Hey, guys. Long time no see... (With this story, that is.) I'm sorry for taking forever to update this. I know it's been a while, but to those of you who will read this, I hope you like this chapter. :)
Dragging himself out of bed the next morning was a struggle.
His alarm went off three times, before he finally managed to slip out of bed and into the bathroom connected to his bedroom. His head was pounding, his eyes were blood-shot with bags underneath them, and he felt like he could fall over at any second. He was exhausted, and with good reason, since he had spent most of the night before tossing and turning in his bed. It hadn't been until almost four thirty in the morning that he had managed to fall asleep.
It was now almost seven, and all he knew was that he wasn't looking forward to the day that lay ahead. Facing his best friends was something that he was not ready for. He didn't want to have to lie to them or make up excuses for his unusual behavior.
He knew he couldn't stay home, though. He had a test for his algebra class (which he had struggled to study for the previous evening), and he did not want to miss it. Especially since there would be no makeup exam.
So instead of turning around and crawling back into bed, like he desperately wanted to do, he forced himself to continue with his morning routine, until he was sitting at the table, eating breakfast.
Or attempting to, that is.
His mom had made him and Katie pancakes with bacon, but he couldn't even swallow them down. The aroma alone had him feeling queasy. Food was the last thing on his mind right now.
"Honey, did you not like them?" his mother asked as she passed Katie the jug of orange juice that was sitting by her.
"No! It's good," he said, looking up at his mother with the most convincing smile he could muster. "I'm just not really hungry," he mumbled, his gaze falling back on the full plate of food in front of him.
"Are you feeling sick?" His mom was quick to extend a hand forward, with the intention of pressing it against his forehead. Before she could reach him, though, he ducked and rose from his chair.
"No, I'm fine, Mom. I just... I have a big test today. I think I'm letting my nerves get the best of me."
Mrs. Knight nodded understandably, though the worried expression on her face did not vanish. "I'm sure you'll do great, sweetheart. What's it on?"
"Algebra," he said as he moved to place his plate in the refrigerator. He then turned around and walked to where his backpack was sitting on the living room couch. He hoisted it over one shoulder and took a seat on the couch as he waited for his mother and sister to finish their breakfast.
Once they were done, they all climbed into his mom's old Sedan and started making their way to drop off Katie, since her elementary school was located on the way to Kendall's high school. During the ride there, he remained quiet, with his head pressed against his window's glass. He could hear his mom and Katie bickering from where he sat, but he paid no attention to their conversation.
But once Katie had been dropped off, he had no choice but to make small talk with his mom and act like everything was okay. But no matter how hard he tried, it seemed that his mom could see right through his façade.
"Listen, honey," his mom started as she parked in the school's parking lot and turned around in her seat to look at him, "if you're not feeling well, I can talk to your teacher and you can stay home. I'm sure he will understand."
Kendall looked up at her and shook his head. "No, it's fine, Mom. I'll be okay." He offered her a smile in hopes that it would convince her and started to remove his seatbelt. "I'll see you after school."
His mother stared after him with worry in her eyes, but said goodbye to him anyway and waited for him to get out of the car, before backing out of the parking space.
Kendall didn't look back as he made his way to the school entrance, avoiding the eyes of all the kids that were currently outside the building. He had almost managed to make it to his locker when he heard a familiar voice calling his name from somewhere down the hall.
"Hey," he said softly as Logan managed to catch up to him.
"Hey, how are you?" Logan asked as he fell in step with him and followed him to his locker.
Kendall started to turn the combination on his locker, simultaneously shrugging his shoulders in response to Logan's question. "Fine, I guess," he said, even though it was clear by his tone that he didn't truly mean it.
"Do you wanna talk?"
Kendall shook his head. "Thanks, Logie, but I'll be okay. Are you ready for our algebra exam?" he asked, changing the subject. He already knew the answer to that – Logan was always ready when it came to tests and quizzes. He was known as the genius of their group of friends for a reason.
"Yeah. Are you?"
"Kind of," Kendall said as he took out a couple of notebooks from his locker and closed it shut. "I... I might need some help, actually. I couldn't concentrate very well last night, and I'm having a bit of trouble with understanding some of the material."
"I can help you go over what you don't understand. How about during lunch, since our test is right after it?"
"Yeah, that'll work." Kendall smiled, wrapped an arm around Logan's shoulders, and then the two of them started heading in the direction of Kendall's geography class. Logan's biology class was right next to it.
"I'll meet you outside the cafeteria, okay?"
"Alright. Bye."
"Bye." Kendall waved, before walking inside his classroom and taking a seat on his regular seat, in the back of the room. He then placed the notebook he used for that class in his desk, stuffed the rest into his backpack, and pulled out a pen.
For the most part, the class was completely empty, aside from two other students who had gotten there before him. There were still about ten minutes before class started and most of the time, the students waited until the last minute to get to class, so that wasn't much of a surprise.
While he waited for class to start, he started scribbling on a clean sheet of paper. The shapes he was drawing made no sense to him – they were all just a mixture of circles and lines and scribbles, but they helped to keep his mind busy, until someone took a seat right next to him.
"Hey, Kendall."
Kendall looked up, meeting Carlos' eyes. "Hey, Los," he said in response, the grip on his pen loosening.
"Are you feeling better today?"
"Yeah, I'm better now. Thanks for asking." Kendall smiled in an attempt to appear convincing. "How was practice yesterday?"
"Eh, it was okay, though tiring. But I guess that's to be expected."
"Are we having practice today?"
Carlos shook his head. "Nah, not today. But I think we are tomorrow. Coach said he'd email us to let us know."
If he could have, Kendall would have sighed in relief. All he really wanted at the moment was to be home, not dealing with the pressure that school brought him. As much as he loved hockey, it was in days like today that it felt more like a chore than a hobby.
"We missed you yesterday, by the way." Carlos smiled over at him, stretching an arm out to place a hand on his shoulder. Kendall smiled back at him, but something about the way Carlos was smiling made him wonder if he knew something was up with him. His smile didn't quite reach his eyes.
"I'll be there tomorrow," Kendall assured him.
"Good." Carlos paused, the hand on Kendall's shoulder disappearing. But a second later, he turned back and added, "'cause it's really not the same without you."
Something about the way he'd said that last sentence made Kendall's stomach twist up in knots.
Once class started, he was unable to concentrate on his work. All he could hear was that one sentence, repeated over and over in his head.
"Hey. So do you wanna eat real quick and then head to the library?" Logan asked once Kendall had met up with him right outside the cafeteria.
"I'm not really hungry," Kendall mumbled, his eyes locked on his feet. He felt sick all over, like the contents in his stomach would come sprinting up his esophagus and past his lips at any moment. Only he had hardly had anything to eat in the last twenty-four hours, so there was not really much he could throw up.
Logan's face instantly crumbled with worry. "Are you sure?"
Kendall nodded. "Yeah, but you can go ahead and get something, if you want."
"No, it's okay. I have a sandwich and some fruit in my backpack that my mom insisted I bring to school. I'll eat that if I get hungry. Let's go."
Kendall followed Logan to where the library was located, not too far off from the cafeteria. The two of them took a seat at one of the tables there and took out their notebooks and textbooks so that they could study. But even with Logan there to help him, concentrating on the work in front of him wasn't an easy task for Kendall. His mind was somewhere else, or rather, nowhere. It kept going blank, and no matter how hard he tried to listen to what Logan was telling him, he just couldn't.
"So then you take the four and multiply it by— Kendall? Kendall, are you listening?"
"Sorry, what?"
Kendall watched as Logan set his pencil down, his gaze not leaving his. "You keep zoning out. Are you okay?"
Kendall nodded, sighing shakily. "Actually... I wanted to ask you something."
"Sure, what is it?"
"Did... did you say anything to Carlos and James?"
"About?"
Kendall gulped. "About my dad. Did you tell them what I told you?"
Logan seemed surprise by the question as he immediately shook his head. "No, of course not. I wouldn't tell them without your permission. What made you think that?"
"Carlos was just acting weird this morning. I don't know, maybe I'm looking too much into it."
"Weird how?" Logan asked. "I mean, he's Carlos," he said, a small smile coming to his face.
"Not weird like... Carlos weird. Weird like... like he knew something."
"Well, they did ask me if I knew anything yesterday..."
"Oh." Kendall felt his heart plummet to the pit of his stomach.
"All I told them was that it wasn't my place to say."
"So... they do know that something's happened?"
Logan shrugged. "I think so. I think they just sensed that something was up, especially since you didn't go to lunch yesterday."
Kendall looked down at his textbook, the words in front of him blurring together as tears started to gather in his eyes.
"I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for," Logan whispered, his right hand coming to rest on top of Kendall's. "I know you're scared, and it's okay to be scared, but I think you should tell them. If I didn't see you any differently for it, neither will they."
"I know, you're right." Kendall slipped his hand away from Logan's to wipe at his eyes. "I just don't know how to bring it up."
"I can tell them... if you want me to, that is."
"I don't wanna put that burden on you."
"It is not a burden. I don't mind doing it."
"Are... are you sure?"
Logan smiled. "Of course."
"Thank you... You're amazing."
Logan blushed at the compliment and ducked his head. "It's nothing."
"It's everything. Seriously, thank you."
"No problem. We should probably get back to studying, though. We only have like fifteen minutes left before lunch is over."
"Well... I'm pretty sure I flunked that."
"You don't think you passed?" Logan asked as he and Kendall exited their algebra class.
Kendall shrugged. "I don't know... I feel like I'm gonna be sick."
"You're overthinking things, you're making yourself sick," Logan said, his worry for his best friend growing. "Take a few deep breaths. It'll be okay."
"I don't know why I'm so worried about this."
"Because they're your best friends... because you don't want their opinion on you to change, but I assure you that that won't happen."
"I feel like a coward for not telling them myself."
"You're not," Logan promised him. "Would you rather tell them yourself?"
"I don't know..." Kendall bit on his bottom lip as he thought over what Logan had said. "I just know I don't want to do it all by myself."
"Okay, how about we all stay over after school? I know we don't have hockey practice, but we can talk about it then. I'll be here if you need me. You won't have to do it alone... Unless you don't want to tell them today, which is completely okay, too."
"No, I want to. I think I need to get it over with, because I don't think I'll ever truly be ready."
"Well, I have to get to my next class, but text me, okay?"
"Okay. See you later."
With that being said, Logan went one way, and Kendall headed in the other. The anxiety Kendall felt remained present all throughout his last period class, up until he found himself face to face with Carlos, James and Logan.
"Why did you want us to stay after school?" Carlos asked as the three of them stood by Kendall's locker. It was where Kendall had asked all three of them to meet him.
"I-I need to talk to you guys about something," he said quietly, not meeting their eyes. "Can we go somewhere more private?" he asked, seeing as there were still a few kids walking around the hallways.
"We can try the library," James suggested.
"Library's closed," Logan pointed out. "Not that you'd know that, since you never go, but..."
"The cafeteria's open for an hour after school. I know some students go there while they wait for their parents or buses to pick them up, but it's usually pretty empty," Carlos said. "Maybe we can go there?"
Three pairs of eyes turned to Kendall as they waited for a response.
"Yeah... I think that'll work."
Without another word, Kendall started making his way to the cafeteria, with James, Carlos and Logan trailing behind. He was relieved to find that there were only five other students sitting at the cafeteria when they got there. He was sure to sit as far away from them as possible, not wanting to go through the risk of having any of them overhear their conversation.
"So, what is it that you want to talk to us about?" James asked once they had taken a seat.
"I..." Kendall trailed off, his eyes traveling to Logan, who was sitting to his left.
Logan smiled warmly at him, reached under the table, and took ahold of his hand, squeezing it tightly in his own.
Carlos and James exchanged a quizzical look.
"I already told Logan this two days ago, so I think it's only fair the two of you know..."
"Know what?" Carlos asked.
Kendall swallowed, his fingers tightening around Logan's hand. He opened his mouth and closed it repeatedly, unable to form any words.
"Whatever it is, it'll be fine, Kendall," James said as he leaned forward and rested a hand on Kendall's shoulder. "Just tell us."
"I... I never really talk about my dad," he started. "I've never really wanted to mention him." He swallowed hard and looked up at James and Carlos. "My dad d-died when I was six, shortly before I met the two of you. He... he was killed."
"Killed?" Carlos asked in disbelief.
Kendall nodded shakily. "I don't really remember much about it, and we never found out who did it because they left no trace, but I was there when it happened."
"I'm so sorry, Kendall." James rose from his seat and walked around the table they were seating at to reach Kendall. He pulled him into a hug, his heart breaking for the best friend he considered a brother. "I always wondered, but I never asked because I knew it was something that you never really wanted to talk about."
"Same here," Carlos said as he reached the two of them. "I'm really sorry that happened to you."
"I'm sorry I never told you guys. I wanted to, It's just... I have such a hard time talking about it."
"We understand," Carlos said as he sat down to Kendall's right. "You said you never found out who did it, though?"
Kendall shook his head. "No. The police looked for so long, but they could never find a lead."
"That sucks, I'm really sorry," James said in a soft tone. "Whoever it was that did it did not deserve to get away with it."
"It is what it is, I guess," Kendall mumbled, his voice dropping to almost a whisper. "I just wish I knew why it happened. Why they did it."
"People are cruel. Some of them have no compassion for others and don't care about who they hurt," Logan said, speaking for the first time since Kendall had explained things to Carlos and James. "But you certainly did not deserve it."
"Thank you... all three of you. I was in such a dark place after it happened... I know you guys didn't know about any of this until now, but... you guys helped me so much. I am so thankful to have all three of you in my life."
"We're just as thankful for you," Carlos said as he wrapped his arms around Kendall, with Logan and James joining in a second later. "We love you, Kendall."
Kendall sniffled and hid his face against the fabric of Carlos' hoodie, a small smile crossing his face. "I love you guys, too."
There's more to come after this. Let's just say... things will get more interesting as the story progresses. ;)
Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed the chapter.
~ BigTimeRush-BTR :)
