WOO-HOO! The next update! :grins: I know I said I would update this sometime in February, but that was literally about three days before my computer crashed. T-T Thank goodness about a week before I got paranoid and backed everything up onto my external hardrive (tears of happiness) so I've been working on this at school and such. My computer still sorta works, but it breaks down without warning now so I'm a little afraid to use it. Thanks for all the reviews and such, you guys are like awesome-sauce. And special thanks to little firework for the PM. =)

I didn't get as far as I wanted with this chapter, but with the unexpected computer problems and such, I just decided to round it up and hurry up and publish it!

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for Kiki and Kimi. MINE.


"-and suddenly, in mid-spin mind you, I realized the stupid Host club twins were totally watching us and I lost my balance and fell over." Stretching up on her tip-toes, Kiki slid the book in its spot as she finished her story.

"You didn't just fall over." Kimi interjected from her spot at the desk, attempting to categorize the newest shipment of books. "I'm happily singing away before you suddenly slam into me and the next thing I know, you've got me pinned to the ground while the twins laugh." Tokiko continued to laugh, tears of mirth gathering in her eyes. "Oh, you think that's funny?" Kimi continued, pausing as she rested her chin against the back of her hand, a pencil dangling in between her fingers. "You weren't stuck under 'Elbows McPointy' here-"she gestured at Kiki, who huffed at the insult, before continuing to put books away "-with her elbows digging into your stomach. I think my spleen is permanently disfigured, my poor spleen." Hand placed against her forehead, Kimi swooned dramatically as she bemoaned the poor organ.

"Shut up, you don't even know where your spleen is."

"I do now, thanks to you."

"I do what I can, yo."

"Stop, stop!" Tokiko cried as she desperately tried to suck in air while laughing. "I can't breathe! Give the fat woman a break for air!" Still chuckling, the pregnant woman shuffled over to the nearby bar stool and gently eased herself onto it, releasing a sigh of relief when she was finally off her feet.

Kiki waltzed over, precariously balancing several books in some sort of peculiar book pyramid that seemed to defy all laws of physics. A huff, quickly followed by a thud and physics won the battle, books scattered across the counter top while Kiki stretched her arms which were cramped from carrying too many books. Ignoring the glare from her not-so-amused sister, she proceeded to organize the books into piles for shelving.

"Now don't be calling yourself fat, Tokiko, you're just…ah…" the blond struggled for a moment, trying to think of a different word which sounded less insulting. Pregnant women could be strangely frightening when provoked.

"You're simply carrying a small parasitic creature inside of your body, leeching your nutrients and steadily growing larger until it emerges, bloody and screaming." Kimi quickly finished with a shiver. The other two stared at her, mouths gaping in shock.

"Kimi, you are the only person I know who can somehow take the miracle of birth and turn it into some sort of bad sci-fi alien horror movie." Tokiko laughed, one hand resting on top of her swollen stomach.

"Nothing against you, Tokiko, I mean kudos on the whole 'continuing-the-human-race' deal and all." Kimi added, pushing some loose hair that had escaped her ponytail behind her ear. "But seeing as how I'm not fully convinced that small children are not some sort of evil little demons, I plan on not reproducing anytime in the near future. Seriously, those little munchkins scare the ever-loving daylights out of me."

"Well, at least we know where you stand on that issue." Kiki mumbled to herself, carting another pile of books back to the shelves for organizing. The trio became silent as everyone fell back into their prospective tasks, excusing the occasional curse whenever Kiki nearly dropped a book on her head or the scratching of a pencil as Tokiko went over the store's accounts. It was a slow day downtown, with only a few people milling about the streets outside, most ignoring the quaint little bookstore nestled between a dusty antique store and cluttered knick-knack shop. The minutes slowly continued to tick away with only a few customers here and there to break up the monotony. Patches was comfortably nestled on top of one of the bookshelves, watching from her place above everyone as she sprawled out in a sunbeam.

"Man, it's rather slow today." Kiki commented as she attempted to somehow balance a book on her nose out of sheer boredom.

"Yeah, but sometimes it's nice to just have a slow day." Kimi agreed as she struggled to lift the heavy box of books for storage off the counter. "Tokiko, how many books did you cram in here? Shniz-buckets, this weighs like a hundred tons! You do realize we are trying to sell books, not hide them all in the back room, right?" Kimi's grumbles were still easily heard as she disappeared into the back.

It only being a small bookstore, the back room was also very tiny. But every available space back there was used. The tiny room was crammed full of various boxes and seasonal posters stuffed in corners or haphazardly strewn about the floor. Standing in the doorway, Kimi eyed the spot high up on the shelf, mentally debating if it was even humanly possible for her to reach the shelf without any help. She turned her head and hollered back to her boss.

"Does it have to be the top shelf Tokiko?"

"Yep! Or else I'll never be able to find it!" With a sigh, Kimi began to shuffle forward through all the junk, calling back to Kiki as she went.

"Kiki! Come help me out!"

"Why? I don't wanna brave the scary back room! I'm pretty sure a poster tried to eat me the other day."

"Get over here and help me! I have no desire to die a premature death back here."

"If you die, do I get your stuff?"

"Ah, no, but nice try! Get over here."

"Fudgebiscuits."

Kiki's mop of curly hair popped in the doorway as she observed the terrain, obviously mentally calculating her best route to Kimi across the room.

"Gah, it's a disaster back here, it's a wonder Tokiko finds anything…" the blonde muttered, skillfully leaping about boxes before she reached Kimi, who was impatiently waiting.

"It's an organized disaster!" Tokiko's voice echoed from the front room. The two girls burst into laughter.

"Really Tokiko? Why do I sincerely doubt that? I mean seriously, I bet you don't even know where are last month's sale posters are!" Kimi challenged, lightly grunting as the two began to heave the box up to its designated spot.

"A box!" came the woman's cheerful response.

"Which one?" Kiki squeaked when she almost fell over, but luckily caught herself at the last moment.

"…the brown one."

"Tokiko…"

"Shush! I don't pay you two to argue with me! To work, my little minions!" Tokiko ended the sentence with a bout of good, old fashioned, evil laughter.

Kiki lightly shuddered as she two worked on shoving the non-cooperative box the rest of the way on the shelf. "For a sweet pregnant lady, her evil laugh is downright scary." Kimi nodded in agreement.

"She'll make a good mom." The bell over the door chimed, indicating the arrival of new customers. The twins ignored it, knowing Tokiko could handle a few people while they set out to attempt to create some order from the chaos known as Tokiko's organizational skills. It was a daunting task, maneuvering about the boxes and keeping an eye out for stray posters that seemed to want to grab your feet to trip you. The girls had only been at it for a few minutes before Tokiko poked her head in the back room.

"Miiiiiiinions! I've got my hands full up front. Would you mind helping me out?" She smiled sweetly, as the two carefully weaved there way about the boxes.

"We'll be up there in a sec…trying not to die." Kimi panted, having just caught a poster before it could engulf her. Kiki had already adapted a battle stance, ready to battle any renegade posters. The red-headed woman nodded and waddled back to the front. Kimi chunked the offending object to the side.

"I told you the posters were out to eat us." Kiki muttered, giving a nearby pile a kick.

Kimi grumbled as the two stepped through the doorway. "I don't recall there being that many, do you think they've been reproducing?" Her sister merely shrugged as the two jogged to the front.

"My darling nieces!"

"YOU!" Jaw thudding against the ground, Kimi stood there gaping, finger pointed accusingly at the group before her while Kiki stood in a similar state of disbelief.

Standing there, in their small, quaint little bookstore situated in the middle of the bustling downtown area was the Ouran Host Club in all their flamboyantly rich glory (plus Haruhi).

"T-tamaki?

"Kimi?

"And Honey?"

"-What are you-"

"Kiki? What the-"

"Even Kyouya?"

"Tokiko!" the woman chirped, effectively silencing the two groups who had been babbling incoherently earlier. Everyone turned to stare at the sheepish manager, who began to scuff her shoe against the ground. "What? I felt left out."

The others continued to stand there, staring. Kimi's lips started to lightly twitch while Kiki began to chuckle, trying to disguise the noises behind her hand. Their resolve quickly began to weaken as their ill-disguised laughter grew louder and louder until their guffaws filled the tiny store. The Ouran group still watched in confusion, only serving to fuel the twin's laughter even more. The laughter proved contagious and eventually almost everyone else was joining in the giggling festivities. It was several minutes before anyone had calmed down enough to stop bursting into random giggles, much less carry on a normal conversation.

"So what are you guys doing in our neck of the woods?" Kimi questioned, wiping the stray tears away as she headed behind the counter to make some drinks for everyone.

"We're observing commoners in their natural environment!" Tamaki chirped, pulling out a map, along with a notebook full of observations and notes. Tokiko snorted into her hot chocolate while Haruhi just rolled her eyes.

"They kidnapped me after school and won't let me leave." The female host muttered, obviously looking rather put out at the whole ordeal.

The twins paused, watching the grinning king. "I don't know what's scarier…" Kiki muttered, relaxing on a bar stool. "…the fact that you're 'researching' commoners; or the fact that it doesn't really even surprise me." Tokiko continued to giggle. Finally pausing, she took a moment to study the group, analyzing each person.

"Are these the guys you've been telling me about? That…host club or whatever?" she questioned, adding more marshmallows to her drink, while Kiki passed out coffee, hot chocolate, and tea to everyone.

Tamaki gasped in sheer glee, eyes large and shimmering as he bounced in place. "You've been talking about us? You hear that mom? Our nieces talk about us!" he continued to squeal as he incessantly blabbered on and on about the loving bond between family members.

The pregnant woman watched the strange scene in front of her before turning to the twin girls and nodding. "You were right. There does seem to be a few screws loose in his head." In record time, Tamaki wilted into a corner, miraculously creating a little group of mushrooms that he sadly muttered his injustices too. "He does actually grow mushrooms! How cute is that! Mushroom King! Mushroom King!" Tokiko happily cheered from her seat.

Kimi leaned closer to Kiki, silently so as to not attract any unwanted attention. 'She totally just upset him on purpose just to see that, didn't she?'

Kiki grinned as she whispered back. 'Totally.'

"Please ignore Tamaki there." Kyouya interjected, somehow managing to serenely sip his tea and look better than everyone else while doing it. "He's merely an idiot, but he's harmless."

"And he can be very entertaining!" Kiki added, plopping down on the depressed king's back and using him as an impromptu chair while ignoring his whimpered pleas to please get off. Haruhi merely rolled her eyes and continued to drink her tea while checking out the rest of the bookstore.

"So why are you two here?" Kaoru questioned the twins, carefully sipping his hot chocolate to avoid burning himself like Hikaru had.

("My tongue's on fire! Why does it burn so badly?" Hikaru whimpered, trying to cool his tongue.

"That's because you just attempted to down an entire cup of hot chocolate in one gulp. Idiot." Haruhi answered, sipping her tea and ignoring the whining twin.)

"These two are my star employees!" Tokiko cheered, ruffling Kimi's hair. Said girl huffed, before attempting to put her hair back into some semblance of order.

"Tokiko, we're your only employees."

"And therefore the best."

"Can we have a raise?" Kimi questioned, leaning backwards on her stool to see her manager better. Tokiko paused as she considered the idea.

"Why certainly!" The woman rummaged in her pocket for a moment. Pulling out a wrinkled bill, she plopped the money in the teen's hand. "There you go."

"A dollar. Thanks Tokiko, always good to know you're looking out for us." Kimi's voice was drowning in playful sarcasm.

"Of course my dear! Oh, but wait a moment. Is that one of my cups you're using for your drink?" Kimi glanced at the neon green mug she held in her hands.

"Um…yes?"

Tokiko clicked her tongue in sympathy. "Well, I'm sorry. But that's a one dollar fee. I'll be taking that!" Swiping the dollar back from Kimi, she pocketed the money before turning around to walk back behind the counter. Kimi gaped at the woman, rapidly glancing from her empty hand, to the pregnant woman, and back again. The others laughed at her stunned expression as they watched.

"Honestly Kimi, you totally should have seen that coming." Kiki chided her sister before draining the last of her drink out of her mug. With a hearty sigh and a sound thump, she slammed the cup on the counter with a grin. "Another hot chocolate bartender!" Tokiko just laughed, cleaning out some of the other empty cups with a rag.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut you off." The redhead stated, her voice full of fake sympathy. "Besides, I pay you two to work, not sit around and look pretty."

"Even though you must admit, I do a pretty smashing job at looking pretty." With a dramatic sigh, Kimi tossed her hair over her shoulder as she stuck a dramatic pose, hand daintily posed against her forehead in what looked to be mid-swoon. She cracked one eye open to peek at the hosts. "This is my Tamaki impression, without sound." Everyone laughed (minus Tamaki, who pouted a bit, until Haruhi passed him a few more marshmallows for his drink) and soon stories were being exchanged, some sounding more believable then others. Everyone learned that Tokiko was a very enthusiastic and dramatic storyteller, complete with sound affects and hand motions. The only other person who even came close to her skills was the ever dramatic Tamaki himself. No other customers came, and so Tokiko finally decided to close the shop early that day after two hours of chattering with no interruptions.


"Come here you stubborn kitty." Kiki grumbled, valiantly trying to reach Patches, who stayed perched up on the bookshelf, just out of the girl's reach. "Come to momma-no! Ah, come on! Patcheeees!" With a haughty gait that only a feline could manage, the difficult kitty meandered further down the shelf, completely ignoring her master's pleas and demands that she return at once.

"Kiki, come on! We're ready to go! What's taking you so long?" Kimi hollered from the front of the store where everyone now stood waiting. "You really need to hurry up; it looks like it might rain!" Kimi gave the sky a nervous glance, hoping beyond hope she was wrong.

"I'm…trying but a certain little kitty is being a pesky brat and won't …come …here … fudgebiscuits!" Kiki's angry mutterings became louder as Patches pranced further away. "Evil kitty of doom, next time I see you in a sunbeam I will take my revenge!" Patches merely stared, not appearing to give the threat much thought.

"Just leave the stubborn thing here." Tokiko interjected, stopping Kiki before she could scramble up a bookshelf and go crawling after the infuriating kitten. "You know I always leave her some food and water behind the counter, and a litter box in the back. She'll be fine here overnight. You two girls, on the other hand, need to be heading home. It looks like the weather is going to be taking a turn for the worse pretty soon." As if on cue, a light drizzle began to fall. Kiki and Kimi covered their heads as best as they could with their hoods, while the Host club pulled out umbrellas.

"Haruhi can ride with Daddy!" Tamaki cheered, engulfing the girl in a suffocating hug. Haruhi merely stood in annoyed compliance, having learned long ago it was easier to just not fight back. Tokiko laughed at the two as she turned to walk home, her house only a short distance from the shop. Kiki and Kimi took the opportunity to start walking to the park, shoulders hunched as the rain began to soak through their sweatshirts.

"Kiki-chan! Kimi-chan! Wait!" The girls turned back to look at the miniature host as he bounced over to them, Usa-chan in tow. "Takashi and I can drive you home! We wouldn't want you to get wet!" He grinned up at the girls.

Tamaki immediately bounded over and also wrapped the two in one of his patented hugs, not noticing the panicked look on their faces. "Of course! Wonderful idea Hunny! As hosts, nay, as men, we cannot allow these two lovely maidens to walk home after dark, especially in this weather! Come ladies! We shall escort you to your home!" Without given much choice in the matter, the girls felt themselves being pushed towards the limo, no matter how hard they fought or attempted to protest.

"Yay! More commoner homes!" Hikaru and Kaoru cheered at the prospect of seeing another commoner's abode. "Do you live in an apartment complex like Haruhi?" Everyone continued to chatter on in excitement, until they noticed Kimi and Kiki were literally bracing themselves against the open limo door and refusing to budge even as the Host twins attempted to push them in.

"NO! I mean- it's alright guys! You don't have to worry about us!"

"Yeah! We're totally okay walking home!"

"It's out of your way-"

"-And so late!"

"-Wouldn't want to be a bother-"

"-Might get lost-"

"Oh, come on! Don't be shy you two!" Tamaki interrupted the two's ramblings as the rain began to fall harder. "We'll just drive you to your aunt and uncle's home! You did say that was where you were staying right? And no need to be embarrassed. Commoner homes are ingenious; so many things in such small spaces!" Still cheering, they finally managed to force the girls into the limo after a joint effort. This resulted in the two girls tumbling into the waiting car and landing on the floor in a jumbled mess. The sopping wet teens looked less than thrilled as everyone else piled in after them. Everyone began drying off with the towels the limo driver conveniently handed them. Kiki and Kimi each got an extra two towels since the rain had by this time thoroughly soaked their sweatshirts and was now leaving a small puddle in the immaculate limo.

"What's the address?" Kaoru asked, sitting by the window to the front of the limo, so he could inform the driver.

"You can't make us." Arms crossed, Kimi stared at the hosts defiantly, not willing for them to discover the truth about their home. Kiki violently sneezed as she continued attempting to towel dry her hair.

"How odd." Kyouya muttered, peering inside one of Ouran's miniature rulebooks. "According to the rulebook, students are forbidden to have jobs. Very interesting." He peered over the top of the book at the shell shocked twins. Haruhi watched on in sympathy.

The Hitachiin twins grinned. "Did you hear about those scholarship twins?"

"-I heard they both had jobs-"

"-Too bad they had to be expelled-"

"-So sad. They had such promise too…"

"Th-that's blackmail!" Kiki squeaked in terror, green eyes peeking out from underneath the damp towel still draped over her head."Y-you can't do that!" She sneezed again as she fought back a sniffle.

"It would be awfully unfortunate if word reached the Chairman about certain scholarships students breaking the rules in such an outright defiant manner." The Shadow King added, snapping his trusty rulebook shut. "We certainly wouldn't want that to happen now, would we?"

"Don't you think you're taking this a bit too far?" Haruhi questioned. "It's just a ride home."

"It's not just a ride home now." Kyouya replied, making a show of getting comfortable and staring at the guilty looking twins across from him. "These two are hiding something."

Kimi and Kiki looked as if they had just been struck by lightning. The silence only lasted for a few seconds, but those seconds felt like an eternity, before Kimi finally got her mental bearings back.

"Wh-what-" -Kimi nervously coughed, hoping it covered up her panicky stutter-"What makes you think we're hiding anything? Geeze Kyouya, you're awfully paranoid." She giggled, and it only sounded slightly strained to her ears. That was a good thing, right?

"It's funny." The shadow king slowly muttered, making a show of pulling out his trusty laptop and pressing a few of the sleek keys. The machine clicked and whirred to life beneath his fingers. "I have resources all throughout the world, a viral web so detailed and intricate that the government would be jealous of it. Of course even attempting to explain such a complex system to some of the more…simpler folk would merely be a waste of time and air…"

Kiki tugged on her sister's soaked sleeve, the fabric making an uncomfortable squishing noise due to its wet state, in order to grab her attention. "I…I think we were just insulted…maybe." She whispered, as if she had just discovered a conspiracy. Kimi sighed.

"Kiki, when it comes to Kyouya, assume that half of whatever he tells you is some sort of insult, one way or another. It's the easiest and most energy efficient way." The blonde nodded in understanding.

"Got it."

Kyouya had to loudly clear his throat a few times in order to reclaim the girl's attention. (While also ignoring Tamaki, who after the second or third time, offered him a cough drop for his throat.) "Anyway I have searched these resources over and over again, and have found something most intriguing.

"What's that, Kyo-chan?" Usa-chan hung limply in Hunny's arms as the small boy leaned forward.

"Kiki and Kimi Taisho do not exist." Kyouya chose this moment to glare over the top of his laptop, his glasses maliciously glinting from some unknown light source. (Kimi and Kiki had already done some speculating on this phenomenon and had deduced that rich people could afford to have a mysterious light source for dramatic poses and such to follow them about, just in case. Totally made sense.)

"Shows what you know." Kiki huffed, towel drying her hair. There were a few more muffled sounds, before she finished and flipped her hair back up, blond clumps landing sporadically about her head. "Obviously, Kimi and I are sitting right across from you. Looks like your sources weren't so great after all. Maybe you should check the warranty on those." Her statement was followed by an annoyed grunt as she attempted to finger-comb the curly mass atop her head. Kimi nodded in agreement, mouth shut in a grim line as she followed her sister's example and expertly wrapped her own towel about her head like a fluffy turban. This, of course, greatly intrigued the others, who had apparently never seen a towel turban before and demanded step by step instructions.

"Is this some form of commoner disguise?" Tamaki cheered, attempting the act with his own towel.

"Really you guys? You cannot be serious! This is not just a commoner thing, everybody does it!" Kimi cried out in exasperation and disbelief, before turning to Haruhi for confirmation. "Come on Haruhi, back a homey up here! They totally do this in the guy's locker room at Ouran, right? These guys are just pulling out legs now!"

The other hosts were immediately on high alert (according to the 'Keep-Haruhi's-Gender-A-Secret' chart that Tamaki had created and that was taped in the backroom of the Music Room, this was a Code Purple). Everyone began talking a mile a minute all at once in order to distract Kimi and save Haruhi from the awkward question. The female host merely rolled her eyes and spoke above the rest.

"I've always done it, but with these rich idiots, who knows? Maybe they have some ridiculously expensive and pointless contraption that does the same thing." She was still a little annoyed at having pretty much lost an entire afternoon that could have been spent doing something productive. Not only that, but now she was stuck in a limo, in the rain, with the possibility of thunder and lightning any moment, with the rest of the Host club for an indefinite amount of time. At least she had other 'commoners' to relate with now. That was a bit of a relief. She could only handle so much of these rich people and their ways without wanting to seriously harm someone.

Kiki and Kimi began laughing, completely agreeing with the host. They laughed even harder when Tamaki and the others began insisting that Haruhi show her turban-wrapping-talent and began to bombard her with more towels then she could ever need.

And then they heard it. It was small at first, almost unnoticeable.

But then it slowly grew.

"What's that noise?" Kimi whispered, glancing about the vehicle.

"It…it sounds like a train of orphans de-railing into a field of puppies." Kiki whispered back, looking more and more frightened.

Then they realized what it was.

Kyouya Ootori…was chuckling.


And that's that! Oh noes! Kyouya is on to something! And he's laughing! o.O Somewhere in the world, kittens are dying. I'll work on getting the next chapter up, but you know me! Slow as purple molasses! Why purple molasses? Because it's one in the morning and screw you. XD

WISH ME LUCK ON MIDTERMS MY MINNIO-err...READERS!

AND REVIEW! THE MORE REVIEWS, THE FASTER THE STORY! It's like Hunny and chocolate! More chocolate, more adorable cuteness!