Choices
Chapter 9
Disclaimer: See chapter 1
oooOOOooo
Secrets are made to be found out with time - Charles Sanford
oooOOOooo
The first few days after brining Ryan home were pretty much a blur for Dean and Kristine. They were tired and trying to get used to having to plan everything around the baby. They had a few visitors and a lot of phone calls. Dean hadn't realized how many people Kristine actually knew and he'd started feeling somewhat overwhelmed. He was glad to escape to the cottage for short periods to spend time with Sam and Bobby.
It didn't take long for things to settle down. Elizabeth visited a couple of times, but seemed content that Kristine and Dean had everything under control. Gradually, there were fewer phone calls and fewer visitors. Bobby and Lori had left after a few days, but kept in touch. Hunters started to show up at the estate again and life began to relax into a new kind of normal.
Leaving Kristine and Ryan to sleep one afternoon, Dean made his way to the cottage to spend some time with his brother. It had been almost two days since Sam had come to the main house and even though there had been phone conversations, Dean was concerned about him.
"Hey," Sam was coming from upstairs when Dean walked through the front door. He seemed a little flustered and Dean couldn't help but wonder what he had interrupted.
"What's going on?"
Sam shrugged and stuffed his hands into his jeans pockets. "Nothing. How's Ryan?"
"He's fine. Sleeping."
"Good."
Dean noticed that Sam was almost bouncing, though he seemed anything but happy.
"Is something going on?" he asked suspiciously.
"No. Just been reading."
Dean nodded; he wasn't at all sure Sam was being completely honest.
"You, uh, want something to drink or….?" Sam glanced into the hallway behind him. He seemed nervous.
"What's going on with you, man?"
"Nothing. Why?"
"Are you hiding something from me? Or is someone here? I –"
"No! No one's here. I just….I didn't know you were coming."
Dean looked at Sam, sure the skepticism he felt was showing on his face as he glanced around the room. Sam still had not made any changes since he moved in, but there were dirty dishes scattered around and clothes strewn over the backs of chairs. He could only imagine what the rest of the small house looked like.
"Sam." The younger man seemed to shrink under his brother's gaze. "Talk to me. What's going on?"
"Nothing. I've just been reading and researching." Sam absently began to gather up the clothes.
"I can see you've been eating," Dean nodded toward a pile of empty containers on the coffee table. Often when Sam was in the clutches of research, he would forget to eat. There had been more than once that Dean had to insist he take a break for some food.
Sam looked guilty as he glanced toward the coffee table. "Yeah, I, uh…."
Dean started to gather up the dishes.
"I'll do that," Sam said, dropping the clothes onto the couch.
"You take the clothes to the laundry room and I'll put the dishes in the kitchen. Then you're going to talk to me."
He ignored Sam's plaintive look when he walked into the kitchen a few moments later. It wasn't in much better shape than the living room had been. It worried Dean to see the empty beer bottles overflowing from the bin under the sink.
"You're drinking?" he asked as Sam walked through the kitchen into the laundry room.
"Not a lot; just haven't taken the empties out." Sam smiled guiltily as he came back into the kitchen. "I guess I'm not used to having to clean up after myself yet."
Dean looked at him; almost examining him. Sam's eyes were bloodshot, his skin was somewhat pale, the t-shirt he wore looked rumpled and his always unruly hair was even more mussed than usual. Something was definitely wrong.
"Sit." Dean pulled out a chair from the table.
Sam slumped in the chair and Dean sat down across from him.
"Talk to me."
"Dean, come on, man, it's nothing. I've just been caught up and –"
"Caught up in what?"
"Just some research."
"For a new job?"
"No," Sam leaned forward, his hands in his lap.
"About the demon?"
He glanced up for just a moment.
"Is it, Sam? You found something out about the demon?"
"No." His voice was quiet and his eyes didn't meet Dean's.
"Then why are you acting like you're hiding something?"
"I'm not hiding anything; I just….I'm not ready to talk about it. I don't have anything concrete; just a lot of theories."
Dean sat back in his chair. "You look like crap."
"Thanks," Sam smirked.
"I'm worried about you."
"I'm fine, Dean. You've got enough on your plate without worrying about me."
"Come on, man. No matter what else is going on, you're a part of my life. A big part. And I'm still your brother whether you like it or not."
As Sam looked him, Dean could tell that he was struggling with something. But he realized he had no choice but to wait and let Sam come to him when he was ready.
"Why don't you and I hang out; watch a movie tonight or take a run into town?" Dean suggested after a few moments.
"I don—"
"Do you have plans?"
"No." Sam's tone was resigned.
"So? Come on. It will do you good to get out of here for a while. And a shower wouldn't hurt."
Sam looked at him sharply, then shrugged. "All right."
"Love the enthusiasm, dude. About an hour?"
"Sure."
Dean stood up. "You know you don't need an invitation to come up to the house, right?"
He nodded. "I know."
Dean looked at him for a moment. "I'll pick you up in an hour."
---
Sam watched his brother walk toward the front door. After a moment, he stood up and slowly made his way upstairs. He turned on the water in the shower and peeled off the clothes that he wasn't sure how long he'd been wearing.
He didn't even feel the water pounding his tense muscles. It wasn't until he glanced down and saw the redness of his skin that he realized the water was too hot. Still not really feeling anything, he adjusted the temperature and then placed one palm flat against the shower wall. He laid his head against his arm and struggled to gather his thoughts and reign in his emotions.
He wasn't a bad liar. He could be very good at it when the situation warranted, but he hated keeping things from Dean. He had nothing more than theories, but every stone he turned over made his ideas just that much darker.
Sam had spoken to Bobby several times about his thoughts and the information he was finding. Bobby had grudgingly come to agree with him, or at least he found merit in the ideas. He had begged Sam, more than once, to tell Dean, but Sam wanted to be wrong. And if he was wrong, Dean would never have to endure the pain and anxiety that Sam was feeling. He had resolved to only tell Dean if he had proof that Ryan's very existence related to the demon that had taken so much from them.
---
When Dean got back to the cottage, he was happy to see Sam looking more like himself. Dean had no doubt his brother had taken a little extra care getting ready purely for his benefit, but it still made him feel a little better. He'd also cleaned up the downstairs a little bit. Dean wanted to walk through the whole house to see what condition the other rooms were in, but he resisted the urge.
"Let's go to Mojo's," Dean said.
"Are you sure you want to go out? We could watch a movie here, or…."
"When was the last time you were off the estate?"
"I don't know. A while."
"Grab your coat; let's go."
Dean heard Sam sigh, but he walked to the closet and pulled out his coat.
---
"Everything okay at the main house? Ryan doing all right?" Sam asked when they were in the car.
"Yeah, he's good. He said he misses his uncle."
"He said that, huh?" Sam asked with a lopsided smile.
"He must take after you; he's pretty smart."
"Good thing he got your looks, though, right?"
Dean laughed. "Oh, yeah."
Sam looked around the lot when Dean parked at the bar. It was almost empty, but that wasn't unusual on a Wednesday evening. They settled at a corner table after Dean finished showing off pictures of Ryan to the staff. They all knew Kristine and probably would have refused to serve the brothers without the photos. There were a few good-hearted jabs about Kristine having to stay home with the baby while Dean had a night out on the town, but he answered them with more good-natured jokes.
It was hard to miss the change in Dean since Ryan's birth, but it wasn't something Sam could put into words. His brother had always seemed somehow superhuman; growing up he had wanted to do everything just like Dean did. It might have been more than just the baby, too. Mountain Ridge was a town where both brothers had always felt comfortable. It was a place where there were people who could almost be friends. Whatever it was, Dean's smiles came easier and the edge that he'd always had wasn't so apparent now.
The brothers fell into a conversation and it wasn't long before Sam was feeling more comfortable. They had a couple beers and shared a plate of nachos before heading back to the estate.
"You wanna come in?" Sam asked when Dean pulled up in front of the cottage.
Dean had called Kristine from the bar and he knew that Ryan was asleep. She had encouraged him to spend as much time with Sam as he wanted to, so Dean nodded. "Sure."
Sam hesitated when he reached for the car door handle.
"What?" Dean asked.
"It's weird to ask you to come in. I mean…."
"Yeah, I know," Dean agreed.
A few minutes later the brothers were in the living room with a movie playing and each with a beer in hand. It wasn't long before they weren't paying attention to the movie and talking again; Sam was more than a little aware of how much he'd been missing this kind of interaction.
---
Dean laid his head on the back of the couch when Sam left to go to the bathroom. He was tired but he was enjoying himself too much to leave. He'd called Kristine again only to be told that things were fine and she didn't want to talk to him again until morning. He appreciated how supportive she was of his relationship with Sam. He didn't know from firsthand experience, but he assumed that a lot of women would have a problem with how close the brothers were. Then again, most women hadn't been through what Kristine had and wouldn't be able to appreciate the things he and Sam faced.
"It's getting late," Sam said when he came back into the room a few minutes later.
"You ready for bed, Princess?" Dean smiled at him.
"Bite me, Dean. I just figured you'd want to get back to Ryan."
"I called. Kristine said they're fine and she's going to bed," Dean leaned forward as Sam sat in the chair across from him. "Hey, Sammy?"
"Yeah?"
"Look, I, uh….when I was here earlier…." He saw Sam look away. "Sam, I don't want you to feel like you're in the way or anything, okay, man? And you can tell me if there's something going on."
"I know."
Dean heard the words, but he didn't think Sam really felt that way. He seemed smaller somehow, even younger, and even though Dean didn't want to mess up the good time they were having; he needed to know that his brother was all right.
"Do you? I mean, do you really?"
Sam sighed and matched his brother's posture. "It's just kind of weird, okay?"
"Yeah, that's what I thought." Dean was disappointed, but he hadn't expected Sam to feel any different.
"I'm happy for you," Sam said quickly. "And you look relaxed and happy….happier than I've ever seen you probably."
"Yeah, maybe I am. But Sam, we—"
"We're brothers. I know."
"That's never going to change. Ryan is amazing and…."
"And what?"
Dean looked at his brother. "Sometimes when I hold him or put him to bed, I see you when you were a baby. Not as young as Ryan is, but still a baby. I remember things and….damnit, Sam, I miss you, okay?"
Sam smiled at him. "Dude! Is this a chick flick moment?"
"Bitch." Dean's grumble was good-natured.
"Jerk."
And with that, anything that had been wrong between them was righted.
oooOOOooo
Sam began making a point of spending more time with his brother as well as with Kristine and the baby. He couldn't believe how much Ryan changed in between his visits. It was still strange to see Dean interacting with this little person, but it showed him a side to his brother that he was rarely able to see. Sam knew it was there, but it was something that Dean kept hidden away most of the time.
For the first time in years, the brothers celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas. They were small celebrations held at the estate, but that was more than they'd done in longer than either could remember. Dean was glad that Kristine managed to get them out of appearances at her family's various celebrations, but he didn't think that luck would continue forever.
Sam was still afraid that demons were involved in Ryan's life and he had to wonder how similar it was to his own connection to the yellow-eyed demon. He hadn't managed to uncover any more information about that, though he was now able to trace the demons movement using the pattern that had been discovered by his dad. Unfortunately there hadn't been any indication of it for quite some time.
Despite his suspicions and fear that something would happen at the estate, Sam was beginning to feel the need for a hunt. He didn't want anything complicated or anything that would take him away for too long, but he wanted to get out on the road for a while and he wanted to use his fighting skills for something more than sparring with Dean.
About three weeks after the brothers' outing to Mojo's a hunter came to the estate. He was on his way to deal with a rather nasty spirit in Kentucky that was terrorizing a small town. He'd heard about it from a friend who had innocently come across a few newspaper accounts of strange occurrences in the town.
It was a simple salt and burn, nothing the hunter normally couldn't handle on his own, but he'd broken his hand in a tussle with a werewolf a few weeks before and was recruiting help. Sam agreed to go with him before he'd even thought about it. He had to remind Dean about the conversation they'd had regarding him going off with other hunters and the older brother reluctantly relented in his opposition.
Sam suspected that Dean wanted to go, too, and not just because he was an overprotective big brother. As much as Dean was enjoying his new role, Sam knew he wouldn't be happy spending all of his time at the estate forever.
"You sure you don't want to take the Impala?" Dean asked the morning Sam and Frank were heading out.
Sam zipped up his duffel bag. "I'm not taking your car, man. Frank's is fine. You checked it out yourself yesterday."
"Yeah, but I know you can trust the Impala. Besides, that way, you're in control."
"Control? Dean, come on."
"Take the Impala."
Sam put his hands on his hips and looked at his brother. "Would it really make you feel that much better?"
He seemed to think about it for a moment. "Yeah, it would."
Sam held out his hand. "Keys."
oooOOOooo
Lucy and Joseph were in another bar, in another town. They were trying to remain unnoticed, but enjoyed their human existence too much to give it up. They met in secret with other members of the governing body and so far everyone agreed to wait for six months to do anything about Ryan Winchester.
The two demons were talking quietly when they were surprised by George, one of their companions, slid into the booth across from them. "We have to talk."
"What are you doing here?" Joseph asked, his tone clearly portraying his irritation.
"Azazel has Bethany."
"What!" Joseph exclaimed. "How do you know?"
"I saw her being taken!"
"She'll tell him everything if she hasn't already," Lucy said. "She's lost to us."
"This is bad," Joseph's voice was quiet.
"What do we do?" George asked.
"Even he won't be able to get to the child," Lucy said.
"We don't know that for sure. Besides, it's bad enough that he's going to know our intention," Joseph looked at his companions. "We need to speed up our plan. We have to get that baby."
"How?" George asked. "As long as he's in the house, he's not vulnerable."
Joseph looked thoughtful. "I have an idea. We can't get into the house any more, but I think we can get close enough to exert some influence. I hope so, anyway."
"Influence to do what?" George asked.
"I don't know exactly. We need to get the baby out of the house; preferably away from the estate. If we can get close enough, we could make him sick….or at least appear sick so that he's taken to the doctor. We can possess the doctor or a nurse; anyone we need to so that we get the baby."
"What about Sam?" Lucy asked.
"He's left the estate."
Lucy and Joseph looked at George.
"How do you know that?" Lucy asked, her voice almost a hiss.
"I made a pass through Mountain Ridge to—"
"That was a stupid move," Joseph growled. "However, it gave us some useful information, so maybe it's for the best. Where has he gone?"
"He's with another hunter; they're going to deal with something in another state."
"A formidable hunter?" Lucy asked.
"A capable hunter," George answered.
"All right," Joseph rubbed his hands together. "Lucy and I will deal with the child. You make contact with the others and tell them what's happening. Take several with you and grab Sam. We'll all meet at home as soon as we're done. Send those you're not using to help you home immediately and have them make preparations."
"You think you and Lucy can handle getting the baby alone?" George asked.
"We'll call for reinforcements if we need any," Joseph said. "With Sam gone, there's no one there who will suspect anything. That will make it easier."
It hadn't gone unnoticed by the demons that Sam's natural curiosity had pointed him in their direction. Well, not theirs, really, but Azazel's. He had the right idea, but the wrong suspect.
After a little more discussion, George took his leave. Lucy and Joseph didn't stay much longer; they had to assess the protection around the house in Mountain Ridge and figure out the best way to breach security while Sam was gone and before Azazel managed to do it.
oooOOOooo
Kristine walked into the master suite to find Dean on the couch, cell phone sitting on the table in front of him. He seemed to be lost in thought and hadn't even reacted when she closed the door behind her. She knew he was worried about Sam and it had been hard for Dean to sit back and let Sam go without him.
"Hey," she said, making sure she had his attention before wrapping her arms around his neck. "Whatcha doin?"
He didn't answer.
"You worried about Sam?"
He shrugged.
"Wish you were out there with him?" Kristine felt him flinch a little and she kissed his cheek. "It's okay if you do. Maybe when he's done with this job, you two can find one to go off on together."
"Are you trying to get rid of me?" he joked.
"Totally."
Dean looked at her and pulled her over the back of the couch. He let out a small sound of frustration when Ryan began to cry a few minutes later.
"I'll get him," Kristine sighed as she stood up. "Your kid has bad timing."
Dean watched as she walked away and jumped when he heard what sounded like a cry of agony from Ryan. He called Kristine's name as he rushed to the nursery.
"He's burning up," Kristine said, her expression worried.
Dean gently laid a hand on Ryan's head as Kristine held him.
"I think we have a thermometer. It's probably in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom." Dean left the nursery, coming back a moment later tearing open the thermometer package.
Kristine looked at him. "I don't suppose you want to do this?"
"No, but I will."
She shook her head. When she had the reading, she looked at Dean. "101.2."
"I'll call the doctor."
Because Ryan was only three months old, his pediatrician didn't want to take any chances. He told Dean to take the baby to the clinic and promised to meet them there as soon as he could.
They watched as the doctor on duty at the emergency room examined Ryan. When they were relegated to the waiting room while some tests were being run, Kristine called Rachel. It didn't take long for her to arrive and she did what she could to keep the young parents distracted.
Kristine recognized Dean's strange calmness as his way of dealing with fear. Sometimes he made stupid jokes, but sometimes he got intensely quiet and wasn't sure which one she preferred. She knew how much he hated hospitals; she wasn't thrilled with them herself, but it was easier to concentrate on Dean than on her own uncertainties.
It was Ryan's doctor who came to speak to them about the tests. Before he even began to speak, Kristine could tell by his expression that the news wasn't good. He didn't have a definitive diagnosis and wanted to admit the baby until they could find out what was causing the fever.
Later, Dean sat rocking Ryan while Kristine spoke with a nurse down the hall. He remembered the first time Sam had been taken to a hospital. Their dad had left them with Pastor Jim so he could go off on a hunt. Sam hadn't even been a year old yet and he'd gotten a very bad cold. It quickly escalated and Jim had no choice but to take him to the doctor. He'd been admitted and Jim had arranged for one of the church women to take care of Dean, but he hadn't wanted to leave his brother. Eventually Jim relented and allowed Dean to stay. He didn't remember climbing into the hospital crib with Sam, but that's where he woke up and his dad was dozing in a chair nearby.
Dean knew that his father wouldn't be coming this time. He kissed Ryan's forehead; it was still much warmer than it should be.
"Dean?" Kristine asked, her voice intentionally quiet when she came into the room. She paused before continuing. "Is there any chance this isn't something physical?"
"Kristine…." He looked at her and knew she would see through any lie. He'd already thought of that possibility. "I don't know. I guess there's always a chance, but we have more layers of protection around that house and in his room than….well, there's a lot of protection. I don't know what could have gotten through it."
She nodded. "I talked to Dr. Carlisle about moving Ryan to a hospital in Asheville. He said he would have brought it up tomorrow if the latest round of tests doesn't come up with anything. He's already made inquiries."
Dean didn't respond and Kristine sat in a nearby chair. "How are you doing?"
He glanced at her, then turned his eyes back to the sleeping baby. "Okay. What about you?"
"I'm scared."
It was more her tone than her words that made Dean look at her again. She didn't often sound vulnerable and in the past when it happened, it had almost always been when she'd either stopped taking her medication or the dosage needed to be adjusted. "There's a physical cause and the doctor will find it," Dean assured her.
Kristine only nodded.
Dean stood up and carefully laid Ryan into the crib. Satisfied that he wouldn't wake up, Dean crouched in front of Kristine and took her hands. She stared into his eyes for a moment, then wrapped her arms around his neck. He slipped his arms around her waist and moved close.
oooOOOooo
Frank knew something was wrong when he realized that his eyes were open and he was seeing stars above him. He felt around his body and thought he was on cement. Slowly, he turned his head and moved his eyes discovering that he was on the side of the road, in front of the Impala. The driver side door was open.
"Sam?" he called, carefully sitting up. He tried to remember what had happened, but his mind was a blank. "Sam!"
Frank's body protested when he stood up and if he'd been more than an arm's length away from the car, he would have fallen back to the pavement. After leaning on the hood for a few minutes, he slowly made his way to the open door. Sam wasn't inside, but the keys still hung from the ignition.
He turned and called Sam's name again, but there was no answer. He sat down in the car and rubbed his head, flinching when he touched a knot near the back.
"Damnit," he muttered. After a moment, he reached into his pocket and found his cell phone. He started to dial Sam's number, but hesitated when he began to feel dizzy again. When the cobwebs cleared, he started to remember what had happened. Instead of dialing Sam's number, he called Dean.
Frustrated when he got voicemail, he started the car and headed back to Mountain Ridge while making more phone calls.
tbc
