Because You're A Hero
A/N: Written whilst listening to "My Immortal" By Evanescence.
It had been a few days since Al and Beth had joined everyone else on the same wave length. Personally Beth was finding it all a little overwhelming; Al on the other hand was straight to business. He'd been talking to a few buddies, using the phone - back in New Mexico town that was. He'd called in as many favours as he could to just even get a committee to hear them out – let alone fund it!
He'd then be pouring his knowledge into Ziggy and Gooshie about everything he could remember, but mostly he'd been concentrating on getting the handlink fixed. Through all of this the group had come to the realization that even if they did get partial funding, it'd take months if not years to get this place back to a standard where they could even get everything running enough just to attempt the retrieval program…
Aside from that Beth was preparing to go home, Al didn't like it but he couldn't leave now, there was still so much to be done and Beth had to sort things out at home, she had a job there to go to - though he was retired so it didn't really matter much for him. All in all Beth had an awful lot to do, moving out here was going to be a massive challenge, not just for Beth but for Al too, whether he realized it or not.
Rather than build a house out here in the desert Beth and Al had come to the arrangement that they'd simply live in the PQL headquarters. It'd be cheaper for one and for two Al could always be close to hand should any major disasters occur or if they should come across Sam sooner than they think – although that was highly unlikely, especially with the way things were looking at the moment.
"All packed?" Al asked as he leant in the doorway, one hand inside his pocket, the other chuffing on a cigar. He couldn't help but admire how beautiful she was, how lucky he was to have such an understanding and caring wife who gave so much without question…Most of the time.
She turned after stuffing the bag with her clothes, her smile was there but he could tell she was still in the adjustment period, this was all completely wacko to her, for Al all of the memories were there as if it happened yesterday. Of course it was like that for her too, except her life with the other guy was completely different to what Al had experienced. "I guess so baby." She walked slowly over to him, her arms encircling his waist slowly as she gazed around the room. "I'm gonna miss you so much."
"I'll miss you too sweet thing, but you know when this is all over, I promise we'll go away, somewhere nice and hot – all of us, including the kids and grandkids. We'll make it real special."
"You promise?"
"Cross my heart." He smiled and kissed her forehead, then gently her lips, she was so beautiful and he was so thankful to Sam for another chance. Beth cuddled him and kissed him as much as she could; she grasped his hand and watched him stub out the cigar in the astray before picking up her bag with his free hand and walking with her. They exited the room and walked until they came to the lift. Al gazed at her, quietly remarking about every inch of her beauty, of her personality…She was amazing. Beth felt rather self conscious after a moment of his intense gazing and gave him a soft pat on his arm and hid the slight blushing in her cheeks. Even after all these years her marriage to Al had been perfect and she couldn't have asked for better.
The lift eventually came to a halt, the two climbed in and before they knew it they were topside once again, standing next to Tom's car – the other's just arriving. "I know it's silly, but…" Gooshie began handing her a box. She curiously looked at him and he nodded for her to open it, when she did he smiled when he saw her confused face. "It's a good luck charm; called a four leaf clover…It was my mother's necklace then my sisters and now mine. I want you to have it…So that you'll always know in the dark times that luck is on your side…Some way…Some how." He smiled and backed off a bit.
"Gooshie!" Al groaned a little. "Since when did you become mister mush?" Gooshie laughed out a little "You mean you never noticed Admiral? I was trying to be quite affectionate before!"
Al rolled his eyes and turned as Verbena, Tina and Sammy Jo appeared by their sides, wishing Beth all the best and hopeful to see her soon. Finally Tom and Katie appeared at their sides and both gave Beth a warm hug. "What you do for Sam…The both of you…It means more to us than you could ever imagine." Katie spoke softly.
Beth stared into her eyes, seeing how much it truly meant to her, feeling the pang in her heart as she took Al's hand and Katie's. "Look what Sam did for us…My four beautiful girls, my two wonderful grandchildren…My Al…I have perfection, I've had it for a long time now…I want Sam to come home, to us…To his beautiful sister and brother in law…" She looked to Al and Tom in turn before continuing "And to his brother's and sister in law - Tom myself and Al." She smiled brightly; they were like one big family. Tom and Katie and in a way Sam too – even though he didn't know it – had lost both their mom and dad, they had no-one now or at least no-one who cared enough about getting Sam home, or even knew the truth about where Sam was except for them.
Sam was a part of the family, a part of all their lives; they had to stick together now more than ever. "I know no matter what happens we'll do everything we humanly can to get Sam back…Even if I have to rob a bank." Al kicked in, looking between them. He could practically here Ziggy giving the odds of him succeeding in a bank robbery now…They all laughed and Al finally helped Beth pack her bag and some things into the car. He brought her to him one last time, kissing her passionately for a long moment, holding her loving body in his arms as much as he could before finally letting her go, watching her get into the car he leant down when she started the engine and rolled down the window. "Say hey to the kids from me; tell them I love them…"
She nodded and kissed him gently, staring at him for a long moment. "Are you sure this is what you want?" He asked, she nodded "More than anything." He smiled whispering "See you soon gorgeous, I'll call you in a couple of days promise."
"You better." She winked and he laughed stepping back slowly. "You sure you can drive this? It packs quite a punch if you floor it." She rolled her eyes this time "I'm a fantastic driver! I'll be fine. Take care everyone, bye!" She called as she reversed and they all watched her. "If you follow this road you should be straight on course for where you need to be, keep to the directions on the map I gave you and you'll be fine." Tom spoke leaning down to the window for some final advice, Beth thanked him and when he moved off she paused for a moment, taking in the air and the smells, watching Al for a moment before she nodded to herself and put it into gear and waved her arm out the window as she sped off towards the gates, the flattened gates that was and then took off into the distance.
Everyone began seeping back in after a few moments; Al watched her car until he couldn't see her anymore, even after that too. Finally he noticed everyone heading in, he turned and called out. "Katie, have your husband get someone up here to fix them gates, pronto." She felt excited and nodded quickly before running ahead of everyone.
"Admiral?" Gooshie asked as he walked back in with them. Al signalled for him to continue and he did. "Do you think we'll find Sam if he's not connected to your brainwaves anymore?" Al thought about it for a long moment as they walked, finally when they reached the lift, the two of them the only ones remaining top side; he looked at Gooshie long and hard.
"Gooshie I've known Sam a long time, even longer if you count the past years gone by. When we…When Sam leapt into the middle of that horror experiment in that mental hospital, well right before we symo-leaped and switched places? Sam begged me not to leave him, but I knew even with failing power I'd never be truly gone, you see….Were connected me and Sam on a more spiritual level, he's not open to beliefs of magical lands but he's open enough for me to know that even though I have no idea where he is, no idea what danger or time he's in…I know whatever happens he's always here…" Al tapped his temple on his head. "And here…" He tapped his chest. "Beth was right…" Al turned and gazed back down the hall as the lift doors opened. "Sam's in my soul and heart, he's like my brother…How could I have forgotten that?"
"Maybe that's what Sam wanted?" Gooshie spoke and stepped into the lift, Al gazed a moment longer but what Gooshie said struck a cord with him, he turned and entered the lift with him, watching Gooshie push for the floor number before he spoke. "What do you mean?"
"Well…He wanted you to be happy right?"
"Right…So…"
"Well for you to be happy Sam couldn't risk having you on the team, if Sam was to be trapped in time forever then that's the price he'd pay for your happiness…If you knew Sam was paying that kind of price you'd never let him do it…"
"I did try to make him do it…Once." Gooshie looked at him confused. "I tried to make him go and change my life with Beth, when really he was there to save a cop…He could have been killed…Thank god for Sam Beckett…" Al looked up to the ceiling briefly.
"I'll second that." Gooshie smiled, Al half smiled; everything was so unbelievable right now. "Sam remembered more from that leap than you thought...Otherwise how would he remember about putting a wrong right for you and Beth two years on?"
"What are you getting at?" Al asked curious.
"Nothing important Admiral…" The lift slowed at the deck with Gooshie and Tina's quarters, Gooshie stepped out and continued, wanting to leave Al with a final thought. "In the time I knew Dr. Beckett, he was a very kind, honest and generous man…I also knew that he looked up to you like an older brother, Sam would give his life for you willingly! As you would for Sam, he wanted you to be happy because he knew you deserved it…He also knew that he felt guilty for not being able to do it sooner…Maybe because he needed you too much? Maybe because he knew you'd forget him…So maybe, just maybe he changed his life also…So that he'd forget you too? Otherwise how would he be able to continue without you?" The lift doors closed and Al attempted to push the button but the by the time he'd come to his senses the lift was moving again, what the heck did Gooshie mean? He was always full of riddles that man, 'the riddle man' they ought to call him!
Al sighed, trying to push away his personal feelings on the situation and get to matters at hand; he'd deal with Sam personally when they found him. Time now to get his head back into the works…
So Al had headed down to the control room, it was fairly dark down here all the time; Al figured they only ran Ziggy when it was absolutely necessary. Sammy Jo and Katie were talking in the corner and two technicians were fiddling with wiring in the floor. Al walked over slowly to the main controls and took a deep breath, his mind was all a whirl, he could quite clearly remember the last time he was stood here, but yet he could also remember being somewhere else too, it was like being two people living two separate lives at the same time.
He walked out of the control room and down the hall after a few moments, his mind told him he needed to go and get on with his speech to present to the committee, how was he going to explain this mess to them? He'd probably do better on the Jerry Springer show his daughter watches.
Al laughed as he brought back a memory of one of Sam's leaps…
"AL!"
"Al what?"
"…Al be leaving you alone now…Okay."
"What's a matter? What did you do to your head?!"
"I err…I err…"
"What did you do to your head Sam?"
"I got head butted by the fuehrer!"
"Oh…What do you mean you got head butted by the fuehrer?"
"It's a long story, what have ya got?!"
"Well…Alright…"
Al laughed out to himself, the one liner's that Sam came out with were cracking, they all made sense, but mostly they were typical Sam…They couldn't compete with Al's sex drive comments, but they came damn close!
Al realized after a moment that whilst he'd been reminiscing, he'd actually arrived outside his office; he hadn't been here for what seemed like years, yet days too. Everything was mux scumbled inside of his head, he wished he could make everything fit but he knew that only Sam could do that…He had so many questions for Sam; he wondered if time would let him ask them.
He was about to open the office door when he paused and turned looking behind him at Sam's door. It had his name on it and a key card, one of those swishing ones that you swiped through to make it unlock and open. Thankfully Al had already made himself one, or rather Gooshie had, had it prepared for him, and he had the highest level of clearance out of all of them. In the time they'd been here only three people had this kind of clearance…Christopher –his so called friend and observer - and Donna of course and now him. That bastard Christopher, how could he abandon Sam like that?
Even Gooshie and the others weren't permitted entrance without clearance codes into Sam's quarters, even his office. Donna of course had clearance but nobody could find her clearance card, Gooshie had said that he thought she may have destroyed it to prevent Sam's personal information and top secret files leaking into the hands of pilfers. The security clearance and even the door was the toughest to get through, nobody would spend that much time trying to break in unless they knew what they wanted before hand.
Gooshie had, had Ziggy create him one and encode it to him specifically, Sam's life was behind this door and here he was standing in front of it, daring himself to go in. Even last time he was here, without Beth, he had never ventured into Sam's personal things, he'd never gone into his office since Sam had started leaping, and the thought now was sending chills down his spine.
He hated to admit it, and he thought of Sam telling him he was ridiculous but…He was scared to go in there alone. "Al?" A voice called out gently. Al looked up and down the extremely dim corridor, there was a light at the end of the corridor flickering and a light at the other end from where he'd come from, but it wasn't very bright. He felt the chills again and heard his name whispered – as if being whispered on the wind.
He wanted to run, wanted to hide away but something was urging him to go into Sam's office. He raised his key card and brought it to the slot, swiping it through slowly and watching the light flick from red to green. He heard the door unlock and watched it open slightly as it became loose of the fixtures that kept it sealed. Al's hand reached out unsteadily to the handle and he slowly opened the door and pushed it gently, releasing it and letting it slowly swing open.
It hit him; with all of its might and power it hit him so hard he felt faint. It was Sam's smell, his body spray or deodorant or whatever it was, it was Sam all over, he wanted to cry again; to fall to his knees and beg Sam's forgiveness…But maybe Gooshie was right, maybe this is what Sam wanted, for Al to forget him…So why should he be begging forgiveness?
He took control of himself, reaching in he flipped the switch, the light didn't work. He moved further in and reached to a side table, flipping on the light on it. The room filled with light and energy, Sam's things were as he'd left them this time around. He imagined a different scenario if he'd have ventured into this room before when he was Sam's observer. Al always made him clean up after himself; Sam was a nightmare for misplacing things.
He felt like he was dreaming but he knew he couldn't be…He stared at Sam's desk, letters strewn across it, pieces of paper everywhere, covering every inch of Sam's desk so that not one part of its top surface was visible. Al starred at it for a long time, remembering a memory from the night Sam leapt….
"Hey buddy…" Al strolled up to the door; Sam was sat at his desk, his eyes glued to an oddly shaped piece of board in his hands.
"Hey Al, could you pass me that quarter inch driver there?" Sam spoke without even looking up. Al looked around and found what he was pointing to; he walked over almost handing it to him before he stopped himself. "Do you realize what time it is?" Al asked curious to see his reaction.
"Yeah…" Sam said finally looking up, he had his white lab coat on, he looked the picture. "You haven't even asked me where I'm going at this time of night!" Al smirked. Sam finally released the metal object to the desk and looked up at him laughing a little at the sight of Al in a tuxedo. "Okay who are you marrying tonight?"
Al laughed sarcastically and handed him the driver, "Her names Tia Maria." Al smirked back at him, Sam looked worried for a moment "The drink?" Al looked at him confused before clicking on "No you numptey, her names Tia Maria, she's 25 with the best set of…"
"AL!" Sam cut him of before he could continue, Al continued anyway. "Set of cards in the business." He smirked, taking out the pre-prepared cigar and lighting it. "You're going gambling?" Sam asked curiously, he nodded smirking still…He never went gambling, but Tina and he were arguing and he wanted to prove his macho-ness in their semi break-up.
"I can't believe you're going gambling when we're already short of funds for this project Al…That's like throwing the last few years back in my face!" Sam started to get tetchy, part of Al knew that it was because Sam was exhausted, more than exhausted, Al hadn't spent time with Sam for a few weeks, he'd been too busy with Tina and other such 'activities' he felt guilty, but still that was no way to talk to your best friend.
"Hey, hey Sam this is my money were gambling here not the projects! Gees lay off will ya…" Al tried, as calmly as he could. But it soon became evident that Sam was in an argumentative mood. "No I won't! Where have you been Al? I need you on this project and I have barely seen you the last few weeks!"
"Sam what did you do? Get up on the wrong side of Ziggy this morning?" Al asked curious to his anger. Sam sighed heavily, putting his head back into the circuit board he was working on. "Fine don't speak to me…" Al stubbed out the cigar in the ashtray in the corner of the room and wrapped the white scarf around his neck letting the other side hang over his back, he turned to go out the door and hoped Sam would stop him…
"Al?" Sam spoke up and Al stopped, turning back to him. "Don't leave that cigar there." Al was furious, he stormed swiftly over to it and picked it up taking the ashtray and the cigar inside it over to his desk and plonking it harshly down on his desk before turning and storming out.
Sam took off after him; they met in the hall not far from his office door. "Al what the heck is wrong with you?"
"Me? ME?!" Al asked, laughing out. "I'm fine, what the heck has got the bee in your bonnet with me today?"
"In case you haven't noticed the project is dying, the funds are gonna be stopped if we don't start proving SOMETHING and your hardly around, now your going out gambling? Al…" Al cut him off.
"I'm entitled to a life Sam! I don't want to be stuck here every night for the rest of my life!"
"Ah right I see…" Sam trailed nodding. "Then go! Go and gamble your life away."
"What the…" This time Sam turned and stormed back into his office. Al started down the hall, made it all the way to the lift before he started back and stormed into his office. "You know I didn't mean it like that."
"Yeah sure Al, just go I'll see you soon."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"What?"
"You know what! 'I'll see you soon?' Like your telling me where to get off?"
"Just drop it Al…"
"No I won't just drop it! Do you want me on this project or not?"
"Al for God's sake just drop it!" Sam snapped at him. "Go to your damn party and leave me here."
"Ah so that's it…"
"What?"
"You're jealous."
"Jealous of what?" Sam asked sharply.
"That I've got a life and you haven't."
"Ha, ha that's a joke."
Al paused, without saying anything, stood there like the comment had sawn through him like a knife to his belly. Sam sighed but didn't reply to his moment of silence, he knew he was wrong but he was so stubborn he wouldn't back down. "I may be a joke Sam, but at least I'm not a hopeless dreamer, maybe I want to make something with my life…So that I won't be stood up at the altar….Goodnight Sam, I'll see you soon."
Al turned on his heel and left the office, he stood outside for a long moment, listening to see if Sam would come after him but he didn't and so Al left, left the building and PQL HQ and went gambling. He knew they'd both be apologizing come morning so it didn't trouble him too much…
Except standing in this office right now it did. He never got to apologize to Sam about that comment, he could never forgive himself for it, never forgive himself for being so crude about Sam's love life when in that reality his had been just as bad. It was a part of their friendship, he often wondered now if he was the one responsible for pushing Sam into the accelerator, making him 'do' something with his life.
Al didn't stay gambling for long, it played on his mind more than he thought. Sam was right they had hardly spent any time together... So he made his way back to PQL HQ – intending on making a trip to Sam's room before bed to apologize, but of course all of that changed…When he'd stopped to pick up the beautiful Tanya, his eyes were glued to impressing her with his machine…That was his car of course.
She had been the first to notice the blue 'hiss' in the sky coming from PQL HQ, something was wrong and he knew it. He'd pushed a few buttons calling the control room from the car…Gooshie picked up…
"Controllllllllllll….."
"Yeah, what's happening Gooshie?"
"He's leaping!!! Ziggy said no but Sam's leaping!!!!"
"He cant leap we're not ready!" Al was starting to panic, Sam had done the unthinkable, and he was doing it to prove his life to Al…Al felt the well of guilt swirling in his stomach, his heart racing what had he done?
"Tell Sam that!!"
"Put him on!!" Al snapped, he had to stop him.
"I cant he's in the accelerator!!" Al felt like he could cry, he had to swallow the lump in his throat, if this worked god knows what would happen…He'd never get to apologize to Sam, to tell him he was sorry for what he said…He needed to be there, to stop him, to do anything…This couldn't be happening…Not now.
"Al! Al! What do I do??" Gooshie was panicking, Al knew if he did anything it could do more harm than good and he relayed that to him clearly.
"Nothing, any interference could kill him!! I'll be there in two minutes!!" He floored the car and was there within a shot…But it was too late. Sam was gone and as Al stood at the door to the empty accelerator room he shed a tear. His best friend was gone and if the project didn't work then…Then he was gone forever.
Of course they did gain contact with Sam eventually…Sooner than Al thought…When of course someone leaped into the waiting room. He was still in his tux when he dashed into the imaging chamber and saw Sam sitting there, in a room full of people and listening to them talk about flying mach 3.
He looked to Sam and spoke but Sam gave him a weird look, it was heart breaking as if Sam was still mad at him for what he'd said. Sam still failed to speak to him, for a while anyway...Al was sure he was mad at him but continued to remark at how well the project was working, he was actually incredibly impressed that for all Sam had done he really had proven to Al tonight that his project worked, Al enjoyed it. But he was worried about Sam incredibly.
As time progressed Al eventually got time to talk to Sam…He'd had a few drinks though he hadn't told Gooshie that when he'd stormed into the imaging chamber for the second time. He was prepared to have a go at Sam again, but still was reeling from it all. Now that all this had come to life and he was here stood by a jukebox…He saw Sam head over and wanted to try and ease it between them again, he started speaking to Sam but it became incredibly clear that Sam didn't remember a thing…He actually thought Sam knew he'd been drinking and commented with "I'm not that wasted!"
But as Sam continued Al got more frightened, he couldn't bare to stand there as his friend had no recollection of who he was and what he was doing there, Ziggy had warned him about the Swiss cheese effect but Al had ignored it. When Sam tried to press him Al had run…Run for his life, he was scared to death of what Sam had become but more frightened that his best friend would never understand why Al was so sorry.
That night Al had gone back to PQL HQ, had an argument with Ziggy and Gooshie, then stormed down to the kitchen and drank himself into oblivion. Tina had come to get him and finally he'd collapsed into bed in the early hours of the morning… The rest was history. When he spoke to Sam when he got up he tried to explain some things but he'd figured that he should leave the argument till Sam had come home…Of course Sam wouldn't come home but he didn't know that then.
Al stared at the desk, the tears rolled down his cheeks and finally he swallowed hard, turned off the light quickly, slammed the door shut and waited for it to lock before he leant back against it and breathed deeply…This was going to be harder than he thought.
