I DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST!

Author's Note: Sorry that its kindof a crummy chapter and for the delay but we had to go my uncle's funeral, so sorry. Thank you so much Simonisthecutestmentalist and jisbon-sessed for reviewing!


`Is Julian in trouble?` I'd asked the principal immediately, a tall balding man named Karl Lenning. I remember it because it was almost like the game Lemmings.

`No, of course not,` he'd laughed heart-hearedly, `Julian Lisbon in trouble? That's laughable, no on the contrary his behavior is excellent.`

`Then what?` I'd pressed, `is he being bullied?`

`Well yeah... but that's not really the point. Ms Lisbon, Julian is brilliant. As you probably have realized his intelligence surpasses that of normal children his age. We recommend he be transfered to a school for gifted children.`

`Really?` I'd muttered in amazement, I was amazed that I could have such a smart kid... I really am proud of you, you know that right?

`Yes and I've checked and he can gain a scholership due to your... average income and that he has no fathe-`

`He has a father,` I'd interrupted surprising myself.

`What?`

`Just because Patrick Jane is dead does not mean he is not Julian's father,` I'd told him stubbornly, I know weird right? I thought the same.

`Err... okay but he should still classify for the scholorship. With a mind like his he can go far,` the principal had continued.

`That's great I had no idea there was a school like that in Sacramento.`

`Err... there isn't. He'd have to live at the school, out of Sacramento, out of California even.`

`What?`

`The school's in Colorado.`

`Colorado?`

`Look Ms Lisbon, I know its hard for parents to seperate from their children particulary at such a young age but... isn't it in the best interests for the future? At least think about it.`

And I had. I had thought long and hard about it and convinced myself it was best for you. You know I had it tough growing up and even before that my Dad didn't have the most well-paid job in the world and after he quit working we really were poor as hell and whatever money we did have he spent most on booze. Even now the CBI doesn't pay that well... I convinced myself it was better for your future to send you away. I swear Julian, I thought it was for the best I had no idea what was going to happen..."

My voice trails off again and I take a deep guilty breath before running my free fingers through his hair. He still lies as motionless as ever, his ringed eyes firmly closed.

"I guess I deserve this don't I? I want you to be here so bad when all I've ever done is send you away and abandon you. I'm sorry Julian, I really did believe it was the best... The team knew better though. Cho's reaction was the mildest and even then he gaped at me looking aghast before asking me if I was insane, but he found out sepearately the day after I told Van Pelt. Van Pelt had the worst reaction, she was... she was pissed.

`You can't do this! How can you do this to Julian? Why are you determined to hurt him?`she's practically screamed at me.

`It's for the best Van Pelt,` I'd told her cooly.

`NO! It's what's best for you, you don't want to deal with him so you ditch him. You come back, change your mind then instead of ditching him you send him away, all by himself. He's not even six yet!`

`Van Pelt he's my son,` I'd snapped feeling angry myself at this point, `it's none of your buissness.`

`None of my buissness? Who gave him a home, a bed, a room, toys, food, drink, who loved him when his own mother didn't want him? I DID!` she'd shrieked hysterically and I was so glad to have told her at her house instead of in the bullpen.

`You're not his mother! And you never will be,` I'd spat at her coldly.

I really sound like a bitch don't I? Thinking back... I was awful, in my defence I was hurting. Life just... sucked but it still doesn't make things right, does it? I really need to apologize to her now.

Anyway... I started to walk away and a lamp sort of flew past my ear smashing into pieces on the wall. I'd turned back ready to fight but Rigsby had prevented it by stepping in between us.

`Come on stop this, let's talk like reasonable adults,` that's what he'd said.

`How can you side with her?` Van Pelt had screamed at him.

`I'm not on her side, I'm just saying fighting doesn't solve anything.`

`Since when?`

I'd taken the oppurtunity to quietly slip away. Unfortunately Van Pelt's accusations had only made me more determined to send you away. How could I have thought that? I'm sorry Julian, I know it sounds repetitive but I mean it, I truly am... You were devestated when I told you.

`You're sending me away?` you'd said looking at me broken hearted.

`It's for the best Julian, you are so clever you get to go to this amazing school. Way better than this school,` I remember telling you sounding unbelievably chipper if I'm honest.

`But...`

`Don't you want me to be proud of you?` I'd interrupted and I guess that is what had shut you up.

`Yes,` you'd said so quietly.

`Then go to this school and do me proud, okay?`

`Okay,` you'd agreed looking defeated... I just ignored that, thinking you'd thank me later. Do you thank me Julian? I'm sure you don't.

I think I'd said something lame about still being able to visit at Christmas and stuff, you hadn't seemed convinced but I'd told myself harshly that you were just a child. You didn't know what you wanted and I did, I was your mother and I knew best. Looking back... you knew what you wanted all along. You just wanted your Mom.

I was sort of hated in work after that though, by my team anyway. Van Pelt could scarcely stand being in the same room as me, Cho was civil as ever but his deadpan expression hid dissapointment. Rigsby was somewhere in the middle as was Hightower, Marla glared at me but never said a word.

You couldn't start till September but we did visit the place, you were not surprisingly unenthusiastic... Then the time came and I dropped you off, as cheerful as you were miserable. I was kind of being overexcited to try get you happier but well, I guess it just made me seem even more evil.