Disclaimer: If I owned Gundum Wing, do you really think Duo would have wound up with Hilde? sigh At least there are original characters. Take that Hilde!
I'm No Angel
Chapter 9
I just want to feel safe in my own skin, I just want to be happy again.
I just want to feel deep in my own world.
But I'm so lonely I don't want to be with myself anymore... - Dido
When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. When the girl of your dreams shoves you to the floor after sharing a kiss, stare open-mouthed at her. At least, that's what Duo did.
"What the hell?"
"I've done everything," she said, silencing his retort with the quietness of her voice and the trembling of her balled up fists.
"I've tried every sport, joined every club, attended every class, and made a diverse collection of friends. I've forgotten nearly every conversation, destroyed every former record, and nearly repressed every plea or scream..." Her voice trailed off but when she collected herself, her eyes bore an intensity that frightened him.
"I've done everything to gain some sense of normalcy and have had a healthy balance of covert and unguarded activity. And I'll be damned if I let you muck it all up." Abruptly, she turned on her heel and started for the door.
"Angie...."
She stopped and said over her shoulder, "My name is Angela Dawson. We do this thing and it's over. I graduate and get on with my bloody life...or at least what's left with it."
"What are we looking at, Torin?"
"Well, the virus was a tricky bugger, but in the end, me and Miki-"
"Miki and I," Illyana corrected.
"-were able to flush it out of the system," he finished, ignoring Illyana.
"I think the thing to do would be to track them and find out where they are before they attack another colony, looking for us," said Quatre.
Everyone agreed and as they seated themselves at the long rectangular table somewhere beneath the school, Duo glanced furtively at Angel, hoping she'd at least look at him. She didn't.
Although everyone's attention was directed to Illyana and Gunthur, Angel's aloofness did not go unnoticed by the perfect soldier or her former partner. Kurt's initial response was to glare at the braided American, assuming he had upset her. He calmed down, however, when he realized she was ignoring him. 'Good.'
When Zechs was able to join them, topic tuned to strategy and he and his former foes were soon in conversation. When they had decided that they would take the gundums to find BioGyn's base of operations to shut it down (with minimal casualties). Angel and Kurt did not speak though Heero and Trowa both noticed the glances they sent each other. 'Perhaps they can communicate without words,' Trowa thought. It was plausible since he and Quatre sometimes did it. If best friends could converse silently then certainly people who had grown up and trained together could too.
When the plan was set, all that was left to do was to prep the equipment...and say goodbye.
"I don't believe you."
"Why not?"
"Because. You're Angel. Not a...a...murderer."
"Is that what you think I am?"
"No because I don't believe you."
Angel sighed. She knew this would be hard and she felt a little guilty. Elisabeth was so trusting and kind...but that was why she chose her when she first came here. Beth was one of the most liked people at the school, which made a reflection on Angel and had kept any possible suspicion away. Beth had been the perfect front. And the perfect friend. Which was why it was so hard to tell her that her best friend of four years was a liar and a killer.
"Beth, I'm telling the truth. Kurt and I came here as students but that was all a cover. We were supposed to establish a presence and work from here. That's why we were absent all of those times and why we could never get together at night, on weekends, during the summer; it was all a lie."
By now Elisabeth was shaking her head and looking out at the rest of the quad. It was empty and the only sound besides them was the fountain in the center. She tried to concentrate on that but the things Angel said...they just made sense.
"You were so nice to me." It was a statement but it held a question. If this was all true, did Angel pretend to befriend her to get something from her?
"I genuinely liked you, Beth. I came here to infiltrate the nearby Oz facilities. I lied, charmed, and busted my way into that organization. For a long time I had problems with leaving my identities behind and forgetting...the things...what I had done...but this was real. Our friendship was real."
Beth nodded compliantly. Suddenly a thought came to her and before she could stop herself she blurted out: "Would you have killed me?"
'Now is not the time to lie,' Angel thought.
"Yes."
"Why?" Elisabeth was close to tears. Her best friend's betrayal she could forgive but her unhesitating admittance to hypothetical murder was too much.
"If it was my mission, I would carry it out. It's what I do."
"Do? You still kill people?"
"I'm a Preventer now."
"Do you kill people."
"Yes, if I'm ordered to." She didn't even flinched.
"How could you? How could you fight and take another person's life just because you're told to? How could you-"
"Because I have to!" she shouted, abruptly standing. She hadn't meant to raise her voice but the questions Beth asked were the same she would ask herself before and after she'd bloody her hands with one life after another.
"I have fought to gain peace. And I'll kill anyone who threatens that peace. So many people have died Beth. So many far better then me." She sounded so defeated that Elisabeth's anger began to subside and pity took it's place. She didn't want to kill. So why did she?
"It's all I have, Beth," she answered, as if she had read her mind.
"What do you mean? You have this colony that your father helped create. You have a cousin on your mother's side who sought you out after the war. You have a foster mother who-"
"Who trained me to be a killer."
Elisabeth couldn't help but gasp. Illyana was her favorite staff member and someone she had always looked up to. Yet if she had drawn Angel into this...
"What?"
"I don't blame her. When my mother died, my father had nothing left to live for. Not even me. Illyana was their friend and a constant presence in my life. When she took me in, I learned that she lived through espionage. She had intended to give that all up when she got me and have me enrolled here. She saw that I was...gifted. She tried to hide me from an organization she was affiliated with that was searching for a certain kind of talent. But once they realized my potential, somehow I fell out of her hands and into theirs.
"It was nothing but tests at first, then exercises to test me physically. When they were satisfied, I met my future partner. Kurt was an orphan as well, half colony and half earth like me, and completely wild. They decided that together we could do covert operations. Just like the other gundum pilots we were to destroy Oz. Only we did it from the inside with my ingenuity and his...belligerence. We gathered the information that made Operation Meteor possible. Then we got rid of everything. Records, aliases, supplies, witnesses...they all had to go."
Taking a deep breath, she waited for Beth to speak.
"So you stole information and killed people. I got that. So now what? You go after those people who showed up at the dance? Kill them and come back?"
"We're trying to keep the casualties low, Elisabeth. We don't enjoy killing."
Elisabeth was about to say something but the look in Angel's eye and the way she had said her name brooked no argument.
Nodding once more, she stood and walked over to her best friend. Then she hugged her. Angel had stiffened at first but eventually relaxed into her embrace and even returned it.
"Come back to us, Red."
The two young women looked up in surprise at the source of the voice. Anthony stood near the archway that led into the school. Kurt was not far behind.
Angel gave him a small smile before her gaze fell on Kurt. His appeared okay. Of course, Anthony was There had probably been no problem with convincing him.
Once Angel and Elisabeth reached him, he brought her close to his body and kissed her forehead. It was an unusual demonstration of affection but Angel didn't mind. She didn't know, however, that their exchange had been watched from above...
