To the lovely people posting reviews, I am unable to answer your questions even though I would absolutely love to. If you create accounts I would be able to message you but if you post as a guest I cannot contact you. Thank you so much for your support and to the person who asked how often this will update, I try to post every two days around about.
Angelica tried her best to get him to take his mind of what had happened. But the Admiral that seemed to be…opening up just sunk further into himself. The hurricane was bad, and confined them into the surgeon's for days. The few of his men that survived ended up coming to visit him and cheer him up. They huddled around on the floor with candles telling stories and sharing bad jokes. James never spoke—not even bloody annoying David could get a word from him. Sometimes Angelica wondered if he was listening. His green eyes were glassy and dull, staring at unseen objects. She wondered if the officers being here only reminded him of how many he had lost.
She sat in the corner of the room and watched and listened, sometimes drawing and pretending she was minding her own business. But really she was observing carefully and reporting to the surgeon on the Admiral's condition.
"His lungs will always be bad. But this is a head problem. And I can't fix those."
"Isn't there anything that will help?"
The young man had only shaken his head.
On the third night, after the officers had shared stories once more before the surgeon banished them to their own quarters, James finally said something. He was standing by the window, sort of favouring his left side. He clutched the sill with white fingers, staring out at the rain and hail pouring down. "What do you want most?"
Angelica nearly jumped for hearing his voice again. It was raw, and thick and pained. She wondered if he was talking to himself but then his eyes turned to her. She gave him a long stare, unsure of how to reply. What did she want most…above anything? She knew the answer deep down but could not voice it. So she came up with something else. "Safety."
He threw her a puzzled glance, unknowing of the fact that she was a pirate and could not even trust him with that fact. "You're lying."
"Not quite." Her tone was half teasing, though she was serious. "What about you?"
The Admiral shook his head and turned his gaze back to the window, closing his eyes against the cold glass. "I grew up knowing what I wanted. What I wanted to believe in…wanted to become."
"That's good?" Angelica asked quietly but didn't expect such a harsh reply.
"No!" he snapped, spinning around, green eyes ablaze. "I never got a choice! It's like being given a menu for your life but there's only one dish, one dessert, one type of wine…." He trailed off, the fire in his eyes dying. "I thought coming here would further me along the path laid out in front of me. But now all the footprints are gone." He was quiet for a long moment. "Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be Sparrow…free."
"Unless the navy caught you. Unless you were shot for what you believed in, hung because of your friends." Angelica answered almost without thinking. "James, listen to me. You don't have to follow one path. Who cares if it was bloody laid out for you? You can choose what you want." She had come over and he watched her, gazing at her with some sort of expression Angelica couldn't quite catch. Longing?
"That's all nice for you to say, but you didn't murder the lives of men you were responsible for. I have to go back to Port Royal and own up for my mistakes." He slowly reached a hand and brushed his finger against her hair, a warm, soft glow in his eyes. Angelica wondered if his medicine had too much port.
"You have no idea what I've done." Angelica whispered, knowing she had to tell him. Right now. "I wasn't just in love with Jack." She hesitated. "I grew up without a family, without knowing what place I had in the world. I was stuck in a sanctuary my whole childhood. Then I became a young woman. I had reached my full potential and was ready to become a sister myself, to take my vows. Then…Jack came. He was lost, and he told me about his ship, his crew…the world. He helped me escape." She spilled the story, watching as the soft look faded from his green eyes and started to be replaced with a horrified and disgusted expression. It left her with a deep wound, as he slowly pulled away, reacting just as she knew it would.
"Look." She pulled down her sleeve, showing him the ugly branded scar on her wrist. "I'm not who you think I am."
"You're a pirate." He spat, but Angelica had no idea how conflicted he was feeling. "You lied to me."
"You would have arrested me on the spot if I hadn't. I did what I had to, to be free." Angelica lifted her chin, trying not to let her gaze wobble. "But you know what I want most? To belong…to be cared for. Regardless of who I am or what I've done. And I think…that's what you want too."
The Admiral just stared at her, his chest heaving again, breathing shaky and uneven. Angelica had hoped, slightly, that he wouldn't have done this. That he would have accepted her. Perhaps if the accident hadn't happened he might of. But it was too late now. She'd told him.
"How can I trust anything you've said to me when you lied about who you are?" his voice was tight. "I want you to leave. Now."
Angelica lingered a moment, hoping he'd change his mind. But he only turned back to his window, and she quietly stepped out. The whole world felt like it was going to crash down and suffocate her.
