CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD
SPIDERWEBS, DUST, AND COBWEBS
CHAPTER 9
The morning came, Dean woke, feeling frozen, he had pulled against his restraints during his sleep, leaving his wrists sore with marks rubbed into his skin. He couldn't remember his sleep, didn't know if he had nightmares or if he fought against them out of habit.
His wrists looked similar to the way the rope burns would look when he was younger, the only exception is these didn't dig into his skin leaving a bloody mess, these were just bruises and burn marks.
A different doctor entered the room in the morning. He made the comment about how cold it was. He even apologized, said the other doctor may not have noticed the air was on so cold. He asked Dean how he was feeling. Dean told him he was feeling better. Told him he didn't remember anything about yesterday, wasn't sure why he was there or what was going on.
Of course, this was a complete lie, but he knew it would get him out of his restraints and, with any luck, back into his room. The doctor checked him over and removed the restraints after asking a few questions being sure he didn't want to hurt himself or anyone else. Dean assured him he didn't.
He told Dean that Dr. Willow was wanting to see him, but first he was allowed to go to his room and shower and change. That she would be ready for him in about half an hour. Dean understood and headed to his room. He felt defeated, kept his head hung low, watching the floor as he walked.
He was never more thankful then when he entered his room. God, he wanted his brother so bad right now. He needed to tell him everything, needed to tell him what the ghost woman said, he was so afraid he would forget, he was afraid he would become drugged again, so he took the paper and crayon that was in his room and wrote his brother a note. He then showered and changed into some clean clothes, tucking the note deep in his pocket.
He felt a little better now that he was clean and warm. He dressed in a pair of jeans, t-shirt, and a hoodie. He had the need to cover the marks on his wrists, habit he guessed. It wasn't like everyone didn't know he was restrained.
He laid down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He had no way of knowing what time it was, no way of knowing how long a half an hour is. So, he just laid there. He didn't want to go around others, not yet. He knew he had to, he knew he had to figure out who that woman was and what had happened to her, but right now, he wanted to be alone, away from the doctors and restraints and the freezing room.
He didn't want anymore medications or medical care at all. There was a knock at the door, Dean sat up telling them to come in. It was one of the workers, Dean didn't know if he had seen him before or not, they all looked the same to him.
"Dr. Willow wants to see you." He informed him.
Dean just nodded his head and stood, following the person down the hall. He kept his head low and his hands shoved in his pockets, he figured that was the best way to keep out of trouble. He had learned how to avoid any additional punishments. He walked into her office and immediately took his seat on the couch. He didn't look at her, he kept his focus on the floor.
"You feeling better this morning?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Are you just saying that to make me happy, or are you really feeling better?"
Dean just shrugged his shoulders.
"Okay, well, you seemed to have a reaction to the medication I put you on, so I'm going to change it."
Dean shot his head up, looking at her. "No! please, no."
She was shocked by that reaction. "Why not? You don't wanna keep taking something you're gonna have a reaction to do you?"
"No ma'am."
"Then, what is it?"
Dean lowered his head again, looking back at the floor. "I… I don't want to take anything, ma'am."
"Dean, you need to take something, the right medicine with help you feel better."
Dean just shook his head.
"Okay, you don't wanna take anything. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't prescribe you any medications."
Dean was silent for a moment before answering. "Because… I'm scared."
"Of the medications?"
Dean just nodded his head.
"I see, are you afraid you're going to have another reaction the way you did yesterday?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Dean, what else are you scared of right now?"
Dean didn't answer, he tightened his body, just slightly, but no answer.
"Dean… I asked you a question… what else are you scared of right now?"
It took Dean a moment to come up with the right words to say. "Being punished."
"For?"
"For… not being strong, for allowing the medication to take over my body the way it did." He absentmindedly pulled his hands from his pockets and started rubbing his wrists.
"What's wrong with your wrists?"
Dean pulled his arms apart and tucked his hands between his legs, shaking his head.
"Let me see."
Again, Dean just tightened his body and shook his head.
"Dean, as your therapist, I need to make sure you haven't harmed yourself."
Dean rolled his eyes, putting his arms out, palms up, to show that he didn't have any cuts on his wrists, there was no way the restraint marks would ever go unnoticed.
"How am I supposed to harm myself when I spent the night tied to a damn bed?"
Dean didn't mean to have so much anger in his voice, but he was feeling a bit irritated by this point.
Dr. Willow reached out, taking a hold of each on of his arms and turning them back and forth looking at the marks. "They kept you restrained? In the treatment room? The entire night?" She sounded shocked.
Dean just nodded his head, pulling his arms away from her, tucking his hands between his arms again. Dr. Willow sat in silence for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts.
"Do you feel like it was a punishment for something?"
"Well I sure as hell didn't do anything to deserve it."
She was looking through his chart as they talked. "Says here, you threatened to hurt the doctor?"
Dean just chuckled. "Not exactly."
"Then what's your side of that story?"
"He gave me something, in my IV, when I asked if he could remove the restraints. He told me some crap about not being safe and I told him I was fine then he made some smartass remark about how you never know the way a medicine will react that it could make you violent, or some crap like that, while he put whatever he had into my IV. And, I told him if he didn't tell me what he gave me then I would get violent towards him. And that's pretty much it."
"It says here he gave you something to sleep."
"Yeah, that was later, after he claims I threatened him."
"Because you didn't want to be tied down?"
"Yeah something like that."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't have a clue what the hell he put in my body! Look woman, you wanna help? Keep that damn man away from me!"
"For his safety or yours?"
Dean wanted to say 'both', but he knew better. So, he just shut his mouth, he could feel the anger rising in him. He felt like he couldn't control it, why couldn't he control it? He was usually so much better at masking things, keeping his anger under control.
"Dean, for his safety or yours?" she repeated.
"I… I don't know…" Dean paused. "I don't know what's going on with me. I feel so angry, this isn't normal, something isn't right. What the hell did he give me?" Dean sounded honestly concerned, and confused.
"Dean, you were having one hell of a reaction to the medication, I'm sure you're still having some effects from it. He didn't give you anything but something to help you sleep."
Dean just shook his head, he didn't see the point in this anymore, she wasn't listening to him, wasn't believing what he was saying. "I'm done! What the hell is the point in this if you won't even listen, or believe, anything I say?" Dean stood to leave.
"Dean, sit down… please." Dean sat back down. "If you feel that strongly about it, I'll have a tox screen done, okay?"
Dean nodded his head. "Okay, right now?"
"I'd like to talk to you some more first."
"After I know you're listening." Dean raised his eyebrows, he wasn't about to bend on this, he wanted his blood drawn before it was out of his system.
"Okay, come with me, we'll have the doctor do it right now." She assured
The closer they got to the treatment room, the more anxiety raised in Dean. He was praying the doctor from last night wasn't back. Fear gripped him, his body started trembling. He suddenly realized, as they sat him in the chair to draw his blood, that these doctors worked together. He was sure he would be punished for this. He was sure they would talk about how crazy he was and he would be punished for telling on him.
"Dean, I need you to keep your arm as still as you can." The doctor requested as he tried to insert the needle to draw his blood.
Dean tried, he really did, but his body was denying him control. It had decided to start shaking and he couldn't stop it. The doctor held his arm still and drew the blood he needed to be sent to the lab.
"We should have the results back within a couple hours." He informed them.
"Thank you." Dr. Willow spoke as she helped Dean out of the chair.
He was still trying to gain control over his body. The more he thought about being punished the harder his body shook. He hadn't realized they made their way back into his office and he curled himself up on the couch.
"Dean, I need you to talk to me now."
Her voice broke through the silence, bringing Dean back to the present. He sounded like a child when he spoke, a voice filled with fear. "Am I going to get punished, for telling?"
"No, Dean, you're not, in fact he won't be in until tonight, so he won't even know."
Dean sat up in a hurry, he's coming back? That's all he had to hear for his body to stiffen.
"Dean, were you punished a lot when you were younger? I mean, when your dad was around, did he punish you a lot?"
Dean nodded his head.
"For what?"
"Anything. Everything."
"Like?"
"Like breathing."
"Okay, what else?"
"I don't know, I don't know if there even were reasons, because he felt like it? I don't know. He could walk past me and knock me in the head or push me into a wall. Once, when we were in a motel, he got pissed because I had the water running in the sink so he almost drowned me and slammed my head into the mirror."
She demanded an answer so he was going to give her one. "One time, I forgot to flush the toilet when I was teaching Sammy how to use the potty and he shoved my head in the toilet until I couldn't breathe anymore, then he made me stand in the shower the rest of the night with his shit on me."
He was angry! He didn't want to do this. "Then there were the times he said I had an attitude and would make me run for miles in the middle of the night. And let's not forget about the times he didn't think I kept our little motel room clean enough because he would litter it with his whiskey bottles, yeah, those beatings were always fun!"
He wanted to leave this room, to go back to his room alone, but there was no way he would be allowed to do that without giving her the answers she wanted. "Let's see, there were the times Sammy did something, you know being a normal kid, and to keep him from being beat on, I'd tell Dad it was my fault, those punishments I didn't mind because I was protecting my brother. Then there was the time I took him to the park while Dad slept and forgot to leave a note, that got the hell beat out of me and tied in a cage, left alone in the dark for 3 days."
He had quit paying attention to what he was saying and let his mouth run without keeping it in check. "I'm sure there were reasons for him tying me to the chairs that he screwed to the floor and beating me with his belt, but it's been so long ago I can't remember. I do remember though, after my mom died, I stopped talking, when he got tired of that, he beat me with his belt until I was covered in blood, he swore he wouldn't stop until I spoke, until I begged him to stop, which he stuck to his word, he didn't stop until I started screaming, begging him to stop."
He should have stopped now, but somehow he just couldn't seem to do that. "Then one time, Sammy ran away, I didn't think I was going to live through that beating, but, I did, not without first being tied back down and forced to take care of his needs. But, that wasn't usually a punishment, that was usually because he was lonely and needed some comfort and a release. Except for when Sammy left for college, that was different."
Clearly passed the line of no return, one he would regret. "He wanted to get drunk and the guys he met wanted a night to do whatever the hell they wanted with me, so it was a fair exchange, I got punished for letting my brother leave and Dad got happy again. Do I need to continue or is that enough… ma'am?" The irritation in his voice was unmistakable.
Dr. Willow didn't know what to say after that. "And, uh, that was only just a few times I'm going to assume?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Why… I'm not trying to blame you for anything that happened to you, but what made you feel the need to stay?"
"Because it's my family. You don't abandon your family. That's all I have."
"I'm sorry, Dean, I don't know how to… I don't know what to say."
"And here I thought you were the one who was supposed to be the professional."
"So, uh, you said your dad died? How?"
"Car wreck, he died after he got to the hospital, some internal injuries or something that they didn't catch till he was already gone."
"You said your brother walked out on you and your dad? To go to college? Don't you feel like that was abandonment? I mean, you said you don't walk out on family, you don't abandon them, but isn't that what your brother did?"
"It's complicated. He didn't walk out on us, I allowed him to go, I didn't try to stop him, I knew he wasn't happy and he needed to experience life for himself. Besides, we still talk, we see more of each other than what either of us care to admit, so no, he didn't abandon anyone."
"I see." Dr. Willow appeared to be lost in some of her own thoughts.
"Do you have a brother or sister?" Dean wasn't sure why he was asking, but enough years hunting had taught him to follow his gut.
"I did have a sister, yes."
"Did? What happened to her?"
"I'm not exactly sure."
"So, who abandoned who?"
She was shocked at his question. "Neither, really. But, I guess I'm the one who let her down, who walked away from her."
"Let me guess, she didn't fit in your little world? She didn't meet your expectations of the people you kept in your company? What? Was she a little crazy or something?"
"Yeah something like that." Dean was a little shocked by her answer. "She ended up here." She admitted. "I didn't want anyone knowing she was my sister and I made that very clear to her. She wasn't crazy or anything. She had been raped and suffered from some PTSD and depression as a result, but still, I didn't want anyone knowing, because, you know, how would that look if a therapist had a crazy sister, right?"
"What happened to her?"
"I'm not exactly sure. She was a problem patient. She didn't seem to do very well here. She got put into the padded room a lot and each time, well it was like she just got worse and worse."
"Did something happen to her while she was in those rooms?"
She looked up at Dean, a bit confused, like she had never thought of that. "I'm not sure, I never asked, I was too ashamed to get involved with her treatment."
"Did she die here?"
"How did you know?"
"Just a hunch."
"Yeah, the best they could figure is she got into a fight with someone, she was found in her room one morning, already gone."
"Let me guess, She had long blonde hair? Slept in a white nightgown? Evidence of maybe rape or some type of sexual assault, judging by the blood that was left pooled between her legs and on her gown, and severe injury to the left side of her face? Indicating the whole 'she got in a fight thing'?"
"Who are you?"
"Oh, and I bet she didn't exactly get along with that quack of a doctor that I had a run in with last night either, did she?"
Her eyes widened. "How did you know all of that?"
"Just a lucky guess."
"You've seen her?"
"Who? Me? Noooo, that would make me crazy, and I'm not crazy." Dean said with a smile and a wink.
"I've seen her too, I figured maybe I was the one who was going crazy." Dr. Willow softened her voice, shame filling her tone.
"You're not going crazy." Dean reassured her.
"You don't seem crazy either, so what are you really doing here?"
"If I answer that, sweetheart, you'll be putting me back on meds."
She laughed at that. "No. I won't, I promise."
"I'm here to help."
"Help? Help the people who have been killed here?"
"Yeah, something like that, what can you tell me about them?"
After gathering some intel on the deceased patients and the way their deaths had been covered up, there was a knock on the door, the doctor entered with the drug screen results in hand. After looking over it, she thanked him, keeping the paper with her, requested he say nothing to any of the other doctors, which he agreed to. As he went to leave she stopped him, asking him to close the door.
"Dean, this is my husband, I wanted you to know, you can trust him, he's not going to hurt you, or anyone else. In fact, we've been trying to get the evidence we need to get rid of the doctor you dealt with last night. The thing is, my husband has told me, himself, that he's seen my sister, or her spirit, or whatever you call it, in the treatment room, she looked like she did after she died."
Mr. Willow was shocked, she quickly explained a little of what was going on and he settled into a seat in her office, feeling more comfortable about the information she had just given Dean.
Dean nodded his head. "That's where she came to me at, while I was in there last night, but she disappeared when the doctor came back in, after she told me to 'get rid of him'. I'm not completely sure, but I think he was who she was talking about. It would definitely make sense after the treatment I received from him last night."
"So, what do we do now? What happens from here?"
"I still have a job to do. I have to figure out exactly what's going on. So, you keep me unmedicated and let my brother and I do our job."
"Your brother?"
"Yeah, I failed to mention he left college and came back to the life he tried so hard to escape, this is our job, this is what we do, we hunt things, the monsters no one believes in, we save people, it's kinda the family business."
Mr. Willow had left, he had patients he had to take care of, and knew his wife could handle this on her own. "Hey, Dean." She stopped him before he left. "That stuff you told me, is it true?"
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry, I know you're here for a completely different reason, but if you really wanna talk, you know where my office is."
Dean just nodded his head. "Thanks." As he started to walk out the door he turned and looked at her. "I'm sure I'll be back in here, we gotta keep up the appearances until we're done here."
He gave her a quick smile then turned and headed to his room. He waited until shift change, until his brother arrived. But, that also meant the doctors changed shifts too. Dean was dreading that, but knew he had to do what he needed to do. He had asked Dr. Willow to stay late, past shift change, so he could use her office to catch his brother up on things, in private. She agreed.
As they entered her office she recognized him immediately. She hadn't noticed until then, but he stayed near Dean, a lot. It seemed anywhere he was the crazy janitor was there too. Now she understood why. Dean and Dr. Willow filled him in on what he needed to know, he even gave his brother the crayon written note, he explained he wrote it in case he was drugged again and couldn't remember any of it. Everything went calm at first, until Dean started explaining to Sam the plan he had hatched.
"Are you crazy?" Sam silently yelled at Dean.
"Well I am HERE aren't I?"
"That's not funny!"
"It's a little funny."
"Dean, you can't do that! You'll be putting yourself in danger, it's bad enough that doctor is crazy, and possibly the one who killed this spirit that visited you, if not he for sure had something to do with it, and you're going to get yourself put in the padded room, by him?"
"That's the plan."
"I have to agree with Sam." Dr. Willow spoke up. "It doesn't sound very safe, what if he hurts you?"
Dean just gave a look and shrugged his shoulder.
"Dean." Sam was trying his best to explain why this was a bad idea. "Let's go over what we know, first, he injected crap into you, leaving you in a freezing, dark room, restrained to the bed the entire night. And let's not even mention your feelings on being tied to a bed! Then you find out her sister was put in the padded room, by the SAME doctor and every time she came out there was obviously something wrong, then she's found dead with obvious sexual assault, which could only lead me to think that while she was in the room she was being raped, or worse. Then there's the others, some of them males, who had similar experiences and were also found to be severely sexually assaulted when they were found dead. Do I need to spell this out for you? Do you realize what's going to happen to you if you get put in that room?"
Dean just rolled his eyes. "Then what do you suggest? How the hell do we get what we need? There could be others trapped in there, you don't know! Besides, in case you've forgotten, I can handle myself."
"Right! Because you're an expert at it, right? Because Dad decided you needed to be his personal mouth, or hand, or whatever. Because Dad decided you needed to keep all the jerk ass hunters around, so Dad didn't have to hunt alone, and how did you do that? Oh, that's right, by doing everything Dad commanded you to, by experiencing your first real sexual experience with a MAN, by fucking them, by allowing them to put their fingers inside you, by being their personal mouth too."
Sam suddenly seemed to release everything he had been holding in. "At least Dad had enough sense about him that he didn't stick his dick inside of you! But, it's not like that would have been much worse than what he was already doing to you! Not to mention the fact he actually TAUGHT you how to self-harm, not just self-harm, but sexually self-harm."
Dean stood there, allowing his brother to vent. "Then let's not forget the night I left, the experience you got there. Dad making you undress, tying you to the bed, and leaving you, like a piece of meat for who ever to do what ever they wanted to you. For your body to be torn in half by a room full of strangers. But, you learned how to deal with that, right? I mean, ignoring it is dealing, right?"
He was in Dean's face, daring him to disagree. "Then there was, what a year ago by now? That you decided you were going to have a night with those girls from the bar that ended in another incident where you were tied to a bed and handed over to a room full of guys. And, as if that wasn't enough for you when we went back, to save someone who ended up not existing, you more than threw yourself back at them, in the name of the case of course, but that's what you do isn't it?"
Sam grabbed fistfuls of Dean's shirt. "You throw yourself at the chance to get injured, to be hurt, to be abused, any chance you get, in the name of the job, to 'save people'. I swear, if I didn't know better, I'd think you really do enjoy it, then again, maybe I'm mistaking, maybe I don't know better?" Sam sounded more than angry by the time he stopped going off.
"You done?"
"Yeah, whatever, doesn't matter anyhow, you're gonna do whatever the hell you want anyhow."
"Okay, fine, I get it, okay? I really do, I won't do anything to put myself in the room, not on purpose anyhow, but I'm telling you, he already has it out for me, so… I just… I think I'm going to end up there anyhow. I don't think there's anyway to avoid what's going to happen, so I might as well just accept it, and… get it over with."
Dean had lowered his head. He knew his brother wouldn't understand. He didn't want to do it. He didn't want to subject himself to what he knew would happen, but he really was afraid, he was scared it would happen either way. He honestly thought that if he made it happen on his own he wouldn't be so scared. The tears that dripped from the bridge of his nose proved that to be wrong.
"Dean, let's just go. We can send someone else in here to finish this. I can't let you get hurt, not like that, not again." Sam softened his voice, he could feel his brother's heartbreak.
Dean shook his head no. "We've come this far, we're almost there, Sam. She's contacted me, and as far as I know, she hasn't contacted anyone else who's been here trying to stop it. I can't just leave, I can't walk out on her like that." Dean never looked up, he didn't want his brother to see the hurt and fear in his eyes.
Sam reached over, placing his hands against Dean's face, drying a tear that threatened to fall, raising his head to look at him. "Okay, if you feel that strong about it, then this is what we do…"
Dr. Willow was instructed to cover her ears, not to listen to their plan, after the brothers had agreed to a plan of action they instructed the Doctor to go home, they didn't want her involved, she didn't need to know their plan, didn't need to be a suspect.
The brothers left the office, going their separate ways and Dr. Willow went home, she had both a heavy heart and a huge relief. She knew it was going to be over, that no one else would be hurt after tonight, but she had a heaviness, afraid Dean wouldn't be so lucky.
