Once again, I don't own the Twilight series.
Seattle
Saturday came and went faster than I thought possible. I was lying in bed, wide awake, recapping the events of the day. Or should I say, the previous day. It was currently 3:52am. I had been staring at the ceiling of my little bedroom since I returned from my trip to the bathroom at a little after three. I had been so tired from all of the excitement of the day that I had fallen asleep on Jacob's shoulder on the ride back to Forks. I had staggered to my room, and fell directly into bed upon arriving at home without even taking my clothes off. But prior to that, I had consumed at least four glasses of Coke when we stopped for supper. The caffeine hadn't been able to keep me awake, but it was doing its best to make up for lost time now.
Leah's uncle's building was absolutely huge. Charlie estimated that there was probably room for three or four apartments, but the place was definitely a mess. Jacob and Charlie took measurements in several of the rooms. Sue scribbled down the numbers they would spout off on the rough diagrams she had drawn while Leah and I accessed the old cupboards in the space that would be our kitchen. I thought they looked like they would make excellent kindling for the next First Beach bonfire, but Leah seemed to think that, with a little sanding and a fresh coat of stain, they would be gorgeous.
We had eaten lunch at a cozy little deli a few doors down from the bookstore. I was glad Charlie was along because he took the upper hand with the discussion of rent, not that he got any further than I would have. Leah's uncle Jeffery stood his ground in the insistence that he would not accept payment. He did say that he would like us to clean out the entire area above the bookstore eventually. Not just the space we needed for our apartment. He then could renovate as he was able.
We even were able to make a stop at a mall to shop for shoes for the prom now one week away. I let my mind wander to Jacob and I felt a smile spread across my face. He hadn't hardly said two words on the trip back home. As a matter of fact, he hadn't hardly spoken all day. I thought back to when he, Sue and Leah had picked Charlie and me up that morning. Jacob had jumped out of the middle van seat to give me a bone crushing hug and shake hands with Charlie. I chatted with Leah most of the way to Seattle about the classes we planned to take. Jacob had held my hand and traced little circles on my skin, but he looked out the window for most of the drive.
When I thought back further, I couldn't really recall Jacob saying much of anything since our dinner on Monday. I realized that I had been so excited about my college acceptance that I hadn't paid attention to how Jacob had responded. He had congratulated me as I recalled, but his eyes were troubled.
I began to wonder if Jacob was jealous. He really hadn't ever struck me as the jealous type, except where Mike Newton was concerned, but the difference in our ages was a sore spot at times. Maybe he thought that I would be so caught up in school and city life in Seattle that I would forget about him. I knew that wasn't possible, but I would have to make extra sure that he knew that too.
I glanced at my alarm clock - 4:28am. I let out a long sigh. I decided I may as well resign myself to the fact that I was not going to get any more sleep tonight. I tried to think of anything that would clue me into what Jake's problem could be. I mentally kicked myself for being so caught up in all of my own enthusiasm that I had ignored his mood entirely.
The bookstore was at the edge of town with the outer rim of a state park reaching right up to the lot. Jacob had taken a walk out into the woods while Leah and I went through the top floor, the rooms that would be tackled last. I had asked him if the woods would be a good place for wolf sightings, and he had chuckled and kissed me on the forehead. But he really hadn't said anything about it.
Suddenly I felt my body grow cold. I knew exactly what was going through Jacob's mind. I had seen the same abrupt change in behavior one other time – just before Edward had decided to leave.
The more I thought about Jacob's actions over the past few days, the more similarities I drew. He had a troubled look on his face nearly constantly. He didn't talk. He only showed displays of affection when they would be expected. The hug that I had enjoyed so much before we departed in the morning had been out of obligation alone. I wrapped my arms around my torso and felt my breathing quicken. I looked at the clock on my bedside stand, 4:42am. Tears began to slide down my temples and onto my pillow. I wiped them away with my sleeve only to have them replace before my arm made contact with the mattress.
I sat up and scooted so I could lean against my headboard. I pulled my knees up and hugged them, rocking gently back and forth, trying to hold myself together. How could I have not noticed this earlier? A part of me, the darkest part, seemed content to tell me over and over again that I should have seen it coming as soon as it started. My relationship with Jacob was too good to be true. Throw a college acceptance on top of that… I didn't deserve that much happiness the voice of self-doubt told me louder and louder the longer I fretted.
I decided I had to go speak with Jacob. I had to know. I would not sit back and allow myself to be blind-sighted again. I may not be able to stop him from leaving just as I hadn't been able to stop Edward, but I would at least confront him. I would try to take the upper hand.
I pulled off my shirt and threw it into the hamper in the corner. I rummaged through my drawer for a sweatshirt with only the glow of my dim reading light and then tiptoed back to the bathroom to brush my teeth and pull my hair into a ponytail. I quietly made my way to the kitchen and left a note for Charlie. I wasn't exactly sure why I was being so stealthy, once I started my truck in the driveway Charlie would wake right up. I guess I just didn't want to have to speak with him before I left.
The closer I got to La Push the more I felt the old hole in my chest start to fester at the edges. My truck rumbled to a halt in front of the tiny house on the reservation. I took in a deep breath and felt a single tear trickle down my cheek followed by another. I sat in the cab for a few moments. I almost started up the truck again and went back home. But, I decided that I had to know. If I could ever hope to deal with this again, I had to know the truth. I opened the door and slid down out of the driver's seat.
Jacob appeared in the doorway clad in his usual cut off shorts. More tears escaped my eyes as I took in the beauty of him, and the fact that he may not still be mine. He yawned and did his best to smooth his mussed hair as he strode to meet me in the yard.
When Jacob got close enough to see the expression on my face, he closed the remainder of the distance between us in two strides. He scooped me into his massive arms. "What's wrong, Bells? What happened?"
I felt marginally better that he seemed to be so concerned, but it wasn't enough to stop the flood gates of tears that ensued. I buried my face in his hair and breathed in his woodsy scent.
"Come on, Bells," Jacob said releasing me from his hug, but leaving his arm around my shoulders. "Let's go for a walk." I used the time we spent in transit to First Beach to get my emotions in check. By the time we sat down on our driftwood bench, I was fairly certain I would be able to say what I needed to say.
"Bella, you're scaring me," Jacob said cupping my face in his hand. "Please tell me what's wrong."
I took a deep breath. "I want to ask you the same question?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, you have been acting funny ever since I got my acceptance to Bell State. If you don't want to have a long distance relationship, I guess I'll understand." The tears started to flow again. I stood and took a couple of steps before turning and facing him again. "Jake," I looked directly into his concerned eyes, "just before Edward left, he quit talking to me about things and he started acting…" I wasn't able to finish the rest of my string of rapidly spoken worries, because I was pulled forcefully to Jacob's immense chest.
"Oh Bella," Jacob said as he stroked my hair.
I pushed back away from him. "I have to know Jake," I said tilting my head back to look up into his eyes. "Are you tired of me?"
Jacob firmly gripped my shoulders. His expression went from concern to borderline anger. "Bella, I am not him," he said bluntly. "I love you more than life itself, and I have no intention of letting you go."
I gasped at the raw honesty of his statement.
He eased his grip on my shoulders. "Bella, have you stopped to consider how the pack is going to protect you when you are all the way in Seattle? Have you forgotten that there is still a deranged red-headed bloodsucker hell bent on seeing you dead?" His arms fell to his sides, and he turned his gaze out over the water. "I don't think I could go on living if anything happened to you."
"Oh," was all I could manage to say.
"I am happy for you that you were accepted to school," he went on, "and the apartment above the bookstore is a great opportunity. I just can't stand the thought of you being there with no protection."
"Jacob, I can't not live my life because of her," I said shaking my head. "She may come back tomorrow. She may not come back for five years. She may never come back. I can't just sit here and expect you guys to run patrols through the woods forever. "
"I do have an idea."
"O.K?"
"That building is huge," Jacob began. "Charlie even said that there is probably room for three or four decent size apartments." Jacob took a deep breath. I could tell he had something big to say: something that I probably was not going to like. "I spoke with Sam about this already, and we think that Paul should move there with you."
He said the last sentence so fast it took me a moment to separate the words in my mind. I was quite certain he could read, by the expression on my face, the moment I figured out what he meant. "Absolutely not!"
"Why not Bells?" he asked me with a pleading look in his eyes. "It makes sense. I could come up on the weekends, but Quil, Embry and I have to finish high school. Jared has Kim, so unless they would both go, that won't work. And for obvious reasons, Sam going wouldn't be a wise choice."
I shook my head so hard my hair almost whipped him in the face. "I am sure Paul is not going to be thrilled about that arrangement."
"Well," Jacob said averting his gaze, clearly trying to avoid that part of the subject, "he'll do what Sam tells him."
I was getting angry now. "Oh, that will be pleasant!" I went back to the driftwood and plopped back into my seat. "Jacob, I can't have someone forced to move away from his home to keep watch over me. If she gets me she gets me. There's not…"
Jacob dropped to his knees right in front of me. He looked more angry than I could ever remember seeing him. "How would you like it if I adopted that attitude?"
I sucked in a deep breath. "I can't even think about that," I stammered.
"I can't either," Jacob said bluntly. "I want to have the chance to spend my life with you. And do you honestly think that if Victoria kills you that she will all of a sudden turn away from her evil ways and start following a vegetarian diet like the Cullen's? Because I don't think so! If she kills you, she'll gloat for as long as she can and then she'll be off to another town to murder again. She'll kill someone else's Bella or some other girl's Jacob." He sighed and held both of my hands tightly in his. "Bella, you know that I did not want to be a werewolf, but I am. And the reason I am what I am is to protect people from vampires like Victoria. You are the one that I want to protect the most, but you are not the only one. We can stop her."
I let out a sigh feeling thoroughly put in my place. "I guess it's no different than soldiers being sent away to war to protect our freedom and safety here at home," I said putting my thoughts in order.
Jacob stood to his full height then pulled me to my feet as well. "Exactly," he said, seeming relieved that I was beginning to see his point. "I am not naïve enough to think that our little pack can rid the world of nasty bloodsuckers, but we can do our best to protect this corner of Washington. You are in this corner of Washington. Let us do what we were made to do and protect you."
I put my hands on my hips. "Well, I guess I'll have someone to snuggle up to on those cold Seattle nights!"
"Why Bella," Jacob said with a smirk, "I am proud of you. You're turning out to be quite the smartass!" He planted a playful pat on my rear to emphasize his point.
"I have an excellent mentor," I groaned.
