Castiel paced.

He wasn't sure what else he could do with all this information swirling in his head. It all circled round and round and came back again, leaving him thoughtlessly moving to keep anything from sticking for too long.

He couldn't get his hopes up. He couldn't let himself consider the possibility.

R'Sam had given the shifters shifting abilities for a reason. Surely, she wouldn't accept him if he were to join Dean in his city life? He would be taking up resources far beyond what he could justify, he wouldn't be able to hunt for himself, he wouldn't be able to be wild, as she'd intended.

Actually, Castiel wasn't sure how Charlie was even shifting. He'd heard stories of city shifters, sure, but they all ended with R'Sam taking away their power. His mother used to tell him stories before he went to bed at night, how they went to the city as humans did and they just.. Never came back. Shifting, his other self, was such a vital part of him.

However, so was Dean. Castiel didn't want to go back to weathering out his heats alone and shaking and cold. He didn't want to live with family in the quiet of the hunt if Dean's voice couldn't tease him about something in his mind. He didn't know how far the connection would still work, and he didn't honestly want to test it.

He would be blunt. He wanted, more than anything, to stay here with Dean. Dean, who was fiercely protective and loyal and absolutely astoundingly interesting.

Castiel found many things about humans and about their culture interesting. He loved hearing about technology and behavioral patterns and seeing memories of how Sam and Dean interacted. He liked hearing their stories, which were beautiful and captivating and creative.

He wanted to be with Dean. But he couldn't risk losing his Shifter powers, nor could he risk R'Sam's rejection. It would devastate him, in a way beyond anything he had ever known before. He didn't think he'd be physically capable of forcing himself to stay if that were to happen.

He shifted, enjoying the feeling of his paw pads stretching out across the ground. He gave a soft growl in frustration, whiskers twitching. He forced himself to calm down, sensing that he wouldn't help the situation if he couldn't think logically.

He walked over to the corner, sitting down. He closed his eyes, and centered himself, connecting with the earth. He connected with the Wild, the feeling of the wind blowing through his fur, his teeth sinking into prey, the icey bite of cold water in the winter as it caressed his tongue.

He reached out to that place inside himself, the place within that made him feel whole. He prayed that he was being listened to, that his goddess was watching out for him.

He didn't feel something all the time. Sometimes, it was just a presence in the back of his mind. Sometimes, tingling across his skin that let him know he wasn't alone. Sometimes, the quiet itself felt like a part of her, and he knew R'Sam was there, with him.

The only problem was that Cas had never been good at open, two-way conversations. He loved his goddess beyond doubt, and knew she had gifted him Dean as she gifted most shifters with a mate. But he wasn't sure if she would approve of him staying with him. And, being bad at conversation, he had essentially no way of finding out.

He shook his head, rolling his shoulders. He held on to that feeling, the feeling of companionship. It had gotten him through many cold nights locked in cages, and it would surely see him through this crisis.

Over all, he was afraid. Because he loved Dean. He wanted to be with Dean beyond everything that he'd ever wanted. And he wanted R'Sam, too. He wanted her acceptance and love, to still proudly offer his devotion.

What frightened him most of all was that he wasn't quite sure which would hurt him to lose the most.

You seem a little worried, buddy. Everything okay ? Dean questioned. Castiel gave a sigh, shaking his head to clear it, to remove himself from that mindset.

I'm doing fine. I'm just excited to speak with the Shifter. He admitted, feeling anticipation rise in his stomach. It threatened to choke him, to overtake his very being.

You should be. Charlie is freaking awesome. Her mate's a little insane, but I think it's more of a weird power kind of thing. I'm not sure. She seems heartless. Dean said. He sent several, vaguely uncomfortable, pictures of Charlie's mate along the connection.

Castiel, despite himself, felt a chuckle come out. He liked this. She's very traditional, yes. She's most likely a priestess, which would be why you're sensing power. I'm not sure why that makes you uncomfortable, but you should reevaluate yourself. Perhaps it stems from your fear of religion?

I don't hate religion, Cas. I just... Think most of it is bullcrap. Dean said. Castiel could hear the pout in the message, but it only served to further amuse him. Castiel would not try to convert Dean, but... Well, he could tell Dean had some issues with faith.

He'd yet to explore that part of Dean's past, although he was excited to.

He was excited to get to know everything about Dean, even if it wasn't necessarily "fun" knowledge. He wanted to know Dean's heartbreaks, his achievements, what made him click. What he thought about before he went to sleep at night.

Castiel had fully descended into a pit of emotion and fresh love by the time Dean and Charlie got there. In fact, he'd forgotten they were even coming, he was so wrapped up in his thoughts.

He felt Dean return his feelings through the bond, and it only served to increase Cas's absolute determination to find a way to stay with him.

The redhead trailing in behind Dean? Almost entirely unexpected.

He supposed she looked like what a fox shifter "should" look like. She had long, curley red hair and a fairly flat face, with green-brown eyes and a lithe body. Alltogether, she was elegantly beautiful.

"Cas?" Dean asked, tentatively. Charlie nodded her head at him, smiling just the smallest bit.

Castiel looked at him, blankly, before shifting. Dean must have realized then that Castiel was fully naked, and would have no clothes to wear, because there was a small flash of surprise and nerves through the connection.

Charlie had little to no reaction, of course. And, as the door was unlocked and she was brought closer to Castiel, he could tell that she still had her shifting powers. Odd compared to what he'd been told, but incredibly relieving.

He gave a deep breath, taking in her scent. Omega, caramel, fox, pregnant, nervous.

"So, when are you expecting the kits?" He questioned, casually. Charlie looked shocked beyond measure, glancing wildly back and forth between Dean and Cas. Dean's jaw dropped, and he looked at Charlie, scandalized.

"I thought you said you were gay?" He questioned. "And... Pregnant? And you didn't think to tell me?"

"We were talking about LARP, not my lack of menstration!" She defended, looking guilty. She cleared her throat and blushed, shaking her head. "But, yeah. And I am gay, it's just Rowena's."

"How... But... That's not..." Dean trailed off, looking even more confused than before. Castiel smirked, thinking that it was just a little bit adorable when Dean got all speechless like that. He'd love to make him speechless on another occassion, perhaps with less clothing and more privacy, and-

He forced his mind to pull back to the present. After all, he was, in fact, nude. Although he didn't have much in terms of self-consciousness, having been raised to see being nude as usually non-sexual, he was aware that Charlie was most likely not as blessed.

"I'll explain it to you later. But it is, in fact, more than possible." Castiel reassured him. Dean looked forlorn, turning to gaze at the enclosure door. There was a small moment of silence, and Charlie's hands rested lovingly on her stomach. She looked nervous, but... Well, happy.

"They're gonna be my knights. Coolest childhood ever, that's what they're gonna have." She mumbled, to herself. She seemed to break out of her trance and turned to Castiel, who was waiting patiently.

"Dean, could you go and get Castiel some clothes? It feels a little awkward like this." Charlie admitted. Although she gave no physical signs, Castiel could tell that she was lying. He narrowed his eyes, knowing that she was doing this to have some time apart from Dean with him. Cas wondered if it was that obvious that what he needed to talk about was personal.

"I'd be more than happy to." He said, nodding. He strolled out of the room and sent Cas a quick, be back soon before heading to the supply closet.

Castiel turned back to Charlie, and his eyes narrowed. She plopped down and sat, more on his level. He had to admit that he appreciated the small gesture. Clearly, this was a kind-hearted girl.

"Okay, so what is it you wanted to talk about?" Charlie asked, raising her eyebrows. Her feet were crossed on the floor, hands splayed beside her.

"I..." Castiel paused. Dean was the only person he had really spoken to as of late, and talking to Dean didn't really require words. It took him a few seconds to make sure that these were sufficient enough to get his point across before he said, "I've been told all my life that living in the city was wrong."

Castiel looked down. He could feel the understanding radiating off of Charlie, and he looked down. Shame and guilt both clawed at him, but he kept talking. "I love Dean. I don't want to lose him. I... I had always thought, when I was younger, that I would be without a mate. Then he walked into the room, and everything changed. Everything about him was... intoxicating ."

Charlie nodded her head somberly, and Cas's eyes flickered up to meet hers.

"I understand how you feel." She said, blushing a little. "Before I met Rowena, I didn't think I was capable of being in love. It wasn't even that I didn't want to be, I just... I felt like I never would. I felt like I wasn't good enough for R'Sam to bless me with a mate."

Cas nodded his head. "You know, the people she doesn't bless, she doesn't bless for a reason. Many don't desire-"

"Yeah, yeah," Charlie teased, rolling her eyes. "I've heard that one more times than I've played Zelda. I know. I just... I always really wanted a mate."

Castiel nodded. He couldn't really relate to the feeling of longing for his whole life, but he was glad Charlie had put in her two cents. It was starting to get him loosened up, to make him feel a little more at ease speaking with her.

"I suppose it's personal preference." He said, nodding. "But... I was always told horror stories about shifters who lost their powers for caving into the human's wasteful ways, and living amongst them. People who lost chunks of who they were and stopped caring for mother nature as a whole. I don't think I could handle it if I had to rip out a piece of my life like that."

"But Dean's a piece of your life now, too?" She questioned. Castiel took a deep breath and nodded his head. Yeah, Dean was a piece. A beautiful, sexy, amazing piece, that Castiel didn't want to lose.

"Yes." He said, without thinking. There was a small pause.

"Would he be worth missing the Wild, to you?" She questioned. Castiel responded automatically, not even having to think.

"Absolutely." He said, nodding. Charlie looked pleased.

"What if I told you there was a way that you could have a little bit of both?" She offered. Castiel's ears perked up, and he sat up straight.

"Tell me more." He encouraged, trying not to get too hopeful. After all, too many times his wants had been crushed by cold reality. In the wild, you never expect anything until it's in your mouth.

"Well... I'm a city shifter. I was born and raised in the city, third-generation, I still have my powers." She said, slowly. "Rowena is... Well, she's not. She's a priestess, and she still has her powers, and she still, ocassionally, has the wild." Charlie explained.

"She has this cottage up in Alaska. Actually, it's where we met. We took a family trip up there for a little while, since one of my brothers was a snow fox and mom and dad thought it would be nice to give him the chance to "blend in" for once. But, anyways, she still goes up there sometimes during the summer and she hunts and goofs around for a few days. Then, she comes back in time for my next heat.

"If you wanted, I'm sure she'd let you and Dean use it, too. You could even get him to take some time off and teach him how to live in the wild. Rowena's planning on doing that with the kids."

"Are... Are you saying that R'Sam isn't angry at her for abandonning the Wild?" Castiel questioned. Charlie thought for a moment.

"Well, honestly, she says they're all good. I wouldn't know, as much as I love R'Sam, I'm a little closer to Caosga." Charlie admitted.

The Earth Goddess, married to the Wild. Castiel knew that, and he had to admit that if he didn't favor R'Sam, she'd probably be his primary diety.

"Thank you." He said, nodding his head. He wasn't quite sure if he could really believe everything that she said, but... Well, it gave him hope. It gave him a kind of hope that he hadn't had for the past few days, in turmoil over whether or not he could keep Dean.

"Cas?" Charlie questioned. Castiel looked at her attentively. "R'Sam is a loving and caring goddess. Even if you aren't living in the Wild, there are little things humans can do to help take care of it. She gave you Dean for a reason, and she wouldn't do it to take him away."

Over all, he was fairly certain he would have chosen to stay no matter what Charlie said. He knew that, because he realized now that he wouldn't want to worship a goddess that did something like that, gave him Dean and then expected him to abandon him later.

Dean had a brother, too. R'Sam was all about family, and she wouldn't expect Dean to be able to abandon him.

"Thank you." He said, truly grateful. Charlie gave a small nod, and smiled to herself, looking down. A small pause crossed the conversation, and Castiel broke it easily.

"So, you said kids earlier. Are you planning on having another, or...?" He questioned.

"Oh, no. We're actually pretty sure that this is twins." She said, smiling to herself. "We're planning on naming them Crowley and Abaddon, but that's subject to change."

Dean stumbled in then, clothes in hand. Castiel gave a chuckle at his odd timing, feeling a small bit of affection bubble up.

Dean watched the two of them. There was some kind of a charge in the air, something emotional. He could tell he'd been left out of some kind of huge conversation, and he struggled not to pout about it. After all, he could ask Cas later.

Hopefully, Castiel would be in a sharing mood, because Dean was maybe-kinda-sorta exploding with curiosity right then.

Castiel turned towards him, and his eyes were sharp blue. Always that beautiful, jarring hue that Dean couldn't help but love.

"What took you so long?" he teased, clearly at ease. Dean blushed, the memory flowing back to him. Before he could stop it, it slipped through the connection, and Castiel started laughing.

He threw his head back, smiles and happiness bubbling up. His good mood was infectious, and Dean found it hard not to ignore the fact that he felt like a fucking idiot and laugh along with him. Cas looked so beautiful like that, all radiant and happy. Dean honestly wished he could see Cas like that every day, make him that happy for the rest of their lives.

Okay, that was really fucking sappy. He should go punch a door to feel manly again.

"What?" Charlie asked, clearly feeling out of the loop. Castiel smirked, and Dean gave him permission over the mind link to tell her. After all, if he couldn't make fun of himself, well... Then, that would be one single person ever who couldn't make fun of him. He didn't want to be left out of the loop.

"He tripped and fell into a bucket." Castiel said, affection clear in his voice. Charlie let out her own round of laughter.


Dean dropped Charlie off later that night, after receiving several teasing rounds of questions and bucket jokes. Dean didn't really mind much; they made Cas happy, after all.

When he finally dropped her off and got back to the zoo to do his work, he ached in almost every way imagineable. His ribs were sore from laughing, his ass was sore from being an idiot and falling into a fucking bucket, and his legs were sore from taking Charlie around the normal zoogoers to avoid being noticed.

After all, this was his job on the line.

Thinking about that made him feel guilty, yet again. Rowena was working on a way to get Castiel out, sure, but Dean still couldn't even comprehend how bad it must be for Castiel to have been in that cage for so long.

You seem upset . Castiel observed. Dean's hands tightened on the wheel. Tell me about it.

I'm just... I'm thinking about you. Does it bother you to be in the cage, man? Dean questioned.

Castiel paused. I suppose, in some ways. Are you worried for me? He teased. Dean felt the blush rising to his face, but he didn't even try to deny it. It was too strongly there for Cas to miss it through the link.

Yeah. I mean, I know our habitat isn't the biggest and I don't really know-

Well then you can know. Castiel offered. Dean felt a spike in Cas's excitement, and he almost swerved off of the road. You should come with me to the enclosure when you've fulfilled your duties. I can show you that, right now, I have adequate room .

There was a teasing tone to Cas's voice, but Dean could tell that he really wanted him to say yes. Dean hadn't gotten much of a chance yet to really explore and discover his leopard body, and the idea of being with Cas and getting to do that at the same time?

Well, he was more than a little excited.

Okay . He said, stepping on the gas pedal a little harder.