Author's note: Attention please, service alerts for you, my dear readers. First, with this chapter rating changes. Forewarned is forearmed :)
Second, I officially proclaimed this as the "delurking chapter": are you reading and (dis)liking my work? Let me know! Review, it's simple and fast! Even just a "Oh, it's good" or "Oh, that sucks!" makes my day, I assure you. Of course, more articulate things don't offend me...
Cheers,
Lu
IX. Where I wanted to stay
"Can I?"
Wilhelmina lifted up her eyes abruptly, surprised by hearing Daniel's voice.
"What are you doing here?" She asked. "It seems you're hardly able to remember you don't actually work here anymore."
"Oh really?" He commented chuckling.
She returned her stare to the papers she was working on. It was her sign: she didn't want to talk right now. And still, he didn't move a step; he stayed there, on the doorstep, waiting for her to change her mind. She ignored him as long as she could, until the pressure of his stare started to become unbearable.
"What?" She grumbled.
"My mother told me a very strange story." Daniel simply said back.
Wilhelmina raised her eyebrows. "Well, your mother says a lot of strange things. And not just when she's drunk."
Daniel faked a laugh. "Yeah, right, but I can assure she was pretty lucid when we talked. Anyway… do you mind I sit or do I have to keep on babbling from here?"
Wilhelmina pointed to the chair in front of her. "Guess neither of us is going to work this morning." She muttered.
Daniel smirked, and sat down. "So, tell me the incredible new episode of Grandma Meade's tales." Wilhelmina said sarcastically.
He struggled to remain serious. "She said Amanda was the one who messed with the photoshoot." Then he couldn't help but chuckle. "It doesn't make sense, does it?"
"It's true."
Daniel immediately stopped with the cheerfulness. "You're joking too, right?"
"I've never been this serious before."
Daniel looked at her: that was indeed the truth. A truth that didn't make sense at all, which made him all the more and more confused, but surely, the truth.
"Are you trying to understand her reasons? I can hear your neurons working from here."
He didn't answer the provocation. His neurons were working for real, she thought, a little amused actually. Maybe, if she looked harder, she would have seen some smoke coming from his head.
"She… Amanda I mean… she…" He paused, cleared his throat, looked around to make sure they were alone in the room and no one – meaning Amanda – was on the doorstep. "She didn't do all this because she's still in love with me or something, did she?" He finally asked, sincerely terrified.
Wilhelmina covered her face with her right hand, trying to work out if she should laugh or cry. Sighing, she let her arms slip down, bringing her eyes back to Daniel. "You are honestly the most egocentric man I ever met in my entire life."
"Ok, it's not because of me." Daniel immediately swallowed the objection. "So… it's about you then?"
"What the hell is wrong with you?" She exclaimed. She wasn't offended though, just amused. Sometimes it was hard to understand if he was sincere or he was just pretending. "Anyway, haven't we already clarified our relationship to you?"
"Yeah… sorry, my fault. So, what's the problem then?"
"It's… complicated."
How could she explain the situation in a few, simple words? She was the first to admit she didn't completely comprehend. Amanda's behaviour continued to be the greatest enigma to her, and this was a fact. She had tried to put herself in her shoes, a thousand times, to finally understand why the girl continued to remain so obstinately bound to a man with severe problems, and who had left her without a clue and with a not yet born baby. Why Amanda also defended Connor; that was even a more inexplicable mystery.
"Try to explain." Daniel asked gently.
"You know, Amanda and I… we have different opinions about Connor and Tyler's leaving."
"Yeah…"
"Basically, she believes they are going to return, one day, maybe with a couple of white horses… I've never gone into the details thoroughly. Anyway, that's why she reacted that way: another man entering my life was, in her eyes, like cheating on Connor."
"She thinks I'm entering your life?"
Wilhelmina felt the words dying in her own throat. Unexpected; that sentence had come so unexpected. Was he entering her life? Was dinner, a laugh, a cry, an ice-cream and a caress letting him enter her life? After all, that was the point: Amanda had attacked because she persuaded herself something was going on. Eventually, she decided not to answer his question.
"Whatever happened last night, it's none of Amanda's business. And most of all, it would not be cheating, of any kind." She said.
Abruptly, Daniel interrupted the discussion. "Ok, I got it. Well, I have to go now." He stood up, and went back to the door. Wilhelmina wondered he detached so suddenly, not suspecting that behind it there was the same doubt he had given her: was he entering in her life? And it wasn't as simple as just entering her life, because after all; it was them and it was disturbing. Was he about to try the access of her soul, and her bed too? She shook her head: Daniel Meade would never try something like that.
He noticed her movement. Like he knew what she was denying, he said, "It's just... It would a pity if because of Amanda we didn't have dinner together anymore. Once...I would never have told you this but... I actually enjoyed that night."
Wilhelmina answered as she once would have never done. Before she could control her voice, the words slipped from her. "Me too..." She whispered.
But Daniel had already gone.
xXx
The returns from their little trips were beginning to be harder to endure. It seemed Connor enjoyed tempting Wilhelmina more and more with the prospect of a relaxed and pleasure-seeking life. Because of that, she spent the major part of her Mondays struggling between the guilty memories of the past week-ends and the not-so-hidden joy of returning in her reign at Mode.
But if her regal-like authority battled the desire of leaving this place for a while, it was hopeless against the happiness, the time spent with, Connor was able to give her. That day, her inner battle had persuaded her to sneak away from her office and visit his. She somehow managed to convince Claire to readmit him in the company, after his release, with the condition he would be away from any money accounts. He had ended up as head of the human resources office, a position that, despite its lower importance, was surely a more than decent position for a former guest of the federal prisons, and at least permitted him to work in the same place as the woman he loved. Or so Wilhelmina thought.
She was sitting in his chair, looking around bored as she waited. On his desk, a photo of them together made a fine show: in it, he was embracing her from behind, sweetly, with the happiest look on his face, as she also – incredibly – smiled. In the background, the sea, the same water of the New York Bay she would learn to hate a few weeks later.
"Hey, what a pleasant surprise."
Wilhelmina moved her stare from the photo, to find Connor in front of her. She smiled widely, and stood up to reach him.
"Why the visit?" He asked.
He didn't leave time to her for an answer though, pulling her close to him, and gently kissing her. She smiled and kissed him back, but on his cheek, to better smell his scent.
"Because you smell so good, maybe?" She joked.
"Thank you dear. But I'd have come to you anyway, I have good news." He announced.
She moved her head a little away from his, to look straight at him. "What news?"
His hands slid down her shoulders, when they rested, along her arms, until he grabbed both her hands. Only now did she notice the absolute excitement on his face.
"I've got a job offer. A really good one."
"What? Really?" Wilhelmina exclaimed surprised.
"Yeah, really!" He confirmed. "I've been asked to be the new CFO of one of the American factories owned by this Italian confectionary company-"
"Wait wait wait!" Wilhelmina interrupted him. Unconsciously, she left his hands. "CFO? *Confectionary*?"
"You know, those things you pretend you never eat. What do they call them? Oh yeah, sweets." Connor chuckled, looking for her hands again.
"And do you want to accept?" Wilhelmina asked.
Connor stared at her. Was his excitement not a good enough sign he'd like, so madly, to accept? However, it took a few moments to truly understand what worried her.
"What are you afraid of?" He questioned her, knowing perfectly well what the answer was.
"Nothing. Really, I'm happy for you. I guess that picking employees wasn't exactly your dream job for the next few years, but…"
"But what?" He kept on questioning. Her attempts were useless: he knew her enough to know when she was lying. And she was deeply lying, right now.
"Nothing, really. This factory, it's not too distant, right?"
"It's an hour away from NYC…"
"Oh dear God, do you seriously want to work in New Jersey?" She exclaimed.
"It's not a problem, it's not like I'm gonna be the one making chocolate candies, right?"
She defiantly left his hands, and walked a few steps away. "God Connor… CFO? And-"
"Do they trust me? Tell me Willie, is that what you were about to say?"
"No, it's not what I was about to say!"
Her voice came too loudly, but she realized it too late. He approached her, holding her back by the shoulders. "So, what did you want to say? Will I resist the temptation?"
"Connor, I…" The same voice now from her mouth was suddenly weak and begging.
"Willie, I did things I'm not proud of, but this doesn't mean I'm gonna make the same errors again. Trust me."
She felt his grip tighten, she felt the warm of his body surround her, and his eyes begging her to say she believed him. And a part of her, a major part of her, totally and without any reservation, actually believed; but the rest, a little but powerful spot of her mind, just couldn't.
She gave him another brief kiss, and then chose to lie again. "I'm just sorry we won't work together anymore."
He kissed her too, deeper. For the moment, he chose to lie too, letting her think she had convinced him.
xXx
Amanda cautiously walked to Wilhelmina's office with Leah, still not knowing how to behave toward her after the recent events. She felt sorry for what she'd done, but yet she didn't regret anything. She had confirmed it the last night; she would confirm it for the rest of her life if needed: she just couldn't help it. She knew others' arguments, a million times a day she listened to Wilhelmina, Claire and everyone else telling her she needed to move on, for her daughter at least; this only made her more convinced.
She finally arrived at Willie's threshold. Softly, Amanda knocked on the open door.
"Daniel, could you kindly stop to-" Wilhelmina looked up, and saw he wasn't the one asking for her. "Oh, it's you. You came to work on your own this morning, why?"
Amanda smirked: like she didn't know how embarrassed she still was after last night. "I was afraid to travel with you." She confessed frankly.
"In spite of the common belief, I do not eat people." Wilhelmina saw Amanda's eyebrows raise. "Not everyday." She added, outlining a kind smile.
Amanda, still holding Leah, took a few steps inside. The last thing she expected from Wilhelmina, that morning, was that she smiled at her that way. If possible, that was for her even stranger than the hug she gave her – right after doubly slapping her.
"What can I do for you?"
"I… " Amanda begun. "I wonder if Leah could stay here for her nap. You know, if you're not around she doesn't manage-"
"She doesn't manage to get to sleep." Wilhelmina completed for her. "Of course she can stay here. I've not wasted my money on that cradle for nothing."
Amanda went closer the cradle, but Wilhelmina stopped her. "Wait, give her to me."
The girl wondered if this was 'national surprise week' or something. From what she could remember, Wilhelmina had never grabbed Leah of her own will. Not commenting though, she handed her baby to the one who'd asked.
Once she had Leah in her arms, Wilhelmina took one of her little hands, and sweetly told her. "Are you ready for your nap?"
"Why are you so kind today?"
Wilhelmina turned to Amanda, from where the question had come. "I'm not feverish, I swear you. There's…no reason...I guess."
This was somewhat true. There wasn't a particular reason, she just felt right acting so. Later, she thought that maybe she had adopted such behaviour in a new attempt to persuade her to change her view of the situation. Making her realise that, after all, she wasn't alone, and together they could work for a solution, a way out from the nightmare those two bastards had left them in.
Leah yawned lazily, and closed her eyes. "God, I didn't know I was that boring." Willie joked.
"She's just tired. She couldn't get back to sleep, last night."
Wilhelmina felt guilty. "Our argument woke her?"
Amanda nodded. "It's my fault." The girl said. "Because of me, we fought again, and shouted, and disturbed her…"
"Stop." Wilhelmina said. "Stop. Don't blame yourself."
"But it's my fault, because I'm stubborn and-"
"Don't. Don't say you're sorry, that I'm right and so on. Please save me another lie."
Wilhelmina felt Leah lean her head against her breast, exhausted. Regardless, she chose to handle her a little more, just to avoid wakening her the moment she would have put her in the cradle.
"I'm perfectly conscious of your opinion. I decide to respect it, definitely. But I expect you to do the same."
Amanda nodded again. "I promise. For real, I'll never pry in your private business again."
"Thank you." Wilhelmina said. "Now go, I don't pay-"
"You don't pay me to waste my time babbling, I know." Amanda filled for her, adding a shy but more convinced smile.
She was about to exit the room, when Wilhelmina called her back. "Girl, you can believe me or not." She told her. "But I'm firmly sure someday you'll find a good man who'll take care of you and your baby."
However, she didn't add that she hoped the same for her.
xXx
Tired, after the long working day, Wilhelmina felt relieved by the fact that she seemed to be the only one left in the office. She hadn't noticed her employees had left, those little, skinny, fashionable ants with the bad habit to run away altogether in the exact moment the work day was over; with the exception of the days just before closing a issue, when she felt authorized to order the doors to be blocked.
Walking to the elevator though, she found someone else.
"Seriously Daniel, why do I find you anywhere but in you own office?" She exclaimed seeing him.
"Uhm, maybe I'm just a little nostalgic for this one." He answered back.
Wilhelmina arrived next to him. "I thought you were here to lay an ambush on me."
Daniel turned to her. "You haven't forgiven me yet for that little incident in the elevator during the blackout, two years ago, huh?"
"You assaulted me." She remembered dryly.
"And you too. Literally." He retorted, but starting chuckling, amused.
"I know you expected otherwise, my dear wounded stallion. Where the hell is the elevator?" Willie exclaimed then, changing the subject.
"It's under maintenance."
A tiny, bald man had spoken. They both turned in his direction, and immediately recognized the blue uniform of the Meade maintenance team.
"Tim," Daniel began, after had read the dirty little nameplate the man wore. "What does you mean, exactly?"
"It means you can't use it. Suck it up and don't complain." Tim said with a deep, mean voice.
"What?" The Meade asked again; ignoring, for the moment, Wilhelmina's shocked face.
"Walk!" The maintenance guy finally said, and as quick as he appeared, he vanished, leaving only a trail of tobacco odor.
"What? Uh! How rude!" Wilhelmina babbled furiously. "Remind me to fire him."
"First thing we'll do tomorrow." Daniel confirmed.
"So, what's next?" She asked.
Daniel took a few steps, and reached a big, white emergency door not far from them. Wilhelmina immediately remembered where it led.
"No. I formally refuse to walk down twenty-eight floors." Wilhelmina declared.
"Oh c'mon, it'll be just like a healthy walk." He invited her. As he spoke, he stretched out his hand, in a gentlemanly move Wilhelmina honestly didn't expect from him.
Ignoring Daniel's arm though, she moved straight toward the door, opened it hard and ordered. "Let's go."
He obeyed her. Then, with high speed, they set on the descent, her leading. The two had gone barely a couple of floors, when he continued talking.
"Out of curiosity, despite of Amanda's plotting and schemes, have you managed to be with some other man after the Australian dog?"
Wilhelmina stopped abruptly at the end of a flight, turning immediately to face him. He braked with all his strength on his feet, to not crash into her.
"Has anyone explained you the concept of privacy?" She hissed.
"Oh please." He calmly answered. "We suffered a photoshoot sabotage because it was clear we have gained a certain level of intimacy."
She opened her eyes wide. "Have you gone mad or what?"
"Don't deny it. Anyway, I'm still waiting for an answer. I'm a curious dog, you know that."
She pondered it had been so long since she had seen him so self-confident, and surely, he had never been that bold with her.
"It's none of your business." She reaffirmed. A moment later, she realized she had entered his personal space.
"I'm starting to guess the answer…"
They were so close now. Unintentionally, she had been the one who shortened the distance. But now she felt his stare on her, inquiring, in a way she perceived in that moment as inappropriate; another pleasant moment between them. She could afford this any longer.
Quickly, she recoiled. In exchange for the loss of physical proximity, she let him have a piece of her life. "You're right. There's been no one since… since Connor."
"Really?" He asked.
Wilhelmina nodded in assent.
"Oh dear God, it's such a pity…"
She was now totally sure; she had never, ever, seen him that bold. Not even that time in the elevator, when he had kissed her. Then, he was basically terrified by the consequences of his act; now, consequences were the last things on his mind, or so it seemed to her.
"What do you want?"
A question had never came more sincerely from her, but his answer arrived even more clearly.
When she first felt his lips crashing into hers, her reaction wasn't different from the one she had two years before in that similar situation: she just froze. But different than the last time, he hadn't stopped immediately and looked at her in terror; instead he kept on kissing, desperately trying to convince her to kiss him back.
She pushed him away. He didn't react, and simply stared at her. She hated his stare, it was like a constant voice whispering at her, again and again; what do you want?
She'd have preferred to have enough lucidity to find the space to ponder on all the variables in this game, pondering if it was the case to ignore the fact that the man in front of her was Daniel Meade, that Daniel Meade; but also that in front of her, there was a man, who had just kissed her and wanted to be kissed back.
She hadn't the luxury of such lucidity. There was only a single urge in her right now, which made her forget everything else. She merely followed it, and this led her to return to him, and finally kiss.
He immediately welcomed her, moving his hands on her back, grabbing her. She did the same with his head, as she immediately started to make it clear she wanted to be the leader, not the follower.
Soon fed up with only their lips' game, she deepened the kiss, and meanwhile tried to pull him to her. After a moment, she realized that there was a simple system to help her: she began pushing him with her body toward the wall. He immediately got her intention, and took the necessary steps back.
Once against the wall, she slid her hands from his head to his neck. They rested there for a little while, during which, the two detached their lips for a short breath, and then slowly she reached the first button of his shirt. Feeling her hand working to open it, he left her lips, and went to the base of her neck, gently kissing and sucking. The first time he actually did this she relaxed her hold on his shirt, and a weak, little moan came from her.
Despite his work on her neck, she managed to unbutton the first two buttons, but before she could continue, he surprised her again. All at once, he turned to make her the one with her own back to the wall. Then, as his hands started travelling under her silky red shirt, his mouth changed places again, descending to her breast.
The warm feeling of his hands on her stomach somehow alerted her. Gently, she moved her palms on his shoulders, and pushed him a little. There were a thousand of understandable doubts and issues crowding her mind; she picked up on the silliest.
"Wait…" She murmured. "What if someone sees us?"
He smirked. "We're the bosses. We can… we can just fire him or her, I guess."
She grabbed him by his shirt, pulling him back to her: that was like you're right. Starting again, she avoided any other complex thought crossing her mind. She wasn't a teen anymore, the time of doubts, fears, regrets, was over a long time before. Now she was a beautiful, hot, conscious adult woman about to have fun sex with a man, for the first time in a while. The fact he was Daniel Meade, that was for the moment only a minor detail.
Deciding to set aside all her fears persuaded her to be more active, and evolved the situation. She violently shoved him, until he arrived near the stairs' lower steps, and in a moment he was sitting on one of them.
He relaxed, leaning his elbows on another step behind him. She stood in front of him, and started to unbutton her own shirt. He followed her movements with his eyes, button by button, until she finally finished and showed him her lace white bra, in sharp contrast with the ebony skin she knew he was deeply desiring now.
She slipped off her shirt, and carelessly flung it on the landing she was still on. He remained motionless, expecting her to move. Maybe he hoped she would continue the striptease, she thought.
Instead, she moved on to her knees, and reached the buttons on his shirt, her fingers began to unbutton. The operation took her, what seemed to her, an endless amount of time, until that damn shirt was finally completely opened. Immediately, her hands arrived at his belt, but she had just started to undo it, when he grabbed her forearms, forcing her to stop.
"Sorry, but ladies first."
He raised his back and moved his hands on her breast, where they were soon joined by his mouth. Sliding the hands then to reach the bra's fastenings and unclasp it, he meanwhile slowly approached her right nipple, and lightly bit it. She sighed, threw her head back, and circled his neck with her arms. Eventually, he managed to unclasp the bra, which in a moment left her body.
With his hands free again, he seized both her breasts, and returned his mouth to her nipple, now sucking it. She let a second moan escape, and desired her skirt to vanish as soon as possible.
He decided it was time for his hands to visit somewhere else, and moved them again on her back, but immediately began travelling south, for her ass. Once there, they searched for a way to go under her skirt. She felt them on her thighs, and pulled his head harder to her. He held her by her hips, and lifted her so that he could turn and place her sitting on the step where he had been, as he stood and moved down another step.
He had wanted to exchange places, that was all.
She performed the same gestures he did before, relaxing and resting the elbows behind her. More, she widened her legs, as he began to caress them from her feet, still wrapped in the elegant stilettos, to her thighs. She brought the skirt's hem, and lifted it up, until he faced her panties.
She felt him fondling her inner thighs for a while, then a stronger sensation as he stroked her: she closed her eyes, while he kept on rubbing with his thumb under the lace. As he did so, he kissed her on the stomach, and with little bites and other kisses slowly moved the mouth to reach the working thumb. He used the other hand to pull aside the underwear, and she moaned louder than before when his lips started sucking.
Her breathing pace increased quickly. Her body arched, and she couldn't help moaning again, so loudly she would be heard for a long distance. She felt her climax coming, and honestly she had never been so happy to welcome it. Nostalgia, she guessed.
It was coming, when she woke up.
Wilhelmina opened her eyes. It was dark now, and she was alone, of that she was sure. She lifted herself up, leaning on her pillow, and finally realized it had all been a dream. However, her breath was still altered, and her body sweaty. She looked around her, in the obscurity, still dazzled by the dreams happenings. She was having sex with a man on the company stairs, she was having sex with Daniel. She didn't know if she was more shocked at having dreamt of having sex, having it with him, or just by the fact that she was interrupted at the best part.
She couldn't analyze what had happened alone, it was impossible. Wearily, she reached for the phone on the bedside table, and dialled a foreign number.
"Marc, I had the most disturbing dream ever."
