I know, I know, you guys are probably looking at that little calendar on your computer and going '...it's not Tuesday. WHERE WERE YOU?' I was being held hostage by ap biology. it finally decided to give me a break to get this posted. That, and I have an awesome person helping me out (SUNFLOWER 3759)!

Alright so there were some questions about Edward's line "I can't lose the both of you." I want to assure you it was noooooot about Bella and Lauren. It was Bella and Addie. I'm not thaat bad.

Lastly, there were some concerns about my age. It would sadden me if that caused you not to read my story, however if you're uncomfortable with it than i suppose there's nothing i can do. (If I could change my age psshh i'd have my license.) So I hope it doesn't deter you, -I try to write as maturely as I can especially where older characters are concerned, however yes, I am young. Inevitably, my teenageness seeps through.

With that all cleared up, I just want you guys to enjoy! I love your reviews -the good and the bad. It's just a pleasure for me to share!


Ashes, Records, and Window Panes

Chapter 9: Seating, Strangers, and Small Beginnings

-o- Monday 4:36pm –0-

"I have to say, I wasn't expecting this visit," Jasper leans back in his chair, "but it's a pleasant surprise."

I give him a small smile before approaching his desk. The mahogany piece is broad and suddenly intimidating, whereas before it had been familiar and comforting. Once there, I'm faced with a decision that I otherwise wouldn't have given any thought. Now I cannot seem to decide.

Which seat do I sit in?

"Are you okay, Bella?" he asks.

"Uh, yah," I mumble before quickly sitting in Edward's normal seat. Feeling uncomfortable with the change, I switch back to my normal one.

"Is there a specific reason for this impromptu visit?" he presses.

"No," I shrug, "Just thought I'd stop by..."

"Right," he nods, "And this wouldn't have anything to do with the finalizing of your divorce papers last week?"

I snort, "No."

Jasper peers at me over the rim of his reading glasses, clearly not convinced. I try to avoid his gaze for a bit longer, but fail miserably. I sigh as I recline further in the seat, and admit my reason for seeking his guidance.

"Okay, so maybe it is," I sigh, "I just… aren't I supposed to be happy? Isn't this what I wanted?"

"Isn't this what you wanted?" Jasper reiterates.

"This is what I wanted," I agree, "I mean, what I want. We're divorced –that's how it should be."

"You're divorced, but Edward says you're going to date?" he clarifies, sounding confused.

"Not date really," I correct, "Just be friends. We can be friends right? Five months is enough to be considered friends?"

"You seem to be in quite the turmoil," Jasper points out, "Perhaps –"

"Jasper," I stop him, "I know this is a bit unethical, but can we just…can I ask you something and you answer me as a friend, not as a psychologist."

"Within some bounds, since we are in a professional setting," he agrees.

I think for a moment how to phrase this, wanting his honest answer. A word Tanya once comes to mind, and seems like an accurate description, "Do you think I'm acting like a victim?"

Jasper leans back in his chair and rubs a hand over his face after removing his glasses. The movement is nerve-wracking. I shift uncomfortably, awaiting his answer.

"I still have to be reasonably objective, I hope you understand," he says, "I've been listening to two perspectives after all. And in circumstances like these, I find it counterproductive to lay the blame on any party. However, I can't say I support Edward's actions, but I also don't condone yours."

I nod, as he takes a breath, "That being said, I think you could have handled the events with a little more maturity and rationality. But I don't believe you're acting as a victim. You're going through a divorce, Bella. It's a very trying period for you. You're upset, you're lost, you're emotional, it's understandable."

"Then is it a good idea for me to be pursuing this friendship with him," I ask, "If all I've been doing is acting immaturely…doesn't he deserve more than that?"

"That's the beautiful thing about the world we live in," he smiles, "Every day is a new day."

-o- Thursday 8:02pm –o-

"Well this is awkward," I say.

I take a step back and take in his outfit. Clad in blue scrubs and sparkling white sneakers, he was certainly a sight to behold in the small convenience store. I glance down at my formal business attire and scowl. What I wouldn't give to be in sneakers right now.

"We both frequent here," Edward shrugs as he picks up a red bull, "We were bound to run into each other at some point."

I nod, "Yah I guess," I murmur before remembering my resolution, "How've you been?"

He looks genuinely surprised at my question, "Um, pretty okay actually. Work's been rough."

"That stinks," I scrunch my nose, "Are you headed back there now?"

He shakes his head, "I have an hour –that is if my pager doesn't go off. You're headed to the office now?"

"I have a board meeting," I tell him.

"Oh," he looks slightly disappointed, "I guess I'll see you some time then."

He begins to walk away, an action that sends my heart in a downward spiral. I take a step forward, almost as if to follow him. With each step he travels further down the aisle, almost out of my view. For some reason, I just can't do it. I can't let him walk away.

"Edward," I huff as I jog towards him in my heels, "I actually have an hour before I even need to leave for the meeting. Would you like to join me for coffee?"

A silence follows the question, making me believe that I had mistaken his earlier disappointment. My cheeks flood with embarrassment, expecting his rejection. I suppose I couldn't blame him. When had I ever asked him out?

"It's not that I don't want to," he sighs, "but…I don't know."

"Oh," I murmur, "No, I understand."

"Yah," he trails.

"Well then," I say, "Goodnight, Edward."

"Goodnight," he nods before turning again.

But that damn pull returns. The string that's attached to my heart is tied to the palm of his hand, and grows tauter with his distance. Not liking the annoyance I follow after him. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I have to do something. I have to try. The idea only enters my head as I tap his shoulder, and hold out a hand.

"What are you doing," he asks in confusion.

I take a breath before smiling, "Hi, I'm Bella…Bella Swan."

This is so stupid,

He raises an eyebrow still unsure of my greeting.

"So are you going to shake my hand, or just stare at me all night handsome?" I roll my eyes.

"Have you always been so forward with men," he chuckles.

"Do you always make girls wait," I wave my hand in reminder.

He shakes his head as he grasps my hand, but all the while a smile graces his face, "Edward," smiles, "Edward Masen."

-o- Thursday 9:30pm –o-

I enter the room with a smile set on my face, my cheeks still flushed from the night. It had all been ridiculous at first, but Edward and I had managed to have a normal evening. Tanya eyes me as I slide into my seat beside her.

"And just where have you been for the past hour," she raises her brow.

"I ran into your brother," I tell her, "we had coffee."

"You had coffee with Edward," her mouth pops open, "and you're smiling?"

"It was nice," I shrug.

She smirks as she turns to face the head of the room as the meeting commences. Of course my mind is nowhere near the topic at hand. Instead I mull over pieces of the conversation from earlier. We shied away from things that might remind us of our past together, and stuck to safer topics such as work and hobbies.

"So what do you do for fun," Edward asked as he wiped off the bench for me.

I thanked him before perching on its edge, "Well, truthfully I don't get out much. I'm more of a reader."

"Really," he bit at his lip to conceal his laughter; we both already knew of my reading obsession, "I guess that's understandable given your job."

"Does that mean you practice surgeries at home?" I ask.

He snorts, "That was a lame joke."

"I figured I should change my joke material from insults alone," I shrug, "but if you ever need a knock off your high horse…"

"I'll know who to call," he laughs.

It was so natural, more natural than it had been in months. I think without the obligations to one another, and the unsaid rule to leave our past alone, we were able to see each other for who we are now. Would it always be this way? No. I remind myself that I still don't know exactly what transpired between Edward and Lauren during our time of therapy. But I don't want that to taint what we shared tonight. Tonight was a possibility of something; friendship at least. I won't make any promises, or get my hopes up, but I'll hold onto it. It's something.

"The attention you're paying to this is simply inspiring," Tanya says as she points to my empty note pad. "I'm all for daydreaming, but you might want to pay attention to the second half. They're talking to us about some new printing ethics policies."

I roll my eyes, "I was so paying attention."

"Victoria called you twice," Tanya says.

I choke on my drink, "She did?"

"No," she cackles.

"If you weren't pregnant and adorable, I'd thump you," I glare as I wipe at my mouth.

She continues to cackle as she turns in her chair, her six month bulge stopping her from rotating fully. Her cheeks have gained some volume, as have other parts of her body. Her skin has the cliché glow that comes with maternity, and her hair is as lustrous as ever. Pregnancy has done Tanya well.

But over the course of the night that brightness begins to fade. Her glowing skin takes on a sickly sheen, and her hair becomes damp with perspiration. I watch as she sets down her pen before resting her head on her hand.

"Tanya," I lay a hand on her leg, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she mumbles.

I wonder if it's just a bout of sickness, but I become doubtful. She battles with keeping her head up, before she suddenly grabs at her stomach.

"Oh God," she chokes before bending over.

I whip my phone from my pocket, simultaneously dialing as I launch from my chair and attend to Tanya. When her pain proves to be intensifying, I shove the phone into the hand of an unsuspecting man, and hone my attention on her.

"Where does it hurt," I ask her as I help her out of the chair, "Talk to me, Tanya."

"Cramps," she cries, "or, I don't know, shit. Oh, Bella, the baby."

"The baby will be fine," I reassure her, "I'm right here."

-o- Friday 1:04am –o-

"What happened," Edward questions as he stalks into the room, "Are you okay?"

"It's not me," I shake my head before the tears return, "T-Tanya, she just got sick -,"

"Do you know if they told Jake," he asks.

I nod, "He's in there with her now. Why won't they let him help?"

"We can't work with family members," he growls before pulling his hands through his hair, "too many emotions involved."

"Is there any way you can go in and see what's happening," I ask.

He nods, "Are you okay here?"

"Go," I nod, "Make sure she's okay."

The room seems twice as empty once he's gone. I wait for the next half an hour, alternating between praying and simply getting lost in thoughts. My mind drifts to dangerous territories, to places I haven't been in years. I had locked these memories away for self-preservation, but it seems as if they're determined to resurface.

I pried my eyes open, fighting against the heaviness of the smoke. My body throbbed with a strong ache while my limbs refused to cooperate. I heard the shouts of witnesses as they tried to alert the medics.

Why wouldn't any of them help me?

A pain gripped my entire abdomen. It seared with a vengeance, twisting and ripping from the inside. A scream with the same intensity escaped from my lips. I reached to cradle my womb, but was denied access. The lower half of me was stuck below the airbag and steering wheel.

Despite the multitude of sensations bombarding me, I was still able to single out the feel of blood trickling down my legs. I no longer reached for my womb. Instead I reached for my heart, which was deflating with each pump.

I would do everything in my power to make sure Tanya never had to feel what I'd felt.

Suffocating from my thoughts, I escape to the outside of the hospital. There, I tip my head back and offer up my mind to the skies. Each passing breeze sweeps a thought out, and brings in stability. My breaths even out, and my tears dry. Having successfully collected myself, I turn to enter to the building. It's then that I'm met with a familiar chest, and an even more familiar set of arms.

Instinctively, I wrap my arms around his torso. He returns the gesture, allowing his head to rest on mine. It's with this that I know everything is okay, or at least it will be.

"She's okay," I sigh.

Edward nods in confirmation.

"And the baby," I ask with a little more trepidation.

"The baby's okay too," he tells me.

"And you?" I ask, knowing that it must be as paining for him as it is for me.

"I will be," he says as he releases me, his eyes conveying a message understood by us both.

"We will be," I agree.


Like it? Love it? Hate it? Kind of want to throw hot coffee on it? Tell me!
~Christie Hart