Chapter 9
"All right, everybody!" Brooke held her tablet to her chest, with one finger hovering over the capture button. "Look up and smile!"
Max heard the click right as she saw something flicker on the undercarriage of Brooke's drone. The little contraption spun around in place, then whirred over to a safe landing in the row of planters next to the bus depot.
Everyone in the Lighthouse Corps had gathered together for the official group photo and all their goodbyes on the Friday of a long and eventful week. Things hadn't gone quite as Max had hoped, but she knew that everyone was still talking about their ideas for collaboration. Kate was going to start writing her children's book, complete with photos from Max and Warren's science facts. Evan and Daniel had a portfolio of sketch and photography portraits that they were going to submit together. Meanwhile, Stella had mentioned that she and Alyssa were working on a little something they liked to call the "Kate Marsh Appreciation Kit."
When the bus for Arcadia Bay finally rolled in, Max felt a knot in her stomach. She'd said most of her goodbyes and thank-yous to everyone. Now she felt winded and ready for another early afternoon nap on the couch. She hung back as the gang gathered up their bags and suitcases.
"Hey, you zoning out on me?" Chloe nudged Max with her elbow. "I'll carry you home if it comes to that, Caulfield."
"Now there's a thought." Max smiled, hoping she sounded more enthusiastic than she felt.
"You did good, kiddo." Sliding her arm around Max's shoulder, Chloe looked over the crowd of young adults. "I know I was a real bitch when we started, and I'm sorry about that."
"Chloe, you have nothing to apologize for." Max turned around and looked her in the eye. "Not to me, at least. All that makes me happy now is knowing you're here with me. And with Kate."
In her peripheral vision, Max saw Kate hugging Daniel and saying something with a big, bright smile on her face. She found herself smiling, too.
"C'mon now. Who wouldn't be crushing on you two cuties?" Chloe hugged Max into her chest, then let go. "Go on, now. Go get mushy with your little friends."
"They're your friends, too, Chloe."
"Yeah, but…" Chloe shrugged. "I'm me. I need to keep my mushy side in reserve."
"If you say so."
Passing through the group, Max went over and touched Alyssa on the shoulder. The purple-haired girl turned and smiled at her, then offered her hand, which Max shook.
"Hey," she said. "Thanks again for standing up for Kate."
"Anytime," Max replied. "And thank you for giving her a place to stay when she needed it."
"I'm just glad she found you. We don't need another Rachel Amber in our circle of friends, you know?"
More than you know, Max thought. For a moment, she saw the blue body bag and remembered the awful smell of its contents—
And then she took a deep breath and nodded to herself. The memory was still painful, but it had almost been a year and she was going to get through this.
The adventure was over. Now the real work would begin.
"I'm always up on Tumblr if you wanna check out my poetry," Alyssa was saying. "I'm sure you've got some good photos to share on there."
"Tons. It's way better than my memorial wall at Blackwell." Max smiled and added, "Though converting to digital's a bit of a headache for me."
"I'll bet." Alyssa hugged her, nearly crushing the air out of Max's lungs. "Take care, okay?"
"You too!"
As Alyssa went to help the others load up their luggage on the bus, Max felt someone tap her on the shoulder. When she turned around, Warren was standing behind her with a somber expression.
"Listen, Max, if you've got a minute," he said, rubbing at his arm with his other hand, "I thought I'd ask you if you're doing okay."
Max knew better than to play dumb. It had been so easy before to ignore the signs around Warren when they were in school together. All those scattered hints and none-too-subtle offers to become more than friends. But this time, she could see the concern written in his eyes. He was nothing more or less than a true friend to her.
"I'm… better." Dropping her gaze, Max pondered the cracks in the sidewalk at her feet. "Chloe doesn't like to talk about it, but I was in a rough spot after we moved out here. Seeing you, Kate, and everyone else really cheered me up, but—"
"It wasn't enough," Warren finished. "For your depression, I mean."
"You sound like you've been there yourself."
"I was… until I met the right girl."
When Max lifted her head, she noticed a peculiar twinkle in her friend's eye. Then Warren grinned, just like his old self, and added, "You might have met her. Brooke Scott?"
"You're such a dork!" Max punched his other arm. Still, it felt good to smile again.
She looked over at Brooke, who was hugging Kate near the front of the bus. It never ceased to amaze Max how much everyone's lives had improved since that fateful October. Like all her rewinds and interventions had changed the entire course of fate for Arcadia Bay. And of course, they had. When her friends smiled now, she could see a light in their eyes that hadn't been there before.
Now she needed that light more than ever.
"I know I'm not the best guy to talk psychology with," Warren continued, "but if you ever need a shoulder to cry on via Skype, you know where to find me."
Max nodded. Then, when she met Warren's eyes again, she lunged forward and hugged him close. He hesitated, then returned the hug.
"Stay safe with Brooke," she whispered. "And I'll do the same with Chloe, okay?"
"You got yourself a deal, Max."
After a mercifully quiet weekend, Monday morning rolled around faster than she'd expected. Max found herself in Chloe's truck as the three girls drove onto Everett Street, where office parks and tall buildings flourished.
Thanks to their new group dynamic, it had been Kate who'd researched local therapists in Portland and found the name of a PTSD and anxiety specialist. While the thought of sitting down and baring her soul with a trained professional was mortifying, Max knew that she had to make a change. Living alone with Chloe, while pretending that she wasn't suffering anymore, hadn't worked. And given all the success that a little rehab had done for Kate's depression, Max knew she could take the same steps forward.
On Max's phone, a whole text-based conversation had broken out with her mother. It made for a good distraction while Chloe was driving.
Mom: So how is your friend doing? I hope she and Chloe are getting along ok.
Max: Of course they are!
Max: Kate is a sweetheart and we're lucky to have her!
Max: If you and Dad ever visit us again, I'm sure you'll see her soon!
Mom: I swear, you used to worry your father and me about your lack of new friends when we came to Seattle. I'm glad you've changed that, honey.
Max: Me, too, Mom.
Max: Gotta go.
Max: Xomaxo
She had barely gotten the last text message out when Chloe's truck hit a speed bump. Max jolted up and down in her seat with all the grace of a rodeo clown. Keeping a tight grip on her phone, she slid it back into her pocket.
A hand fell on her wrist, and she looked up into Kate's soft, loving eyes.
"Still feeling nervous?" asked Kate.
"A little. But it was really helpful hearing you talk about your own experience last night."
"Opening up about your problem is the scariest part. Once you get a real dialogue going"—Kate shrugged—"it just gets easier from there."
I'll bet. Max left that thought unspoken, but she knew Kate would appreciate the reason. She'd skirted around the issue of her powers and her visions with over a dozen authority figures, from Principal Wells and David Madsen to the original therapist who'd given her a prescription for her meds. But this time would be different.
And what would the verdict be then? Schizophrenia? Paranoia? Getting called out for overblown teenage angst seemed just as likely, too. A thousand different reasons that would lead to Max getting sent to a mental hospital the more she told the truth.
No. Max clenched her fist in her lap. She could create a fitting story for her doctor. There were plenty of publicly documented events in her favor, from the photo she took of Nathan shooting Chloe in the bathroom to the arrest that brought down her once-favorite photography teacher. Even the storm that hit Arcadia Bay—and spared it, thank God—was more than enough to count toward Max's present-day trauma.
As Kate continued to rattle off more encouraging words, Max suddenly thought about all the schoolmates and neighbors she'd left behind in Arcadia Bay. Even her friends who'd visited only a week ago came to mind. How many of them were still suffering like her? The downfall of the Prescott family had been a reason to celebrate, but they'd left a town in ruin because of Sean Prescott's machinations.
When this is over, Max promised, we're calling Dana and Juliet. I want to make sure they're still doing okay.
Chloe pulled the truck into a parking spot on the curb, right outside a three-story office building that stretched out like a brick laying on its side. There were enough shrubbery and planted trees in the front to give some much-needed color to the edifice, which made it a little less intimidating to Max. She took a few deep breaths and forced herself to smile.
It's showtime, Super Max.
Holding Kate's hand, Max followed her and Chloe through the front door and into the lobby of the building. Chloe didn't hesitate to look up the suite number and grab a waiting elevator for the three girls. She moved with a confident swagger that Max found comforting. That cocky attitude that she loved so much during their ill-fated Rachel Amber investigation.
Relax. It's like having another adventure.
On the second floor, they came up to a door marked as the office of Doctor Lexi Thurman. Chloe hesitated when her hand fell on the doorknob. She looked back at Max, who was still holding Kate's hand.
For a moment, she didn't see her friend. Instead, she saw a scared little girl holding her dolly.
"Hey," said Chloe. She turned to Max and put her hand on her girlfriend's shoulder. "You'll do fine. You just have to trust in the process."
"I know," Max whispered back. She squeezed Kate's hand before she looked up at Chloe. Again, her face had that soft, little-girl quality that had always distinguished her, even as a teenager. "I have to do this. For all of our sakes."
Chloe nodded. This time, she didn't hesitate to open the door, holding it open so that Max and Kate could walk in ahead of her.
The waiting room was simple and tasteful, with shades of white set against a comfy green sofa and a semicircle of matching armchairs. In the morning light that came in through the windows, everything had a heavenly glow to it. Even the blonde woman sitting behind the reception desk looked angelic; she had to have been well into her sixties by Chloe's reckoning, but the light was doing wonders for her face.
"Um, hello," Max said when she got to the reception area. "I'm… I'm Max Caulfield. I'm here for an appointment with Dr. Thurman?"
The old lady nodded and smiled. "Oh, yes. You're right on time, Maxine. Please go on in."
Kate whispered something encouraging to Max before letting go of her hand. Max nodded and headed for the door on the other side of the room.
"Hold up." Chloe reached out and grabbed Max's arm. She tried not to yank her back, using a light nudge to bring herself face-to-face with Max.
"What is it?" she asked.
Chloe's bottom lip flexed in and out between her teeth for a second. She glanced at Kate, then at the receptionist, who had already gone back to her typing.
Without giving herself a chance for regret, Chloe leaned in and planted a long kiss on Max's lips. Max shifted in place, but she yielded the kiss soon enough. Chloe didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around the girl's waist and hold her close.
It was only a few seconds long, but the kiss felt like it lasted for ages. When she pulled away, Chloe looked down at Max. They were both blushing like schoolgirls. It was so ridiculous.
"I mean it," she told Max. "You're going to be fine. Now go in there and be yourself."
Max nodded, but she was smiling this time. A real smile, like when she'd told Chloe about her crazy Lighthouse Corps plan. That made all the difference in the world.
Stepping back toward Kate, Chloe let go and watched as Max opened the next door and walked into the therapist's room. She kept still until the door closed behind Max, shutting off the pair of voices chatting away inside, and then felt her knees begin to wobble.
"Let's take a seat," said Kate, heading for one of the armchairs. "This is going to be a while."
Chloe nodded. Turning around, she went and took the chair next to Kate. Her whole body fell into a comfortable slump, with her legs sticking out over the floor. A perfect contrast to the prim little posture that Kate adopted; she even sat with her hands folded in her lap, like she was attending church.
A few minutes passed in silence. Chloe found herself counting the moments until Max came back, but she knew it wouldn't be that easy. Nothing in life was that simple. But talking to a shrink would still be miles ahead of Max's nightly terrors and fishing her out of a fountain at three in the morning.
It occurred to Chloe how strange it was that such thoughts didn't seem odd anymore. Ever since her early teens, the world had gotten bigger and weirder—and she'd rolled with it. Suddenly, blue hair and tattoos didn't sound like a bad idea after all. Neither did hanging out in a junkyard or helping her best friend solve a mystery with her time-rewind powers.
"You know," said Chloe, "if this works out, I might even consider an appointment myself."
"Really? I didn't think you believed in that stuff."
Dropping her elbows to her knees, Chloe looked down at the patch of carpet between her boots. The same dull shade of blue-gray that she'd seen in so many other offices and waiting rooms back in Arcadia Bay. It didn't matter if it was in the principal's office or her parents' living room. That dismal carpet color would always remind her of the life she left behind. Her longtime dream of freedom finally realized, even with her best friend right by her side.
Some dream that had turned out to be.
"I don't," she said. "Not really."
Kate scooted her chair closer. "Maybe you'd rather talk it out with a friend instead?"
"Yeah, but friends can't give me a prescription for mood-altering meds." Chloe fell silent. Then she smiled, feeling a tear welling up in the corner of her eye. "Not unless they happen to be scumbag drug dealers like Frank…"
"Chloe." Kate put her hand on the other girl's shoulder. "Do you want to talk or not? I'm here for you either way."
"Jesus, I'm sick of talking." Chloe leaned over, letting Kate slide her hand down to the small of her back. She closed her eyes as Kate began to offer a quiet, one-handed massage. "You know, when Max and me were little kids, we talked a lot, but we did more running around and getting into stupid shit. Pretending to be pirates and making up these grand adventures in our heads. You ever do that with your sisters?"
"Sure. Who doesn't?"
"I wouldn't know. I'm an only child, same as Max." Chloe shrugged. "Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, Max and I never really needed to talk things out. Usually, I'd say something stupid, but I… I'd own up to it eventually, and we'd be cool again."
Kate responded with a gentle pat on the back. "That's what make you such a great couple."
"It's different now." When she opened her eyes, Chloe felt something unlock inside her chest. Old, scratched memories flew around her head like Polaroids caught up in a whirlwind. "Max needs me, and I'm too messed up inside to help. It's last October all over again."
For once, Kate didn't answer right away. The silence that followed was a blessing for Chloe. Something she could luxuriate in. When she looked at the carpet again, the bitterness she'd felt from before wasn't as heavy in her heart.
Clearing her throat, Kate said, "Did you ever read The October Country?"
"You mean, like, Ray Bradbury?"
"That's the one." Kate withdrew her hand from Chloe's back and leaned forward so she could look her in the eye. "There's a story about this boy who loses his first true love when she drowns in a lake. Years later, he comes back to the lake with his wife, but there's this lifeguard who drags a body out from the water, and it's the body of his childhood friend, perfect and young again." Her gaze went soft, much like her voice. "He couldn't love his wife after that because he remembered how much he loved his childhood friend. Isn't that awful?"
Chloe snorted. "More like fucked up. I'm surprised a good Christian girl gets to read something so dark."
"Hey, give me some credit. My parents didn't completely shelter me when I chose to go to Blackwell."
"Do you…?" Chloe's hand traveled to the back of her head, rubbing at her neck. "Um, do you ever kinda wish they had, though? I mean, no offense, but you've been through some serious shit."
Kate sighed and leaned back into her chair. She looked down at her hands and folded them in her lap.
"Sometimes, I do," she whispered. "But then I would never have met such good friends."
"And those friends turned on you." Now Chloe felt the old heat rising from the bottom of her stomach. Whenever she thought about Rachel—or her father, for that matter—that vengeful fire was always ready to oblige. Time to kick ass and take names left and right. "Yeah, I sure as hell know what that's like."
When Kate glanced at Chloe, a tiny smile broke through the despair on her face. "And you know that Max is better than all of them put together."
Chloe blushed. She reached up and pushed a loose strand of hair back under her beanie. "Yeah, okay. You got me there." When she sat up and looked ahead at the door, her head pulled itself back together, bringing a few thoughts and memories back into focus—minus the emotional heat this time. "Hey, what were you trying to tell me with that Bradbury story a second ago?"
Kate shrugged. "When Max told me about what happened with Rachel disappearing, it reminded me a little of the story. You lost a friend, and you tried to fill the void with someone new. And it worked for a while. But then Max came back to Arcadia Bay."
"I… I still loved Rachel," Chloe whispered. "Enough to keep searching for her, at least. But I never imagined. I never knew she'd—"
In one timeline, she was dead; in another, she was alive and living her dreams in LA. Neither option appealed to Chloe. She shut her eyes against the sudden ache in her chest.
"Hey." Kate wrapped her arms around Chloe. "It's okay to miss her."
"I don't—"
"No, really. It's okay, Chloe." Kate held onto her, pressing her cheek against Chloe's with a gentle force. The feeling reminded her of having a cat rub itself around her legs. "You don't have to talk about it with me. We can just sit here, all right?"
Gasping for air, Chloe nodded. She let her head fall against Kate's shoulder and rested in the girl's embrace. Her eyes fell half-shut as she stopped trying to come up with excuses and retorts. That was Old Chloe talking, not the New Chloe she'd promised to Max when they'd left for Portland together. Old Chloe had only dreamt about kissing Max, but it was New Chloe who kissed her girlfriend back and meant it.
Eyeing Kate from the side, she thought, This girlfriend isn't too bad either.
