Gamer4 in! I'm on a Mario Mario binge lately, so I'm getting started on this one a little earlier than I'd thought! I mean, it'll probably still be Monday at the earliest that I actually get this chapter out, but... you know, if you're reading this right now, you probably already know when it came out, so what's the point of offering speculation? Especially since it seems like every time I do that, it leads me to another hiatus... alright, forget I said anything! Let's just get to the next chapter before I jinx myself any further!
Disclaimer: Reaching for his saddlebag, he takes a battered book into his hand. Standing like a prophet, bold, he shouts across the ocean to the shore, 'til he can shout no more:
Chapter VIII
The Smash-Up Grand Prix
Tension only continued to rise as Mario followed the rest of the Farons down the path to the stadium's entrance, which included a long tunnel decorated with brightly-colored lights- obviously a stylistic choice, considering the smasher world had the ability to light anything up without the source being obvious. At one point, they came to an area with an opening to the stands, where Mario witnessed just a glimpse of the stadium within- easily the largest enclosure Mario had ever seen, most likely capable of keeping every football field, baseball diamond, and bowling alley in the country within it. Glancing at Rusl, he saw the man smiling.
"Nice, isn't it? It is designed to house all the smashers coming to see the match, after all."
Mario nodded mutely- suddenly, he knew how Haruhi Suzumiya had felt, walking into that baseball diamond and seeing all the people there- but where it made her feel insignificant, Mario was simply awed that there were this many smashers in the world. He really wasn't alone...
Mario's initial motion was to move towards the opening, but Rusl put a hand on his shoulder, still smiling, shaking his head and motioning towards a nearby set of stairs. "We've got some more climbing to do- we're in the top box! Best seats in the house!"
Mario shrugged, and turned to follow the group as they began their long ascent. Seriously, it was like climbing a skyscraper. This match had better be worth it... and he smiled, suspecting that it would be.
Finally, they arrived at their seats, situated what felt like ten or twenty miles above the ground. Mario took out his hawk-eye and gave an experimental glance at the field- well, he'd certainly gotten his money's worth; through the hawk-eye, he could see each individual blade of grass on the ground, even as high up as they were.
The entire stadium was, in the very fashion Mario had been remembering earlier, lit with a mysterious light that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere, all at once. Using his hawk-eye to examine the large stadium, his eyes alighted on a large billboard, over which was standing a plump man with a moustache and long, almost tentacle-like arms, with a single squiggly hair over his head. He was whispering to a strange drone-like object, conical, with a horn coming from the side, a long, mechanical arm coming out of the bottom, with a propellor on the top. As the 'discussion' finished, the drone, or pod, or whatever it was, descended to the billboard and began writing out what seemed to be advertisements, with things like:
Growshrooms: eat one to grow to twice your size! Perfect for skinnies looking to pack on some extra girth!
Your voice is weak . It does not carry. No one notices you. If this is true, pick up an amplified amplifier at a Hocotate shop near you! Starting today, you are a gym teacher- you will never be ignored again!
The nanotechnology making up the patented Hocotate Inc. Shock Therapist (TM) gathers negative ions in the atmosphere and converts them to energy, and releases it with an almighty ZAP, instantly relieving muscle soreness and joint stress! And, under that, in letters so small Mario had to adjust his hawk-eye and squint with all his might to just barely make them out, May render the user unconscious.
Having decided that the billboard had nothing to sell him, Mario looked away and began looking over the surrounding seats. Aside from him and the Farons, there only seemed to be one other occupant of the box- a strange creature in front of him resembling a dinosaur or dragon...
"Yoshi?!" Mario gasped. He hadn't expected to see this character again, as he'd been so scarce (read: nonexistent) in the previous story. Nevertheless, his shout caught the attention of both Link and Zelda, who turned curiously- while they'd both heard a great deal of stories about the dinosaur/dragon/thing from Mario, they had yet to actually meet him.
However, when the thing turned around, it became apparent that not only was it not Yoshi, it was a wonder that Mario could have possibly mistaken it for his old friend in the first place. While it did seem to be of a similar species to the yoshis, its skin was pink, it had a bow on top of its head, and, in place of a mouth and nose, simply had a gigantic hole in the front of its face, in a large snout, that seemed to serve the purposes of both.
"Did the young master just call me Yoshi?" the thing asked in a strange voice.
"Sorry," Mario said quickly. "You just kind of... reminded me of someone I know."
"But Birdo knows Yoshi too!" the creature- presumably Birdo- exclaimed, eyes widening. "Birdo is a yoshi herself, after all!"
Mario blinked. "Well, that raises two questions in my mind... first, if you're a yoshi, why do you... er... well..."
"It was an accident," Birdo muttered self-consciously, raising a hand to her snout. "Birdo's master was experimenting with gamma radiation and nanomachines. Things went wrong, and... well..."
"Mario, that was really insensitive," Zelda berated him, throwing him a disapproving look.
"Do I need to remind you about Whitestorm?" Mario retorted easily. "Anyways, question 2- do all yoshis just know each other inherently?"
"No, but Birdo has met the yoshi with the simplest name before- he spoke of you. You... surely, Mario Mario?"
"Yeah, that's me. So, you've talked to Yoshi?"
"Oh, yes, little master- he speaks very highly of you."
"Huh. Well, how's he doing?" Mario was genuinely curious- last he had seen Yoshi the yoshi, the dinosaur-dragon-whatever had just been released from the 'servitude' (very, very, very, very generous term) of the Dragmire family. "Hope he's happy in his new freedom?"
Birdo glanced at the ground, looking wrong-footed. "Ah... about that... Birdo isn't sure freeing him was the best idea... if little master doesn't mind Birdo saying..."
"Why not?" Mario raised his eyebrows. "Is he in trouble?"
"Not exactly," Birdo shook her head. "But... Yoshi is having trouble finding more work. He is getting... strange ideas..."
"What kind of ideas?" Mario asked, completely lost.
Birdo looked from side to side, as though she were about to utter the dirties, most forbidden words she knew. "Yoshi wants... wants... to be paid." She shuddered at the sheer thought of it.
Now Mario was even more confused. "And... so? What of it? I mean, I know the Dragmires never paid him, but they're the only family I know of more dysfunctional than the Smiths, so I kind of expected that... what's wrong with him wanting money for his work?"
Birdo gaped at him as though he'd sprouted a second head- though, given the world we're talking about here, that was, at some level, a distinct possibility. "Yoshis are not supposed to be paid!" she gasped. "Yoshis are supposed to do as their masters say, not thinking of themselves! He is doing all kinds of things that yoshis are not supposed to- Birdo is worried the government is going to drag him in any day now- like a common goomba!"
"Well, I mean... isn't it about time he got out and smelled the free air?" Mario asked, wondering if he sounded like a motivational poster.
"Not... the point... of yoshis!" Birdo repeated. "Take Birdo- Master von Karma tells Birdo to save him a seat in the top box for him!" As she said this, she tapped the seat next to her. Mario noticed that her hand stopped about half a foot or so- he wasn't that good at measurements sans some sort of measuring device- above the seat, rather than making contact with it. Odd... but then again, world of smashers, it probably wasn't important. "Now, Birdo does not like heights- at all- Birdo gets vertigo on the second floor of Master von Karma's house- but Master von Karma has said it, so Birdo obeys, like a good yoshi."
"He needs a seat, so he sent you up here even though you're afraid of heights?" Zelda asked, frowning, and this time, Mario had to agree- there was something screwy there. "He couldn't come up himself?"
"Master von Karma is very busy," Birdo said quickly, and Mario couldn't help but think her cheeks turned a little red. "He has not time to come up himself- he may not even make it to the match, he says... very close thing..."
"But, if that's the case..." Mario muttered, hand rising to his moustache.
"Birdo is uncomfortable! Must return to making sure nobody takes Master von Karma's seat!" With that, Birdo turned away from them and began staring intently at said seat, as though intent on memorizing its individual atoms.
"Huh," Link grunted, raising an eyebrow. "So, that's a yoshi, huh? Kind of weird."
"Maybe so," Mario agreed, "but she's still got nothing on the Yoshi."
It was at this point that the narrator stepped in to point out that Birdo was also a transvestite.
"No, Yoshi was still weirder," Mario shook his head. He looked to Zelda for her opinion, only to find her brow furrowed, clearly in deep thought, working on calculating the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything.
He was on the point of asking her what was up when Linebeck, opening a program from his seat behind them, noted, "Huh, looks like the teams are going to put on a show for us to kick things off."
"I don't doubt it," Rusl nodded, smiling. "The teams are always putting on shows for the crowd in their karts before the match- we are smashers, after all, if there's an opportunity to show off, we're going to take it."
XXXX
And so it came to be that the next half hour or so was devoted to the group watching the box fill up around them. Rusl routinely stood up to shake hands with his coworkers, friends, subordinates, and superiors alike, and Rob kept jumping up and down like a jack-in-the-box- not the restaurant- eager to make a good impression on everyone.
Eventually, there came a point where another large group came in, being led by a short smasher recognizable to everyone present as Olimar Tate, the current president of smashing, at which Rob almost broke his circuits trying to process his excitement.
Olimar, however, had eyes only for Mario, whom he'd met and taken something of a liking to the previous story. "Ah, Mario!" he said happily, moving forward and shaking the young pyromancer's hand. "Good to see you at this event! How are you doing today?"
"Very well, thanks, Mr. President," Mario nodded respectfully.
"Oh, no need to be so formal, Mario, just call me Olimar," Olimar shrugged aside. "I never really got used to the whole 'Mr. President' thing, I insist on people using my actual name wherever possible."
"Alright... Olimar," Mario said. It wasn't that strange- he typically used that name when not addressing the man himself- but saying it to his face...
Shaking it off, he asked, "So, how are things going at your end?"
"Oh, fairly well," Olimar said airily. "I didn't have to watch an innocent Loftwing die, for one."
"And you're at one of the biggest events of the millennium," Mario pointed out.
"Well, I suppose there is that," Olimar agreed, nodding. "Though I won't be up here for long- I don't know if you know it, my boy, but my term of office ends soon- in fact, I'm really just a figurehead at this point, in all but technicalities, I've already turned the office over to my successor. My last major ceremonial duty is overseeing this match, and refereeing it- I'll be heading down to my kart soon- a Dolphin Flyer, I'm quite fond of it. I'm only up here escorting the Mobian team manager to the box, as well as a few other guests... oh, right, the manager! I don't know if you know him, Mr. Dickson?"
"Eh? What was that?" spoke the man behind Olimar. He was very tall, dressed in blue jeans and a matching blue jacket. He wore a red headband, had long, blond hair tied up behind his back, with a matching moustache, wore fingerless gloves, carried a shotgun like it was nothing, and kept a cigar clenched between his teeth. "You need to speak up, boy, I can't hear you!"
Olimar sighed. "He's a little older than I am," he noted as an aside to Mario. "Going a little deaf, I'm afraid."
"I agree, Mobius has this in the bag!" Dickson nodded. "Already placed my bets with that big-mouthed brog! That team from Germany seriously needs to buck up their ideas!"
"No, no, that's not what I was saying," Olimar shook his head. "This is Mario! You know, Mario Mario? The boy who lived?"
"I don't know anyone named Wario!" Dickson objected. "Why don't you speak up every now and-"
Abruptly, the old man froze up, his eyes locking onto Mario's forehead. "Ah... aha!" he grinned. "Well, if it ain't Mario Mario! Now that's a face I recognize! Seen you all over the papers, boy!"
"Thought we'd get there eventually," Olimar sighed.
Midna and Linebeck smiled at each other. "Glad you don't have to deal with that, huh?" Linebeck grinned.
"Give me two days of that, and I'd be blowing my own brains out," Midna replied easily.
And then, abruptly, out of freaking nowhere, came an answer from someone nobody present had heard before- "Good riddance, too, blood traitor scum. The world's better off without you!"
Olimar, still dealing with Dickson, didn't seem to hear this, leaving the Farons, Zelda, and Mario to freeze and turn towards the three people who'd just arrived. "Well, well, well, homey," said the second one in line. "Wondered if you'd be showin' up here."
Standing there were three new smashers, one of which Mario knew only too well. A giant, anthropomorphic turtle, hunched over slightly, with a mane of red hair, horns coming from the top of his head, claws, and spikes protruding from his shell. Bowser Dragmire, who, Tabuu aside, had branded himself almost from their first meeting as Mario's true nemesis. At one side was a tall man, dressed in white, with diamond-shaped holes placed around his clothing. His hair was equally white, falling in a braid on once side. This man was Ghirahim Dragmire, Bowser's father. Mario had only met him a handful of times, but each time, he'd managed to make Mario hate him more and more. Every time Mario thought he'd sunk to his lowest, he'd somehow found a way to dig even further, plunging right through bedrock. He carried a rapier, and was even more well-groomed than the woman who took Bowser's other side, who could only be his mother.
His mother was actually pretty short- not as short as Bowser himself, but at a couple feet shorter than her husband. Now, we said Ghirahim was more well-groomed than she was, like it was some big freaking deal, but it was actually a pretty low bar to jump over. Her hair, while it didn't look disheveled, exactly, certainly didn't have any sort of gel or unnatural sprays keeping it in line, either. There was something wild and untamed about it. It was obvious from a glance between the two that any make-up in Dragmire Manor was for Ghirahim, as his wife wasn't wearing any, while Ghirahim was never seen without it. She wore a fancy red dress that put Mario in mind of flowers and vines, and carried a scepter of some kind at her side. What was the word Mario was looking for? She felt... natural- though, the fact that she was very clearly the one to utter the earlier barb at the Farons more or less ruined any respect that she may have built up in Mario's eyes for it.
For several long moments, there was a tense stand-off between the two families, each one staring at the other. Finally, Olimar turned from his conversation with Dickson, rubbing his eyes in exasperation, and saw what was going on. "Ah, Ghirahim!" he said happily, moving forward to shake said smasher's hand. "Glad you could make it!"
"Always glad to give the masses my presence," Ghirahim responded, nice and humble, as always, following it up with an extravagant bow. "Mr. President, have you met my son, Bowser? Or my wife, Viridi?"
"Charmed," Olimar smiled, shaking hands with each in turn. "And you've met Rusl, of course?"
Mario almost wanted to face-palm at Olimar's obliviousness. Oh, they'd met before, alright- in fact, the last time they'd met, they'd trashed a great deal of Hoarder's book store, right in Twisted Lane. For a moment, he almost wondered how Olimar couldn't have read about it in the papers- but, oh, right, Tingle had been there at the time, too, he'd probably dominated the papers the next day- a thought that sickened Mario now.
"We're here on special permission from Mr. Tate himself," the lady in red, Viridi, noted in a silky voice.
"Oh, don't boast, Viridi," Ghirahim reprimanded without any conviction in his voice whatsoever- in fact, he was smirking himself. "Especially not to these peasants- you'll make them feel bad. They must be going hungry for the rest of the decade to have seats up here."
The parents' eyes then scanned over the procession until they landed on Zelda Hyrule. Mario really didn't like the look on their faces as they examined her- Zelda, after all, was what the smasher community called 'muggle-born'- which, as it implies, means she was born of, and raised by, muggles. It didn't really make any difference, but smashers like the Dragmires, with nothing but other smashers in their family tree, sure liked to think it did. Mario thought he even saw Viridi's lips forming the forbidden word- wollywog, the worst insult that applied to people like Zelda. For his part, he felt pride in Zelda as she refused to back down, standing and staring right back at them until, finally, they were the ones to break eye contact.
At long last, the contact was broken, and the Dragmires went off to get their seats. Olimar finally found Dickson his seat, said a quick farewell to everyone, and headed off, presumably to take up his position on the field as the referee. Just as he left, in bounced short little M. C. Ballyhoo, face hidden as ever. "Hello, hello, hello, hello!" he greeted everyone as he bounced around in excitement. "How you all doin' tonight? We got a great match coming up, it's down to me to commentate, of course, so how about we get started!"
As everyone watched, he took out a megaphone (which Mario recognized as a Hocotate-brand amplified amplifier,) and spoke into it. Mario could hear that he was speaking normally, but through the megaphone, his voice boomed out loud enough to reach everyone in the stands, some of whom were so far away Mario could only see them via hawk-eye.
"Good morning, smasher world!" Ballyhoo called out. "Well, good night," he admitted to the side, away from the megaphone. "I just wanted to make that reference." Returning to the megaphone, he continued. "Welcome, welcome, welcome everyone to the finals of the Smash-Up Grand Prix! It's been a long road getting here, really, it has. I just wish my own homeland of the Mushroom Kingdom had gotten through- that was embarrassing, truly, it was."
"What happened to the Mushroom Kingdom?" Mario whispered to Link.
"Went down in the third round to the Lylat System, 300-10," Link replied.
"Er... yes, well..." Ballyhoo adjusted his bow-tie before continuing. "Can we get hte scoreboard, please?"
Adjusting his hawk-eye again, Mario saw the noodle-armed man whisper a final few instructions to his drone, which returned to the board, and, moving at great speed, adjusted things to read: GERMANY: 0, MOBIUS: 0.
"And, without further adieu, give a warm welcome to the team from Mobius!" Ballyhoo cried out, jumping with excitement.
To Mario's surprise, a great deal of rock music burst out around the stands as one end of the stadium opened up and six players came flying out of it. Listening closely, he recognized a tangle of different songs being played and sung, all seemingly from Mobius's supporters. "Gotta go fast! Gotta go fast! Gotta go faster, faster, fasterfasterfaster!"
"Rolling around at the speed of sound-"
"Sonic boom, Sonic boom, Sonic boom, Sonic boom!"
"He's the fastest thing alive!"
Maybe they were seeing something Mario wasn't, but he looked down at the field with his hawk-eye, and noticed a blue blur. Adjusting his hawk-eye a great deal, he managed to make out an anthro blue hedgehog in a similarly colored kart, driving around incredibly fast, with so much skill, from what he could see, that he, as a kart driver himself, became a fan on the spot. The readout read: Sonic the Hedgehog, Mobius. Drives a Speed Star. As he watched, captions appeared across the bottom, syncing up with the movement's of the hedgehog's mouth- "Sonic's the name, and speed's my game!"
"Yes, we have Mobius's team! On the defense, Miles 'Tails' Prower! On the offense, Rouge the Bat, Amy Rose, and Espio the Chameleon! For our brawlers, we have Shadow the Hedgehog and Knuckles the Echidna! And finally, the one you've all been waiting for, Sonic the Hedgehog!"
Mario was still following Sonic with his eyes. "And we're still supporting Germany... because?"
"Hey, you're the one who said we would," Link pointed out.
"Oh, don't count Germany out too soon, boys," Rusl shook his head. "Watch."
Finally, Ballyhoo announced, "And on the other side, we have, all the way from Germany, we have: on the defense, Citan Uzuki! On the offense, Ellhaym van Houten, Billy Lee Black, and Emeralda Kharim! For our brawlers, we have Bartholomew Fatima and Rico Banderas! And, finally, the seeker, Fei Fong Wong!"
Mario was seized by a sudden inspiration- he activated his hawk-eye and watched as they all came careening out. The first thing he noticed was that their karts were surprisingly familiar- they were all behind the wheels of Wild Wings, the very kart that he himself drove. Huh. From here, he turned his attention to the countries they all came from. Citan Uzuki- Japan. Fei Fong Wong- China. Rico Banderas- New York. Bartholomew Fatima- Britain. Billy Lee Black- Texas. Elly van Houten... Germany.
"Well, at least there's one," Mario muttered. "Hang on, one more..."
Emeralda Kharim- daughter of Fei Fong Wong and Elly van Houten. Considered half Chinese, half German.
"Okay, one and a half," Mario corrected himself. But then he did a double take. "Daughter?!"
"Oh, yeah," Rusl nodded, smiling. "You wouldn't think she'd be on the team, but she's actually one of their MVPs."
Mario gave the aforementioned girl his undivided attention. She hadn't even gone through puberty yet! And yet there she was, belting along next to her mother, as her father led the group out.
It was easily apparent that Midna had spoken true before- while Mario was more impressed by Sonic's skill with his kart, the German team wasn't far behind, and there were seven of them. His confidence in his choice began to wax again.
Finally, both teams were arranged around the field's center, waiting for the match to begin. Around them, the stadium began to shift, hard light activating to produce an arena made of red brick, with grating running around to form the ramps leading up to a second, third, fourth, and fifth floor. On top of this, in several areas, the brick was broken up by pipes resembling giant warp pipes. Mario grinned, adjusting his hawk-eye as best he could. This was gonna be good...
"And here comes our referee, our own President Olimar Tate!" Ballyhoo cried out in excitement. Out onto the field came Olimar, in an old kart that time had clearly not been kind to. He carried with him a briefcase, which he opened as he approached the stadium's center. Once there, he opened it up, releasing first the glowing smash ball, identical in every way to the balls Mario was always chasing except for lacking the Smash Bros. symbol imprinted into it. Next came the chain chomps, giant steel balls with teeth and eyes, which eagerly began their work of rolling around the stadium. And finally, he lifted up the smash-up ball, holding it in his hands.
"We're all good sports, here, right?" Olimar spoke, glancing around at both teams. "It's not winning or losing, it's how you play the game, and all that, right?"
There were a few scattered nods, and Bart, seeming captain of Germany's team, flashed a grin and a thumbs-up.
"Alright... let the match... BEGIN!" Olimar called out, tossing the ball into the air. And then... it began.
Mario had thought Smash-Up had been intense at the Smash Mansion- but watching this made him realize that it really was the minor leagues. He'd never seen anything like this before- most of the players were blurs darting around the field, seemingly at random, and it was only through (ab)use of the hawk-eye's rewind and play-by-play functions that he was able to detect the surprisingly deep strategies each team was employing. It was almost like a game of chess between two masters- if said game of chess involved balls, karts, and everything was happening at upwards of two hundred mph. So, in retrospect, it actually wasn't anything like chess at all. Ah, you know what I meant.
Mario had been looking forward to comparing Ballyhoo's commentary to Teddy Ellay's, the commentator back at the Smash Bros., but current evidence suggested that was simply not going to happen. The smash-up ball was changing hands so fast that it was all Ballyhoo could do to keep up without inserting witty commentary of his own. Mario was struggling to keep up as the German offense seized the smash-up ball and began tearing the field apart. Elly began ascending the ramps, while Billy and Emeralda tossed the ball back and forth on ground level. As Mobius closed in, Elly drove by on an upper ramp, prompting Billy, in possession at the time, to toss it up to her. The strategy seemed to be going swimmingly, until a chain chomp directed at her by Knuckles came out of seemingly nowhere, knocking her off the ramp, and the smash-up ball from her hands. From there, it was picked up by Espio, who began hauling it across the field to their own goals, keeping it from Germany by tossing it back and forth with Rouge and Amy...
"Emeralda scores! Middle ring- Twenty-Zero, Germany!"
"What the- but Amy's got the smash-up ball!" Mario objected.
"You're living in the past, Mario!" Link called back, whooping along with the rest of Germany's supporters. "Literally! Get back to the present!"
Mario grumbled a bit as he re-adjusted the hawk-eye.
It was incredible. Without the hawk-eye, he thought, the only players he'd be able to see at all would be Citan and Tails, whose job was to stay rooted in one spot. But while Mobius was certainly above and beyond anything he'd seen at the Smash Bros., they just paled in comparison to Germany's offense- bluntly put, their front three tore crud up. It was like they were all connected to a hive mind, to the point that they could comfortably toss the smash-up ball over their shoulders without a second thought, just knowing that one of the others would be there to pick it up. Bart and Rico were gleefully keeping the chain chomps as far away from their team as possible, and Citan, on the rare occasion he had anything to do at all, swatted the smash-up ball out of the air as easily as swatting a fly. With no wings. Or legs. And was dead. Long story short, it didn't take long for Germany to score twice more, putting the score at a whopping sixty-zero.
At which point Mobius began to pick up their A-game. It was like the beginning of the match had been just a warm-up to them, and now they were getting serious. Shadow and Knuckles became more aggressive, not just defending their team from the chomps but actively seeking to hunt down the German players. They also seemed to be taking note of the strategies that said players were using, and utilizing the chomps more strategically to break those strategies up. The end result was, through careful application of chomps, rushing, and theft, the Mobius team scored for the first time in the match, bringing the score to 60-30.
For a while, it seemed like Mobius was getting their mojo back, retrieving the Smash-Up ball once more and managing to keep it out of Germany's hands, but then came the event that had everyone distracted. "What's this?" Ballyhoo asked, suddenly excited. "It looks like someone's seen the smash ball!"
Sure enough, a blue blur was suddenly tearing across the stadium, utilizing the warp pipes to climb to the top as fast as he could. Hot on his tail was Fei, Germany's seeker. It was a race of such epic proportions that even their teammates stopped to watch, on tenterhooks as they streaked to the very top of the arena. At this point, whoever caught the smash ball won...
And then, out of nowhere, Sonic pulled to the side, turning at almost a 90 degree angle, leaving Fei, not quite as hot on his wheel, plowing headlong into the brick wall they'd both been heading towards. With complete grace, Sonic took advantage of a nearby gap in the grating to duck down to a lower level, leaving his opponent behind.
"Ah... a feint," Mario noted, cringing in sympathy for the German seeker. He knew the power of that move- having used it himself the previous year. As he watched, some smashers dressed in a medical uniform made their way up to where Fei was slumped over his wheel. As they attempted to take care of him, he came to, and quickly brushed them aside. Nevertheless, there was a clearly dazed look in his eyes as he turned and shot back into the field.
"That had to hurt," Peach noted, just getting done with some cringing of her own.
"That'll take some time to recover from," Linebeck agreed. "And, of course, that gives Sonic more time to find the actual smash ball..."
It took about ten minutes for Fei to really come to, and when he did, it meant new heart for Germany, who began playing harder than ever, with the result that, half an hour after the feint, they'd pulled ahead, 90-40. Mobius was starting use more and more desperate tactics, leading to the first foul of the game as, in tried-and-true tradition, Shadow the Hedgehog decided to cut out the middleman in his brawler duties and simply fire directly upon Elly as she made her way towards the goals. Elly's head snapped back like she'd been hit in the face with a boxing glove, and she swerved, dropping the smash-up ball. There was an immediate cry of outrage from Germany's supporters, and Olimar blew his whistle.
"Okay..." he stuttered out. "I think... I think this is where I give Germany a foul..."
Which Emeralda happily took. No contest- she put it away, no trouble- another twenty points to Germany.
Now things were getting really dirty- in a chicken-egg sort of situation, the brawlers entered an arms race to see who could fire off more beams haphazardly into the other team without any consideration of whether they were aiming for chain chomps or players. Or, if you want to see the actual scene...
"Dangit, Shadow and Knuckles are really playing dirty now," Bart growled, though the effect was ruined somewhat by the wide grin on his face as he drove by Billy, one of his closer friends. "Well, you know what they say: 'Fight fire with fire.'"
"Calm down, Bart," Billy said warningly. "We should pull back a bit, develop a plan of attack..."
"I have a plan:" Bart retorted, grinning as he hoisted his super scope to aim at Mobius. "Attack!"
And things just kind of escalated from there.
The seeming culmination of this, however, came not from the brawlers, but from Amy Rose, who took a new approach and drove her kart headlong into Billy as he passed by with the smash-up ball.
"FOUL!" Germany's supporters cried in unison.
And, sure enough, this was followed by another whistle blast from Olimar, ordering another penalty.
This match-turned-battle was now escalating to an all-out war- the teams were, at this point, openly trying to destroy each other. Well, Citan and Tails weren't really doing much in the way of fouls, but the way things were looking, it seemed like they would if they weren't rooted to their spots by the goals. A couple more goals on Mobius's side began to push them back up. A look of concentration suddenly developed on Bart's face as he began seeking a specific target- he suddenly grinned as his eyes fell on the blue blur, and, setting himself on an interception course, reached out with his super scope, stepping above shooting at him and simply bludgeoning him with the scope's butt.
It was Mobius's turn to cry foul, and they did so. Mario, as much as he was on Germany's side, had to agree- his actions, being dependent on the Smash Ball, were few and far between, but everything he'd seen from Sonic so far was nothing short of phenomenal- and, of course, he didn't really place much value on cheap shots like that.
Sonic, however, refused the medics, just as his opponent had, even as his nose was very clearly bleeding.
Olimar was on the point of reaching for his whistle, when the sudden rallying cry became: "Fei!"
Everyone, Olimar included, turned to see Fei suddenly taking off and tearing across the field. Looking at his destination, Mario felt his heart leap- there, sitting right next to the brick wall like a small, glowing bulls-eye, was the smash ball. Sonic, seeing what was happening, abandoned any thoughts of team rivalry or medical attention, simply turning and taking off like a bullet.
Fei had a head-start, but Sonic's speed was nothing to sneeze at. He caught up just as they were both inches away from their goal, and...
"It's over!" Ballyhoo cried.
Mario blinked, rewinding one last time to see if he could work out what had happened.
And, well... history had repeated itself somewhat. Sonic had reached out and snatched the smash ball right out from under Fei's nose, and pulled another spectacular 90 degree turn to avoid running into the wall- good, because said wall was now occupied with Fei himself, flattened and sliding down it, cartoon-style.
Midna- who, after all, possessed no hawk-eye, let out a shout. "Who got it? What happened? Who won?"
"Sonic got the smash ball," Mario noted. "It's over. Sonic got the smash ball..." here, his eyes drifted up to the scoreboard, "... but Germany won."
Sure enough, the billboard was now bearing the message: Germany: 250. Mobius: 240.
"And... Germany wins!" Ballyhoo called out for all to hear. "I mean... Sonic... Sonic got the Smash Ball... but Germany won! Wow... that's... quite a toss-up..."
"What did he do that for?" Link asked, bewildered even as he joined everyone else in thunderous applause. "They were more than fifty points behind, he should have known they'd lose!"
"Guess he figured there was no chance of them catching up," Mario shrugged, glad that his gloves cushioned his hands to keep them from going raw from clapping. "Decided the next best thing was to end things on his terms."
Finished applauding, Mario retrieved his hawk-eye once more and examined the field. Sonic was being carted away by his team-mates to get some medical attention, seemingly against his own will. Meanwhile, Germany was gathering together, with Olimar leading them...
Right to the top box. As everyone watched in awe, a group of government smashers brought in a large, platinum trophy set with all sorts of precious gems as the German team entered, led by Olimar and with Fei being carried by Bart, fireman style. Bart was the first to reach out and grab the trophy's handles. He grinned as he lifted it up for all to see, then gleefully began passing it around his team. Even Fei got a chance to hold it, smiling weakly as Elly had to assist him to do so.
"Unfortunate for your team, I suppose!" Olimar shouted, much louder than necessary, to Dickson. "But you know what they say!"
"Oh, quit your bellyachin'," Dickson interrupted. "I could hear you the whole time!"
"What- what do you mean, you could hear me the whole time?!" Olimar gasped, sounding taken aback. "I mean... how... I've been signing so much today, and speaking so loudly..."
"Yeah, it was pretty funny," Dickson agreed, a smirk crossing his mouth. "Otherwise I woulda corrected you earlier!"
Olimar simply stood there, dumbstruck.
Ballyhoo, meanwhile, was casually setting aside his megaphone. "Well... very unexpected... as I said... I don't think anyone..."
"Oh, someone did!" came two singsong voices, causing Ballyhoo to turn around.
"Ah, you two!" Ballyhoo exclaimed, blinking. "Alright, you put down... how much?"
Yep, there was Kirby and Meta Knight, wasting no time in sprinting over to Ballyhoo with grins on their faces and their hands outstretched.
XXXX
Alright, as promised, one real chapter, up the day after the last one! I'd wrap things up here, but we've got some questions here... questions that need answering! Our first round of which comes from...
Spidershadow5!
Q: Who is Gaignun? A: Well, first off, happy late birthday! Glad I could bring some cheer! Anyways, this is an answer I could easily write a whole second fifteen-page chapter about, so, brief summary- he's a character from the Xenosaga games, a trilogy of games that serves as part of the Xeno series, also including Xenogears and Xenoblade! They're very loosely connected, and the best way I'd describe 'Saga is as Final Fantasy... in space. Except even that doesn't really describe it. He's the head of the Kukai Foundation, a company seeking to improve the lives of mutants, cyborgs, and realians (long story), and is more or less the one who commissions the heroes to begin with- and, of course, his brother, Jr., is part of the main party!
Q: Who is Kyon? A: Another question I could write a whole essay on. Long story short- he's the main character (and narrator) of a book series (with an anime adaptation) that I've been reading/watching religiously for a year or so now, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya! There's not much I can say about this series without ruining it, so suffice to say, he's an ordinary guy who keeps getting caught up in extraordinary circumstances involving (say it with me, everyone familiar with the series,) aliens, time travelers, and espers. He also happens to be one of the best deadpan-snarker narrators I think I've ever seen, and, indeed, a great deal of Mario's current personality is modeled on him. Some of my favorite lines include: "Who am I kidding? The fate of the world is depending on my pitching skills. *Sigh.* Never realized the world was worth so little." and: "I hope this island doesn't turn into a turtle and swim away while we're there-" (which, as a quick sidenote, is a very real possibility in this series.) "-That would ruin my day." Again, not a video game character, but since it was a bit part for a muggle character, I hope you guys can forgive it.
Somewhat related is the first question in our round of questions from Felinewithin!
Q:Is Kyon a (scrub)? (Paraphrased, but essentially what was asked- is he a squib?) A: I suppose it's possible. I mean, I wasn't thinking of that when I wrote that scene- after all, he really does deal with all kinds of weird stuff on a regular basis, despite being a muggle, even in that series, but then again, we don't know anything about his parents. It makes you wonder...
Q:Would anime characters be smashers? A: I suppose, if they have a special power. I won't be using that many anime characters in this series, except as brief cameos (like with Kyon himself) but as for in-universe- I suppose, continuing with the Haruhi Suzumiya parallels, Haruhi, Nagato, Asahina, and Koizumi would be smashers, but Kyon himself, Tanaguchi, Kyon's sister, and Tsuruya (?) Would be muggles.
Q: When are Ness, Lucas, etc. going to get an actual surname? A: My goal is to keep Levi and Ikari consistent as their surnames for the rets of the series. Ness as a reference to Loids are not Christmas, and Lucas because he basically is Shinji Ikari from Neon Genesis Evangelion. Don't deny it- he is.
Q: Doesn't Ballyhoo's hat talk? A: ... She knows too much. I'm going to have to kill her... and make sure there are no witnesses...
Q: Is that really where you got the idea? A: Yep, whole story's true! Exactly as told. Of course, there were a few other factors, but if I had to boil everything down to one moment, that would be it.
Okay, really long author's notes this time around. Just as a heads-up, the voting for... WHO'S MY MAD-EYE! is still open- I'll let you guys know when it's closed. And it won't be next chapter, either, which, computer-access depending, should be up later this week! Thanks for reading as always, please R&R, constructive criticism and questions welcome, flames, not so much, Gamer4 out!
