One Month Later…
"Truth or dare Bella Swan?" Jasper asks, The club closed about an hour ago. All of us sit languidly in the upstairs lounge area, the rest of the club is dark and quite. Emmett is passing around an unusually large joint, no need for ventilation as the club is closed.
Rosalie is sitting on one of Emmett's knees like a little girl, sharing smoky kisses with him. Its dark in the lounge too. I can hardly see across to the other side of the cushioned seating area where Edward is stretched out. After the boating trip I felt a little more at ease. Like a weight was off my shoulders.
When I got home, I figured it was only right that I share with Rosalie my story. I don't know why I didn't before. She of all people would understand. She had been through similar. I found that with everyone of my friends that knew about it, a little more weight would fall.
I couldn't bear to tell the boys myself, but thought that it was not really fair for everyone else to know and not them. So I let Rosalie tell Emmett for me since they had been particularly close lately. He surprised me later on that same day by swooping me into a big hug and just holding on to me for a while. At first it was strange. Him holding me without saying a word. But as minutes went by and he still held me, I understood what he was trying to say without a word. He cared. I let myself relax into his massive body and I actually felt eased by him.
"You know we all love you and will always love you Bella and would do anything for you." Emmett whispered. I nodded. I knew now.
"And you know what else?" He said pulling me away from his chest to look me in the eyes.
"What?" I ask puzzled.
"I think my brother would do anything for you. I think he loves you more than anything ever." He said surprising me. I shook my head.
"Believe me, I grew up with the kid. He has never been like this for anything or anyone." Emmett added
"Where is this coming from?" I ask curiously
"Nowhere, just thought I'd give you my opinion is all." He said smiling.
"Uh huh. Well I don't think I am making any choices just yet." I said
"No rush. Just when the day comes that you want to settle down, pick a guy to stick with, remember what I said okay?" Emmett said holding my chin up with his finger.
"Okay." I say reluctantly as Emmett dips down and plants a kiss on my lips. It's a chaste kiss and it makes me smile. Later, Jacob whispers his support to me. James takes my hand and tells me he is here if I need anything, an uncommonly sweet gesture coming from him.
"Bella? Your turn." Jasper says breaking me away from the memories of these past few weeks.
"Oh! Sorry. Uh…Lets go with dare again." I say.
"You always choose dare Bella! You have to chose truth sometime!" Emmett said.
"Do I? I think I can just keep on choosing dare." I reply.
"Really? Well maybe we will just have to make your dare's a bit more challenging then." Alice replied.
"We'll see." I replied.
"Okay then, how about this? If you don't like my dare, you have to do truth." Alice says determined to have her way.
"Hey wait! Jasper is supposed to be daring me not you Alice!" I say
"Too bad, Jasper you don't mind if I take you turn just this once do you?" Alice asks coyly
"Go right ahead darling, my mind is blank on dare anyway." Jasper says and I send him a loathing look which he smiles broadly at before shrugging his shoulders.
"Okay okay just get on with it." I say irritated that they always have to single me out.
"Okay!" Alice say jubilantly "I dare you to let me blind fold you…" Alice begins but I interrupt.
"That's it? Okay go right ahead." I say
"No! That's not it missy so shut up!" Alice barks
"I dare you to let me blindfold you then I will pick one of the guys to have sex with you right here in front of all of us." Alice said menacingly, sure that I will refuse such a dare. Oh I want to. But more than I want to refuse, I don't want to tell the truth about something they may ask. I am a horrible liar. If they ask the right question, I won't be able to lie.
As I stew in this for a minute I see Alice smile victoriously. She thinks she's won. The only reason she is doing this I know is because this is the only secret I have from her. This is the only thing no one knows. She only knows to ask about it because she knows me well enough to know that I have been hiding something.
"C'mon Bella, just choose truth for once, it won't be so bad." Alice taunts. Jasper seems curious to know too and he eyes me waiting for my answer. The question Alice will ask is a question Jasper has asked me before. Maybe he doesn't recall? No, he does. I can see it in his eyes.
He asked me before: "So was I the second man you've been with?" and I replied stupidly: "No, you're the third. But still top five, so don't fret love." He must recall now. It's the only thing I have left to hide.
"Who was the second? Anyone I would know?" He pressed that night.
"I am not answering that! If I say it is someone you would know you would never let it go." I replied, trying to steer him away. Alice of course knew there was a gap simply because we shared everything. Edward's eyes were now on me, puzzled. He didn't really understand my trepidation with telling the truth because he didn't know I had anything to lie about. No one knew.
No one save for me and that person and that's the way it had to stay I decided standing up and peeling off my dress and tossing it aside.
"What are you doing?" Alice asks incredulously
"Completing my dare." I say and slide out of my shoes. Everyone is 'ohhing and ahhing' so surprised I am going to actually go through with this.
"Okay but like I said Swan, blindfolded! You won't get to know who it is that is fucking you!" Alice threatens trying to make me back down. This won't be so bad, I tell myself. I have fucked every guy in this room so it can't be that bad. Telling would ruin everything, this will just be weird.
"Blindfold away Alice." I say as I slip off my panties and bra sitting completely naked upon the plushness of the ring of couches. My heart beats a little harder as Alice takes Rosalie's shawl and wraps it around my eyes.
"Alice c'mon, Bella you don't have to do this! Its just a stupid game!" Rosalie says a little upset.
"No its okay. I am a woman of my word." I respond before my vision is completely obscured. The lounge was dark to begin with so there is no chance of seeing whoever Alice pick. I lay back a bit nervously. Though it is dark, everyone can still see me. Thought everyone here has seen me naked, it is hardly the same.
My skin prickles, the feeling of being blindfolded and vulnerable in front of others is unnerving but I bite my lip and take a deep breath as I hear Alice tell everyone to stand up. Damn. I thought I would be able to guess who it was by them standing when she chose them! She knows me too well.
I hear rustling as everyone gets to there feet and then it is quiet. Everyone site back down.
"Alice this isn't right!" Edward suddenly burst
"No talking! She consented, so shut up!" Hissed Alice. I expected to hear him argue, but he was silent as someone made there way close to me. Assuming since Edward argued on my behalf, he was not the one about to have sex with me I felt a bit more nervous. I had hoped it would be him.
"Wait." Alice said suddenly
"I am gonna cover your nose too. You might be able to identify who it is by their cologne." Alice explained
"How am I going to breath?" I ask lightly
"Your mouth! Besides, I won't cover your nose tight enough that you wont able to breath from it, just so you can't smell." Alice says simply as she tugs the fabric from my eyes down a bit to cover my nose. It is uncomfortable, but she is right, I can still breath, just not smell very well.
"Okay, lets go ahead with the show!" She says and someone sniggers.
I hear whoever is before me unzipping his pants and coming closer to me. A hand massages my breast and traces down my side and brushes across my stomach sending chills down my body. I want to run. I don't mind any of the men in this room, but something about doing it like this is just so creepy.
"You can still back out Bella…" Alice sings "He isn't even hard yet."
"No way." I breath
"Suit yourself." Alice says and it is again quiet except for my breathing and his…whoever it was that was running his hands along my body. I feel my body heat of its own accord. It likes the caresses, even if they are from a mystery lover. I try to remember, rack my brain for who's hands felt like this…Jasper? Emmett? I can't recall and it drives me mad.
If only Alice hadn't thought to cover my nose! But she knows how keen my sense of smell is with recognition. She knew only too well how quickly I could deduce who was touching me by their scent. The mystery hands are now at my breasts and my body tingles but at the same time I feel my stomach twist uncomfortably.
Who is touching me? The desire to know is unbearable, but the alternative is not something I can entertain. There is no way I can tell her what I know she will ask. Especially in front of everyone. This is, however unbelievable, the lesser of two evils. No one can know. I try for the most part to forget it happened. If only I were a better liar. I could have easily omitted him from my lover's list. But no, I said the truth first without thinking if it would come back to bite me. I so rarely let myself wander back to that day.
It causes only heartache.
One stupid mistake. How easily it has the potential to hurt and ruin stagers me. We had both been on a relationship hiatus. Me, from Edward and him from his wife. I didn't know how he would effect things when I ran into him that day.
He was just a sweet guy, soft spoken and comforting. An old acquaintance. I had just left Edward's place, packing all of my things swiftly while he slept with some unknown woman in his room. My pre-Edward apartment just didn't seem like me any more so going back there was out of the question. A hotel is what I settled on for the night. I figured I could look for a new place the next day, after I cried my heart out over Edward all night. The hotel was posh and upscale and miles away from Edward.
All I needed for the night was in my purse, but it only added to the feeling that I was running away. Well, there is no denying that's what I was doing. I snuck away while he was sleeping, not that he would care. But I was a coward. I couldn't bare to face him. I knew that if he told me to stay, I would.
So up to my room I marched, unaware that someone was calling my name.
The person calling my name finally caught my attention and I turned to see who it was. I smiled despite myself, his smile was so genuine and warm I couldn't help myself. Sort of an old friend of the family I would call him, as he is a good chunk older than me. He had been around when first my dad passed, then my mom. He was always kind to me. He asked me how I was, what had I been up to and all the usual questions.
After noting I was on my own, he insisted we have dinner together.
I thought about the alternative. Me sitting alone in my room lonely and crying over Edward. Dinner sounded like the perfect distraction, and besides this was just an old family friend right?
At dinner I learned that he was recently married, but his wife was having second thoughts about the man she married, blaming him for a recent miscarriage so she decided that a little time apart from him would be best.
Hence his stay at the hotel, he chose a different city than the one he lived to avoid seeing people he knew and having to answer uncomfortable questions.
As uneasy as he was talking about his personal life with me, I think he knew that he could trust me as I felt I could trust him.
He confessed that he didn't know what he would be going back to tomorrow when he made the four hour drive home. Would she be there?
Or would the house be half emptied, cleared of all traces of her? I felt a sting of guilt at this as this is how I left Edward. True, we were hardly in the same situation but the guilt was still there. He apologized for rambling on like that, he just hadn't had anyone to talk to in a while. He then asked me what was my dilemma. He laughed at the look of confusion.
He said it was plain on my face that something was bothering me, or someone. I told him about the boy I had been living with, not getting into details. He was sympathetic, but told me that I had always been a lovely girl and good things would come my way.
We then talked of the times I had seen him as a child, he noticeably avoided mentioning my father which brought me to the conclusion that maybe he suspected that their was abuse. He had been over to our home on a few occasions growing up, but never enough to say we knew each other well.
I found it was nice listening to him talk. His voice had a very soothing quality to it. It warmed you and made you feel safe.
Leaving Edward had made me feel so frozen inside, I craved the warmth.
We shared several bottles of wine between us which resulted in him taking my arm to guide me back to my room. He walked me into my room and made to leave after I was settled.
He smiled lazily at me, obviously a bit drunk too and I told him to sit for a minute. Closing the door behind him, he joined me sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Thank you for dinner." I had whispered, loneliness creeping up on me.
He wrapped his arm around me as if knowing I needed contact, warmth.
As we sat side by side he nestled his face in my hair, breathing in deeply before he said he should be going. I felt panic clutch me as I realized I didn't want to be alone just yet. I didn't want to cry over Edward yet, soon. But not yet. I held onto him and he stayed put.
I told him to sit with me a little longer, than he could leave and he said nothing. His arm snaked back around me and he sighed. His fingers traced a lazy pattern down my arm and I closed my eyes loving the feeling of being touched. Hazy from the wine I brought my lips to his brazenly, not caring that this man had known me as a child or that he was married.
I expected to meet with resistance, but his lips molded with mine and responded with reciprocating pressure. We broke apart for a moment and each of our breathing had increased so much we were gasping. His lips found mine this time and I felt myself being pushed gently onto my back on the bed.
I knew in that moment what would happen and that it was wrong, but the warmth and the caresses that he lavished onto me won out. I slipped my hands underneath his shirt and ran them down the lean muscles of his back and he shuddered.
Meticulously he peeled away my clothing, as if he was waiting for me to come to my senses and push him away. I did no such thing. Instead I pulled at his clothing, trying to desperately to feel his hot chest against my own. I needed to have more of his warmth, I felt I would freeze without him. Both naked he kissed down my body gently, taking the time to kiss spots that only an older more experienced man would know to kiss.
He murmured words of phrase at my lovely body, at how sweet I tasted, or how silky my skin felt. Fire burnt within me, I thought of Edward when I felt him at my entrance hard and ready.
I feared for a moment how different this would be than with Edward as he had been the only man to do these things to me, to touch me in these places. When he pushed inside me it was a bit uncomfortable at first.
I wasn't used to his particular size, he sensed my discomfort and pulled out. Despite the discomfort, the loss of his body right on mine was worse so I pulled him back to me planting hot kisses down his shoulders as he once again entered me. This time he waited a few moments for me to adjust to him, then he started to move slowly inside me.
It didn't take long before I was burning beneath him, he whispered 'so lovely' over and over again as he sped up his thrusting. His face was flushed as he held tightly to my hips 'you feel so good' he breathed 'So tight'. I opened my legs wider and he slipped a little deeper into me as I felt the boiling start.
He felt me start to shake uncontrollably beneath him and thrust faster, almost painfully into me as I came blindingly writhing beneath him, he gave a couple more thrusts before shuddering into me hotly.
The warmth of him helped me slip into sleep without event, just small harmless thoughts of Edward occupied my dreams. It wasn't even light out when I awoke. I slipped easily out of bed from beneath his warm arm and made to tip toe to the bathroom. I paused as I came across his wallet that must have slipped from his pants when we tossed them aside carelessly.
His wallet had fallen open to leaving the small section of pictures open for view. I couldn't help picking it up. The first picture was of him and I supposed his wife. Very pretty and sweet looking. The next picture I had to stare at for a full minute before what I was seeing sunk into my head.
Three faces smiled out from the picture, all familiar. I dropped the wallet when I heard him sit up in bed. All the warmth that I had left in my body drained. I must have looked like I saw a ghost to him. I fled to the bathroom and vomited. He tapped at the door and asked what was wrong, if I was okay.
I didn't answer. I had to calm myself down, cause I was shaking so badly as I brushed my teeth.
Carefully I came out of the bathroom to find him dressed and picking up his wallet off of the floor. He paused and again asked if I was okay. I shook my head tight lipped. Afraid of what I would say if I spoke. I instead went and pulled his wallet from him and opened it to the picture.
He looked confused. He asked for the third time if I was okay. His kind eyes peering into mine, trying to understand what it was about this picture that caused me distress. I started to shake again and I felt like I was going to vomit once more. I opened my mouth to speak but I knew if I made any noise right now, it would be a scream so I closed it again. A few seconds later I felt it was safe for me to speak without screaming.
"Who are the people in this picture with you?" I asked as calmly as I could, but I could hear the quaking in each word, the higher pitch that I spoke in.
"My sons" He answered automatically, his brow creased with worry.
He just confirmed what I guessed and it made my stomach hurt all the more.
I gripped my hair in my fists and pulled at it angrily. I was keeping the scream in too long, I couldn't hold it anymore. I screamed.
Most people would have stepped back at this, but he took a step forward to comfort me. I pushed him away my chest rising and falling rapidly.
This could not be happening.
"Your son…" I said indicating the bronzed haired boy on the right.
"Is the boy I just left." I croaked as tears spilled down my face. Realization seemed to dawn on him and he looked like he might be sick too. He reached out to touch my shoulder and I shrugged away and said
"Carlisle don't…" as I sank to the floor disgusted with myself.
