Chapter 9: Orcas can suck it

As Grace's town car pulled up outside I opened the front door for her and gave her a peck on the cheek.

"Ana, my dear, it's been an actual pleasure chatting with you tonight. And trust me when I say that is not a common occurrence with some of the typical… women my son deigns to spend time with."

I gave Grace a quick smile. It's hard to believe that she would appreciate all the passive-aggressiveness I've been floating her way all night, never mind all the aggressive-aggressiveness. She'd gotten a good laugh out of my very serious suggestion that we should guillotine and eat the rich. Whatever. Probably for the best that I didn't make an enemy out of Christian's mom.

"Grace, you truly are an inspiration. I won't say what you're inspiring me towards doing, though."

I chuckle lightly, cementing the antagonistic undertones of the joke.

Grace's laugh tinkles in the evening air, an acknowledgment of the threat and in itself, a threat of its own.

Christian laughs awkwardly, expressing his complete lack of understanding or subtlety.

Grace and I share a polite laugh at Christian's expense. Poor men. Sure, they get usable pockets and can pee standing up and ne0ver have to deal with periods or pregnancies or a worldwide system that benefits men almost universally, but they'll never be quite as subtle as women can be. Poor, poor men.

"Well, I really must be going," Grace said. "Ana, do take care of my boy. Make sure he doesn't waste any more of his money on orcas or swordfish or whatever silly aquatic fascination he's got this month."

"Ha. Ha." Christian said. "Very droll, mother. Please let me know the next time you plan to drop in unexpected."

"Oh, Christian, you know I won't! Toodles!"

Grace glided down to the car and gave us a polite wave as she waited for the chauffeur to open the door for her.

"Toodles?" I asked. "Christian, I can not begin to understand that woman, no offense."

Christian didn't respond. He stood in silence, watching as his mother got in the car and was driven away. Once it was out of sight he lets out a long sigh, a breath I didn't realize he was holding. After a brief pause he turns and stalks into the house. I follow, shutting the door behind us.

"Christian, what's going on?"

Christian doesn't look like he heard me.

"Christ-"

"Orcas!"

"Orcas?"

"ORCAS? SWORDFISH! FUCKING ORCAS?"

Christian is screaming, radiating anger in a way I haven't seen before.

"Yo, dude, chill out."

"No! She comes into my house and talks about fucking orcas of all fucking things!"

"What's wrong with Orcas?"

"Don't! Don't fucking start with me on this, Ana."

Christian's yelling at me, and not in a sexy way. I know that it's not my fault but it still hurts. I've never seen this side of him before.

"Christian… I, uh-"

I don't know what to say. It's ironic for a journalist, I suppose, but I've never been that good with words in person. Christian turns and looks at me standing there, mouth agape, lost for words. His expression softens a fraction. He turns back and strides out of the room.

"Christian! Wait!"

I chase him out of the room and down the hallway - surprisingly, not towards the shark tanks. I've lost sight of him but after a few minutes locate him in the spacious garage. He's holding the keys to a Forest Mist colored 2018 Honda Odyssey EX-L Minivan. He looks up as I step into the room.

"Christ, Christian - you can't just run away from me like that. What the hell's gotten into you?"

"Ana." Christian sighs. "I'm- I'm sorry, Ana. I'm just so god-damned angry right now, and it's not fair to you for me to take any of that out on you."

He turns and kicks one of the Odyssey's 19-inch Accessory Chrome Alloy Wheels.

"I guess I still took some of it out on you, huh? I am genuinely sorry about that, by the way. It's just that that woman gets right under my skin like this every time she visits. I can never see it coming, quite unlike the Odyssey's Honda Sensing® suite of safety and driver-assistive technologies designed to keep you out of bad situations by alerting you to things you might miss while driving."

"Family's tough like that, huh? If only we all could have as much emotional injury protection as the Honda Odyssey's five star NHTSA Frontal Crash test rating in injury protection."

"Ain't that the truth. Anyway, I'm still not in a good space mentally or emotionally - I've gotta go for a drive to cool off. Won't be back until the morning."

"That's fine, Christian. I'm happy to give you as much space as you need, but you need to ask for it."

"That's- that's completely fair, Ana. I'll try to communicate better with you about my needs in the future."

I open my arms up for a hug and gesture him closer with my hands. Christian is hesitant but walks over and gives me a long, tight, deep - wait, no not deep, sorry, mind's definitely on other things with Christian pressed so close to me. Right, so uh, - one long, tight, shallow hug later Christian pulls away slightly and bends down to kiss the top of my head.

"Thanks, Ana. You're definitely helping me feel better."

"Glad to help, boo. Now get going before I change your mind…"

I slap my tits with both hands. Shit, ow, no, Ana, shit, fuck that hurt. Note to future Ana: you do not know how to seduce, and if you really think you must learn how, practice in front a mirror first. Improvisation is not your strong suit.

Christian was climbing into the driver's seat of the Odyssey and thankfully missed most, if not all, of the tit-slapping. The garage door started rolling open as Christian started rolling down his window.

"Are you going to be okay, driving in the mood you're in?"

"Yes, Ana, of course I am. Especially with the Honda Odyssey's engine which can turn gasoline into energy that makes the car go. It even has brakes, so I can stop it once it's going! Imagine that!"

"Imagine that, indeed. Drive safe, baby."

Christian nods at me and gently accelerates out of the garage. Once he was out of sight I let out a long sigh, a breath I didn't realize I was holding. Seeing Christian get so, so angry like that did make me worried about the long term potential of our relationship. After a brief pause I pulled out my phone and googled 'orca shark conflict'.

Oh wow, that's fucked up for suuure. Orcas will kill great whites and just eat their livers out? Dick move, orcas. I guess I can see why Christian's got beef with them, now.