~Chapter IX~

This time, Akashi didn't mind waiting. He knew the situation after all. There was no rush.

It wasn't as if his feelings would change.

No, in fact, Akashi was glad he had some alone time in this valley before Kuroko came. He had to think about this carefully. He had to imagine every single scenario that could happen and prepare counter-measures for them.

This evening couldn't fail. It absolutely couldn't.

Akashi had dreamed about this day for many times in the past. Different places, different times, different circumstances. But, if truth be told, he didn't imagine it would have to be like this. He would had rather waited a bit longer, but, as fate had it, his time was cut short.

Akashi felt as if it was now or never.

Finally, the redhead's eyes caught an approaching figure from one of the path ends. It wasn't even necessary for him to see the person clearly, he immediately recognized him as Kuroko. Those beautiful blue locks of his was a dead giveaway. However, this time he seemed somehow different. For one, his hands hung freely on his sides. That itself was a big hint of his state. But Akashi confirmed his theory fully when Kuroko was near enough for him to see his expression. The tealnet seemed... rather dull. Or better yet, that mask of his that Akashi so despised was present yet again and Kuroko seemed like he intended to keep it.

His change was to be expected, especially after Akashi's words yesterday.

However, that will soon take a different turn.

''Good evening, Tetsuya, care to sit next to me?'' the redhead greeted the tealnet as he patted the soft grass besides him, his expression unreadable.

There was one thing that remained from yesterday though.

Kuroko was still reluctant in looking at him.

Slowly, the tealnet complied, sitting cross-legged next to Akashi. He lowered his gaze to the land in front of him and began slightly plucking it. A sign of nervousness. With this action, his mark was clearly visible. The mark that Akashi so despised.

''If I remember correctly, yesterday you asked whether I was fine with you finding your soulmate, correct?''

The tealnet weakly nodded. Through a crack in his mask the redhead could catch that he was feeling distressed.

''Mhmm, that is a difficult question,'' he hummed, not lifting his eyes from the male next to him. ''And rather unspecific.''

''How?'' Kuroko finally spoke, sounding a bit confused.

''Allow me to explain. However, this is going to be a rather strange explanation, so please bear with me. If you are asking whether I'm okay with you finding another person who now shares that mark with you...'' Akashi spoke simply, without a trace of any emotion. He gently took Kuroko's hand from the grass and went over that godforsaken mark with his thumb before continuing. ''...then no, I am not. There isn't anything I can do about it, it's simply how this system works, but I do not agree with it.''

''How this system should work then in your opinion?'' Kuroko asked in a hushed voice, finally lifting his eyes to the redhead next to him.

Akashi lightly hummed for a few moments.

''I believe,'' he started slowly, tracing his thumb over the tealnet's next fingers. ''A person should be free in choosing his own soulmate. No system is without flaws. What if you feel your soulmate is someone else? There are countless of examples of such people. But just because of some mark one is forced to accept that some stranger is now your soulmate and you are forced to be with them. At least in today's world.''

''But they say that the soulmate mark shows with who you are most spiritually linked, not to mention best genetic combination.''

''I do not believe the first part,'' Akashi spoke firmly, his eyes burning as he looked at the tealnet's, wishing to make his point. ''Bonds are formed over time and with the people you chose. You should be the judge of how well your spiritual link with someone is, not some system.''

''...Akashi-kun, if you think like that, why did you yesterday act as if you were okay with this?..''

''I wanted to test my words. I wanted for you to realize that. I'm deeply sorry if I hurt your feelings, I know it wasn't right of me to act that way and now speak completely differently, but it was simply the most efficient way for you to understand what you yourself were feeling. And am I wrong, Tetsuya?''

Kuroko remained silent.

It was indeed true that after what Akashi had said, for a few moments his heart had broken free, albeit aching.

''If you still do not believe me, let me give you an example,'' Akashi spoke in a hushed voice and turned fully to the other. He brought his hand to Kuroko's face and gently cupped his chin, a small, warm smile playing on his lips. ''Tetsuya, I with all my heart believe you are my soulmate. And I do not give a damn about what that mark and the whole world tells me.''

After that Akashi without hesitation brought his lips to the tealnet's, catching him in a tender, sweet kiss, closing his eyes in the process. Oh how he wished of this moment for so long. How he dreamed of it, how he imagined different scenarios. But Kuroko always seemed so reluctant, so distant. The redhead feared the other wouldn't reciprocate his feelings, that he would push him away. But now... now he didn't have what to loose. Kuroko was always so responsible when it came to the soulmate system, so if Akashi didn't do this now, he feared the other would simply leave him.

He could not allow that.

That's why Akashi didn't pull away when he felt how the tealnet tensed most likely from shock. No, he wanted to make his feelings clear to the other with this gesture, to translate everything he wanted to say. He could only hope the smaller male wouldn't push him away completely. The tealnet's course of action seemed quite clear to him and he had prepared counter-measures for it.

Kuroko, on the other hand, was completely shocked by Akashi's action. He had become confused when the other cupped his chin, but didn't expect that he would actually... kiss him. Not when he announced he had found his soulmate. But to the tealnet's surprise... Akashi really didn't seem to care about the system. And from the moment their lips touched Kuroko as well began seriously doubting it. No way could the system be correct if a person who was not his soulmate could make him feel this way.

It was as if Akashi's lips were burning, sending electric sensations all across Kuroko's body. Slowly, his eyelids dropped, as if his subconsciousness whispered to him this way the effect would increase. The tealnet became painfully aware of the close contact the two of them had and the logical side of his mind was horrified to realize how much he wanted it. As if a man stranded in a desert for days was for the first time presented a glass of water. And that feeling only intensified when Akashi began moving his lips, slowly kissing the tealnet. His other hand traveled to the side of Kuroko's exposed neck, his warm fingers gently brushing against the other's pale skin. High pleasure coursed through Kuroko's body and he vaguely began wondering how it would feel if their kiss were to deepen. Now that Kuroko had taken his first sip of the oh-so delicious water, he couldn't possibly get enough of it. At what point he began reciprocating the kiss the tealnet wasn't sure, but he knew he painfully longed for this sensation and now that he had experienced it, he didn't want to stop.

This is not enough

This is not enough

This can't possibly be enough

Subconsciously, Kuroko brought both of hands to Akashi's neck and wrapped his arms around it desperately, bringing both of them closer. The redhead, in return, continued oh-so tenderly tracing the other's sensitive skin. Along his collarbone under his shirt, up his neck, along his jawline and up his cheek. Finally Akashi reached the side of Kuroko's head and tangled his hand in the other's soft teal locks. All that desire both of them had been bottling up suddenly broke out, dazing their minds and preventing any rational thoughts to enter. Akashi most likely had abandoned that idea long ago, but Kuroko as well at this moment could only focus on the redhead and his delicious lips. The oh-so sweet lips against his own, that burning sensation that nulled down everything else and that indescribable desire for the rest of Akashi's tender touches all over his body. To hell with the rules.

I need more, this is not enough

The taste of the forbidden fruit was too addicting.

Forbidden...

Forbidden..!

The forbidden must not be touched!

Stop this at once!

''N-No!'' Kuroko yelled out as he forcefully pushed himself away from the redhead. The will power it took was unimaginable. The moment their lips separated Kuroko regretted his decision, as coldness began to seep in, but deep down he knew it was the right one. This could not continue. ''This is wrong! Get away!''

''Tetsuya, calm down,'' Akashi tried to get ahold of the panicking tealnet, who was trying his best to distant himself from him.

''No, let go of me!'' Kuroko protested as the redhead managed to grab his wrists. He struggled to his best ability in the hopes of escaping the other male's grip.

I need to focus on escaping, I need to focus on distancing myself!

''This is so wrong, this isn't right, we can't do this! We can't do this, Akashi-kun, we can't! Release me!''

''Goddammit, Tetsuya, shut up for a moment,'' the redhead commanded as he forcefully pinned the smaller male to the ground, his grip on the other's wrists tightening. ''I don't want to accidentally hurt you, so please calm down and listen to me.''

It seems Akashi's words managed to break through the tealnet and he finally stopped moving. However, he was trying his best to avoid looking at the redhead, he simply couldn't see those piercing gorgeous eyes, so full of emotion. Rigged quick breaths kept leaving through his slightly swollen lips and it seemed to him as if his heart would jump out of his chest at any moment. However, now that he had more or less stopped panicking, realization of what they had just done began sinking in and he could feel warm blood running to his face.

Seeing Kuroko's slightly flustered expression, Akashi's look softened and he loosened his grip on the other's wrists. He didn't want to accidentally pain the tealnet after all.

''Tetsuya, hey, look at me,'' the redhead spoke in a hushed, gentle voice. Seeing as how Kuroko wasn't complying he released a light sigh. ''Please, Tetsuya, I need you to look at me for a bit. I won't do anything, okay? I just wish to talk to you properly.''

Slowly, the tealnet turned his head forward and directed his eyes to Akashi's. Seeing the soft, reassuring look in them he slightly relaxed.

I can... I can trust you, right?..

''Thank you,'' A warm, soothing smile appeared on the redhead's lips. ''I'll pull you up now, okay? But promise you won't try to run off.''

After a small nod from the smaller male, Akashi gently did as said, bringing Kuroko into a sitting position in front of him. However, he didn't release him, but instead interlocked their hands. After staring at them for a few moments, he lifted his eyes to meet Kuroko's distressed ones.

''Do you see my point now? That is why I said your question whether I was okay with you meeting your soulmate was difficult. I believe you are my soulmate. The question now is,'' Akashi's hold slightly tightened. ''whether you see it the same way.''

Kuroko remained silent. How could he answer something like this? It was way too complicated after all than the usual soulmate system.

''No matter your answer, I would still see you the same way,'' Akashi's lips shaped into a heart-warming smile, making Kuroko's heart beat faster. The redhead seemed so incredibly sincere at that moment the smaller male wished for this second to stop. He wanted to forever remember Akashi looking so... warm. However, his next words made Kuroko's heart stop. ''Tetsuya, I love you.''

...What?

You...

What?..

No, no, you shouldn't...

Don't say things like that...

No, take that back...

You can't, I'll only hurt you

I don't want that

I don't

Even though I...

''No, Akashi-kun...'' Kuroko whispered.

He sounded devastated.

''It is the absolute truth,'' The redhead released one of the other's hands and gently caressed his pale cheek. ''I do not care about that damned system. I love you and everyone else can go to hell.''

''No, no, don't say that,'' the tealnet shook his head abruptly. There it was again, that stinging sensation in the corners of his eyes. ''You can't..!''

''And I know I'm not the one feeling this way. Your actions earlier confirmed that.''

No, please, take that back..!

''Akashi-kun, it doesn't matter. Nothing can happen between us, it's impossible,'' Kuroko said in a hushed voice as tears began welling up in his eyes, clouding his vision. ''You can't love me. I... Akashi-kun, I-I have a soulmate now, I can't just..!''

I can't just... I can't just love... you back.

''Tetsuya, calm down, you're too hectic,'' the redhead whispered softly, continuing his caressing action. ''There isn't a problem without a solution. We could make this work somehow.''

''I doubt that,'' Kuroko took a deep breath in the hopes of calming his wild heart. This was so difficult. ''...Akashi-kun, why did you have to do that? We were fine, weren't we? Just being simple friends, wasn't that enough? But now...''

''It was never enough. It couldn't have been.''

''...But it has to. There is no other way for us to see each other then,'' the tealnet exhaled deeply. He quickly wiped away his threatening to spill tears before continuing. ''Akashi-kun, I believe this is our last chance. If we were a regular pair, then maybe it would be possible, but... We're not. Let's just leave everything that happened, everything that was said here, in this forest, never mentioning it again. Let's pretend this evening was wiped out from existence. If we do that... we might be able to continue seeing each other.''

''...I'm afraid I cannot do that,'' Akashi said those words that Kuroko dreaded (or perhaps secretly wished for) so much. ''I can no longer play this game of pretend.''

''...Then, I fear we'll have to end it completely,'' the tealnet announced in a hushed voice, closing his eyes.

He hated himself for those words. His heart ached indescribably because of them. He wished to rip it out and end this painful game. He didn't want to feel this way.

Please, why can't you understand!..

You are making this so difficult...

It was fine. We were fine. We could just pretend it was enough. And that was supposed to be enough.

Why did you have to rip it apart?

You're too greedy, Akashi-kun, you can't have everything.

''I cannot allow that either,'' the redhead spoke firmly, tightening his hold on the tealnet's hand. ''You mean too much to me.''

''Why can't you understand!?'' Kuroko suddenly yelled out, forcefully pushing himself away from the other. ''You may have different thoughts, but we live in this system, we cannot oppose it! I was trying so hard to make this work, all this time I was convincing myself everything was fine, there isn't anything serious going on, despite your dangerous actions. I was the one who tried to think rationally, to somehow keep this relationship appropriate in this world, to keep us out of harm's way for opposing the system. And then you pull something like this?'' Kuroko's voice cracked at the end, his tone lowering considerably. He could not control the stinging sensation in his eyes or his vision clouding once more. He could not do this anymore. ''How on Earth do you expect me to convince myself this is okay? Because it isn't. None of this was fine to begin with, I was just pretending it was, living in a fantasy you could say... ''

Kuroko closed his eyes and shook his head. He could not bare to see Akashi's expression, full of surprise at his outburst. And that tiny hint of hurt in those beautiful eyes of his. He shouldn't be hurting, Kuroko didn't want him to hurt. But if this was the only way of keeping both of them out of harm's way... The fate of people like them was... better left in the shadows.

Yet still, why can't he just walk away?

He will only hurt Akashi more if he didn't...

''...Tetsuya, please listen to me,'' the redhead spoke softly. He leaned a bit closer, though hesitated for a moment. Nonetheless, afterwards he carefully embraced the distressed tealnet, gently wrapping his arms around the other's small frame. Kuroko stiffened a bit, but didn't resist. ''It may not look like it, but I understand. I'm... I'm sorry for being inconsiderate. I believe at the moment neither of us are in our right minds. So please, go home for now and rest, try to calm down and sort out your emotions. Think about this situation with a clear mind. All I'm asking is for you to consider my words honestly, from the heart. Can you do that, Tetsuya? Can you withhold your answer for now?''

I have to say no, I have to say this is my answer, I must-

Kuroko slowly nodded his head, chasing all his thoughts away.

He'll give himself a chance.

Maybe Akashi was right, maybe they really weren't in their right minds.

''Thank you, Tetsuya,'' he redhead said in a hushed, genuine voice. He landed a soft kiss on the tealnet's temple before continuing. ''I'm not pressuring you. When you think about it and when you have an answer according to your heart's wishes, let me know. I will be waiting until you do.''