I'm sorry it took me so long to update this. I never meant to leave it for so long and I'm actually not sure about the ending, but I really wanted to get something up as it's been such a long time.

xMissWhitneyBexx, thank you for your review - I'm so happy you found it sweet. I'm sorry for abandoning your request for so long.

Bonnie Sveen Fan, I don't think I could ever kill Ethan off! Thank you for the review and I'm sorry for confusing you.

Tato Potato, thank you for your review. I'm sorry about your grandfather. It sounds like you had some wonderful support. Sometimes that can be the difference between coping and not. It's good you still have each other now. My best friend is on the other side of the world too. I've only seen her about four times, but that doesn't matter. It's the connection.

Tanith Panic, I'm not sure it is going that well when I haven't updated for two months, but I'm so glad you liked it up to this point. I really felt for Lily and found Alicia irritating (until her last episode where I completely fell for her), so that probably helped with making Lily sympathetic. I hate men who pretend to be gentlemen: I usually make a point of reaching the door first!


Lily didn't know how long she'd been sitting there. She'd cried, on and off. She'd also studied, on and off, because she knew that was what her father would have wanted, but she doubted she'd managed to take anything in.

She sighed, pushed her hands through her hair and picked up the book again, but her eyes felt scratchy and sore and she put the book aside while she exchanged her contact lenses for her glasses. It helped a bit.

She wished Ethan was there.

The thought caught her by surprise and she sat for several minutes, staring off into the distance and wondered why she'd thought that. Of course, Ethan was a very good friend and he'd been incredibly supportive. Lily had always found it difficult to talk about her problems; to talk to anyone in anything other than a professional context, but with Ethan, she could forget all her awkwardness and simply say what was on her mind. It wasn't always easy to talk to him as the subject wasn't easy, but the fact she was talking to Ethan felt natural and right.

Ethan was lovely and kind. Even when he was criticising her, he was gentle and understanding and prepared to admit there was a certain amount of right on her side, but he didn't shirk from giving his opinion. When Lily spoke to Ethan, or rather listened to the beautifully-modulated sound of his voice, she began to feel that everything might, one day, be all right again.

But as soon as he was gone, being all right became an impossibility.

Lily sank her head in her hands and wondered what to do. She wished Ethan was here now and she didn't doubt that if she asked him to come and see her, he would agree at once, even if the situation with Cal and the baby only allowed him to stay for a short time.

But she couldn't ask that of him. He'd given her so much of his time already and she'd seen for herself how much he was struggling with the new developments in his life. She couldn't ask for more than he was already giving.

Lily sighed, lifted her head and reached for her textbook again, but almost immediately, she put it down again.

What was the point?

It wouldn't matter how quickly she became a consultant. Even if she broke the record for moving from registrar to consultant in the shortest possible time, he would not be proud of her because he wasn't here. He would never know what she did. Even if he did know, somehow, he would not be able to tell her. And that was all she wanted. To be told.

Lily felt tears sliding down her cheeks but made no move to wipe them away. She began to question if being a consultant was even what she really wanted. She'd believed it was something she'd always wanted, right from being a child, but for the first time, she began to wonder. Had she thought of the idea on her own or had someone else put it into her head? Had she ever really wanted to be a doctor, or had she wanted only to impress a man who seemed resolved never to be impressed?

She didn't know. That was the worst thing of all: she had no idea what she wanted. All she knew for sure was that she wanted Ethan to be with her.

Lily doubted very much that Ethan had had similar thoughts following his mother's death. She'd never met his mother, but she knew their relationship must have been very different from hers with her father.

But he would listen, thought Lily, as she touched her hands to her wet cheeks. He would listen and support and try to understand. She remembered what it was like to be held in his arms. She remembered the warmth of his arms around her; the soothing pressure of his hand as he'd stroked her hair. The gentleness in his voice and the worry in his eyes.

Oh, I wish he was here now. Please, Ethan. Please come to see me on your way home from work. Please hold me again and make me feel as though everything might be all right one day. Please.

The doorbell rang.

Lily's eyes opened wide and she began to tremble. She knew it was impossible that her wish had come true. If Ethan was here, it could only be a coincidence. She glanced at the clock and realised his shift would be over by now. It would be like Ethan to stop at her flat to check she was all right, even if he was in a hurry to get home to Cal.

The doorbell rang again.

Lily was still shaking as she got to her feet. She brushed her tears away quickly and ran her hands through her hair. She ran to the door and opened it, just in time to see someone walking away.

She must have made some sound: the man turned back towards her. It wasn't Ethan, and Lily felt her head drop with disappointment as he came towards her.

"Lily Chao?" he asked. He was holding a large box with her name and address printed on it.

Lily nodded. "Yes, that's me."

He smiled. "Special delivery for you."

It's from Ethan! thought Lily, as she broke out into a smile. She thanked the delivery man with a warmth that surprised her – and perhaps him too – and hurried back inside. She carried the box to the living room and unwrapped it to reveal a big bunch of flowers and a pot of something. There was steam coming from the pot and Lily lifted the lid curiously to discover it was full of soup. She tried to smell it, but the scent of the flowers was overpowering.

They were all lilies, of course, in different colours. Lily buried her nose in their sweet smell. They were very strong and she knew a headache could follow, but in that moment, she didn't care. They were from Ethan. Her mind recalling immediately where she'd put her vases, even though she hadn't used them for several months, but as she lifted the lilies out of the box, she realised they were in a vase already.

How thoughtful of Ethan, she thought and carried them to the table. Flower-arranging was not something she'd had the occasion to do very often, but her hands seemed to know what to do as she arranged the flowers and stood looking at them, feeling tearful again. Perhaps she wasn't exactly happy. It would be wrong to be happy. But she felt... cared about.

Reluctantly, she left the flowers to take the soup into the kitchen. Once they were moved away from the lilies, she could tell it was mushroom soup and it smelled lovely. It would save her the trouble of cooking tonight, which was yet another reason to be grateful to Ethan. She left it on the kitchen table and ran back to the box, wondering if Ethan had sent a card with them. He'd obviously packed the box by hand and if she was slightly disappointed he'd arranged for courier delivery rather than bringing it in person, this feeling was small in comparison with her gratitude.

There was a card in the bottom of the box. A pink card with flowers and butterflies. Not at all a bad choice for a man. Lily turned it over and read it.

Dear Lily,

I am so so sorry for being so insensitive! I just had to do something to make it up to you so I bought you some flowers and made you some soup, my dad's special recipe! He always makes it for me when I'm sad or ill. Even now I'm a doctor, he sends me big care packages! I really didn't mean to overstep the boundaries at all. I look up to you and I've learned so much from you already. You're the best mentor ever! I can't wait to be working with you again! I know you prefer to deal with personal problems alone and I get that totally, I actually really admire you for it, but I am always here if you want a listening ear or a friendly hug :)

Lots of love and big hugs,

Alicia xxx

PS Ethan just told me about your dad. I am so sorry for your loss. As I said, I'm always here xxx