Thank you for the reviews. I always look forward to seeing how each chapter is received and what you think is going to happen/ideas for what you want to happen. I will fully admit that sometimes it does influence future chapters, especially if I see that the character isn't coming across as I mean for them to. That said, the extra reviews for this past chapter spurred me to get another chapter done a little faster, so enjoy.
Ch 9
Lucas wiped the sleep from his eyes as he slowly made his way into the kitchen. He was having trouble moving one foot in front of the other and was dreading even a short run. He couldn't believe he'd even made it out of bed when the alarm went off so soon after he fell asleep. How had he let himself be talked into this?
He knew he was going to have to talk to Nathan, his mother and Haley had both made it painfully clear that he really didn't have much of a choice, and while he understood their reasons, it wouldn't make the conversation any easier on him.
He looked up to find that Nathan was already in the room with his running clothes on, and he was both nervous and relieved to see that he was alone, drinking a glass of juice and selecting an apple off the counter. He searched his mind for something to say to break the silence, "How do you do this every day? It's still dark out there."
Nathan was startled by the sound, almost spilling his drink in surprise. He looked up to see his brother and then turned back to the bowl of fruit, dismissing his presence, "I guess I'm just used to it."
Nathan hadn't looked at the blonde for long, but it was enough to notice that he looked like he'd never even made it to bed. His shirt was wrinkled, his hair was a mess, and his eyes were bloodshot. He'd probably been out partying. Despite all that, he was there and although he didn't want to, he was a little impressed that the boy had kept his promise despite his obvious exhaustion and probable hangover.
Lucas walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a Gatorade before chugging a good portion of it. He set it on the island and ventured again, "I am definitely not a morning person."
Nathan grunted in response. He was a little annoyed that his brother was finally making an effort at conversation after all this time, but figured it wouldn't kill him to maintain civility if the older boy was willing to try, "When I was little, my mom woke me up early every day to drop me at the sitter's before work. It became a habit."
"Well I'm pretty sure I got less than 3 hours of sleep so if I pass out during the run, you'll know why," Lucas told him, stretching his arms over his head and then down to his feet. His vague attempts at conversation so far had been rebuffed and he decided to just bring up the topic he'd wanted to discuss, "I...uh... heard you might not be coming back after your visit..."
Nathan frowned. Lucas hadn't been as hostile since their little encounter with Alex a couple nights earlier, but he hadn't been exactly friendly either. In fact, this was the closest the two of them had come to having a real conversation and Nathan was disappointed to realize it was prompted by his decision to leave. It clearly wasn't as hard for Lucas to be nice when he was getting what he wanted.
He turned his back to the other boy, hoping that would be the end to the exchange. Dan should be down any minute and they would get their run in before making the long drive to Blacksburg, Virginia. If he was lucky, which admittedly was rare, he'd never have to talk with the guy in front of him again. He figured he should probably feel some guilt over feeling that way, but while he'd had some doubts about leaving, Lucas didn't play into any of them. In fact, he was probably the biggest reason to leave.
"So is that true?"
Nathan shoulders slumped as the other boy persisted. He turned to face his brother, "It's better for everyone. Don't pretend it doesn't make your day. None of you want me here."
"I know I haven't exactly been welcoming," Lucas said, narrowing his eyes as his brother scoffed, almost choking on his juice at the understatement.
"Okay, I've been a total jerk," he continued. He could see that Nathan wasn't going to make this easy on him and while he knew he probably deserved it, he couldn't help but be irritated. He considered backing out, It wasn't like he wanted to be saying any of this, but he'd promised and he wasn't going to quit this quickly. His word still meant something to him.
"I'm not sure where you got the idea you aren't wanted. It's been made clear to me that's not true and that if you leave, I'm going to get blamed for it," he sat down on one of the chairs, gathering his thoughts together as Nathan leaned against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest in defiance.
"Look, it was a good thing you did, being there for Haley. I should have been looking out for her, but I wasn't. If something had happened to her, I never would have forgiven myself," he placed his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. "I've been preoccupied, first with Peyton and then with you. I was too caught up to even realize that she might need someone after her break-up or that the guy would consider doing something like that. I took our friendship for granted and I let her down."
"You're damn right you did. That guy was a dick and he treated her like dirt. He deserved everything he got the other night and then some..." Nathan's desire to just passively listen was blown to hell and his fists automatically clenched at the thought of what the punk had told her. "If you knew the things he said..."
"She gave me a brief overview last night," Lucas replied, feeling the same anger he could see on the dark haired boy's face. "I wish she'd felt she could tell me earlier." He paused, watching as Nathan fought to control his temper and bring back the I don't care attitude he'd had a minute ago. "You know, she believes we could get along if I were willing to give it a chance."
"Really?" Nathan asked, raising an eyebrow. "Because I'm sorry, but I'm not seeing it."
"Actually, she said friends, but I toned it back," Lucas chuckled, "I think she was getting a little too optimistic."
Both boys smiled at the brief attempt at levity and some of the tension finally dissolved, "thanks for trying, but I think it would be a lot easier on everyone if I just got out of here. "
Lucas nodded in understanding. He knew as hard as it was for him to apologize, it had to be at least as difficult for Nathan to accept it and even more to trust he meant it. "I told her you'd probably say that, but I promised to give it a shot. There's something about that girl that makes me not want to disappoint her and I've already done it too much lately. Enough for a lifetime"
Nathan could see the older boy's struggle and knew she really be important for him to open himself up to what he knew would be an awkward, possibly hostile situation. She was the kind of friend you didn't want to let down because you knew she'd never do it to you. "She's a good friend."
"She called me last night and she was pretty upset," Lucas fiddled with the lid on his drink, "It's kind of funny, you know? She's talked to me, she's yelled at me, she's even hit me over the last few weeks, but I just ignored it all. I was so sure I was right and so angry that I couldn't listen. But when I got there last night and she was in tears? Let me tell you, I'm not sure I've ever felt so low in my life. I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen her cry and to see her that way because of me? Because of my actions? It reached me in a way I'm not sure anything else could."
Nathan knew what he meant. He'd seen a few of her stray tears leak at the party and it had felt like a punch in his gut. He didn't remember any other girl's tears affecting him so deeply, except maybe his mother's. "I wanted to kill that Alex bastard for touching her. She deserves better, from everyone."
Lucas agreed, having already admitted his culpability, "So it's probably none of my business, but are you two? Um...you know...?"
"NO," Nathan protested, "I mean, I really like her. She's really easy to talk to and no matter what it is, she always seems to understand. But we're just friends."
Lucas wasn't sure he believed the answer he'd received. He of all people knew how seriously Haley took her friendships, but her reaction to Nathan's possible departure had seemed more desperate than it would be for a new friend. Still, as much as he was curious, he knew it wasn't what he should focus on at the moment. "I've known her since we were 8 and she's always been that way. My mom says she has an old soul. It's gotten her burned a few times, but it's also earned her some pretty loyal friends."
"I can understand why,." Nathan said as he looked down at his watch, surprised that Dan was running late and getting impatient. He wanted to get on the road as soon as possible and the conversation had become more serious than he'd ever intended. He had come to terms with what was never going to be possible here and Lucas finally treating him like a human, even opening up to him a little, was threatening to make him question his decision. He didn't want to think it through anymore. It felt like that's all he'd done his whole life was adapt to change and try to make the best of it. He was sick of feeling off-balance all the time and he wanted the comfort of home where he at least he had some stability.
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry," Lucas added, seeing that Nathan was starting to soften slightly. "I know it's way too little, too late, but I shouldn't have been suck a jackass. I don't know that we could have ever been friends, there's probably too much in the way, but we didn't have to be enemies either."
Nathan turned away, his mind swirling with doubts. Was it really too late or could he continue here and salvage this opportunity? He knew, even if Lucas was serious about trying, that this wouldn't be the end of their issues. Was he willing to stay and do as his mom asked despite all the problems? Could he really bring himself to open up and get to know his father? Did he really believe this was where he should be? Could he continue to live in the same house with someone who at best didn't want him there and at worst wished he'd never existed? His head was starting to hurt as the questions resumed their march on his mind.
"Is Dan coming down or what?" he asked, starting to pace the room. He wasn't used to questioning his decisions. Once he made up his mind, he stuck to it. Just like on the court, he believed there was no time to second guess himself. This time, he could feel himself waffling and his unusual indecisiveness made him angry. "We need to get going."
"I asked him if I could talk to you alone first. He'll be down soon," Lucas admitted.
Nathan turned in frustration and flung the door open, "I'm not waiting any longer. If you want to run with me, come now or you'll have to catch up."
Nathan looked back after the first block to see that Lucas had decided to come with him afterall and slowed his pace slightly to let the blonde come alongside him. He wasn't in the mood to continue their conversation, but he wasn't going to leave the boy trailing behind either. The boys ran side by side for about a mile before Nathan realized his brother was starting to tire.
"You're tired already?" he remarked as they stopped and waited to cross the intersection. "I would have thought your coach would have taken care of that."
Lucas glared at him, "I was in great shape during the season, but we haven't practiced in 3 months and I've not kept up with it. I'll get it back before the season starts."
"It's a lot easier on your body if you just maintain it," Nathan offered, "it makes those first couple of weeks of practice a hell of a lot easier too."
"So I've been told," Lucas grumbled as the they crossed and continued, but at a slightly slower pace than Nathan had set before. Lucas wasn't sure if he should be grateful for that, or mad that the boy felt the need to take pity on him.
Nathan went back to thinking about the situation he was in. There were more reasons for him to go home than there were to stay, but those were pretty strong ones and the more he thought about it, the more he was sure his mother would be upset with him for giving up so quickly. So would Haley. He wondered when it was that her opinion became something he cared about and couldn't find a specific moment. Had they really only known each other for a few weeks?
He started to make a list. He was sure that his mother and Haley would both want him to stay, Dan too probably. Lucas, despite his speech a little while earlier, would surely be happiest if he could see the back of him. Quentin and his family would be happy to have him home, but disappointed that he had quit so easily and he knew that Patrick would feel the same way. Keith hadn't been around a lot, but when they'd spoken he'd liked his laid back uncle and felt he'd just want Nathan to do whatever made him happy. That left Karen as the wild card. He'd been surprised at how welcoming she'd been when he arrived and found her the easiest by far of the people in the house to get along with, but after what he'd overheard her say, he was forced to rethink his position and wonder if had all been an act. He could only imagine how hard this was on her, but to wish he'd never been born was pretty harsh. Even if he changed his mind and stayed, he knew that would echo in his ears and wasn't sure he'd ever be able to forget it, or to trust her again.
He suddenly noticed that while he was deep in his own mind, Lucas had started to fall behind and he paused, allowing the older boy to catch up.
Lucas bent over, tying to suck in enough air to stop the burning in his lungs. "I need to stop," he gasped. He'd been determined to make it the entire way, but even after he slowed Nathan's pace was faster than he was in shape for and at about the 3 mile mark he'd realized there was no way he was going to make it all the way home without a break.
"Dan usually cuts home through there," Nathan pointed to a side street that would cut about a half mile off the overall distance. "I want to finish so I'll see you back at the house."
Lucas stood and placed his hands behind his head, trying to expand his airways. He knew he'd neglected this part of his training since the season ended but he vowed to do better. There was no way he was going to let himself be embarrassed like this again, whether Nathan left or not.
Nathan was rounding the corner of the house when he felt his body jolt at unexpected contact.
"I'm sorry..."
"Oh," Haley said as they collided, his muscular body almost knocking her smaller one to the ground in his haste. He reached for her and stopped her from falling, then helped her regain her balance before letting her go. "I was hoping to catch you before you left. I guess you caught me instead," she laughed awkwardly. "We have to stop meeting this way. I mean, you're leaving so of course we won't be running into each other again, but I just thought ..."
Nathan smiled at her embarrassment, "It's okay. I know what you meant."
"Yeah," she shook her head at herself, not sure why she was suddenly nervous. They'd gotten to be friends, and they'd talked about some fairly intimate things, and yet she was back to feeling tongue-tied. She took a deep breath and tried to calm her nerves, "I wanted to tell you goodbye and to bring you this. You left it the other night when you were at my house."
Nathan looked at the sweatshirt she held in her hands, his last name and number 23 emblazoned on the back. He'd been so proud of it when he got it and yet he'd been so discomfited after meeting her mother he'd left without it and not even realized it was gone. "Thanks. I uh...I'm going to need it when I get back to school in a couple months."
"Yeah," Haley agreed, staring at her toes as she rolled a loose stone over the step with her shoe. She had to take her eyes off his sweaty, muscular body defined by the sleeveless t-shirt and the shorts riding low on his hips. She couldn't let herself be distracted if she was going to tell him what she'd come here to say. She looked back up and straight into his eyes, "I hope you get everything you want Nathan, including your mom healthy and back home. You deserve to have some things turn your way for a change."
Nathan watched as she fidgeted and felt the need to say something to try and alleviate the sudden tension between them, but didn't know what. "Thanks," he finally settled for. "That means a lot."
She nodded, worrying her lip between her teeth. "I'm going to miss you. I know it doesn't make sense because I haven't known you that long, but it feels like it has been a lot longer. I've enjoyed having you here."
"Dammit," he muttered, his resolve now completely gone. How did she manage to do that to him? He had been so sure he was making the right choice and now, looking into her watery brown eyes, he was almost sure it was the wrong one. Luke was right, she was damn hard to willingly disappoint, "I haven't decided for sure what I'm going to do."
"But I thought you said..."
"I know," he said with a sigh, taking a few steps to the side and sitting on a bench. "I'm just wondering if it's a mistake... If I'll look back in a few years and wish I'd have at least given it a real chance here... If I missed out on something that could have been worthwhile. Maybe it won't and I'll end up leaving in another couple weeks, but if I don't try. I'll never know."
"So Lucas convinced you to stay? He claimed he wouldn't be able to, but I had faith that he could. He's quite persuasive when he wants to be..." she smiled.
"Actually," Nathan stopped her ramble. "He didn't. You did."
Haley tilted her head to the side in confusion. "What did I do?"
Nathan patted the seat next to him and she joined him. "When you told me you'd miss me, I realized I'm going to feel the same way about you."
"So you're going to stay because of me?" Haley asked in shock. "Wow," she whispered, "Um, I'm not sure that's..."
"No," Nathan grinned at her reaction, "you being here is just a bonus. I realized though, that I gave you a chance and you have very quickly become someone who matters to me."
Haley blushed at the compliment and tucked her hair behind her ear, "Well thanks, but I still don't understand..."
"I guess I figure, maybe if I give some of the other people a chance, they'll show me they're worth missing too."
"So we're about to pass right between UNC and Duke," Dan said, breaking the silence that had pervaded the car for the first couple of hours.
"It's nice," Nathan said, pulling his headphones from his ears. "Haley wants to go to Duke."
Dan nodded, glad that the boy was finally talking. Although he found it interesting that when he did it would be about his brother's best friend. He decided to store that information away to think about later, "Lucas wants to go to UNC, where I went."
"Where you met my mom," Nathan added, still looking out the window.
"Yeah," Dan said with a sigh. He knew they needed to talk about everything that had happened, he wasn't really even sure how much Nathan knew, but he didn't enjoy looking back on that time of his life. He'd made a lot of bad choices, mistakes that they were all still dealing with the fallout from. "She was beautiful."
"She still is," Nathan whispered, turning back to look at his father. "Why did you do it? How could you date her, lead her on when you had someone, an already pregnant girlfriend at home?" he paused, shaking his head. "I think that's the thing I have the most trouble with. It wasn't a one night stand. My mom said you were together for a couple of months and you never told her the truth. You lied to her right from the start."
Dan paused as he watched the road, it was starting to rain and he used the extra attention he needed to drive as an excuse to not respond right away. "Karen and I had been the perfect high school couple, the captain of the basketball team and the head cheerleader. I had a basketball scholarship to my dream school and she was going to come with me. I had everything planned out perfectly. We went to prom and were crowned king and queen and then after, I had a romantic evening set up for us. A fairytale couldn't have done any better, until she told me she was pregnant."
He could still remember everything about that night, the sounds, the smells, how beautiful Karen had looked and how terrified he'd been when she told him the truth. "I threw up. Right there. I wasn't ready to be a father, I was just enjoying the excitement of getting away from my own. And at that moment, I resented her. I was on top of the world and she was dragging me back to Earth. I couldn't let that happen, so I broke up with her."
"Even though she was pregnant?" Nathan asked in disbelief. "You're an even bigger jackass than I thought."
"I'm not defending what I did," Dan told him, wincing at the harsh condemnation in his son's words. "I was wrong and I think I knew it even then, but I wouldn't back down. I was going to follow my dream and no one was going to stop me. I avoided her as much as possible for the next few weeks and then I left early for college. I tried to forget her and put her behind me and then at Freshman orientation, I met your mom. She was sweet and gorgeous and I asked her out. Before I knew it, we were spending every spare moment together and I started to fall for her. I knew it was wrong that I didn't tell her. Even if I had no intention of going back to Tree Hill, she deserved to know I would soon be a father. I couldn't bring myself to do it though. Probably because I knew she would end it. Eventually we started being...together and then one night, she told me she loved me. The next morning I woke up full of guilt, but even that wasn't enough for me to fix things. I didn't want to tell her the truth, but I felt too guilty to be with her, so I started making excuses about being busy. Basketball had started so it wasn't too hard to believe. A week or so later, I got a call from Keith that Karen had collapsed and been rushed to the hospital. There were some complications with the pregnancy and she'd been put on bed rest. I panicked at the news and finally realized what I had to do, what I should have done from the beginning. I went home and patched things up with Karen and then I came back to school to finish the semester. We weren't sure what we would do about the next one with her due in January and the season less than half over, but I figured she could come live with me. I thought I had it all planned out again and I finally felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest. Deb called me and said we needed to talk so I agreed and went to her dorm to tell her the news. I knew it would hurt her, she thought she loved me after all, but I had no idea how much more there was to it. She let me go first and I told her what I'm telling you. When I was done, she was crying, but she told me that she wanted me to be happy and that it was for the best since she was planning on breaking up with me anyway. I was so relieved that things were finally coming together for me again that I never once suspected that what she actually planned to tell me was that she was pregnant too."
Dan looked over at his son who was back to staring out the window. "I made a lot of mistakes Nathan and I honestly don't know what I would have done if I'd known about you, but I can tell you this. It would not have taken 17 years for us to meet. I would have found a way to at least be a part of your life."
Nathan nodded in acceptance but didn't say anything. He'd heard his mom's version of the story a few weeks ago and while Dan's actions still disgusted him, he had also admitted his mistakes and apologized. He needed time to think things through and wished he could get out right then and go for a run. He always did his best thinking while he was doing something physical that didn't require much thought. It was as though his mind could focus better when his body occupied with the mundane. He put his headphones back on. He wasn't sure how he should react to the story he'd just been told, but he did know he wasn't ready to talk or listen anymore until he could sort it out.
"So Kentucky?" Dan asked after they stopped for a quick snack and some gas. "Why did you pick there? You aren't even a senior yet. Why not keep your options open when you could probably go just about anywhere?"
"My best friend Quentin and I grew up Kentucky fans. That's where his father went and we always talked about following in his footsteps. He took us for our first visit to the campus to watch a game when we were 10 and we made the pact that that's what we were going to do, what we worked for," Nathan explained, glad to be talking about something else. "Now we both have scholarship offers and a chance to make it come true."
"But you could go someplace closer to home, either your mom's or mine. I could talk to someone at Carolina if you want. You know Kentucky's program hasn't been as good the last few years and it's a long way away..."
"We're going to bring it back," Nathan told him. "James Fields is the closest I've had to a father. He spent more time with me than most fathers do with their sons. He taught me to play the game, how to treat people, he helped me with my homework when my mom couldn't. Q and I...we're going to do everything we can to make him proud and that includes helping to revive their program, hopefully bring them another championship."
"I wish I could have been there to do those things with you, but I wasn't given that chance. You have me now though and if you want to get into the NBA, you know that the school you go to has to put you in the best positions for the scouts," Dan told him. "I'm sure if he cares about you that much he would understand if you changed your mind, especially if..."
"He died."
Dan looked over at him in surprise, his mouth gaping open at the revelation. He didn't know what to say that wouldn't make him sound even worse than he probably did. How did he even respond to that?
"He was killed two days before my 13th birthday. Someone fell asleep at the wheel and crashed into him on his way home from work." Nathan turned his cd player back on and prepared to put the headphones over his ears, "He was a great man and I miss him every day. It's not about whether he would understand or be proud, because I know he would. He always was. It's about honoring his memory."
"I'm sorry, I didn't know..." Dan was angry with himself. He shouldn't have pushed Nathan, especially when their relationship was still so new and precarious. He'd wanted to make sure the boy was making the right decision. Admittedly it galled him to hear another man being talked about as his father and he'd wanted to put himself in that place. Instead, he'd pushed him even further away. "I'm glad you had someone like him."
"Yeah," Nathan responded, reclining his seat a little. He was done talking. He'd been willing to try, but he'd been right when he'd told Haley he wasn't ready. It was just too hard, "I didn't get much sleep last night so I'm going to take a nap. Wake me up when we get there."
