Hello there folks! So as I write this I am very, very sick and if it is sub-par I apologise. See? My chattiness is very low right now.
Disclaimer: I don't own this beautiful creation well I do, and it may not be all that beautiful and I DON'T OWN BIOWARE ALHOUGH WE ARE BLOOD BROTHERS… TECHNICALLY SISTER SINCE I'M A GIRL.
*Warning grim themes and head cannon up ahead. I know it's not very long but I wanted to get a chapter out. It's been a month since I got a chapter out so here's a little something.
She rubbed her face. God, she loved her crew they were becoming her new family, something she hadn't let anyone try before and there were more than one person she was letting in but god damn, they had a lot to complain about. Too much sometimes, and what was with them all wanting to talk about their feelings. Even Wrex wants to talk to her about those sometimes. She chuckled to herself. She was starting to sound like the typical old timer. She broke out into a laughing fit and there was a knock on the door. "Come-in." She said in between breaths. Garrus poked his into the room.
He had a very concerned look on his face. "Shepard are you alright?" She started to laugh even harder. The look on Garrus' face said oh dear god the commander has cracked. She couldn't manage to get any words out. Garrus moved closer to her. "Should I go get help? Do you need Chakwas?" She shook her head. She knew why he would be so concerned. She could feel warm tears stream down her face and it was probably getting quite red from the lack of oxygen that she was currently gasping for. She probably looked like a fish out of water. Then the image of herself being a fish and Garrus on the shore looking around and saying what do I do, just made her have a really loud snort. This made Garrus jump in surprise a little and Shepard fell out of her chair. Garrus rushed over to her with the most panicked look on his face. She'd never seen anyone so panicked for her. He bent down over her as she continued to laugh and he just kneeled there clenching and unclenching his fists. "Are you completely sure that you're alright?" She nodded the laughing finally subsiding. The two stayed in their positions for a good five minutes, Garrus looking at Shepard with great concern the entire time.
She chuckled and Garrus leaned forward more being fairly close to her face. "You know I'm fine."
Garrus shook his head and pushed her hair out of her face. He paused with his hand on her face and she held her breath. Garrus knew that the position that he was in wasn't right and the one that he put her in was highly inappropriate and he wanted to move his hand away but he couldn't. He just could not remove his hand from her face. A million thoughts were rushing through his head, and he couldn't voice even one of them. She just laid there blinking at him and wasn't protesting, wasn't giving any indication that she was enjoying it. So instead of squandering this opportunity he took it to take a good look at her. She was wearing her N7 tank top and some sweat pants. He mentally frowned, hadn't she already changed into her uniform? What does it mean that she was back into what she wore when she was only in her room and wasn't planning on coming out? He looked down a little and quickly moved back to her face, and noticed that he still had his hand on her face. He had seen skin that she never shows. It was just above the band of her pants, her shirt had ridden up slightly from her waist and was showing her pale skin. She was entrancing, everything about her distracted him, made him unable to think about anything but her. Before he had had no interest in humans whatsoever, even no interest in Asari. He had thought that they were completely unappealing. But being here, looking down at Shepard, all he saw beauty, and strength. What she made him feel for her tore him up inside, like nothing before. And it frustrated him to no extent. He shook his head made a move to remove his hand from her face when Shepard's hand shot up and touched his.
Shepard was on her back looking at the Turian above her. She had no idea how to respond. Garrus was keeling beside her with a look of concern that was the most adorable thing she had ever seen. Finally she was able to stop laughing, and she sighed at finally being able to breathe normally. The she felt something brush across her forehead. She quickly glanced up at Garrus who had frozen as soon as he had touched her skin. She looked at him and he looked at her. She didn't know what to do. She hadn't forgotten about all the mail she had gotten from him, and she was positive that he was the one sending them. She had sneaked a peak at his Omni-tool while he had been sleeping, she still didn't know how he hadn't woken up, and she certainly wasn't the sneakiest person walking around. She saw his eyes start to flicker downwards. She flicked her eyes downwards too, to see if anything embarrassing was about to happen. Well, something more embarrassing than the current situation that they were in. When her eyes reached to where he was looking, she blushed snapping her vision back upwards. Her tank top had ridden up and was exposing a strip of flesh. She looked back to Garrus who was shaking his head and he started to move his hand. She suddenly felt like she had no control over her body and grabbed a hold of his hand as it was pulling away. She didn't have a plan. She always had a plan but this time her mind was running blank. Suddenly that feeling of not being able to control her own body had appeared again and she was reaching up for his face. She ran her fingers lightly over the entirety of his face. She felt all the grooves in his plating, ran them over his mandibles that twitched slightly when she touched them. She couldn't help the words that came out of her mouth. "Ever since I met you I've wondered what Turians felt like." She dropped her hand and looked directly at him.
He was watching her very intently. She didn't know what to say, but there was no need for he decided to speak up. "I've-" He stopped before continuing on, he was probably making sure he was going to say the exact right thing and something that sounded extremely stupid or embarrassing. He took a deep breath. "I've never anyone like you Shepard. You-" He sighed, closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he started speaking once more. "You make me feel, something that I've never felt before. You pull out all of these emotions that I shouldn't be having for you and they make me- no, they drive me insane and I don't know how to deal with them and I need to learn how because they happen whenever you're around, whenever you're on my mind and that is becoming all the time. Please Shepard, tell me what to do because I don't know what the hell I'm doing." He looked at her intensely, awaiting for a reaction of any kind. But none were coming, it was just her staring wide-eyed up at him and all that was heard between the two of them was heavy breathing. Garrus got up walked to the door. Panic. That was the only emotion that was coursing through his body at the moment. He was deaf to everything around him. By the Spirits, the words wouldn't stop coming out of his mouth. He just basically confessed his love for her and there was no reaction at all. That was worse than being rejected, if he had been rejected he could have sputtered out an apology and they could pretend that it never happened and then everything would be fine and dandy. But no, just a look of horror was what he got. He pushed the elevator door. He didn't even remember getting to the elevator, but he knew that he was running away at the moment. He needed her think about it. The doors opened and he stepped inside he heard thumping on metal, the sound of boots running on the grated floor and he panicked and pressed the down button.
He saw Shepard round the corner. "Garrus wait!" He saw her with big sad eyes as the door closed and he let out a big sigh from the air he had been holding and slid down the wall. He was freaking out and had no idea on how to handle the situation that he had put himself in. He sighed and realized that the thoughts he was having were fairly cowardly. His first instinct was to hide. And hide was what he was going to do. He knew almost every nook and cranny of this ship and he had the perfect spot in mind.
"Garrus!" Shepard banged on the closing door and looked Garrus in the eye. He was terrified, it was written all over his face. The doors closed and she banged her head on them. She stood there for a couple minutes before kicking the doors as hard as she could." She heard a crack accompany the kick and felt pain shooting through her toe. "Jesus fucking Christ!" She fell to her knees and clutched her foot. She heard several footsteps rushing towards her.
"Shepard! Are you alright?" The voice belonged to Ashley.
"I'm fan-fucking-tastic." She muttered angrily under her breath.
"Jeez, no need to get nasty." Ash said scrunching her nose. Shepard looked up to see Ashley, Kaiden, Liara and Tali standing over her. She groaned, not wanting to have to explain why she had assaulted the elevator. She reached up a hand indicating for someone to help her up. She was given a strong hand that belonged to Kaiden and limped forward a bit before falling against the wall. She took a quick intake of breath and hissed.
Kaiden frowned with concern. "Shepard, I think we should get you to the infirmary." Shepard had a snarky remark stored for you should go to the infirmary but he said we indicating that there would be help getting there so she decided that she would keep it to herself. She grunted signalling that she was agreeing and prepared to push herself from the wall. With Kaiden on one side and Liara on the other they, made their way to the infirmary.
Chakwas looked up from her work as she heard the doors opening and gasped. "My God, what happened? Are you alright?"
Shepard snorted. "God, people are acting like I'm dying or something. No I just kicked the elevator in a fit of rage and broke a toe or something."
"Just broke a toe or something?" Chakwas said with her eyebrow raised. She shook her head and sighed and beckoned towards the table. "Just set her down there and you may go." They led her to the table and she hoisted herself onto it. They said their goodbyes and then it was just the two of them alone.
Chakwas stared at Shepard. Shepard raised her hands and made a 'what' motion with them. "What, why are you staring at me?"
Chakwas crossed her arms. I am waiting for you to tell me what is going on. And we can spend all day here until you talk."
Shepard's face went deadpan and she too crossed her arms. "This is extortion."
"I have no idea what you are talking about." Shepard stared at her and raised her eyebrows. "Commander don't let me take that as a challenge because you are my only current patient and I have all day."
Shepard looked at the doctor with a hint of contempt and sighed signalling that she was giving in. "I-" She looked down at her feet and then looked up at the doctor her eyes starting to water. "Karin I don't know what to do anymore." She was lying. She was going to pretend that she was struggling with trying to save the universe and not dealing with her messed up love life. "I just, feel like I'm not doing a great job with trying to save, well everything." Okay so maybe it wasn't a complete lie. Chakwas had become the closest thing to a mother that she had had in a long time and she knew that Chakwas felt the same way. "I mean, having all this pressure put on me and people talk about me like I'm evil. "Oh look its Commander Shepard, wow she's such a bitch, have you watched the vids? She needs to be way nicer." That's what I hear whenever I'm on the Citadel which is why I never go there anymore. I'm tired of all the hatred that I get when I'm there. Yes I'm a bit harsh but that's because I need to be. If I show any weakness I'll get eaten alive."
Chakwas frowned and placed her hand on her shoulder. "Cassandra why on Earth do you think that?"
Shepard looked up with a bitter smile. "That's what my mom used to tell me. She made me what I am today and she's been dead for thirteen years for god's sake! That woman emotionally damaged me permanently, constantly telling me I wasn't good enough to do anything and now that's all I can ever tell myself, that I'm not trying hard enough. That the results that I'm getting should be better. She never said it to my siblings, for some reason she hated me, more than anything."
Chakwas stared at her a moment before speaking. "I- Cassandra I'm sorry I never knew. What about your father? And your siblings? How did they treat you?"
Shepard laughed a little. "I didn't grow up in a broken home Karin, don't worry. My dad he treated me like royalty. It confused me really since my mom treated me like crap. But he taught me how fix cars and how to dance and we would cook together and he would take me to the field and we would play any kind of sport with a ball. That was dad, just wanted the best for me and everyone. My siblings? Well I had four, all of them but my littlest brother, died in the raid. He's still alive actually. He was only five months old when it happened. I'm kind of like his mom I guess. I mean his slips up sometimes and calls me mom but I- I don't really mind it anymore. It used to drive me insane when I was younger. Oh speaking of Monroe I should call him, I haven't done so in a while." Chakwas raised her brow. "Hehe right, well my other brother was only eleven at the time, Carter was his name. And I had a bratty older sister named Hailee. She was nineteen and was the girliest person in the entire colony. And my eldest sister Kya," She looked down at her hands and wiped a tear that had been forming in her eye. She breathed in and continued to speak. "My older sister Kya had been more of a mother to me, than Annie ever was. Kya was twenty two at the time." She held her hands to her eyes. "And she was ah- she was expecting a baby in a month when the attack hit. My dad Calum, told her to take me and go while he went to find mom, Hailee and Carter. He went inside the house and a minute later the house blew up. I could hear the screams from Carter. They were trapped inside. So Kya made me run, I was carrying Monroe who never made a peep the entire time. Kya said she was right behind me. She said it, but never got the chance to do it because the bastards showed up but I was already gone. I went back later to see that they had done terrible things to her and I can't say those words aloud." Shepard started to cry. Not the sniffling trying to stop the tears from flowing but full-fledged crying. The sobs that ripped through her made Chakwas shiver. The sobbing was haunting, like the sobs of someone that had seen so many horrible things and was going to only ever see horrible things. Chakwas walked over to her and wrapped her arms around Shepard. She had recently thought that if she had had children, she would've wanted them to be like Shepard. And this moment only made her opinion even stronger of how amazing this girl really was.
"Cassandra, you are the smartest, strongest, most accomplished girl I know. You have done so many things for this universe and you don't need to change a thing about you."
Shepard laughed. "I know you're just saying that, and don't try to change my mind." The two sat there for a long time before they heard Joker over the comm.
"Hey Commander, there's a lady on the line and she says that… your son is in trouble? Now I told her that it must have been a mistake since you don't have any kids but she insisted that you were the emergency contact. Now should I get the message or hang up? And the kid is Monroe or something."
Shepard groaned and smacked her face with her hand. "No no, Joker it's fine. Please send the line to my room."
"On it."
Shepard looked over to Chakwas. "Wish me luck." And hobbled out of the room.
Chakwas smiled but then frowned. "Wait a minute. SHEPARD I NEVER TREATED YOU!"
Okay folks now I am no longer sick (YAY) and now I have questions for you. #1. Would you all like this to span over the trilogy period or stop at the end of the official ME1 ending? #2. Should I kill Ashley or Kaiden or neither? (I may or may not override the general populace's decision…) #3. Would you like any side pairing introduced at some time (no worries Shepard/Garrus will always be the main course.)? Thank you all so much for reading, I don't know if I say ever say that, or maybe I say it too much? Sorry I'm weird and don't really get out much, which is probably why I ramble.
