Nother chapter cause spring break is here WHOOT!

Sorry for taking so long.

Disclaimer: I SURRENDER DON'T SUE!

*KIA this is a ref to Naruto Season 1 Episode 5 (watch on Youtube, its about 13 minutes in) I know I took it waaaayyy back lol.

This chapter is three months later jsyk. And is very reflective, it's nessecary filler sorry.


Chapter 9: Abused Love

Sai sat with his back leaning against the cool stone wall, his head was tilted back, his eyes lidded as though he was resting although Naruto knew he was incredibly alert of all his surroundings, from the trickle of water from the nearby stream to the cool breeze that slid through the compound caressing the skin and leaving goosebumps in its wake.

"How are you today?" the mundane question coming from the expressionless raven-haired boy almost caused the blond to laugh.

"Don't laugh," Sai frowned almost imperceptibly, able to pick up on the blonde's humor even without sight, "It's a serious question. I want to know how your are, you're walking with a limp today, I can hear it in your steps when you come to visit me. Has he been too rough with you?"

Naruto frowned now, "I'm not a china doll, I'm not going to break," he argued.

"Again you mean," Sai's voice was flat, his hand reached out as though to caress the whiskered cheek, but fell suddenly as though the idea scared the former artist. "You were broken, into so many pieces. I could see it then, just like I can feel how close you are to breaking now. Sakura told me, you know. Those weeks after he left you to fulfill his pointless quest for revenge. You were broken then, kept alive only by the demon that resided in your core. Warming you, nurturing you as though you were some infant and not one of the strongest warrior's I have ever known. He's broken you before and I can feel him doing it again. You cry too much, I can smell the saltiness of your tears every time you visit me. You never cried before, not like this. Only when we encountered him, only when his name was on your lips. He's destroying you, and is too selfish to stop..."

"Shut up! Don't speak about him like that! He's different now, you may not realize it but he is! He lets me come visit you, and even let Sakura visit too. You told me yourself that he was a different person, not as merciless as he seemed."

"Oh yes," Sai had mastered sarcasm and his voice dripped with now, "The great all-powerful let you visit me. I am so grateful." he had raised his head to glare in Naruto's direction, and he was angry at himself. His lips were unable to form Sasuke's name,and he wondered when in the three months since he'd come to stay with Naruto and Sasuke had the bitterness grown so overwhelming?

"When did you grow so bitter?" Naruto inquired, voicing the thoughts within Sai's mind.

"I'm not sure, there were so many opportunities..." he sneered in reply, and then he frowned, sighed and laid his head back against the wall. Eyes falling completely shut as he realized that he envied Naruto's his ability to form tears, something he had never regained after all his years of conditioning. "I'm sorry, I think it's this place, it's so cold and dark here. I miss feeling the brightness of the sun and I miss my flowers. It took so long for me to work past the conditioning I received as a child, and I owe how far I've come entirely to you, however some days I miss the numbness," he confessed.

Naruto didn't respond right away, "I'll talk to Sasuke, get you outside again, out of this dark place. I'm sure he'll listen and understand."

Sai shrugged, the blond would do as he wished, but Sai doubted the stubborn Uchiha would be so accommodating. Sai had realized how possessive the raven was and how Naruto's frequent visits to the crippled shinobi rubbed him the wrong way.

"He may, but I doubt it. At least not without great cost. His jealousy will destroy me sooner or later, and it will be a far more permanent destruction than the mere blow he unintentionally dealt me with his fire. I can feel it when he stops by, you spend too much time with me. He will punish us both. Me coming here was a mistake, I should have stayed away, I have worn his pity and guilt towards me away and soon we shall suffer."

The blond smiled brightly, "Don't worry so much. I've got Sasuke under my thumb." he lied.


"You've got me under your thumb do you now?" Sasuke smirked arrogantly, "You don't really believe that do you?"

"Noo-oo Master," Naruto's voice was breathless.

"No? But don't you know I'd do anything for you? Or maybe to you, possibly?" Sasuke's smirk turned wicked and Naruto turned his

face away embarrassed, perhaps at being caught, perhaps in the very compromising position he found himself in.

The cerulean-eyed boy's legs were thrown over the raven's shoulders, his flushed cheek rested against the pillow, his mouth open in the perfect "o". Sasuke loved seeing him like this, it soothed his jealousy against the blinded former artist, knowing that he had wiped away Sai's touch, Gaara's touch, Hinata's touch...

Sasuke didn't mind thinking of the others quite so much when he thought of how he had been Naruto's first not once but twice, and

how this time he'd do it right by ensuring that he would be Naruto's only.

Naruto could feel Sasuke's possessiveness, it didn't take a genius to realize how dangerous it was either. Sai, Hinata, they had all suffered because of it. Hinata was gone forever and Sai for all his talk was clearly the one who was broken. Sure Naruto cried a lot more than he had before, but dying changed a person... Naruto didn't want to cry, but Sasuke seemed to enjoy it. To get the blond on his knees, begging, weeping, pleading. It pleased Sasuke to see Naruto subservient to him. It brought the raven joy to control the blond.

This wasn't a healthy relationship. Anyone could see that. Sasuke's possessiveness hurt other people and it strained a relationship

that was already tense. Naruto hated being controlled, but when Sasuke ordered he obeyed and a part of him felt that perhaps even

without the Impure Jutsu this would be the case.

Sasuke was a commanding force not to be ignored and although Sasuke trained Naruto daily in growing accustomed to the loss of

the infinite amount of chakra that the blue eyed boy had once possessed, Naruto still did not possess the strength or skill necessary to

defeat Orochimaru's murderer.

Even if he were permitted to do such a thing.

Naruto thought of the string of bad relationships Sakura had been in prior to Lee and how she had been reluctant to leave each beau

more than the last. Her fear of loneliness had kept her with them, but Naruto could not say he was better, he should have moved on from Sasuke long before the Valley of the End. It had been so clear for so long before that that Sasuke was not the person to be with and yet his love had made him hang on until it was too late and NAruto found himself the semi-willing participant in a dance to the death with a lover who drove him crazy in more ways than one.

It was too late for regrets though, and Naruto was happy to be able to feel the press of the black-eyed boys lips against his own everyday knowing that the raven really did love him and he just had a fucked up way of showing it.

But, however much Naruto loved the raven and loved being with the raven, he was not any longer so naive as to think that their relationship was made in heaven. On the contrary it was agonizingly flawed and costing them both and often Naruto felt that the only thing holding them together was stubbornness and a well placed jutsu.

A slap resounded as though to emphasize this concept as Sasuke angrily became aware of Narutos distraction as he came out of his own daydream.

"Do not think of others when you lie with me!" the raven growled angrily. "Don't you dare!"

"I'm not" the blond protested, and another slap resounded.

"Don't back talk!"

Naruto fell silent, feeling that this relationship was going farther downhill as the jealousy he'd thought could not grow anymore grew daily. He let his mind slide away from the bed where he lay beneath Sasuke.

Sai's words burned him, it angered Naruto that he seemed weak, he'd bested Sasuke before. He wasn't breaking now and he wasn't broken then.

A lie.

Naruto wondered how long he could keep lying to himself. He'd admitted he lusted after the raven, let the raven own his mind. He could have resisted more. He should've resisted more. The blonde had discovered that he was weaker than he'd ever imagined when Sasuke left him that first time, and that he was just as weak all these years later.

All these years, time wasted, time treasured, time lost. Three years waiting. A year and a half with Gaara. One year with Sai. Two years eight months and 7 days with Hinata. Then death. Resurrection and now four months with Sasuke. Time was his enemy, it slid through his hands, uncatchable, irreversibly falling away.

His godchild would be four soon. Sasuke had fetched Sakura last month and brought her to visit. Not at the compound of course. She had brought photos of everyone in the village and a small album to keep them in. Little bios written beside them. Naruto had it hidden where he hoped Sasuke would never find it, something that belonged to the blonde more than his own body.

Sasuke was yelling at him again.

Angry, always angry now. Jealous and possessive. Naruto nodded but couldn't bring his mind to focus on the raven.

"I don't love you," he thought numbly, "How can I love you when I hate myself?"

Sakura had only spoken of happy things during their few hour together.

Ino agreed to carry a child for Shino and Kiba. They're all gushing about the baby shower, everyone is...

Shikamaru proposed! You should have heard the uproar! Temari and him were lying in the grass staring at the clouds and he just came right out and asked: "Living alone is such a bother, you should marry me." Temari was thrilled, although she tried to hide it when she told me by acting as though she was offended by his way of asking...

Kakashi's got a girlfriend, her name is Sunahime isn't that pretty?...

Lee helping at the next chunin exams...

My little girl is turning four...

Gaara's great...

Things are good...

Happy...

Fun...

She didn't mention the funerals. Hinata's funeral. His funeral.

How his name was now on that rock, the cenotaph. He was K.I.A.

He remembered all those years ago, he had stood tied to a wood post, Sakura and Sasuke to either side. Kakashi had stood before him saying how this was a rock onto which heroes names were carved. Naruto had stupidly cheered how he wanted his name there someday, not realizing*...

K.I.A.

Killed In Action.

He'd gotten his wish. now Kakashi could stand before that rock and see the blonde's name there with all the others, and be sad because he had lost another friend.


Sasuke could see Naruto's mind wandering, the blonde seemed incapable of focusing and that infuriated the raven.

His fury and guilt were constant companions and the raven wondered if he'd ever know peace. He'd thought he'd get it after killing Itachi.

He hadn't.

Then after killing Hinata and Naruto.

He hadn't.

Resurrection.

Still no peace.

The blonde was his and only his.

Still no peace...

No peace.

Just guilt...

And jealousy.

He pushed himself off the blonde and left the room.

Hurt that Naruto didn't even notice, just laid there staring at the ceiling.


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