hi again! i be back and ready with another chapter! but first i must tell you all - Kavanaugh and Sgt. Canada waiters: believe me, they will be in the story, they just have to fit into the line of progression in, on, or around Atlantis, so dont you worry!

fififolle - hey, a review is never late! just fashionably on time, lol!
Nyrocat - havent seen you in a while! thank you very much, i will and have updated
McKayLover - thank you and welcome aboard the reviewer train
TheNaggingCube - (giggles madly) thats a great idea! goes along with checkett too...
nightpheonix - no way... you have #12? thats weird... and yes, i will listen to your advice
Vecturist - zelenka needs to vent sometimes... he never gets to on screen really
Gatemage - wonder long and hard (dont strain your brain) then read! and welcome!
Beach chickJASSNL - brilliant idea... she may be next! what do the letters in your name stand for?
Loethaelis - they probably will find their way to Earth thru subspace transmissions or something! look for it
drufan - well of course, b/c sea monsters only attack where ppl can see them, lol
Christieanne-Anna - thank you once again for your kind words!
Queen Tigeress - welcome back and thank you!
AFoE - aha! i found a shorter name for you! glad you liked it so much!
Latanya - welcome aboard and dont worry, kavanaugh will have his moment, hehe
stevewraith - lorne be below and yeah, zelenka is ALWAYS insulting mckay, lol!
estel kenobi - (blushes) it shows? lol, jk, but thank you! (hugs)
PentagonMerlin - lol, its logic of course! hehehehe!
Mackenise Jackson - gotta keep those native languages secret
(blank name) - you forgot to leave a name... but thank you and i think i pity your nieces!
1337StargateFan - oooh... a kitchen person! like in Michael! great idea!
futurechildfromatlantis - i shall try to keep it up as long as its having fun
Kath'in Sheppard - hehe, a red shirt pov would be pretty funny... a noob... (love your name btw)
Yarrharr - i'm glad you still find it as funny as the beginning!

wow... thats a lot of you... lol, i've memorized how to spell all of the regulars' names and i'll get around to knowing all the new regulars too i hope! i hope you find this chapter as enjoyable as the others!

welcome to chapter 9!


A lonely major strolled down the hallways of Atlantis. Ah, the great city of mystery and Earth lore. And yep, he was on it. That HAD to be major points in the Guinness Book of World Records or something like that.

As Lorne walked, a causal civilian gave him a thumbs-up sign which he kindly returned with a slightly puzzled face. The image had sparked a memory, but he soon lost it. Shaking his head, the major continued on to his quarters.

Once he reached those elusive quarters, Lorne turned off his radio so he could get some sleep. Of course, this was not before he checked his laptop for stuff. Anything really, anything of importance. Well, he had to find the laptop first. Moving a white towel from his technology, Lorne propped it open on his bed and quickly scrolled down his email. Needless to say he was very surprised at what he saw.

He usually received emails, but not in this quantity and repetition. It seemed these chain mails had been spread throughout Atlantis. He now had a small revolution/confusion on his hands. Lorne had received a ton of emails about the other ton of emails he'd gotten. The noobs were wondering whether to take the Guides seriously or not.

Thinking it over, Lorne decided now would be a good time to read. So he did and was justly rewarded for his time spent. He laughed until circles spun around his head. Being the good-natured guy he was, Major Lorne reminded himself of the poor little Atlantis noobs and thought of a way to answer their pleas.

OOO

The Subordinate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Pegasus Galaxy

1. Pay attention to everything.

... a. I mean it; you never know what you might see.

... b. What you might see may make you the city's best gossiper or dead.

2. Listen to everything.

... a. It's totally worth it when girl's or guy's poker night rolls around.

... b. You'll be the life of the party.

... c. Your superior's say stuff around you because they don't think you're listening, but they're wrong.

3. Don't wear a lot of Axe or cologne to another planet.

... a. They'll think you smell bad.

... b. If not, they'll adore you.

... c. Personally, I'd stick with the first alternative. Being adored can get pretty ugly.

4. Try NOT to get stuck with the overly excited or arrogant scientists.

... a. Don't think it will be an interesting experience because it will most likely end with the scientist running off because of some attack and then not thanking you for saving their life.

... b. It never fails.

5. Don't trust the Genii.

... a. Just don't.

... b. There is no b., just don't trust them.

6. When in doubt, fire.

... a. Most likely, you're going to hit your enemy.

... b. If it's Kavanaugh you hit, oh well.

7. When going to Earth, make sure you're actually on Earth.

... a. If not, your body could be stuck rotting away on some planet.

...b. Sounds gross.

The major decided the last one would really suck. You think you're home and then no… you're not really here, you're just sorta here. The rest of you is going to die on some weird planet.

Lorne suddenly felt lucky he hadn't been on that mission with the ex-major Sheppard. He grinned and sent the email out to all, including those who had emailed him about the Guides.

His answer was clear: make up your own minds.

But have fun trying to follow the advice if you do.


hehehehe... i feel evil... it might be the homework and the later hours setting in though... maybe i'll have another by the end of the week!

so far, the human and humanoid characters in Atlantisi will use are Sgt. Canada, Dr. Novak, Kavanaugh, and Hermiod. am i missing any before i move out of Atlantis? i'm still taking requests! please leave a note of some sort... w/o comments, i cant figure out who to do next! LOL!