Hey everyone! I went to the doctor on Wednesday, and got this cold checked out. I had an x-ray done, and we're waiting for the results now. They (the doctor, and my mom.) think it's either bronchitis, or walking pneumonia. Either way I WILL TURN INTO A ZOMBIE! BLEGH!
Okay…
It seems that we're focusing less on the board games… eh, whichever works. Now, grab a drink, and prepare to spit it out laughing… hopefully. Me, I'm just going to munch on some apple honey crisp pie. Mmm…pie. (Don't own Simpsons.)
Disclaimer: I Don't Own Bleach.
Once again, the brave Espada, champions of the arrancars, were locked in mortal combat. After Aizen backstabbed Halibel in the first round, the rest of the Espada quickly mobilized to fight off the ex-Shinigami captain. Of course, without Stark, or Barragan, it was just that more difficult to survive, let alone launch a counter attack.
"The murder victim was Orihime-San, the weapon was a Cero, and the culprit was Ulquiorra." Aizen said, calmly reading off his duductions.
"ULQUIORRA SCHIFFER HOW COULD YOU!?" Orihime yelled as she slapped her fiancé across the face. Everyone else sweat dropped as they watched her beat up the attempting-to-crawl-away Ulquiorra. Grimmjow was more than a little amused.
All the males in the audience (Aizen included) winced as she landed multiple hits to Ulquiorra's crotch.
Orihime then blinked, and burst out crying as she hugged Ulquiorra, sobbing hysterically.
"Ulqui-Chan? WHO DID THIS TO YOU?!" She yelled to the ceiling.
From her carrying Ulquiorra I-Wouldn't-Show-Emotion-If You-Shot-Me Schiffer's child, you'd think Orihime would be calmer. Instead, it seems that all of his repressed emotions had been transferred to his wife-to be. The mood swings were not easy on anyone. In the two weeks that she had been noticibly pregnant, Orihime had woken up Stark in the middle of the night, made Barragan confess his jealousy of youth, caused Halibel and Nnoitra to fight and break up three times and counting, and taken away Grimmjow's catnip pillow. She had also crashed three Espada meetings, broke down the door to Szayel's lab in search of red bean paste, and started talking to Wonderweisse. The worst of it all, however was directed at Ulquiorra.
Orihime had accused Ulquiorra of not loving her, not wanting the baby, hating her friends (partially true), ignoring her, checking out other women (was it his fault that there was NO decency in Las Noches WHATSOEVER?) and causing weird noises in his sleep.
There were bags underneath those green ice eyes.
After Clue, Orihime decided to walk off, hoping to alleviate some frustration. Ggio and the rest of the fraccion who had been listening in quickly backed away from the door and ran for cover. Orihime walked out of the huge stone doors, saw them, and happily waved.
All of the fraccion collapsed in relief once she left.
Much later in the evening, Nnoitra was walking down the halls, lanky arms swaying, eyes darting lecherously over the female arrancars who were walking about. He and Halibel were off again, and, perhaps this time for good. So, he thought, why not look around a bit, feel the fruit, literally and figuratively. His eyes widened, and he ducked behind a corner as he spied Halibel and Orihime, surrounded by various female arrancar that he had been looking at that day, including her fraccion.
He knew this couldn't end well. He stalked back up the hall and flipped out his cell. He called up all the male Espada. They needed to talk about this.
"WHAT COULD THEY BE PLANNING?" Grimmjow yelled, slamming his fist on to the stone he was sitting on.
They had met in Zommari's room, which was really the only stronghold against Orihime left.
"Grimmjow calm down. There isn't much they can do to you, they already took your secret snuggle pillow." Ulquiorra said. Everyone else but the two laughed.
"Yeah, yeah shut up all of you. What's important is what they're planning." Grimmjow said, dejectedly.
"I overheard them." Aaroniero's high voice said.
"They were talking about a dentist involvement." The lower one said.
"A what?" Ulquiorra said, not understanding what a dentist had to do with this.
"We couldn't hear them properly." Both pitches said at the same time.
"Well, that aside, I have developed a cure to Orihime's mood swings." Szayel said.
"Your concoctions usually involve acidic burning. I won't allow you to hurt her." Ulquiorra said, but, he was still pondering over what Aaroniero had said.
"It's actually quite safe, it's a plant they use for mood swings in the human world, its called St. John's Wort. Szayel continued before Ulquiorra raised a hand to silence him.
"The closest thing that makes sense to dentist's involvement…" He said, connecting the dots. The others quickly caught on.
"…IS A FEMINIST MOVEMENT!" They all cried, fearing for their lives.
As they left Zommari's room, the men were startled to see irate females glaring at them. Their glares put Ulquiorra to shame, and they all jumped forwards, zanpakuto drawn shouting:
"DEATH TO THE LECHEROUS PIGS!"
As Aizen sat down in the big stone chair, mug of tea in hand, looking towards the Espada, he was disrupted from his dramatic "evil guy monolog" by the sound of the huge doors being pushed open.
"Sorry I'm late." Orihime said, pulling up a red stool to the table.
Aizen sighed and continued the meeting.
Yes, Orihime's mood swings would forever change Hueco Mundo. Nothing would top the Hueco Mundo Feminist Movement though…
"FREE CATNIP COOKIES FOR ALL!" Orihime screamed, throwing the cookies out with Grimmjow beside her, dishing out fish flavor sauce.
This was a sufficiently crackier chapter. Ah, that pie was good… Thanks to everyone who read it. Was it too cracky? Should Nnoitra get back together with Halibel, or will she find someone else. I was thinking Stark... Tell me in a review! Also, sorry about not focusing on Clue, I just couldn't think up many ideas that I deemed worthy…. R&R
-Twilight Symphony.
