A/N: I only own my OC and flashbacks are italicized.
All is Lost
I had to get away. I could feel my self-control slipping through my fingers and I knew that I didn't have long before the headache started. And I couldn't fall apart here. Not in front of everybody.
So I ran like hell.
One hour earlier...
Finn's words ran through my head as Monty led around the drop ship to a more secluded area.
"…he has feelings for you. You just need to figure out if you feel the same way."
I took a deep breath. Monty was a great guy and I knew that I liked him as a friend at the least. But that wasn't the question I had to ask myself.
I glanced at him as we continued to trek through the greenery surrounding the drop ship. When we had looked after Jasper, Monty was the one who made me want to stay awake. We talked until I was too tired to continue that night and I never got bored. I figured out that even though we didn't come from the same background, we had a lot in common. Monty had managed to make me laugh and it wasn't one of those fake laughs someone does out of pity. It was real. By the end of the night, I knew that he was someone I could trust. But he wasn't just another name to add to the list. Monty did something that no one else had been able to do. He made me feel safe.
Monty sat down and leaned against a metal panel of the ship. I took the spot next to him, making sure to not let go of his hand. I waited for him to say something but the silence continued to escalate.
I cleared my throat as I peered over at him. "What did you want to talk about?"
He met my eyes for a split second before looking back at the ground. I smiled sympathetically. He wasn't the only one who was nervous.
"Finn talked to me today… while you were gone." Monty told me quietly.
I leaned in slightly as my curiosity peaked. "And what did he say?"
"Um…" Monty hesitated for a few moments. "He told me that I shouldn't be afraid to live life to the fullest down here."
"Oh." I bit my lower lip as I gave a tiny nod. "That's good advice."
"Yeah, it was." Monty glanced at me again and I could tell that he wasn't done.
"Is that all you wanted to tell me?" I dropped my gaze to the floor.
He pursed his lips into a thin line. "No. I... uh… I wanted to tell you that… uh…"
I gave his hand a light squeeze. "You don't have to be nervous. Just say it."
"I like you, Brea… and not just as a friend. I really, really like you." He made sure to emphasize the last part.
I smiled faintly. I needed to hear him say it first because I knew that once he did, I would be able to determine what it was that I was feeling. And I did.
When his eyes latched onto mine everything around us faded away. I no longer cared that we were in a camp full of convicts fated to die. I didn't care that we might not be alive in a few weeks. All I cared about was that I was there with Monty.
He didn't wait for me to respond. He took my face in his hands and pressed his lips to mine. I had only been kissed a couple times in my life and they never went well. The last guy who kissed me ended up going home with a black eye. This kiss was entirely different. It didn't make me cringe. Instead, I felt safe.
So when Monty pulled away, I didn't hesitate to kiss him again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he wrapped his arms around my waist. We pulled each other closer together as the kiss continued. I could feel his fingers strong against my back as I slid my hand up his neck and into his short hair. The kiss was firmer this time, more certain. I knew we should have stopped before it went too far but I couldn't bring myself to pull away.
A few minutes later, I finally moved away from him even though every nerve in my body was screaming in protest. I tried to focus on slowing my heavy breathing as Monty slid his hand into mine.
"That was…" I began quietly.
"Amazing." Monty finished for me. I bit my lip as I looked down at our intertwined hands. I caressed the back of his hand with my thumb slowly.
I took a sharp breath when one name popped into my head .
I let go of Monty's hand and ran my fingers through my hair. My mind began to race as disorganized thoughts filled my head but I realized that it all came together in one single idea: I couldn't let it happen
I felt like a weight had been placed on my chest as I cleared my throat. "I can't do this, Monty. I'm sorry."
His eyes were filled with confusion when he looked at me. "What?"
I pursed my lips into a thin line and forced myself to continue. "This… us… it isn't a good idea."
"What are you talking about?"
"Things like this never ended well for me on the Ark. For anyone, really." I sighed.
"Well, we're not on the Ark anymore. We're on Earth." Monty gave me a small smile.
I returned his smile. "I know. I just…"
"What is this really about, Brea?" Monty put his hand on top of mine and gave it a short reassuring squeeze.
I run my tongue over my lips. "I can't tell you. Not yet anyways."
He grabbed my hand and placed a light kiss on the top. "It's okay. I can wait."
"You deserve better." I shake my head.
"No, I don't. I don't even think I deserve you. But I am willing to wait for as long as you need me to." He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his chest. I leaned my head against him and sighed. I felt safe in his arms and I had a feeling that I always would
"You didn't think I would like you back, did you?" I narrowed my eyes at the floor.
I could feel him laugh lightly. "No. I was almost certain that you would laugh in my face."
I looked up at him, surprised by his response. "I would never…"
"I know. I just… I knew I wasn't good enough for you but I thought 'what the hell?' and decided to tell you anyways." He shrugged as I leaned my head against his chest again. "Mainly because of what Finn told me."
"I love that guy." I said on impulse but quickly added, "He's like the older brother I always wanted."
"Yeah. I have to remind myself to thank him." Monty laughed as he pressed his lips to the top of my head.
A loud laugh erupted through the air followed by some wild shouting. It sounded like the nightly partying was just getting started.
I sat up quickly. "We should get back before…."
"Someone sees us?" Monty asked with a hurt expression.
"I was going to say before all the food runs out." I smiled faintly as he kissed me on the cheek.
He stood up and hoisted me up easily. We held hands as he guided us towards the drop ship entrance.
"Aren't we going in the wrong direction?" I pulled him to a stop slowly and gestured over my shoulder at the growing group of eating prisoners gathering around a large fire. He turned back to me with a knowing smile.
"I have to finish working on the radio tonight."
I raised an eyebrow. "I thought all the wires were fried."
Monty's shoulders fell slightly as he sighed. "No one told you? Clarke let me take off her wristband. I managed to keep it on even after removal and I've been working on patching it through the ship all day."
"We would be able to talk to the Ark?"
"Yes." He paused as he gave me an inquisitive look. "You have someone you want to talk on the ark, don't you?"
"Desperately." I responded in a whisper.
"Can you tell me who?" By the look on his face, I could tell that he already knew the answer.
"I can but I won't." He dropped his gaze to the floor but I quickly pick up his chin. "This has nothing to do with you. I'm the one who isn't ready to tell anyone."
Monty's facial expression softened as he stepped towards me. "Like I said; I'm willing to wait for as long as you need me to."
He rested his hand on my cheek as he kissed me softly. I pulled away and leaned my forehead against his. "I'm the one who doesn't deserve you."
I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulls me closer to him.
"Wait." I put a hand on his chest and push him away lightly.
It was obvious he was feeling guilty as he stepped away. "I'm sorry. I didn't…"
"You didn't. I mean, I wanted to kiss you." I took his hand. "I just..."
"It's okay, Brea." He nodded in agreement. "I should get back to the radio anyways."
"Of course. I'll bring you up some food so we can eat together." I ran my free hand through my hair.
He smiled wide and kissed me lightly on the forehead. "Okay. I'll see you in a couple minutes."
I watched as Monty walked into the ship. I couldn't help but smile when I thought about what had just happened. I ran my fingers over my lips as I sighed heavily. I knew that I had a difficult decision to make and I also knew that the sooner I made it, the better.
I dropped my hand to my side and glanced back at the ship before spinning on my heels. I realize now that I should have expected that Bellamy would pop up where he wasn't wanted once again. But I didn't expect it so I jumped when I came face to face with him.
"You seriously need to find a new hobby." I mutter quietly but Bellamy seems to ignore me altogether.
"Where did you go?" Bellamy questioned me in a low voice. He was angry.
"To talk to Monty." I admitted truthfully but I didn't wait for his response. I walked around him and started towards the main group of prisoners who had started eating their cooked meat.
A firm hand wrapped around my arm and pulled me back roughly. I looked back to see Bellamy glaring at me.
"You need to tell someone the next time you decide to run off with your convict boyfriend." Bellamy narrowed his eyes and I could see that his jaw was tight.
I snorted unbelieving. "Monty isn't my boyfriend and I wasn't aware that I needed a babysitter."
"So, you just make out with whoever's willing?" Bellamy smirked mockingly. My jaw fell open due to shock but I shut it just as quickly.
"Screw you." I tell him through clenched teeth before wrenching my arm out of his hand.
"Hey, hey, hey." Bellamy stepped in front of me again and I somehow suppressed the urge to slap him. "We're not done."
"Fine. Tell me what you have to say so I that I can get as far away from you as possible as soon as possible." I folded my arms over my chest and tried to prepare myself for whatever might come out of Bellamy's mouth.
"That Monty kid wont ever be able to protect you."
"That's all you want to talk about? My love life?" I stepped back from him. "You're unbelievable."
"I'm just giving you some friendly advice. Down here, you can't be with someone who can't protect you." Bellamy says in a certain tone.
"We're not friends, Bellamy, so I don't need your advice. Especially about my love life but thanks anyways."
I made another attempt to get away from him but Bellamy didn't let me get very far because he stepped in front of me again. "You don't honestly think he's good enough for you, do you?"
My frustration instantly turned into anger. "Don't act like you know me enough to make that call. Monty makes me happy and that's all that matters to me."
"You two are together, aren't you?" Bellamy raised a skeptical eyebrow.
"Why do you even care? This has nothing to do with you."
"I'm just trying to keep you from making a huge mistake."
"You don't even know what you're talking about." I shook my head.
"He's a criminal." Bellamy told me as if I didn't already know.
"And I'm a traitor." I pointed out quickly. "Sounds like a perfect match to me."
"Look, I was just trying to help you but you can make as many mistakes as you want. I couldn't care less." He turns around and starts towards the fire. I couldn't contain the anger that he continued to fuel.
I stepped in front of him, blocking his escape route. "Monty isn't a mistake. I'm happy when I'm around him and that's all I could ever ask for."
Bellamy held up his hands, mocking innocence. "Whatever you say, spitfire."
I gave a frustrated sigh and threw him a look. "Why don't you just tell me what you think I want since you seem to know all the answers."
Bellamy stepped up to me. He was definitely too close for comfort but then his eyes locked onto mine and I knew instantly that he was taking this seriously. I took a sharp breath when I felt his hand brush against mine.
"You want a love that consumes you. You don't just want to be happy because that would be too easy. No, you want passion, an adventure, and maybe even a little danger."
I tried to talk, to try to come up with some witty comeback but my mind went blank as Bellamy moved even closer to me. Our chest touched lightly but I didn't get the urge to step back.
Just by the way he smiled, I could tell that he knew the effect he was having on me. "You need someone who makes you challenge everything you thought you knew about yourself. But you also want someone who can protect you, someone who has already shown that they can protect you."
Even though my thoughts were scattered and it felt like my heart was pounding against my ribs, I realized that he was right.
I finally moved away from him, putting an extra foot between us. "And you don't think Monty could do be that person for me?"
"We both know that he couldn't." Bellamy closed the distance between us with one short step. I tried to back away but he wrapped an arm around my waist and held me in my place.
I looked away from him when I felt like a weight was placed on my chest. I stared at the ground for a few seconds as I tried to sort out what was racing through my head.
"Monty makes me feel happy. He makes me feel safe and even though you might be right, I know that I like him a lot and that he is the only person down here that I have feelings for. And he cares about me so I don't care what you have to say. From what I've seen, he is the only person who can make me truly happy and I'm not just going to ruin it because of you." I avoid Bellamy's gaze as I talk, knowing that if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to find the right words.
"Are you sure about that?" Bellamy's voice is quiet but persistent.
I dare to look him in the eyes. "About what?"
"That he's the only person you have feelings for…" Bellamy smirks.
My stomach did a flip. "What are you trying to…?"
He didn't let me finish. Instead, he tightened his arm around my waist and pulled me towards him abruptly. My lips crashed into his before I could do anything to stop it.
I didn't expect to feel anything when he kissed me but I did. My heart raced faster than that jaguar mutant that attacked me and my stomach felt like it was filled with butterflies. And the worst part about it was that I hesitated. I hesitated to push him away and I knew he noticed that hesitation.
I shoved him as hard as I could but he only had to take one step back to steady himself. When I looked at him, he was smiling and I knew, I knew he felt the same thing as me.
"You can't just do that!" I snapped before turning on my heels and speeding away. I thanked my lucky stars when he didn't stop me. I needed peace and quiet. I needed to figure out how my love life managed to go from 0 to 60 in the matter of minutes.
I kept walking until the soft chatter faded behind me. There was a lot of churning in my head but one thing was clear; hormones sucked.
"You okay?"
I looked over my shoulder to see Finn standing a few feet behind me. I could always count on him to show up when I needed to talk.
I nodded slowly. "I'm fine just a little confused."
"About what?" He cocked an eyebrow.
"Boys." I admitted quietly.
"Monty told you the truth, didn't he?" Finn flashed an amused smile and I didn't bother to deny that he was right.
"Yes." I hesitated to tell Finn everything but then I realized that he is my closest friend, besides Clarke and if I couldn't trust him then I couldn't trust anyone. So, I told him about what happened, even about the kiss with Bellamy.
Once I finished, he stayed quiet for a couple elongated seconds. I was about to beg him to say something when finally decided to speak.
"I think you already know what my advice would be."
I pursed my lips as I racked my brain for the obvious answer. It came to me after only a second of thought. "I think you would tell me to follow my heart."
He met my eyes. "As cheesy as it might sound, I think that's the only thing you can do."
"But it's Bellamy. I already know he's not capable of… of…"
"Of loving you?" Finn narrowed his eyes slightly. "Are you sure about that?"
"He had a threesome ten minutes before he kissed me. Does that sound like the kind of guy that wants to settle down?" I pause to shake my head. "It doesn't, finn. And I'm not going to wait around like some groupie until he is ready."
"I think you just worked out the problem on your own." Finn smiled lightly and I let out a deep breath when I realized he was right.
"Thank you, Finn." I returned his smile. I suppressed the urge to tell him about my other problem because I knew that I wasn't ready to tell anyone yet. Not even my closest friend.
"It's what friends do." He shrugged weakly. "But I didn't just come over here to help you with your love life. Monty thinks he found a way to connect the wristband to the ships system."
I tilted my head. "Really? So, we can talk to the Ark?"
"Maybe. He just wanted you to be there when he made his first attempt." Finn explained in a low voice.
I nodded as I sighed quietly. "Okay. Let's go."
We walked back into the ship side by side. When we got inside, I saw that Clarke, Jasper, and Octavia were already waiting for us. Monty had his back turned to us and I could hear the quiet sound of clinking metal. I exchanged smiles with Clarke and Octavia but it faded a little when I looked at Jasper. It was obvious that he was still in the recovery phase and I couldn't help but feel a little worried.
"Hey." Monty smiled as he glanced over his shoulder. I came up beside him and gave him a relatively awkward side hug.
"How's it going?" I asked as I glanced at the bracelet he was working on.
"I think I can do it." He followed his gaze to the bracelet before looking back at me. I could see that he was excited. "I think I can get you the chance to talk to whoever you need to."
I gave a sigh of relief and met his eyes. "Thank you, Monty."
I stepped back as he turned to address everyone. "Jasper, do you want to do the honors?"
Everyone smiled as Jasper moved towards the bracelet. Monty handed him a wire and showed him where to connect it to the bracelet. I think we all held our breath as he slowly lowered the wire into the slot. A second after he pushed it in, I heard a pop then the bracelet began to smoke.
"Ow!" I yelped when I felt my bracelet electrocute me. I looked down at the cuff but it didn't look any different.
Monty sighed heavily causing me to give him a confused glance. I stepped closer to him as I asked, "What just happened?"
He turned back to Clarke's smoking bracelet and then gave Jasper a defeating look. "I think we just fried all the bracelets."
"Wait, what?" I grabbed his arm and forced him to turn to me.
I could see the regret in his eyes but I still couldn't believe what he had said. "The bracelets are all connected. Disconnecting Clarke's must have done the same thing to everyone's."
"Does that mean…" I inhaled sharply as my eyes began to sting. "Does that mean the Ark thinks we're dead?"
"Most likely. I'm sorry, Brea." Monty's gaze fell to the floor.
I knew he felt responsible for what happened but I couldn't blame him or Jasper. They were just trying to help. But it didn't work and that gave the Ark false proof that the ground was not survivable.
I remembered what my father had told me about how things would play out if we didn't find another way to endure the failing life support on the Ark. If they didn't decrease population, people would start dying. Kids would be the first to be effected and that meant I had more at stake than ever before. Skylynn was on the Ark and I was sure that it wouldn't be long before the deficiency became a major problem.
And we just gave the council a reason to commit a mass murder.
I glanced over my shoulder to see Finn storm out of the ship. Clarke threw me a look and I nodded. I knew that she might be able to help him more than I ever could.
I stopped her as she took a step to leave. "Make sure he knows that he's not alone down here."
It was the only good thing I could think of to say that might help her and Finn.
She smiled weakly before running after him into the night. I turned back to Jasper and Monty to see that Jasper's guilt was growing. I rested a reassuring hand on his arm and forced a believable smile.
"It wasn't your fault." I whispered loud enough for him to hear. He nodded but I could tell that he didn't really take my words to heart.
He returned the smile before shuffling away. I watched as he settled in a corner but was relieved when I saw that Octavia went to talk to him. I turned my attention back to Monty even though I could feel my breathing starting to quicken. It was always the first step to the flashbacks.
"I'm so sorry, Brea." Monty breathed quietly.
I didn't hesitate to shake my head. "It's not your fault. It's not anybody's fault. It was an honest mistake and I'm sure that everything will work out."
I was honestly trying to cheer him up but I was secretly hoping that saying it aloud would help me believe it. But it didn't.
Monty said something but I couldn't understand him. I shuddered and dropped my gaze as my heart skipped a beat. It was starting again.
"Are you okay?" Monty said in a raised voice. I looked up at him and nodded too quickly.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just…" I tried to ignore the weak pounding starting in the back of my head. I came up with the easiest excuse in the book. "I just need some time to alone."
Monty looked defeated but I couldn't let myself get caught up on it. I kissed him on the cheek before walking out of the ship. It was obvious that the camp as a whole was confused. It also cemented the fact that all the bracelets were fried.
"What happened?" Belllamy came up to me with some of his goons following close behind.
I suppressed the urge to cringe when the pounding in my head started to increase slowly. "The cuffs got fried. That's all I know."
I didn't wait for a response or their approval. I turned towards main crowd of prisoners and weaved between the bodies as quickly as I could.
"Hey!" I heard Bellamy call after me but I ignored him. I continued to duck through the group until I no longer could see Bellamy following. The pain was becoming harder to ignore.
I had to get away. I could feel my self-control slipping through my fingers and I knew that I didn't have long before the nonstop headaches started. And I couldn't fall apart here. Not in front of everybody.
So I ran like hell.
I slipped through the wall and ran through the forest as fast as my legs could carry me. I had to get far enough that people could no longer hear me. I had only been running for a couple minutes when the first piercing headache hit me. It brought me to my knees but I forced myself to carry on. I knew that it wouldn't be long before the pain and flashbacks collided.
I was breathing heavily by time I reached a secluded area. The pain was doing it's job and I sat at the base of a tree and pulled my knees to my chest. I wanted to sleep, to just close my eyes and hopefully find some type of bliss in the torture that was about to hit me. I hated seeing into my past because there wasn't anything I could do to change it.
A piercing pain hit me again and when I closed my eyes, I was in my room on the Ark.
"Your parents are doing this for you and Skylynn. They want to make this place safe for the two of you." My grandmother whispered into the top of my head as I leaned into her shoulder.
When I opened my eyes, I was back in the forest. That was the worst part. It always felt so real but when I opened my eyes, I was forced back to my actual reality, no matter how painful it was.
"Do you think that mom and dad will ever love me like they love you?" Skylynn's small voice barely reached my ears. I watched her as she continued to draw on the piece of paper I had managed to get my hands on. I knew that she was unaware of everything that was happening outside of our room.
I pressed my forehead to my knees as I clenched my teeth. The pain was bad but the memories made it even worse.
"Mom," I said as I stared at her back. "I want to tell Skylynn the truth." My mother responded with a shake of the head and I knew what she would say next; she's still too young.
I clasped my hands over my forehead when the ache turned sharp again.
"And how do you think this will play out? You'll get put in the skybox and she'll be sent to live with a random family and you will never see her again. You have to lie, Brea. Our verdict has pretty much already been decided. They just want to you to seal the deal." My dad paced in front of me. I hadn't seen him in days and all he could do was talk about the trial. I was annoyed but my concern outweighed it significantly.
I curled my fingers into my hair and squeezed my temples. I knew I just had to push through it. There was no other way.
"Brea…"
The voice was too familiar. Murphy.
I looked up to see him walking towards me but I held up a hand. "Please, just leave me alone."
"I can't do that. It's dangerous out here." Murphy inched towards me cautiously.
"I don't care. I don't want you here. Just go away!" I started to rock back and forth on my heels as the pain came back stronger than the last time.
"My parents aren't traitors. They were just trying to do what was right." I said just loud enough for the council to hear. I knew I had just signed off on my own arrest but I wasn't going to help the council condemn my parents for trying to save 300 people.
"I already know that's something wrong, Brea. I watched you, remember? I saw how you cried out every night while you were sleeping. I know you're in pain." Murphy kneeled in front of me but I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye.
"You don't know anything." I said through gritted teeth.
He laughed softly. "I know that you love this Skylynn girl very much. And I know that you never wanted to hurt her."
I didn't have the willpower to respond.
"Where are you going again? Mrs. Poppy says your going away for a while but he wont tell me where." Skylynn mumbled as she traced grooves in my hand. I had asked the family who was going to take her in not to tell her where I was going. I said I wanted to do it on my own. But now that the time had come for the truth, I couldn't find the strength to say it.
"Who is she?" Murphy put a hand on my kneecap. "Your sister?"
I swallowed hard. If I told him the truth, I would have to tell him everything. And I didn't think I would be able to do that without breaking down. But then again, I was already breaking down.
"Brea…" Murphy's voice was soothing but I still couldn't force myself to look him in the eyes. He put his fingers under my chin and tilted my head up until our eyes finally met. "You can trust me."
Anybody could have seen that he was telling the truth. I could trust him just like I could trust Finn and Clarke. But did I want to?
"We tried to be lenient with you. We gave you a chance to avoid arrest and be reunited with your youngest family member but your decision has caused us to withdraw our offer. This was no one's choice but yours." Jaha met my eyes for a split second. I was certain what was on both of our minds. He had shown me mercy before and he couldn't do it again.
"Is she your sister?" Murphy repeated the question.
It took me a second to realize that I was crying now. The tear had run down my cheek before I could swipe it away but I caught the next one though.
When I looked back at Murphy I heard the tiny voice in my head loud and clear.
I shook my head. "No. She's my daughter."
I knew I made the right decision when Murphy didn't bombard me with questions. Instead, he scooted next to me and pulled me into his arms. He held me close to his chest and I could feel his breath on the top of my head.
"You're going to be okay." I heard him whisper into my hair.
It was the last thing I heard before I was dragged back into a whirlwind of headaches and flashbacks.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The secret was revealed, Brea having a daughter. But I will be revealing the back story and another part of the secret soon . Please review/follow/favorite. I would mainly like to know what the majority opinion is about who Brea should be with after reading this chapter. Review, review, review! I love hearing opinions, corrections, or questions. Thanks for reading!
