Sarah, After (October 1987)

Sarah closed her eyes and counted to ten. Toby had gone to bed early with a mild cold, and her father was working late again, so her step-mother, Karen, had taken the opportunity to launch into another of her especially aggravating "little talks."

"...Believe me, I appreciate the help with Toby whenever we need it, but honey - you need your own life, too. You spend all of your time either with that Eleanor woman or your brother - don't you have friends?"

"Honestly, Karen?" Sarah asked as calmly as she could. "No."

"What do you mean, no?" Karen asked, aghast in her usual pearl-clutching manner.

"I mean, since Mellie moved away, no, I don't have any friends."

Karen rolled her eyes and made a dismissive gesture with your hands. "Oh, such melodrama. Of course you have friends, that's not what I meant."

Sarah narrowed her eyes. "You wanted this conversation. So let's have it. No, beyond my brother and Eleanor, I don't have a single friend in this world. Not one. When was the last time you saw me on the phone with anyone besides my mother?"

Karen had the decency to look a little thoughtful. "I don't remember, exactly."

"Exactly. Do I ever have friends over?"

"No, not really - but they're always welcome."

"I'll keep that in mind, you know, if I ever make any," Sarah sneered.

Karen sighed, still oblivious. "Sweetie, I just know if you put yourself out there more - maybe joined a club at school, something like that - you'd make some friends, maybe even finally find a boyfriend..."

"Enough!" Sarah shouted, her voice so loud Karen's decorative plates rattled in their hangers. Karen suddenly looked as if she might cry.

Sarah continued in a fierce whisper, "Do you know why I've never been on a date, Karen? Do you? No one has ever asked me out. In fact, no one speaks to me at school anymore - no one except the teachers. I misread the situation for a long time. I thought everyone hated me. They call me Ice Queen behind my back, you know. I just thought they didn't like me - general high school nonsense. But I figured it out eventually.

"They're afraid of me."

Karen scoffed. "That's ridiculous. You're smart, you're very pretty - they're just intimidated by you."

"I wish it were that simple, Karen." Sarah sighed, her fury draining away. She thought of all the strange things that continued to happen around her, despite how desperately she tried to maintain control over her magic. "They know there's something different about me, something 'off.' They sense it. They're frightened of me. I think maybe you are, too - deep down."

Karen's mouth dropped open. "Oh, Sarah."

"The only two people in this world who accept me exactly as I am are Eleanor and Toby. They're the only ones here who talk to me, who really listen. Mom barely gives me a thought, daddy mostly ignores me, and you're too busy trying to 'fix' me to even see the real me."

Sarah pushed her chair back from the dining room table. "And if you'll please excuse me, I'm not hungry."

Karen nodded, still a little in shock.

Sarah walked upstairs to her bedroom as calmly as she could. She knew these episodes with Karen only served to cause friction with her father and would never really be resolved. She carefully shut the door, flopped down on her bed, and began to cry.

She was isolated; she knew that. She was different from other people. She had to be careful, so controlled all the time, or she could slip and do something she didn't intend to do. Just last week she had been sitting in study hall, idly wondering how she would look with blonde hair. She had been reading a novel and twirling her hair, daydreaming about dyeing it, but when she looked at the strand she was twisting...her hair was blonde.

She hadn't done it consciously, but it happened. It took all of her concentration to change it back.

It had only been a few minutes, and no one had noticed - but what if they had? What if she accidentally hurt someone? She still wasn't sure what she was capable of, and although her training had progressed a great deal in the last year, she was still very powerful, and very unpredictable.

Seeing her friends from the Underground did help, but they had duties to attend to, and couldn't remain at her beck and call. Sometimes talking to Hoggle, Sir Didymus, and Ludo made Sarah sadder. It only highlighted her growing awareness that she didn't belong anywhere anymore - too human for the Underground, too strange for Above.

Sarah felt adrift, and very alone.

She was still sniffling when she heard small footsteps approach her bed. "I'm sorry, Tobes, but I'm not feeling very well right now…" Sarah trailed off. She hadn't heard the door open.

She opened her eyes to see a squat grey goblin standing right in front of her. He had huge round eyes, a single fang protruding over his lip, and a strange furry hat. "We listen to you, Lady," he said as he clumsily pulled the throw from the foot of her bed to cover her. "We're always here, even when you can't see."

Sarah took the little goblin's hand in her own. "Thank you," she whispered. "That really means a lot."

The little goblin blushed and slipped back into her closet, and Sarah fell into a peaceful sleep. She dreamt of a strange round room - a throne room - filled with goblins singing as she looked on, smiling.