him like he protected her? He couldn't contain his cries of pain as his father kicked him repeated in the stomach. He felt like he was going to pass out from the pain and he did.
The next time he knew he was in a white room with a woman tending to his injuries. He stared at her as she bandaged him up. He didn't say a word. What could he say? His mother was sitting next to him nervous. He wondered if she would finally confess to what was happening at home.
The nurse asked, 'How did he get these injures again?'
'He got into a fight with some of the boys in the area.' His mother lied.
He wanted to scream out lair, but he kept his mouth shut. He didn't want to be punished again. He already learned the hard way. The police would arrest his father for a while and release him. Then he would be beaten worse than before. He flinched when the nurse bandaged up his wrist. He sighed sadly. Only if his mother would tell people what was going on, then they would be protected. She always got away with her neck. He always got beaten worse than she did.
The nurse looked at his mother and whispered, 'There is a place that can help you two.'
He wanted to beg the nurse to tell them where they could go. He wanted to grab a hold of the help. He looked at his mother and sighed sadly. He wanted to cry but his tears weren't coming. He held back his emotions.
His mother sighed, 'There is nothing wrong with us to need help.'
L woke up screaming. It felt like his wrist was broken again. It felt like he was back home where his father would beat him senseless. He felt arms wrap around him and he screamed loudly. The arms tightly around him and he heard someone whispering something in his ear. He couldn't make out the words.
Watari ran into the room with Kats when they heard L scream. He stared at Raito holding L's shaking body. He was ready to order the teenager away from L but Kats stopped him. He glanced at her and she pointed toward L. He looked over and saw L was calming down. It was a shocker. It took an hour to get L to calm down from a nightmare. L's shaking was stopping.
L sat there, breathing hard. He heard Raito's voice whispering into his ear.
"It's me. It's Raito. Hush. It's all right." Raito continued to whisper into L's ear. He never heard anyone scream that loudly before. It sounded like L was in pain. He didn't like to hear L in pain.
L calmed his breathing down. He realized he was in the room of his building. He was safe. He stayed in Raito's arms. He didn't think he could make it if those arms weren't around him. Why was he feeling this way? Why was his past continuing to haunt him?
Watari took a step forward and spoke, "Ryuuzaki." L looked at him like he was lost. He only saw that look a few times. Usually L would hide his emotions. He took another step forward and asked in concern, "What is it, Ryuuzaki?"
L didn't know what to do. Part of him wanted to push Raito away from his person but the other part wanted to keep him close by. He finally asked, "Is he dead?" He needed to know his father was dead. He had to make sure even though he saw his father's death.
"Who is dead?" Raito asked, afraid how the older man was asking. Is this why L never slept? Was this happening every time L fell asleep? He could understand why L wouldn't want to sleep if this happen.
"Is my father dead? Is he?" L ranted as he stared straight ahead. He needed to hear that man was dead. If it wasn't true, then the man could come back to harm him. He didn't want to feel the pain anymore.
Watari stared at his ward sadly and whispered, "Yes. He is dead."
Raito hugged L tighter. Was that what L was dreaming about? He rubbed L's stomach, trying to calm the older man down. He didn't want to see L like this. He looked over at the others and replied, "Maybe you two should leave."
"I'm glad he is dead." L spoke harshly. He felt Raito stiffen next to him. He blinked his eyes and looked around the room. He sighed, "I am fine. Please leave." He watched Watari and Kats leave the room. He turned to look at Raito, commenting, "Raito-kun can release me now. I am fine."
"How can you be glad about your father's death?" Raito growled as he released his hold on L.
L pulled his shirt over his head and for the first time in his life, he confessed, "These scars are from him."
Raito stared at L's back to see the many scars on the pale skin. He run his fingers across the scars and looked at L shocked. How could one own father do this to their own child? He whispered, "I'm sorry." What else could he say? Seeing this, he could understand Kira's ways now. He asked, "Why do you disagree with Kira then?"
"Kira kills people. He is not giving people freedom of choice."
"But you were being harmed by your own parent. You should understand what Kira is doing for the world."
L laughed bitterly, "You would think so. I cannot stand someone ruling over the world, saying they are doing it for the people. People can be corrupt. Kira is corrupt. Yes, the justice system lacks, but it does not give the right for one person to kill." He stood up and pulled his shirt back over his head. He stared at the teenager. He spoke, "Ten percent. You really think like Kira."
"I know I would not kill." Raito growled as he stood up. He stared into those cold emotionless eyes. He wouldn't kill people. He knew it. He was pulled to the door and sneered, "You are going back to work?"
"Yes. There is no time to waste." L mentioned as he pulled the teenager through the door and down the stairs. When they got into the main room, he saw everyone look at him and said, "If one person tells me that I am not fit to work, you can leave." Everyone goes back to work and he sits down in front of the computer. He pulled up all the employees at Yotsuba and sighed. The list was too great to narrow it down. He was lacking help.
Matsuda stood up and sighed, "I got to take MisaMisa to her shoot. See you all later."
When Matsuda left, L turned his head, smiling. He didn't think they would get in but they did. He gave them credit for breaking into his building so easily. He glanced over at Kats to see her chuckling. He must admit it paid to have a thief and a conman on his side. He spoke up, "We need to get into Yotsuba to narrow down the suspects."
Yagami stood up and asked, "How will we do that?"
"With the help of the two sitting on the couch." L answered as he turned around to look at his two workers.
Yagami looked over and asked, "How did they get in here without us knowing?"
Wendy grinned as she smoked, "It was hard to hack into the security, but I could do it."
"Meet Wendy and Aiber. Wendy is a thief by trade and Aiber is a conman by trade." L explained as he looked at the others in the room.
"A thief and a conman?" Yagami asked. He didn't like the idea to work with criminals. How could L work with them?
"Yotsuba is already trying to find out my identity. It would be wise to set up cameras there and wire taps. It is time to narrow the list down. We need to know who Kira is. This is the fastest way." L explained as he stared at Yagami. He didn't see where the problem is. He used criminals before. Some were under his payroll to help out. Well, they didn't have a choice. It was helping him or going to jail.
Yagami looked at the two. He didn't like the idea but they needed the help. L was right. Yotsuba already been trying to find his identity. L needed to be protected. Without L, Kira would roam the world free. He wanted to clear his son's name. He glanced to his son to wonder what his boy thought about the whole idea.
Raito stared at the two. He looked over at L. He could see Kira's point of view but he could see L's point of view too. He was confused. He never thought a law biding person like L would use criminals to help him. It made him think L was no better than Kira. He looked down at the floor, thinking about everything. He could also see L's point of view about him being Kira. He really thought he would never kill, but he wondered if he had the power would he? He glanced back at L and spoke freely, "You are no better than Kira." He wanted to hurt L like he was hurt by L.
L looked over at Raito, the one he loves and smile bitterly. Kira and him were alike more than one way. He lived by justice but he has bent the rules to help him catch the criminals in the world. He saw everyone looking at them and he finally spoke, "Kira and I are alike but what he is doing is wrong. One person cannot change the world. It will fall apart."
"You even say you are like Kira. What does that say about you?" Raito snapped back. He wanted to hurt L more. He wanted L to understand what pain felt like. But didn't L know that feeling already? He was beaten by his own father.
L responded, "Kira is childish and hates to lose. I am the same. I will not deny that. But what I stand for is free right to choice. Kira is choosing the path everyone should take. He is a dictator and nothing more. He will fall even if I do not stop him. He will die in the end."
Wendy walks over to Kats and whispered, "They have some tension. Watari told me the kid is a suspect but I think there something else there."
Kats stared at the two bickering and sighed sadly. They would make a good couple. L needed someone in his life beside Watari. She only came to check him out. She glanced around the room and knew these men would never fill the void within L's soul. Raito was a possibility to fill that void. She glanced back over at the two and wondered what was going on with L. Was it only the nightmares affecting him?
Raito stood up and yelled, "For the last time, I would never be someone like Kira!" He couldn't take it anymore. His heart was breaking. He already told L that he thought he was falling in love with him.
Ryuk stared at the duo and laughed. He loved how they were acting. Now, only if L found out what is wrong with him. It would make an interesting show. What would L do when he found out? He glanced over at the young woman called Kats. She was an interesting character too. He liked her a lot. She knew how to start trouble.
Watari cut through the arguing, "Ryuuzaki, we got an alert from Matsuda."
"Where is he?" L asked as he turned his attention to the computer. He wished Matsuda was at least smarter. It would save them all the trouble of having problems at work.
"At Yotsuba." Watari answered without showing his concern.
Slamming his hand down on the desk, L remarked coldly, "Idiot." He turned around and sighed, "We have to rethink our plans. We need to get Matsuda out of there." He turned around and began to type on his computer, everyone giving suggestions. He could only think of Misa to help them. He suggested Raito call her and get more information. When Raito got a hold of Misa, L whispered, "Raito-kun, Amane-chan will listen to you. We need her to get Matsuda out of there alive."
An hour later, after faking Matsuda's death, L stared at the man and growled, "Matsuda-san almost cost us everything we worked for until now. Yotsuba could have figured out he work for me."
Yagami sighed, "Ryuuzaki, come on. We now know there only eight people in the group that could be Kira. Matsuda gave us a great clue to who is Kira."
"Because of his stupidity." L remarked as he turned around to stare at the computer. He didn't like when his plans would not go the way he wanted them. He must admit, Matsuda did get them a huge lead but it almost cost them everything. He already ordered Wendy to run cameras and wiretaps in the meeting room. He had no doubt in her abilities. Aiber was going to play the part of another detective that was him when the time came to that.
Kats looked at L like he lost his mind. She never heard L show his true emotions to anyone. He was always calm and hid behind a mask. She wondered what was wrong with him.
"Watari, could he bring me some pickles and ice cream?" L asked as he looked at his caretaker. He really was craving that for some reason. He just hoped he wouldn't throw everything up. He hid the fact that he was sick again. Well, Raito knew but the teenager wasn't talking to anyone. Raito was acting childish about their arguments.
Kats blinked her eyes at L when she heard him order that kind of food. She never heard L eating regular food before. As Watari brought in what was requested, she shivered as she watched L cut up the pickle and put in his ice cream. She watched in horror as he ate it.
Raito looked over in horror as the detective ate pickles and ice cream together. He wondered what was wrong with the older male. He didn't think he ever saw anyone eat so much sugar and now this. He glanced around the room to see everyone staring at L. He got the feeling L wasn't acting like himself. The arguments, him throwing up, him eating weirder food than before, and him showing his emotions openly. Were the nightmares affecting L? He didn't like this new version of L. L was meant to be this untouchable man. He didn't understand why he felt that way but he knew L was untouchable by anyone.
Ryuk floated by L and whispered, "You would be surprised when you find out. So, will Raito." He stuck his hand out and touched L's forehead. He wanted the other to know right away to see a new show. How would it affect Raito? How would it affect L? How would their showdown go with the new information?
L shivered and looked around. It felt like someone touched him but no one was close enough to him. He went back to eating his food and watching the monitors. Wendy already set up the cameras and wiretaps. The game was on once again.
Kats thought through everything and stared at her friend. Her mind was telling her what was wrong but she thought it impossible. Then again, this case by all means was impossible too. Could it be? She stood up and announced, "Ryuuzaki, I think you need to get check out."
L turned away from the monitors and stared at Kats like she lost his mind. Did Watari saw the tapes of him throwing up again? He didn't like his caretaker and his personal doctor teaming up on him. He glanced over at Raito. The teenager was looking guilty. He should have known Raito said something to Kats. He stood up, hunched over and sighed, "Nothing is wrong with me."
"Ryuuzaki, you haven't been yourself lately." Yagami spoke up. L was acting emotionally. It wasn't like the detective. L would show a calm face even though the toughest times. He heard from his men what L show when he was in the hospital. No, L wasn't acting like himself for a while.
Raito looked at L in concern. Everyone was agreeing that L wasn't acting like himself. Was something horribly wrong with the older man? He didn't want that to happen. He did want L to feel the pain he felt for being rejected but not like this. He didn't want L to be ill.
L sighed and glanced up to the ceiling. He knew Kats would not stop bugging him until he got checked out. Watari would agree with her and do whatever it took to get him checked out. He glanced around the room and called out, "Matsuda-san."
Matsuda approached L slowly. He didn't want to be yelled at again. When L took something out of his pocket, he stared confused. When the chain's cuff was snapped onto his wrist, he asked stupidity, "What is this about?"
"Raito-kun is still a suspect. He is not needed when I get my check out." L remarked as he walked toward Kats. As he turned his head, he whispered emotionless, "Do not let him out of your sight." He left the room with Kats following him. As he glanced side ways, he sighed, "I am sure it is my nightmares affecting me."
Kats looked at L and sighed, "You know damn well that isn't affecting you. You have never been like this way after nightmares."
L looked ahead as he walked to the medical room and responded, "Death is waiting for me."
"What do you mean?"
"This is my last case, I know that. I know Kira will defeat me."
"Stop talking that way. Kira will not defeat you."
"He already has. I have fallen in love with him."
Ryuk floated behind the two and howled in laughter. Only if Raito heard what the detective said. He wondered what would happen if Raito remembered everything once again. He wondered if Raito would ever remember. He glanced up toward the ceiling and sighed, "Once he touches the death note, he should remember everything. He will become Kira again. That is when the show really will begin."
As they walked into the medical room, Kats started to check him out. She was worried about L. She ran a couple of tests and stared at the results. She paced back and forth as she did the one test. She did it at least seven times. She glanced over at L who was acting nervous. She never saw him acting nervous. She really hoped she was wrong. As the test was done, she looked at the results and leaned against the wall. She couldn't believe it.
L saw Kats leaning against the wall and asked, "What is it?"
Kats looked back at L and handed him the test. She watched him stare at it for a few moments, confused, then looked at her like she lost her mind. She said, "I did the test seven different times. They all read the same results."
"I see."
"How? I mean I know how, but how is it possible?"
"Kira." L said one name as he stared down at the test results, afraid.
