Things Better Left Unvisited:
Exactly What It Sounds Like, Mates.
Before I get to the requests recently sent by my WONDERFUL reviewers, there is something very very important I must address.
The series about cute furry warriors killing cute furry warlords and being so adorably racist to their fellow adorable furry things is a cesspool of raunchiness and sexual innuendo.
There are some scenes which read... differently after the age of the reader ascends beyond twelve. Okay, well, in these days and times that age has probably dropped to eight or something, whatever. They sell THONGS to FIRST-GRADERS, for Pete's sake.
Don't believe me?
Observe this, a line from Long Patrol where the ferret Rinkul fantasizes about what he's going to do to the disguised Tammo and Midge when he catches them:
"I'll find somewheres nice an' quiet like, where I'll do that pair 'ard an' slow afore dawnbreak!"
...
Did he just express a desire to bumfiddle two hares to death?!
Maybe not. It's open to interpretation. Maybe Brian Jacques just didn't realize how overtly sexual that sounded? Surely he didn't do it again--
"Do you see this sword? Did you know it has the power to make hare maidens happy?"
...
Okay, one OR TWO mistakes. It still could be innocent.
But what about the part in Rakkety Tam, where Doogy and the title-naming squirrel Highlander are awaiting a visit to the king's court...in a prison cell, but no matter, and there is a detailed description OF THEM BOTH PUTTING THEIR KILTS BACK ON.
Why are they sitting in a prison naked together? What's the first thing all your dirty dirty minds goes to? Something that probably made it onto this site. Under "romance". Rated MA...
Speaking of humping squirrels, why is Celandine from Martin the Warrior described as such a shameless ho? Bats her eyelashes at butterflies? Relentlessly stalks the first male squirrel that comes within ten feet of her, following him at night and commenting that "he's SOOOooooOOOO strong! Teehee!"?
Well, it wouldn't be the first time Mr. Jacques has snuck a hooker in. Though I've never read Sable Quean, I do know the meaning of the word "quean". It's not queen. Ol' Brian claimed it meant a lady of power or an unmarried woman.
Oh, it refers to a "madam" alright. Just not the kind you can introduce to your kids without scarring them for life. Redwall, for ages young and old! Kind of like other kids' stuff with adult references snuck in for the amusement of the parents reading them to the poor unwitting seven-year-old.
It's not as bad as accidentally teaching the kid that you should really watch out for creatures with dark fur and different features than you! Nighty-night Timmy!
More may follow. If you like, you may leave an as-of-yet unanswered bit of unusual Redwall yore as a suggestion, but it is more than likely I'll cover the grand majority of oddness and unmentioned unmentionableness.
