I will be there for you

When I lost faith you believed in me. When I stumbled you were right there. For every act of love you've done I owe you one. There were hard times I know I survived just because you stayed by my side.

Willow sat in a rocking chair with her head in her hands. One of the Dingo's songs played on the radio. It was the twins first birthday and Matthew had just said his first word. He had been playing with Xander and when Xander rolled the ball to him he giggled and said, "Dada"

That simple word made her feel two different emotions at once. On the one had she was very proud of her son and wanted to pick him up and kiss him. On the other she felt like crying because her children would never have a daddy. Tara was a major figure in their lives but she couldn't fill that void.

She started to pull herself together when she heard a knock on the nursery door. Xander walked over to his childhood friend and put his arm on her shoulder. "Willow, I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting him to call me daddy. I really wasn't."

The redhead sighed. "Xander, stop it. I'm sorry I should be out there with my kids, not moping about something I have no control over. I just wish he would have said momma. Then I wouldn't have to think about…"

Xander laughed without humor. "Willow, you've been through hell. No one here thinks any less of you for wanting a little time to mope. Buffy just sent me to make sure you were okay. If you want me to leave then I'll go…"

Willow pressed a finger to her friend's lips. "I don't want you to go. You are the only one who actually understands where I'm coming from. Out of everyone in the gang, even after Tara joined us, I always knew I could trust you."

Xander sighed and stood up. "Stop this. If something happens, you and I both know we will regret it. We tried once and it nearly cost me my best friend. I can't, won't face that again. You are hurting and are going through a hard time. I know and I get it, but trying to sleep with me isn't going to provide comfort… so just stop, Willow. Stop before people we love get really hurt."

Willow frowned. "You are right, Xander. I'm only going to end up hurting Tara. I don't want to do that. Could you sit with me for a minute? I really need a friend right now."

Xander smiled sadly and opened his arms to the witch. "Come here."

Willow sat on the edge of the bed and wrapped her arms around Xander. The tears that she had been holding back all day poured in rivers down her cheeks. Xander just held her in his arms, making her feel safe in secure, then he did something he had only done one other time before - he kissed Willow. Suddenly he heard a voice snap, "How could you? Xander, you promised me that there was nothing between you and her! If I was still a demon I'd… I'd… I'd… well I don't know!"

Xander pulled away from the redhead and he felt terrible when he saw Anya and Tara standing outside the door. Anya looked like she wanted to kill someone and Tara had tears streaming down her face.

He took a deep breath. "Ahn, honey this isn't what it looks like. Yes, I kissed her...but it didn't mean anything. It was just a kiss. I would never hurt you… You mean everything to me."

Anya screamed, "How dare you, Xander Harris! Get away from me!"

Tara stared heart brokenly at her girlfriend. "Tell me this isn't true."

Willow sighed. "Tara, honey… I didn't w… I mean… he kissed me…. I love you. Somewhere inside you have to… believe that."

Tara sobbed. "I did once. I never doubted that until now. I'm leaving."

Willow's mouth gaped open. She couldn't believe what had just happened. Xander felt the witch's tears on his arm and pulled her close. "Will, she'll come around. You two love each other. Just have a little bit of faith. Come on Willow, I know you remember. It was your favorite movie."

Willow sniffled. "All it takes is faith and trust and a little bit of pixie…. Xander what am I going to do?"

Xander squeezed his friend's shoulder. "It's going to be okay. Tara was just upset. You didn't do anything wrong. I'll explain that I was the one who kissed you once everyone and everything has settled down."

Willow rested her head on Xander's shoulder. "Thank you. Xander, you have no idea how much that means to me. After Oz died Tara tried to help but she just didn't seem to understand. You've always been there for me and Buffy. You might not have had magical powers or been a chosen one, but you were something so much more important. You were the solid rock. You kept us standing...you don't know how much it means to us…but what it means to me… I love you."

Xander kissed the witch's temple. "This is habit forming for us, isn't it? We end up alone in a room and then kiss and tell each other we love the other person. It ends up putting strain on our friendship and we decide it's not worth the risk. At least this time we don't need to worry about a vengeance demon. Oh God, Anya only stopped because of me. Willow, if we end up in a vampire controlled world where Buffy doesn't exist again…"

Willow put her finger to her friend's lips. "Shh… I think I hear Buffy coming with the kids."

Xander hugged Willow one more time and moved to sit in the rocking chair across from the witch so Buffy didn't ask questions. The slayer was carrying Matthew and Kathy, and Kathy was squirming in her arms and crying.

Willow stood up and took the whimpering baby from her friend. "What's got my little tiger kitten all upset, hmm? Shh… mommy's got you, mommy Willow's got you."

Xander smiled as she watched Willow sit down and sooth her baby. It just seemed natural for her. He went over to Buffy and asked, "May I?"

Buffy nodded and handed Matthew to Xander. Carefully, so as not to wake him up, Xander sat down in the rocking chair beside Willow. He softly murmured, "How's my boy? I'm not you daddy, but I'll always be here to take care of you. Uncle Xander isn't going anywhere. We are all so proud of you and your sister. Happy birthday, little guy."

Willow looked up from where she was still trying to sooth her daughter. "Did you mean that? Xander, you don't have to…."

Xander put his hand up to silence her. "Yes, I did and I know that's why I'm doing it. You've been through so much and haven't asked for any help. I'm not leaving these kids alone. Now, it's late and you look like you haven't slept in days. I'm going to put the kids to bed tonight and you are going to take a long hot shower so you feel human again."

Willow nodded and handed Kathy to her friend. "Xander, are you sure you want to do this? They might look sweet, but they can be pretty fussy at bedtime."

Xander just nodded his head and all but pushed her out of the nursery. Once the witch left Buffy turned to her friend and asked, "Now, what do you know about babies?"

Xander shook his head. "I thought you would know everything. You are the Slayer after all. How hard could a dirty diaper be?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Oh no. We are not dumping dirty diapers on the Slayer. You wanted to be the baby expert; you change them, feed them, burp them, and put them to bed. Something tells me Matt will be waking up in, oh, about thirty seconds. Good night Xander, and good luck."

After the slayer left the room Matt began crying in his crib. Xander carefully shifted Kathy to his right hip and went and picked up Matthew in his other arm. Softly, he crooned, "Shh… don't cry. Uncle Xander's here. Man, what is that smell?"

As if to answer him, Kathy started to cry to. Quickly he moved both his niece and nephew to the changing table. Then he felt that Kathy's diaper was soaked to the core. He cringed, but unfastened it anyway. He whispered softly to quiet her, "No wonder you were upset. This can't be comfortable, can it? Don't worry, I'll fix it. Now, where are the clean diapers?"

Xander bent down and looked on the shelf until he found what he needed. Then he quickly changed Kathy and moved on to her brother. Buffy came into the room a minute later. "Um, Xander, you put Kathy's diaper on backwards and upside down. Did you remember to put powder on their butts so they don't get a rash? You know Willow will not hesitate to put a spell on you if you harm her babies."

Xander nodded. "Buffy, could you help me?"

The slayer nodded. "Now, do you want to tell me what happened today, and why Anya looked ready to kill someone?"

Xander sighed. "I went in here to check on Willow and she was upset. I ended up kissing her. Anya and Tara both saw it. Tara thinks Willow is in love with me, not her. I'm sorry, Buffy."

Buffy unhooked Matthews and Kathy's diapers and put them on correctly then she shook her head. "I'm not the one you need to apologize to. If I were you I would go talk to your girlfriend before she blows the town up and then I would go talk to Tara before she walks out on Willow. I would do it soon, Xander. Things didn't look good when I brought the kids inside."

Xander nodded his head solemnly. "I just don't know how, Buffy. Anya was so upset. She might have seemed angry but she was crying inside. I hate that I did that I did that to her. And Tara, the pain ing Tara's eyes when she told Willow she was leaving I…. I hate that I put that look there."

Buffy hugged her friend. "You can fix it, Xander. I have faith in you."

With all I have with all I am I promise you all my life. Whenever the road is too long, whenever the wind is too strong, where ever this journey may lead to I will be there for you. I will be there for you. Through sorrow on the darkest night when there's heartache deep down inside. Just like a prayer you will be there.

Meanwhile Tara was in her room trying to sleep. She heard the redhead lie down, but she didn't acknowledge her. Tears fell down her cheeks silently. Suddenly she felt a hand touch her arm. "Tara, can we talk?"

The blonde sniffled quietly. "What on earth would there be to talk about? You are in love with Xander. If you are going to break my heart, make it a clean break!"

Willow sighed. "Sweetie, Xander kissed me. I would never hurt you that way. My heart only beats for one person. I promise you that."

Tara sighed. "I trust you Willow, and I really want to believe that but… right now I think it's best if we take a break."

Will removed her hand from the witch's arm and got out of bed. Then she answered once she was sure her voice wouldn't break, "Fine. If that's what you want."

Tara looked at Willow and sadly answered, "I'm going to stay with Anya for awhile. I'm taking K…."

Willow cut her girlfriend off. "No! No way in hell are you taking my daughter! You want to leave, fine, but you leave my kids alone!" Willow calmed down when she heard the babies crying, before she left the room she snapped, "Now look what you made me do."

When the redhead entered the nursery Buffy was already trying to get Kathy back to sleep. She mouthed 'thank you' before going and picking Matt up out of his crib. Buffy noticed tears in her friend's eyes and asked, "What's the matter?"

The redhead sighed. "Tara's moving out. She thinks I love Xander."

The Slayer placed Kathy in the crib and pulled her friend into a hug. "Tara will come around. These kids are so precious. Oz would be really proud of you."

Willow nodded sadly. "They are my world, Buffy. Thank you for helping take care of them."

Buffy smiled. "I'm not leaving you alone Willow. I don't care what I have to do. Xander changed dirty diapers for the first time and didn't flinch. Now do you think you can go to sleep?"

The redhead nodded. "I'm just going to hold Matthew for a little while longer. He's frightened. I need to let him know that his mommy is here."

Buffy nodded. "Goodnight Willow. Don't stay up too late. We have a meeting with Giles in the morning."

Willow nodded to her friend and kissed her son's cheek. "Matt, mommy Willow is sorry she wasn't there to celebrate your birthday. Mommy loves you so much. You look just like your daddy." Quickly she stood up and took a picture of Oz off her dresser. "Here's a picture of him. He would have loved you so much. Mommy is always going to be here for you no matter what. No matter what you do with your life Mommy loves you."

Matthew smiled up at his mother and closed his eyes. Willow kissed his cheeks again and fell asleep in the rocking chair holding her son. She didn't know how long she and Tara would be apart but she hoped it would be over soon because she loved her with all of her heart.