What really made me fall for Jasper Hale was the fact that even through my worst he saw me. He didn't only see me but he made me feel better at any cost.
I took comfort in knowing that since he already knew me at my worst that whenever I would feel anguish or depressed or broken again that he would always be there for me.
But this was Jasper, how could anybody feel bad with him around? Well, unless you piss him off, I guess.
"You mean a lot to me too, Bella." He said so smooth and soft so full of love.
Then he made me face him and we got caught up again in a kiss with nothing but joy and love.
"I love you Jasper." I said against his lips.
I felt him smile against mine and he filled me with so much love instantly. No, he wasn't messing with my feelings.
His love was pouring out of him and into me.
As I was into him.
Chapter 9: I'm still here
Stupid. If I had another name, stupid would be it. Here I was, driving so fast to get there… get to her… I shouldn't have done what I did. It's been five months already. Five months of hell to be specific. I can't stand it any longer. I'm weak. There I admit it. Right now I was weak and I'm giving up my resolve. I have to go now… go to her… apologize… among other things…
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
you don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Damn. Red light. Why don't I just run to her? I shook my head. I had to do this right. First I would have to drive my car to my house then run to her. Because if she… agrees with what I had to say then I would need this car to avoid suspicions from neighbors about my appearance. But now, I slammed my hand on the wheel, almost crushing it. Damn traffic. Please wait a little longer… I'm coming…
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh lets go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart
I need to go back to the start. I would take anything that she would say to me, any questions, any revelations, anything from her. All this time I've been running in circles, forever in limbo, battling on returning to her or sticking to my decision. I didn't leave because I didn't love her. That was preposterous!
I can't believe I lied to her and told her I didn't want her.
That was the blackest of all lies.
Nobody said it was easy
Oh its such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said that it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start
I just… couldn't give her what she wanted… I can't change her… I can't… I just can't… I want it though… I want it for myself so badly. But I can't damn her soul. She was too precious a life for that. I just can't. I love her so much that I'm willing to get myself hurt for that. But here I was, going back to her.
I was just guessing at numbers and figures
pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
do not speak as loud as my heart
Thinking things through logically, I knew how she felt about growing old while I stayed the same. But I didn't want to force her into our kind of living. Humans were meant to grow old and die. Though seventy years were awfully short for an eternal being like me that was better in my eyes to let her live naturally than damn her. But my heart was telling me something else. I did not want only seventy years. I wanted eternity with her. I cringed. If I did change her, I knew I wasn't forcing her into anything. It was what she wanted. She would've given up her humanity in a heartbeat, literally in this case for me and that made me love her more, love her selflessness. I didn't deserve her.
Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
Oh how I want for things to go back the way they were with her telling me that she loves me accompanied with that beautiful blush on her radiant face. I wanted so bad to hear her voice, hear her call out my name… see her… see those deep beautiful brown eyes so caring and loving…
Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start
That's right. I'm coming back. It won't be easy, god knows it's not. But I have to try. If I have to I'd beg her to take me back… whatever it takes!
AN: I'm pretty sure you all know who's talking here. If for some reason you don't (though I seriously doubt it), well… wait up for the next chapter. Things are getting interesting. How will this turn out?
Tell me what you think. Keep me happy and bring on the feedback and I'll update fast.
Song here is The Scientist by Coldplay.
Keep Fueling your Imagination,
Margaux
