Chapter Nine: Double Crossed Butterscotch

Vampire Kyle's POV
"They're surrounded Butters! Are you in?"

"Yeah, I'm talking to the agents who are 'house-sitting' agent Timmy and Jimmy. They're young and fit, and look very well trained."

"Ok, be careful. Have you seen the Parallelogram? Is the target Barbrady in view?"

"No, you may have to wait it out for a couple of days," Butters sighs, "they don't trust me but as soon as the Cartman arrives in the mail Barbrady will be contacted and the rest will unfold."

"Great! Then all he has to do is destroy the Parallelogram by typing in the code I taught him and we'll ambush to kill those darn spies..."

"Easy now, Timmy and Jimmy are returning with Barbrady!"

I feel myself growing restless, because I sense Barbrady in there. Heck, I could kill him right now! I will kill him right now...

"Vampires, move in for attack! Destroy anyone who gets in your way and make sure Barbrady dies!" The vampires scream a battle cry before they swoop into the broken windows of the HQ and go mental. I am about to join them, when a noise so appalling, so horrific, so... haunting that I am sorry I ever heard pierces the night sky.

"KYLE BROFLOVSKI!!!!" My mother is seriously mad.

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Stan's POV

The chopper was moving at high speed, and I have one arm wedged in metal wall so I do not fall out and one around Kyle's middle because he's more at risk being human. I can see the Secret Spy Agency or whatever headquarters directly below, and Cartman pulls a lever which drops the rope ladder so it is just brushing the roof of the HQ. Suddenly I am frozen and remember every single person I had met in this place, especially the ones who I had visited that day with the elusive Kyle vampire. Bebe, who had got a sex change. Tweek, who was a smooth talking fifteen year old lawyer. Clyde, interesting and compassionate, Craig, the nerdiest guy he'd ever seen, Token, a white racist pig, and who could forget the flyers of Pip with 'MOST WANTED' written under his face. It was like a dream that I could wake from at any moment, yet it was so vivid and intense it scared me. I look at Kyle, whose eyes are wide as Cartman and our parents leg it down a wooden rope, and the helicopter veers sideways with us hanging on for dear life.

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Vampire Kyle's POV
After a harsh telling off for biting Stan, kidnapping an oversized teen, talking to the enemy, organizing an attack on a secret HQ 'which I'm not supposed to know exists' (Please, I've read all her 'secret' documents) I eventually swooped into the scene of the battle. The vampires were trying to break down a mahogany door, obviously laced with vampire-proof technology. I ordered them to stop.

"Barbrady? I know about the Parallelogram. I know your plans."
"B-but how?" A scared mouse voice whimpers on the other side of the door.

"I'm very good."

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Normal Kyle's POV
Ugh, am I dead? The only thing I remember is falling out of a chopper... I open my eyes to see Stan's face very, very, and very close to mine. He pulls his head back and manages a half smile.

"I-it worked," he says, breathlessly.

"Was that... mouth to mouth?" I sit up, blushing.

"We're on the ground floor. As we fell from the helicopter I managed to throw you through the window... but you hit your head on a desk."

"What about you?"

"I uh, flew in..." I look away from him. This vampire business is creepy.

"Anyway, we have to get to the next floor! Stuff restoring peace, I just have to get back through the Parallelogram and destroy it after I'm back somehow..." he seems to be talking to himself, so I glance around for an elevator or flight of stairs.

"Over there!" I cheer, pointing to a black circular shape embedded into the carpet. My eyes are bright and shiny with excitement.

"What is it?" Stan asks sceptically. I had watched enough science fiction movies to know what this was. I gesture for him to stand with me on the circle, and sensing pressure the machine teleports us to the next level.

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Normal Cartman's POV
God dammit, this sucks! Kyle and Butters should burn in hell! I wriggle around in the cardboard box with air holes. This is so demeaning. Stupid gay vampire strength. The delivery van stops to a halt and I faintly hear confused murmuring before I am lifted out and placed down on earth. Next the van drives away. I suck in breath and feel my whole body tremble.

"BASTARDS!!!!" I wriggle violently, and after like, ten minutes the duct tape on the bottom begins to weaken and I kick through the bottom. Success! Then I look around. God dammit, I'm in the middle of nowhere! I start walking down a highway, and glare at the stupid thick canopy of forest that surrounds the highway. Looks like South Park county limits. I smirk. At least Stan and Kyle aren't here, I seriously hate those guys. Then I hear screaming from the trees. I shrug. Being in this gay parallel world bites, and that sounds like action. So much for no hippies, who am I going to save the world from? I snort as I pull back the first branch in my way, vampires? I suddenly come to a clearing, to see a huge mountain with a sort of house built into it. A helicopter is hovering in the sky and there are all sorts of awesome noises coming from there. I sprint up to the craggy mountain, and curse everyone I know as I begin to climb.

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Normal Stan's POV
Wow, I've never done that before! Teleportation is totally awesome. Then again, I had never kissed Kyle before... no, it was mouth to mouth I firmly tell myself as we run down a hallway and find a room that actually has people in it. Officer Barbrady is standing next to Butters, who's pointing some sort of gun at Vampire Kyle who is standing in front of a big, pallid army. Kyle recognizes the vampire version of him, and I sigh as he passes out again. I rush in, and push Kyle aside as Butters shoots a ray of light into my chest. Everything feels tight, and I stagger backwards into an object I hadn't noticed before. My whole body feels as if it's being covered with jelly and suddenly everything goes white.

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Para-Stan's POV
No way. I can't believe those stupid vampires chose to attack on the day I wanted to investigate Butters' hideout. That guy must be planning something if he sent me to the other world. I punch my pager to make it shut up. Yes, I got your message mom, and I'll try to make it back to HQ. Now's my time to shine, show everyone that I'm the real saviour and I'm not even there for my moment of glory. I run outside and almost trip over. I bolt down the road, knowing I'll never make it in time. I need a plane, a bullet train; a sports car... the only thing around here is a motorbike. I shrug, and pull a hairpin out of my top pocket. Expertly bending the hairpin I then shove it into the motorbike and grin as it roars into life. HQ, here I come! Watch out vampires, you are ancient history!