Author's Note: lol I'm sorry in advance for the angst in the present. I'm planning for the next chapter to be a little happier for Addek in the present though. Anyway, enjoy the angst for now, I guess? haha


New York, 1989

The Montgomerys house had plenty of space and a pool, which promised an exciting summer day for the five. Or six, since Archer was there too. Derek was glad that Addison came up with that idea because, although summer vacations are exciting at first, they can become really boring if you have nothing to do all day.

It's a beautiful summer day, indeed, and to say they're having fun would be an understatement.

"I'll get more beer", Addison declares after a few hours, getting out of the pool.

"I'll help you", Derek offers.

"That's right", Mark teases, "Go find somewhere else to make out. If Sam and Naomi want to go too, I'd really appreciate if you wouldn't do it in the pool while I'm around".

Naomi rolls her eyes jokingly. "You're just cranky because you got dumped again".

"I didn't get dumped", he says, defensive. "I was the one who dumped her".

Derek and Addison enter the house. "I understand", Bizzy is speaking to the phone, "I'll see what I can do. I'll call you later". She hangs up and then notices them. "Addison, have you seen your father?"

"No", she shrugs. "He's not in his office?"

"No, I just went there. Well, if you see him around tell him I need to speak to him, tell him it's important; I'll be upstairs".

"Sure".

"And how many times have I told you not to wear a bikini inside?", Bizzy reprimands her. "Go cover yourself, for heaven's sake".

Addison rolls her eyes and heads to the kitchen, followed by Derek.

She opens the fridge, handing the beers to him.

Derek can't repress a smile. "You know, I think Mark's idea was actually a good idea".

She raises an eyebrow at him and then looks inside the fridge again. "You want to make out in my parents' kitchen? What are we, teenagers?"

He keeps grinning; he moves towards her and kisses her neck a few times until she gives in.

He places the drinks on the kitchen counter and in a few seconds she's seated there as well, her legs wrapped around his waist while they kiss, until they hear a sudden noise of something hitting the ground.

"What was that?", Derek breaks them apart.

"Something in the pantry must have fallen", she grumbles, slightly frustrated for having their moment ruined. "Oh God, I hope it's not a rat again. Because if it is I'm going to run away screaming and you're going to have to deal with it".

He chuckles.

She heads to the pantry in the back of the kitchen, opening the door carefully, and he follows her.

He wishes it was a rat instead of what he saw. He looks away fast, but he doesn't think he will ever get the image of Addison's father screwing someone out of his head.

"Really?", Addison's voice is cold. She crosses her arms. "Bizzy is looking for you", she tells her father, sarcastically.

"Oh". There are no signs of guilt in the Captain's voice. "Is she...?"

"She's upstairs", she responds sharply.

She closes the door while the two people in the pantry quickly get dressed. They are out in a few seconds, and Derek doesn't know what to do besides looking at the ground, embarrassed.

Soon he and Addison are the only ones left in the kitchen.

"That maid has been working here for less than two weeks", she comments skeptically. She sighs and shakes her head. "He's never going to change, is he?"

She looks at Derek. Even though he has always been the respect-your-parents kind of person, he really wants to punch the Captain right now because Addison doesn't deserve that.

"I'm sorry", he says, placing a comforting hand on her back.

"Yeah. I'm sorry you had to see that. It's not his best look", she manages to joke.

Derek thinks summer vacations are exciting; but having all that free time also forces you to face things you don't want to face - your family, your thoughts, your doubts, yourself.


Seattle, 2005

They tell you to forgive. They tell you that resentment is toxic, unhealthy for you. They say forgiveness will set you free. But they don't always tell you how hard forgiveness is. When someone hurts you, you want to hurt them back.

Derek couldn't even think about forgiving Addison at first. He just wanted her to go back to New York and disappear from his life. But he reconsidered. He had taken vows, eleven years ago, and she had been his family for so long that it seemed wrong to end things like that. He couldn't just pretend all those years never happened. He spent days thinking whether he should allow himself to be happy with Meredith or try to make things work with Addison. And he reluctantly decided to do what he thought was the right thing. Even if it hurts, even if it doesn't make him happy, he has to try.

Try. It's a word that now has been bothering him. He's trying to forgive her. But it's hard. Sometimes the image of her and Mark naked on their bed invades his thoughts, and it's hard. He tries not to throw things in her face, but it's hard. Like the time when they had a fight and he couldn't hold it back and accused her of "becoming her father's daughter", regretting those words immediately when he noticed the hurt in her face; he knew nothing he could say or do would hurt her more than that.

"I'm sorry", he said. "I didn't mean to...", hurt her? Then why did he say that, anyway? He knew it was not fair. He sighed, exasperated. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I don't want to hurt you".

She nodded but didn't respond, biting her lip.

He really didn't want to hurt her back. He had wanted, in her first days in Seattle, but he didn't anymore. They have caused enough pain to each other already.