Beany Head

Disclaimer: I only own the products of my own imaginings, not anything you recognize from the books.


The distinctive sound clip-clopping of hooves on tiles approached her, and her hands covered her eyes in response. You know, just in case she could see through her eyelids.

It sounded like he was fiddling with something to her right, but she hadn't gathered up the courage to look yet.

The sound of tiny feet scurrying across the tiles made the sounds stop.

"Mr. Foaly, I'd very much appreciate if you stopped fiddling with the human's saline drip." Hooves on tiles again, "thank you, now don't say anything to scare her. Apparently she's prone to severe panic attacks."

Caroline almost winced when she felt tiny hands pat her arm gently. The little hands grabbed hers, and with surprising strength, pried them off her eyes and forced Caroline to look at a very tiny doctor. She'd meant to shut her eyes, but something in her mind exploded. She stared vacantly at the creature, who found it not only just a bit disconcerting, but really, really creepy. The creature decided not to address the human directly.

"We've been changing her fluids in intervals between saline and glucose solutions. From the look of her body fat index, weight, and condition of her hair, she appears to have an eating disorder, or several." Foaly snorted from the other side of the room.

"I could've told you that without running any tests." Caroline struggled to sit up so she could glare at the obnoxious centaur, but discovered that her midsection and feet were bound down. She reached down to try to take it off, but from the feeling of it, it was a restraint she'd never encountered before. The two creatures continued speaking as if she wasn't there.

"When'd she finally stop seizing?"

"About half an hour after we got her here and brain activity slowed after the seizures stopped."

"You're reading my brain activity?"

"And the scan you requested turned out negative. As the resident specialist, I caution you against a mind wipe, seeing as any more damage to her psyche will cause her fracture to expand into a break."

The monitor on her right was showing not only her heart rate, but another set of lines. As her mind raced to process the information she'd just heard, the line began to curve upward. It reached a plateau when Caroline reached the conclusion that these tiny people (and centaur) she'd met so far couldn't be so stupid, seeing as they'd figured something out that she'd known for a long time. Vaguely, she also knew that some of her mind was still shut off to preserve her sanity, but right now she was ignoring the fact in light that she needed a familiar face.

"Where's Artemis?" The two creatures looked at her oddly, as if they'd just realized she was in the room with them. The tiny cute thing loosened the restraints very slightly and pressed a button that pushed the top half of the bed up to a comfortably upright position.

"So he should come in? Shouldn't you be mad at him for getting you into this mess?" Caroline nodded to the first question, but cast Foaly a glare.

"It's not like its safe to leave me alone," her voice was bitter. It might've been her imagination, but she thought she saw the centaur smirk.

At the door, Artemis stooped slightly to get in. It was obvious by his familiarity of the entire place, or atmosphere, or whatever that he'd been here before. It was that, or the same confidence that the damnable boy seemed to exude all the time. If she'd expected him to rush to her side or smile at her, she would've been disappointed. She did not expect anything of the sort, instead just trusted that he'd tell her what the hell was going on.

And he'd tell her, if only because she was apt to have another panic attack if she got too scared.

Before anyone could say anything and things got awkward, a different creature pushed its way past Artemis and to the side of the first one. The cute one looked at the second one who was taller and proportioned more like an adult rather than a toddler.

She briefly wondered if the taller one was there to take the cute one home after a day of playing doctor. Her thoughts were short-lived.

"Dr. Ymmetal, I have the injection you ordered."

Caroline was mildly concerned, seeing as she never signed off on getting pumped full of chemicals, but Artemis didn't look dazed or anything, so she trusted her babysitter, completely ignoring the fact that in the short time she'd known him he'd always had the same (short) range of facial expressions, and that neither dazed, confused, or concerned had never been part of it.

"What's that?"

The cute one (aka Doctor Ymmetal) picked up a small syringe from the tray the tall one was holding and did the whole tap-the-glass-squirt-some-out thing before turning back to Caroline.

"What's in that?" Caroline wasn't afraid of the needle in the least, it was just the urine color of its contents that disconcerted her.

"Hold still, I'll explain after…" The doctor had surprisingly strong hands for such a tiny creature, and with the strong hands, the doctor pulled Caroline's head down to level with his own before feeling around the area behind her ear.

"You won't feel this at all." She did feel something, but not the needle. She couldn't really explain what it was, but it didn't hurt so she guessed it was okay. Then she remembered that they were reading her brain activity and that she didn't feel the needle going in.

"You put something in my head?"

On the monitor next to her, another line appeared, climbing. And with that climbing line, there was a feeling rising inside of Caroline that she hadn't felt for three year, two months, and ten days? Or was it eleven now?

She was happy, or at least she wasn't unhappy.

"See how her Serotonin levels are rising to a little above normal?"

"You mean the line that just appeared?" Caroline hadn't noticed Mulch coming in, or another one of the tall creatures. The doctor nodded curtly.

"So what did you do to me?"

"Well, after the seizures stopped, we implanted a Bean into your head and I just used it to diffuse the happy shot into your bloodstream."

"A bean?"

"We call them that because they look like a dried legume until they're injected with whatever they have to dispose. Dr. Ymmental drilled a hole into your skull and secured it with enough space so it'd be comfortable once it expanded." Foaly had stepped in with pride seeping into his voice.

"Oh, okay." For some reason, Caroline found that she didn't really care.

"Initial side effects include dismissive attitude and lack of coordination, both of which subside in under an hour."

The doctor picked up her chart and wrote some notes down.

"Bring her back in 120 hours for next course of treatment."

The doctor left.

"I guess that means you're discharged." Foaly clip-clopped his way over to her and somehow undid her restraints. If Caroline hadn't been drugged, she would've remembered to stow away the pin code he used in the recesses of her mind for future reference. When she went to stand up, Artemis stepped forward and Foaly flung his arms to grapple Caroline's waist. She gasped, and then giggled at her situation.

"You shouldn't get up quite yet, unless you want a cracked skull for your troubles."

"Oh whatever, I can do what I want." Caroline wriggled her way out of Foaly's grasp and hopped to her feed nimbly. Unfortunately her legs weren't prepared to take the strain and she began to tip over, and by that time Artemis took another step towards her and snatched her out of the air firmly.

"Caroline, you have to do what you are told." She attempted a venomous glare but failed miserably because she had to peel her face off of the boy's shoulder first. Anyways, if her face was visible, the expression on it was closer to retarded rather than something Artemis Fowl could fear.

"Fine." She said it petulantly, but that was filtered out by the fact that she was talking into a slightly worn and dusty suit.

She missed the look that Foaly and Mulch shared.

"As soon as you get lucid, I will try to explain to you what is going on." They had decided that this was the best course of action after finding out about her fragile mental state.


"So the girl has an actual fissure in her mind, huh?"

"Is it that hard to believe, Mulch?" Holly rolled her eyes at her partner.

"Well, it's not like us Dwarves really have to think about all of this mental mumbo jumbo. We just stick to eating dirt and finding gold."

"Well nobody in their right mind would rape a dwarf, so they don't have to deal with that special brand of trauma, along with the loss of a sibling and being stuck with-" Foaly was cut off by the muddy, hairy ball of leather by his thighs.

"Yes, yes, I get it."

"With a little combination of medicine and magic, I think her mind will be in good enough condition for a mind wipe. Otherwise we might risk permanent insanity or have to let Caroline go home with her memories intact."

"And the latter is no option."

"Neither is the former." Artemis' three companions turned to scrutinize the boy. He'd seemed to take it upon himself to see to her well-being for no readily apparent reason. And yet all three of them knew there was a reason, because Artemis Fowl never did anything without reason. The three pressured him to reveal such a reason with their eyes, but they knew that if he didn't intend to tell them, they would never know. Artemis let out a silent huff of irritation and changed the cross of his legs.


Artemis handed Caroline off to Mulch, as his head was a much better (sturdier, more solid) foundation for balance. Mulch only minded that she was tugging at his hair, but relished the moment that a beetle crawled onto her hand, causing her to shriek and crush it in her palm. She then wiped the soiled hand on his back, a motion that Artemis watched with an appreciative smile.

Caroline didn't notice all the hallways that they went through (there weren't that many. They actually spent most of the time in the elevator, going up.) because she was just focusing on not tripping and was just basking in the feeling that filled every corner of her body. It was amazing how she didn't feel sad, a feeling she had been living with for so long that it had become a staple in her teenagehood.

Suddenly the slow, clumsy feeling was starting to fade away at the edges, and she found herself on the couch she had drooled on earlier that day (or was it yesterday?). She felt vaguely like Rip Van Winkle; as if she was slowly waking up from years of heavy dreamless sleep. When she stared at Artemis, she saw the gears churning as he struggled to phrase what he wanted to tell her. Apparently it was of considerable volume or of a delicate nature, as she couldn't see him struggle with anything short of, well, the situation she'd found herself in.


Sorry this took a bit longer than I thought.
I was meaning to get it out yesterday, but incidents concerning Pineapple Express arose.
Anyway, sorry I named the doctor after cheese, but what can I say, I was hungry.

Also, for all those concerned, Holly will take more of a part in the story.

Please read and review, I really want to hear all of your feedback, and I really feel as if I could use some help keeping everything in line so if anyone would like to have a little chat with me, I would love to bounce ideas off of someone.