It was the morning before Jake was due to set off for Hogwarts. Ayla sat at the kitchen table, sewing name tags into every available object he'd be taking with him. She remembered only too clearly how easy it was to get your things jumbled up with those of your housemates. She was determined that, come July, Jake would be returning with all of his own possessions.
Her son was out with his father, Marcus had arranged a demonstration of Quidditch with his team for the young boy. No son of his would be going to Hogwarts having not seen how the game was played. The twins were at Karen's, learning to bake cookies. The Canadian was vastly more experienced at cookery than Ayla, who's signature dish was whatever hadn't burnt with a slice of bread.
Ayla told herself this rare moment of solitude was something she would treasure in years to come, she knew she'd get used to it eventually. In a few more years the twins would be at Hogwarts and it would be just she and Marcus. Or more accurately, just her alone. Marcus still had a Quidditch career to keep him occupied.
She had taken to making lists of what she could do to fill her days. Learning to cook occasionally cropped up, as did Marcus's suggestion of having more children. She was often compelled to scratch this idea out as soon as she wrote it. It was a selfish idea really. If more children came along so much the better, but she promised herself she would not force the matter.
There was always the shop to consider. She was as good as Marcus at knitting now, though she had let the hobby slip after the twins were born. It would be nothing to take it up again and expand the business. This always appeared to be the most sensible option on her lists.
Ayla had never really been much of a Things To Do type of person before, but since she became a mother she often found that one thing would often drive something else from her mind. That was where the lists came in handy. Although it was hard to drive things from her internal list, the one she recited in her head everyday. Tell Jake who is father is, explain what happened, make sure he and the twins no there is no difference between them in Marcus's mind. And at the very end the one she could never bring herself to decide upon. Let Oliver be there when she told Jake. He probably had the right to tell his side after all.
She often wondered why he hadn't turned up yet, demanding to see his son. She wouldn't have denied him. Although she was prone to wondering how this would have affected her little family. Would the twins have ended up calling him 'uncle'? How would Marcus react? How would Jake react more importantly?
Was there really a right time to reveal to your child that you hadn't been entirely truthful with them? She often wondered if this was the type of thing she could keep to herself forever. Another of those selfish thoughts that were always dismissed.
It was true she had been angry with Oliver in the beginning. But maybe now was the time to patch things up. Few people knew the truth, herself and Marcus, and of course Sarah had guessed when Jake was just a toddler. Ayla hadn't told her parents, she knew they would treat Jake the same no matter who his father was, but for some reason in didn't seem right to tell them and not her son. Oliver knew of course, Ayla sometimes wondered if he had told anyone. Kate might know, but Ayla paid her little mind these days, she was hardly the one that mattered.
She and Sarah had had numerous late night chats about when the best time to tell Jake would be. The argument for sooner rather than later had never really panned out. She hadn't been able to bring herself to correct her son when he had first called Marcus 'Dada'. The delight on both of their faces had been too beautiful to destroy. At any rate Jake had been too young to understand.
But she could probably apply that now. He wasn't even eleven yet. True he was old beyond his years, no matter which way she looked at it he was still a child, and always her baby. When she looked at him she still saw her firstborn, the son she would protect at any cost. Was she kidding herself to say that she was still trying to protect him, but in another way?
All the same he was still old enough to leave home for Hogwarts, to learn magic. He was probably old enough to know the truth. Ayla couldn't help the image of her son at Hogwarts, alone and confused, that came to her mind whenever she thought about telling him now. It would be too cruel, to reveal something so important now, and then send him away to school tomorrow.
There would never be a good time to tell him of course. However long she waited would not make the truth or hurt any less. The fact remained that one day Jake would have to know the truth. Whether that day was today, or six months, or even six years away didn't matter. It would come all the same.
She thought of the holidays ahead. Christmas would be unsuitable, the twins would be all excited, and while Jake would never do anything to upset his sisters, they would know if something was wrong with their brother. Easter would be the same, and she could just imagine how difficult Jake could make the summer if she told him when school broke up. But that would of course lead her right back to September and sending her son away with news that would change his life forever.
So I'm off to sunny (well at least I hope it will be) Sussex tomorrow. I'm hoping it's going to give me some inspiration, I started planning this fic on a similar trip and I'm hoping (again) to be just as productive. I'm going to do a double post today - to trick myself into writing more. Seems I can blog with the best of them (I know looking at my blog in the link on my profile page that seems like a lie, but believe me it isn't) but fic writing is eluding me lately. I need inspiration people!
Hey feel free to read my blog in between, it contains no stuff from here but it's better than silence. Well actually that's a bit of a lie.
