Just had a few minutes to scribble something down something quick; Masters exams are keeping me away!

-AT

-This story uses a NON-CANON TIMELINE, it's sort of a mishmash of all three games so I can keep all the fun characters/make good jokes. You have been warned!


SGT VITEK

TO

ALL CREW

1041, Day cycle Alpha.22

RE: Cargo Bay Rules Mark 2

Dear Ground Crew,

Rounding up the space roaches and having races does not constitute a solution to the infestation. Pt Donald is now refusing to work in the aby without an envirosuit on.

Also, I can still see cockroach guts on the floor from where one got squished.

Kind regards,

Mako Maintenance Crew.

COMMENTS ENABLED.

1045, CGO WILLIAMS. Vakarian, you still owe me 50 credits from last night's round. Pay up buddy!

1050, G VAKARIAN. Will you take a cheque?

1051, CGO WILLIAMS. BITE ME.

1053, G VAKARIAN. That's a no then…

1112, FL MOREAU. I think she took exception when you sniped her cockroach with the welding laser.

1115, G VAKARIAN. BUT IT KEPT BLOODY WINNING I MEAN COME ON.

1117, CGO WILLIAMS. JUST BECAUSE MY SPACE COCKROACH WAS FASTER THAN YOURS DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO EXPLODE IT.

1120, FL MOREAU. Explode it?

1121, G VAKARIAN. It's a surprisingly adequate description. Who knew cockroaches would explode if shot with a high-powered argon laser.

1125, FL MOREAU. Sweeeeeeet, are there any more? I want to see!

1126, CMDR SHEPARD. I don't like where this is going…

End of Post.


SGT VITEK

TO

ALL CREW

1130, Day cycle Alpha.22

RE: An addendum

Dear Ground Crew,

Please note the welding laser is not a toy. Nor is it designed for pest control.

It will literally melt your skin off.

You have been warned.

Kind regards,

Mako Maintenance Crew

COMMENTS ENABLED.

1141, FL MOREAU, But what if-

1141, CMDR SHEPARD. NO, JOKER.

1142, FL MOREAU. Fine...

End of Post


CMDR SHEPARD

TO

ALL CREW

2210, Day cycle Alpha.22

Re: What did I tell you…

AUTOMATED INCIDENT REPORT [GENERATED BY NORMANDY VI]

TIME: 2139, Day cycle Alpha.22.

LOCATION: Cargo Bay

INCIDENT: At 2139, G VAKARIAN was brought to the Medical Bay, after sustaining an injury in the Cargo Bay while accompanied by CGO WILLIAMS and FL MOREAU. During "routine maintenance", the welding laser "went haywire" while CGO WILLIAMS was attempting repairs to the Mako. The welding laser beam hit a stack of crates containing edible dry goods, which began to combust. Smoke detectors in the Cargo Bay were triggered and the fire retardant foam was deployed from all ceiling fixtures. The fire was extinguished, though G VAKARIAN suffered minor singing to his fringe in the process. No other injuries were apparent, aside from several dead cockroaches distributed over the bay.

End of report.

COMMENTS ENABLED.

2213, CMDR SHEPARD. YOU THREE. TOMORROW AT 0500 YOU WILL BE IN THE CARGO BAY WITH MOPS AND BUCKETS. UNTIL THEN, NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO CLEAR THE MESS. That way it will be maximally sticky for these geniuses tomorrow. Have fun!

2216, G VAKARIAN. But—

2216, CMDR SHEPARD. 0430 now Garrus!

2217, FL MOREAU. Commander, I—

2218, CMDR SHEPARD. 0400! I can do this all day boys.

2230, CMDR SHEPARD. Annnnnd checkmate, suckers!

End of Post.


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