Tales of the Abyss
Chapter 9
Vows, Part II
"Damn..."
It had been two days ever since the incident at the Tower of Rem. Jade had ordered a small platoon of guards to assist him with his investigation, so he's probably still off at the tower, gaining more information. Tear, Anise, and Natalia went around town, doing some shopping for the wedding, which was coming much faster than I even realized. And Guy...
"What's wrong, Luke?"
Though I was feeling way better than before, my head was foggy. I couldn't really conceive a thought in accordance to what I was doing. I had sat up once more on my bed, and asked Guy to get one of the maids at the Inn to fetch me some paper and a pen.
"I'm trying to write some vows, here."
He laughed at my frustration. "It shouldn't be too hard for you, man. I mean, come on, isn't it obvious what you should write down?"
"No, it's not," I hissed, clearly agitated at his behavior. "Any bright ideas, Mr. Amazing Guy?"
He chuckled at my sarcastic attitude. "Well," he started, "I would assume that any man that gets married to a woman faces the same fears as you are right now."
"Really?" I blinked. "Then...what am I supposed to write?"
"The only thing you can."
"What is that?"
He shook his head with a disappointed smile. "Seriously, you're gonna ask me that?"
"Isn't that what I just did?" I scoffed. "Just tell me already!"
"Write down how you really feel about her."
"Huh?"
"That's it," he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, "Put how you truly feel about Tear in words. That's pretty much what you have to do when you write your vows."
"How I really feel?" I questioned. "But...doesn't she already know how I feel about her? I mean, I love her, and I really think she understands that..."
"She does," he grinned, "but the point of writing your vows is to express it in words, so that when she approaches you on your big day, walking down the isle and finally up to you, any doubts or worries she might have will be long gone."
"Really?" I asked, stupified.
"Of course. Words can have a lot more power than you think, Luke. What's that saying...'The pen is mightier than the sword?'"
"But..." I squinted at him. "How can a pen be stronger than a sword?"
To my confusion, he face-palmed himself and rose from his chair, patting me on the head as he used to do when I was only a child, then turning to leave and opening the door to my room.
"Relax, man. You'll figure it out."
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"I'm just gonna go back to my place and do a little spring cleaning. I'll be back soon." He closed the door behind him and went on his way.
I gazed back down at my paper and pen, hoping to come to some sort of conclusion with my vows. I couldn't think of anything miraculous or fantastic to say, though, and it really bothered me.
"Why can't I write anything?" I murmured, punching myself mentally. "I should be able to write so many wonderful things about her. She's the woman I love more than anything else in all of Auldrant. There's gotta be some things I can say about her!"
I dabbled my pen in a nearby bowl of ink and began to write, hoping that whatever I jotted down would be decent enough for my wedding day.
God, I really wished I had done this before...
"Okay...I think that should work!" I exclaimed, glancing over the things I wrote down. At first, it sounded good, but then...Well...
Tear,
You are the woman of my dreams and I enjoy every moment being with you, especially when we're alone. You make me so happy, I don't even think of other women when I think of you.
...
"No," I said, a grim tone in my voice as I crumpled up the paper and tossed it against the wall. That was a horrendous attempt, even though it was my first.
"It has to be something...sophisticated," I said. "Something I know she'll really like, maybe even love, to hear on our big day."
I once again readied my pen and began writing on my next sheet of paper. Hopefully, this time, it wouldn't sound so awful.
"Just a little more...There! That should do it."
Now, let's see how this one worked out.
Tear,
You're a great person, a best friend, and a fantastic lover. I don't ever wanna be with anyone other than you.
...
Hmm...
"Well," I said, smiling sheepishly, "at least it's better than what I had down before. But it's way too short! I gotta think of something romantic to say!"
In repetition, I crumpled the paper and tossed it, unaware that somehow, it landed exactly one inch away from the previous sheet I crumpled earlier.
"C'mon, Luke, think!" I bashed myself in the head with my hands a few times, trying to concentrate. Apparently, I wasn't all that great at this sort of thing, but honestly, can anyone blame me? It's not like I've been married before, and I was definitely not going to marry Natalia! Not in a million years!
B-But, that's not to say I don't like Natalia. She's nice, she's determined, and...
...
I need to focus. I have to focus. This has to work!
"Come on!" I shouted, staring straight down at the paper, thinking that something would just inexplicably come to me by raising my voice. I wasn't exactly too expectant, though; I was seriously considering bargaining with the damn thing before too long! Bargaining with a piece of paper? Man, I've lost it...
I sat in my position for a few moments, leaning back and trying to relax, hoping that it would help me focus. I slowly closed my eyes, and as I did, memories of our past adventure together flashed freely through my mind.
"Tear..."
"And the day after, and the day after, and on and on..."
"Tear...I..."
"What is it?"
...
"Ah...Nothing."
"...You're weird."
"I am not! I just...Thanks."
"What's with you, all of a sudden?"
Tear...She watched over me the whole time, ever since I decided to change after Akzeriuth. From the start to finish, she's been there, watching over me, making sure I didn't do anything stupid.
"You said you were going to change, but here you are, pouting again! Fine! Do whatever you want!"
"Tear, I'm sorry..."
"..."
"I'm sorry..."
Even when we fought...
"Wait a minute! What are you talking about?! It wasn't like that! We got blown out of the manor in Baticul and-"
"The very idea is absurd."
Haha...Yeah, I remember that. I definitely remember that.
"...Let me be alone for a while."
"No. I'm staying right here."
"Luke! Please! I don't wany anyone to see me like this..."
"Then I'll turn around."
"...You idiot."
...God, I was such an idiot. I couldn't see just how much she needed someone. How much she needed...me.
"We might as well enter our data into this."
"But...I'm a replica."
"But you're still a resident of this world."
"...Yeah!"
She didn't care that I was a replica. Where I came from-where I was born, or how-those things were always irrelevant to her.
"Your actions and your words are what define you as a person, not your birth or your origins."
Tear...
"Come home!"
Tear...?
"Luke...? Were you...worried about me?"
"Uhh, w-well, I was worried that if we lost you, we'd lose all the equipment, and t-that would suck..."
Why didn't I say anything to her then?
"To be honest, I'm a little scared..."
"Don't worry. If worst comes to worst, I'll protect you!"
"...What?!"
"...Uhh...W-Well, I didn't mean it...that way."
"...W-Well, fine, then I didn't take it that way."
Something tells me she really did take it that way.
All these memories...all these precious moments in my life, and they've all been spent with her. Why didn't I remember these things until just now? All of the times we've been together? Through all the fights, all the talks, and all the moments we've had alone, how could I forget about them? They were so important to me...I guess I've just been so busy and excited that I forgot all about them.
But now...I think I've finally got it down.
I think I know what I'll write. And while I do, I'll continue to remember all of the invaluable times we've shared together. Hell, even before I changed, we shared some good times. Most of them were bad, to be certain, but it was only because I was so stupid back then. Nothing but a naive, spoiled brat that didn't even know who he was, nor what I wanted. Time definitely plays tricks on us all. I still can't believe it's been so long since I came back. Since I came home.
"Why are you...here?"
"This place has...a nice view of Hod. And also, I promised someone."
Yeah...It's all coming together, now.
I started jotting down my thoughts and feelings, instead of having to come up with something obnoxiously awful. Guy was right; when I stopped trying so damn hard, things just sort of...clicked. They clicked because I have years worth of memories that I shared with her, and through all of them, we've survived. There were so many times-so many moments-that I wished I could have told her what I felt, but I didn't. Not until just recently. But now, I'm more ready than I was before. I'm going to express the way I truly feel to her, and it's all going down on a sheet of paper that I will memorize and read off through my mouth on the day of our wedding.
"I've got it!"
