A/N- Thank you so much for the kind words and sweet reviews. For the guest reviews, please know I appreciate the love. I'm posting this chapter sooner than predicted because I will be busy later on this coming week. I hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: I own nothing of The Big Bang Theory. This is for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement intended.
~Chapter 9~
"Love is like a child that longs for everything it can come by…"
-William Shakespeare, The Two Gentlemen of Verona
Sheldon watched Amy from his place in the loft as she sifted through the boxes he had brought down from the attic. She couldn't stop smiling, and even from this distance, he could see her eyes twinkling as she unearthed some of the Cooper family treasures of days gone by.
He'd never seen anyone so giddy about Christmas decorations before; especially ones that weren't even her own. He supposed his mother and grandmother had some nice heirlooms here; some of the ornaments Amy had unwrapped were hand painted from Germany. Everything was so delicate, and he wondered why Mary never took them back with her to the main house in Galveston.
Amy was like a kid in a candy store, yanking open boxes and oohing and awing at everything she laid her eyes on.
It must be a female thing, he concluded with a shake of the head. He couldn't picture his brother George Jr. hemming and hawing about Christmas ornaments. Now give the man a carburetor or new tire iron, and you were in business.
Sheldon sighed, wondering why people made such a big deal out of a single 24 hour day of the year. He'd spent the last seventeen years avoiding Christmas and all of its trappings. Sure, he'd been back home a time or two since then, but it typically was a tedious affair in which he landed on December 23rd and returned December 26th. Quick, to the point, in and out.
He'd never enjoyed the lead up to it before; the festivities and the traditions. For some reason, he was even looking forward to the obligatory Church service Christmas morning with his family. Not so much for the religion, which he could surely leave. But spending time with Meemaw was reason enough. He still harbored some doubt about Missy and her knowledge of Dr. Fowler, but he would deal with that later.
Sheldon leaned against the wall, box in hand, and simply took in the way Dr. Fowler admired the tree ready to be decorated. There was so much about her that he did not know. She was a beautiful mystery to him. Yet what he did know was fascinating.
She was a Neuroscientist. A Harvard Graduate. She liked to sing. She played the harp and the piano. He was impressed. More than impressed. He was wonderstruck. He'd met accomplished women before in his life. He worked at one of the most respected Universities in the world, after all. Some truly great minds had walked the halls of Caltech. But there was something about this woman that charmed him to no end.
She was sassy, yet sweet. Intelligent, yet humble. Alluring, yet demure. She was everything a man could want.
Everything.
That left him feeling vulnerable and afraid. He knew she was simply a woman. She wasn't a magician. Yet he felt, for all intents and purposes…under some kind of spell. Perhaps he should add Sorceress to his growing list of intrigue.
He never thought feelings like this were possible for him. He'd spent his whole existence avoiding emotional entanglements and focusing on Science. He never wanted to admit that he needed anyone to fill some imaginary gap in his life. But he couldn't deny that each moment spent with Dr. Fowler made him feel better than the last.
After shopping today, he sat down at a bench in the town square with all of his bags, and pulled out his cell phone. He was tempted to call her to see if she was alright. His finger hovered over her number, when he decided to assign her a ringtone. For ten minutes, he tried to pick one out that suited her. Nothing seemed to fit. He was so engrossed in his task that he didn't see her walk up to him, her own bags in hand. A shadow had fallen across his vision, and he quickly pocketed his phone as he met her gaze.
"Get everything you need?" She asked in a friendly manner, smiling widely at him. He hadn't noticed before how straight and white her teeth were. The bright sunshine only accented it when she smiled. He smiled back, nodding his head without speaking. He admired her excellent oral hygiene.
That wasn't all that he admired. It was quite chilly out today, so she had worn a long suede riding skirt the color of royal purple that flowed femininely as she walked. She paired it with a jade and tan blouse that accentuated her dark green eyes. The tan suede jacket she wore over her ensemble hit her just so at the hips, outlining her amazing curves. She never wore anything provocative or overt. She didn't need to. She dressed like a lady. He found himself gulping and swallowing like a blithering idiot every time he laid eyes on her.
They left town before the sunset after a quick stop at a deli to pick up some sandwich fixings for dinner. They argued whether turkey or roast beef was the better choice for tree trimming accompaniment, and in the end, Dr. Fowler chose both.
'Live a little.' She had suggested, embracing the chaos by picking out two kinds of cheese as well. Sheldon wondered if there was to be any end to this anarchy. She ordered two packets of potato chips as well because in her own words, "I'm not sharing, pal."
Packages and dinner secure in the trunk and the tree to be delivered by 5 pm, they chatted in the car on the drive back about the evenings lineup. Amy would make sandwiches while Sheldon walked Chaucer, then they would decorate the tree while listening to Carols. Finally, to round out the evening's festivities, a few Christmas specials and a spot of cocoa. Amy pointed out that it was December 22nd, after all. There were only a few more days to indulge in these 'fun' things, so she would make sure they crammed everything in.
"Oh. Joy." Sheldon had said with mock happiness, but Amy was no dummy. She merely rolled her eyes and chuckled.
She had mentioned in the car that some townsfolk she met in the deli were holding a huge bonfire a few miles down the lakeshore tomorrow night, and everyone was invited. It was BYOB, but otherwise, food was being provided in the form of a true Texas BBQ. Sheldon didn't know the hosts, but he was certain there would be a few familiar faces there from his past. He wasn't sure he wanted to see those people. But he felt obligated to go, as soon as he heard the earnestness in Amy's voice.
'Would you like to go? She had asked tentatively, fixing Sheldon with a hopeful gaze. 'They're going to have live music and all sorts of holiday revelry. And I've never had real Texas BBQ before.'
Sheldon had narrowed his eyes as he concentrated on the road.
A bonfire? Didn't these people know there was a drought going on? One misplaced ember and whoosh! The whole area would go up in flames. His immediate desire was to say no way. He should be home, anyway…researching and working on those multiple equations he had brought with him. He should be solving the mysteries of the Universe. Not…tree trimming, singing Christmas carols, and cavorting around bonfires…
Good Lord.
But the truth was, he was intrigued with the idea. He'd never participated in a bonfire before. He'd never had a woman to attend one with. Especially one as…well, he'd never done it. He knew from George Jr. and Missy though, that these bonfires were for couples. There was always dancing. And…cavorting, like he'd thought before. One didn't attend a bonfire solo. It just wouldn't look right.
And it was Christmas, after all. No doubt the whole town would be out celebrating, especially with the cooler weather. It was rare Christmas round these parts wasn't sultry or rainy. He supposed he could bring a fire extinguisher along, just in case the other party goers got a little rowdy. Who was he to withhold Dr. Fowler from experiencing a real Texas type hoedown? He supposed he could make do for one night.
Once again, the words flew out of his mouth before he could catch them.
'Yes. I would like to go. It sounds like…fun'.
"You said a couple of boxes of ornaments. There are enough decorations here to trim the tree in Rockefeller Center." Amy called out merrily, rapidly pulling out baubles from the neatly packed boxes.
Her happy voice yanked Sheldon from his thoughts, and he quickly descended the stairs to join her by the tree.
He found her picking through some light strands, singling out the clear ones.
"I think clear lights are best. There is something odd about having yellow and orange lights on a Christmas tree." She said no-nonsense like. Sheldon set the last box down on the glass coffee table, gesturing to it with his hand.
"Here is the last of it. I think the contents of this box is a wreath and the Angel for the top of the tree." He said, ripping it open carefully and smiling when he noticed that it not only contained what he said, but at least a dozen more ornaments.
"I suppose Mama went a bit overboard at Christmas." Sheldon said in humor, chuckling as Amy peeked inside. Amy glanced back up at him, cocking her head to the side.
"You know Dr. Cooper…It seems to me that your family was totally into Christmas. How is it that you never watched any of the Christmas specials or decorate your own place? What turned you into the real Grinch that stole Christmas?" She asked him curiously with a teasing lilt to her voice.
The atmosphere in the room suddenly changed from merry to melancholy. Sheldon's smile slid off of his face and a deep frown replaced it instead. All at once, Amy knew she had triggered something awful for him. She wished she could take back her hasty request, but it was too late now.
Sheldon walked over to the tree, taking a strand of clear lights with him and began to string them along. Amy watched him, not sure if she should help or not. He didn't walk away, and he didn't lash out. So she let him take his time, and come to terms with whether or not he would answer her. After one strand was placed, he took another and began to string that one too. After the third was in place, he turned to her calmly.
"My Pop-Pop died at Christmas when I was five years old. He suffered a massive stroke that left him paralyzed. He didn't even remember my Meemaw, or my Mama, or me. It just took him. Like that." Sheldon said painfully, snapping his fingers for effect.
Tears immediately gathered in Amy's eyes as she imagined how devastating that would have been, especially for a five year old. She backed up a few paces until her knees hit the couch, before sitting down carefully.
"He died December 24th, after his vital signs plummeted. Needless to say, we had no Christmas that year. All of the food Mama bought went bad and had to be discarded. The gifts she and daddy had bought us kids sat in the closet unopened. He was laid to rest on December 27th. It rained all day. Then the sun came out and I remember thinking…go away. You're not wanted here. Where were you when Pop-Pop needed light? I hated the holiday and everything to do with it after that. My mother took me to Santa the next year, in a last ditch effort to make everything normal again, I suppose. I kicked and screamed the entire time, until it dawned on me that there was something I could ask for. I asked Santa to return my Pop-Pop. I can still remember clear as a bell the sound of his voice when he told me that it wasn't possible. He said he'd bring me anything else. But not that. Santa became enemy number one from that day on." He said seriously, but with an undertone of humor.
Amy opened and closed her mouth, not knowing how to respond.
"I knew even then how intelligent I was. How different. I had already read every classic novel from cover to cover and retained every word. I was solving equations and writing book reports that someone in college would. But even as smart as I was…I had this hope, this irrational hope…that somehow he could come back. I blamed Christmas and I blamed a God I didn't believe in and I blamed the whole world. I look back on those years that followed and I have to feel bad. I never gave my family any gifts at Christmas. I never sent them a card. To me, it was simply a day to be forgotten. It didn't hit me until I was shopping for them today of how…selfish I've been. Sure, I lost my Pop-Pop. But my Meemaw had lost a husband. My mama, a father. And they always did their best to make sure Christmas was special for George Jr, Missy, and I. It was time for me to start behaving like a member of the Cooper family again, and not just someone on the outside. I'd like to say, Dr. Fowler…you're the one who helped me realize that."
Amy wiped her cheeks of the copious amount of tears there, stunned.
"I…what?" She squeaked, certain she'd heard him wrong.
Sheldon went back to stringing the lights, this time not stopping until they were all put up. He flicked the overhead light off, and the one for the tree on, bathing the room in soft white light. Amy tore her eyes away from him to admire the splendor of the tree, noticing how perfectly he had strung the strands, even without seeing where they were truly going. There wasn't a branch that didn't sparkle. Not a limb that didn't shine. For someone who shunned this type of thing, he was a natural. Then again, Amy surmised he was flawless at everything he undertook.
She waited for him to elaborate on his statement, taking a deep breath and blowing it out slowly. Sheldon came to sit next to her on the couch, admiring the tree as well. It didn't even have ornaments yet, but it didn't matter. Sheldon turned to face her, his face open and vulnerable.
"You being here has been…nice. I have friends at home. Good friends. They share my interests and they are intelligent as well. But they are all wrapped in each other and their families. I came here to escape being a part of anyone's merriment. This time of year is hard for me. Yet having someone to talk to, even having Chaucer here…it's helped me see that life goes on. Blink, and you will miss it. I've studied Particle Theory my entire life. I know how precarious we are, the dust that is man. I've spent a long time hating the world. Fearing the world. You've been a stark eye opener to me, Dr. Fowler. I've been ashamed to admit how the past has shaped my present. I can't ever take back the way I treated you when first we met, but I hope someday you can forgive me and know that I appreciate your words of kindness. You've helped me very much. So…Thank you." Sheldon said with honesty, his voice deep and melodious.
Amy bit her lip harshly. She didn't know what to say. She was more than touched. His words, his presence…his very being had touched her to her soul. He barely knew her, yet he had opened up to her about something so personal. Not once, but twice now. Would she have the courage to do the same?
She felt a heavy weight deposit right in the center of her chest. How could she admit to him the loneliness of her life? If he knew the extent of it, he would think she were a loser. She never felt sorry for herself before, until meeting him. Knowing that she would soon be working near to him and seeing him nearly every day gave her a feeling of joy. Yet she couldn't burden him with her problems. She didn't want to run off the first real shot at friendship she'd had since meeting Drew years ago.
Amy closed her eyes, chastising herself. Friendship…she was trying to fool herself, and it was never going to work.
You cannot fall in love with this man. You can't. Your heart will be broken in a million little pieces when he doesn't reciprocate your feelings. And then, you'll be stuck working with him. Seeing him every day. Having to pretend he means nothing to you. How would you even cope with that? You have no experience with men, Amy. You don't even know if he's seeing someone back home or has feelings for someone else. Stop this, before it gets out of hand. Stop this, before you hurt yourself. She told herself sternly.
Yet stealing a glance at his face, bathed by the light of the tree, made her want to cry. She was losing her heart, bit by bit. It was being spirited away; syphoned out of her chest. She couldn't stop it, even if she tried. Inside of the 6'2 vessel that was Dr. Sheldon Cooper, resided a kind soul. A romantic, she would stake her life on it. A gentle, forgiving Spirit that for whatever reason, had given up on the prospect of anyone loving him. The real him. Beneath that gruff, condescending exterior beat the heart of a gentleman. She wanted to see that side of him, so badly. She wanted to be the one to express to him how much he was worth. And not just because he was a genius. Because she saw a light in him that shined brightly. She had never seen that light in another person before.
Amy grew angry inside as she imagined those bully's that tormented him as a child. The ones who made him feel like he was a freak because he was different. He was different. He was better. So much better. She wanted to gather up everyone who was ever mean to him and string them up by their fingernails. She rarely felt so possessive and so up in arms over anyone. She wanted to protect Sheldon from everything that he feared. How dare they have tried to snuff out that light that she saw in him?
What was he doing to her?
Amy met his gaze, covering up her emotions as best she could.
"You're welcome, Dr. Cooper. I…you're forgiven. I forgave you on day one. And I'm so sorry about your grandfather. I'm sure he loved you very much. He would be so proud of you, I'm sure of it." Amy whispered, sniffling.
Sheldon nodded, clearing his throat of his own emotions. They sat quietly together for a bit, each with their own tortured thoughts. Finally, it was Sheldon that broke the somber mood he had placed them in, jumping up and unwrapping ornaments from their protective sheathes.
"It's been my experience that a woman prefers to delegate where these things should be placed. Otherwise, the entire scheme will be ruined." Sheldon said dramatically, earning a soggy chuckle out of Amy. Giving her nose a final swipe with a tissue, she joined him at the tree and began to sift through the ornaments with glee.
"You speak the truth, Sir. Any woman worth her salt would never let a man decide where to place the ornaments! Blasphemy! What would Martha Stewart say?" She mocked, shuddering comically.
The pair of Scientists broke out in a fit of giggles and snorts, laughing so hard that Chaucer came running into the fray to inspect the source of such comedy.
The heaviness of moments ago was placed carefully away in a safe compartment. For now, there was merriment to be had. Sandwiches to devour, and TV to enjoy.
And a very energetic dog to walk.
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"I can relate to Schroeder." Sheldon said, in between bites of the delicious snickerdoodles Amy had baked to accompany their hot cocoa.
Amy finished sipping her chocolate confection, turning to give Sheldon a sly glance.
"Hmm…does that mean you have some lovesick know- it- all pining for you out there somewhere?" She asked with a hint of something in her voice that Sheldon completely missed.
Sheldon snorted in derision.
"Hardly. Lord…who would want someone like Lucy, anyway? She has to be the meanest little shrew around. She's a bully. I don't see what Snoopy sees in her at all." He said seriously, grabbing another cookie off the plate.
Amy chuckled heartily.
"Well, she has her good qualities, I guess. She only charges 5 cents for some pretty sound advice. In today's economy, that's pretty generous."
Sheldon rolled his eyes, taking a big sip of cocoa.
"Oh, please. She's a capitalist. She's only interested in personal gain." He said tartly, sitting up and clearing the table of crumbs. "She wouldn't actually help you out of the kindness of her heart. If there's one in there, of course. And the way she constantly pulls that football out of Charlie Brown's reach? She needs to be put in time out." He said, real disdain in his voice.
Amy laughed, sitting up as well.
"Um…wrong Charlie Brown episode. And I think you're missing the message of the show. The one about peace on Earth, goodwill towards men?" Amy questioned raising her brows.
Sheldon shrugged nonchalantly.
"Whatever."
Amy clucked her tongue.
"Okay…enlighten me. Why do you identify with Schroeder?" She asked, suddenly curious.
Sheldon pondered that.
"I related to him, at that age. I was way beyond my peers. While they were playing Chopsticks in the game of life, I was playing Mozart's Requiem Mass. Being advanced…it singles you out, and not always in a good way." Sheldon murmured. He gathered up their empty mugs and plates, bringing them to the kitchen sink and washing them.
Amy followed him, watching him thoughtfully.
They had watched a marathon of Christmas cartoons, Amy indoctrinating him on the finer points of Christmas cheer. He laughed at Rudolph, rolled his eyes at Frosty, but when the Grinch's heart grew three sizes, she notice he was stoic. It only furthered her belief that Sheldon Cooper was a warm, caring soul. He put out the vibe that he was untouchable; a robot. Yet he didn't fool her. Not one bit.
"I guess I can understand that. I may not have received my doctorate until I was nineteen, but…I too was always different. All of the little girls on my street played with Barbie dolls, of course. I begged my father every year for a Science kit. I wasn't a tomboy, per se. I just…wasn't interest in the trappings of society. You know the one; boys play with trucks, girls play with dolls. I knew from a young age that I wanted to be a Neuroscientist. Everyone else wanted to be Prom Queen. It kind of does set you apart." She admitted, sitting down at the upright piano that separated the living room from the dining room.
Sheldon dried his hands on a dishtowel, peeking around the corner to find Amy sitting at the piano bench.
She looked up when he entered the room, smiling at him faintly.
"Do you play, Dr. Cooper?" She asked him, fiddling with a few keys. Sheldon swallowed, sitting down next to her on the bench. He knew that she did. She said her friend Drew had taught her. He wondered idly what else Drew had taught her.
Grimacing, he bit his lip to banish that thought.
"A little. My Meemaw taught me when I was younger, but I never had the interest to learn seriously." He said, himself pressing a few keys and smiling at the sound it produced.
Amy smiled as she imagined ten year old Sheldon Cooper playing the piano.
"It's a lovely piano. I wish I could afford one. Perhaps when I win a Nobel prize," Amy said with pride in her voice, turning to find Sheldon staring at her with a soft expression.
"Perhaps." He murmured, shyly looking away. "Um…who is your favorite artist?" He asked conversationally, trying to lighten the suddenly tense moment. Hearing out of her sweet mouth that she wanted to win a Nobel made his pulse quicken. Was there no end to her enchantment?
Amy pursed her lips.
"Hmm. What genre of music are you referring to?" She asked.
Sheldon debated a moment.
"Any?" He replied, curious as to her taste.
"That's easy. But don't laugh, okay?" She asked seriously.
Sheldon nodded, offering her the Boy Scout salute.
"Promise."
Amy nodded.
"Neil Diamond." She said briskly, examining Sheldon's reaction for any sign of mocking. He simply nodded as well.
"Oh. I know him. My Meemaw and Mother listened to him while I was growing up. I'm not entirely familiar with his music, though. Would you play something for me?" He asked earnestly, his big blue eyes excited.
Amy pursed her lips.
"I don't know. You might laugh at me. It's not often that I play and sing for an audience. Unless you count Chaucer," She said humorously, the dog perking up his large, pointy ears at hearing his name spoken.
Sheldon looked at the dog, smiling at how well he and his mistress were in sync. It was clear the animal adored Dr. Fowler. Sheldon wondered how anyone who crossed paths with her could not. Fixing her with his best puppy dog stare, he laid on the charm thickly.
"Please?" He begged, his smile growing when Amy grinned at his antics.
"Alright. But laugh, and its curtains for you. This is the first Neil Diamond song I learned to play. Probably because it's very easy to learn," She chuckled.
Amy took a deep breath, letting it out in a whoosh. She began to move her fingers expertly over the keys, Sheldon watching her with awe. After the introduction, she began to sing. Sheldon sat spellbound as her normally husky voice took on a sweeter, crystal clear timbre.
The story of my life
Is very plain to read
It starts the day you came
And ends the day you leave
The story of my life
Begins and ends with you
The names are still the same
And the story's still the truth
I was alone
You found me waiting
And made me your own
I was afraid
That somehow I never could be
The man that you wanted of me
You're the story of my life,
And every word is true
Each chapter sings your name
Each page begins with you
It's the story of our times
And never letting go
And if I die today,
I wanted you to know
Stay with me here
Share with me, care with me
Stay and be near
And when it began
I'd lie awake every night
Just knowing somewhere deep inside
That our affair just might write
The story of my life
Is very plain to read
It starts the day you came
It ends the day you leave
As the last notes of the song echoed through the room, Amy closed her eyes to gather her composure. That song always made her a bit emotional. She slowly turned to her side to find Sheldon watching her, his eyes glassy and his mouth open.
"You…wow." He whispered, seemingly unable to move. His eyes closed as well, and Amy was astonished to see tears slip down his cheeks. She supposed it was a moving song.
"That was amazing. Your voice…" He trailed off, embarrassed at the way he couldn't string a complete sentence together.
Rising from the bench, Sheldon went into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water which he downed in one gulp. Amy watched him, wondering if she upset him somehow.
"Dr. Cooper?" She ventured, coming into the kitchen as well.
Sheldon ran his hands through his hair, moving out of her line of sight.
"You know, I think I will take Chaucer for a walk. It's late and he needs to go out." Sheldon said, avoiding eye contact with Amy.
"Okay. Thank you. I'll clean up the rest of our dinner mess while you're gone." Amy promised, smiling at Sheldon kindly. He barely met her gaze, nodding.
"Fine." He said, happy when Chaucer came over to him without provocation.
Amy watched him go, puzzled as to why Sheldon seemed so upset. She cleaned the living room of bubble wrap and excess tinsel, depositing them in the garbage and rinsing off the rest of their dinner plates. Nearly an hour had passed and Sheldon and Chaucer hadn't returned yet. Amy grew tired, as it was nearing eleven o'clock. She went upstairs to get ready for bed, leaving her door open so Chaucer could come in once they came back. Once dressed, she pulled her robe tight and opened the deck doors, letting in the cold air. It felt good as she suddenly felt overheated.
Another hour passed, and Amy began to grow worried. She wondered if she should call Dr. Cooper, but didn't want him to think she was harassing him. She dozed off, but the hooting of an owl made her jump awake. She had fallen asleep with the deck door open and the room was now freezing. She sat up from bed, turning suddenly when she spotted Sheldon in her doorway watching her.
"Ahhh!" She screamed automatically, before her brain registered it was only him.
Sheldon ushered Chaucer in the room, trying to calm her fears.
"It's just me. I'm sorry I frightened you. You left your door open and we just got back. I wanted to check on you." Sheldon whispered, not moving from his post at the door.
Amy gulped, trying to calm her heart beat.
"Oh. It's okay. I'm sorry I yelled. I dozed off and for a minute I was disoriented." She said by way of explanation. She got up, petting Chaucer and settling him into his cushion. She turned around to find Sheldon still there, watching her with the same expression from earlier.
"I had a lot on my mind." He said quietly, his eyes still glassy.
Amy nodded slowly. She didn't understand how the room could be so cold, and yet she felt so warm.
"It's after midnight. I was worried about you both. Were you warm enough out there?" She asked gently, reaching out without thinking and touching Sheldon's cheek. It was ice cold, and she frowned.
"You're freezing." She said softly, caressing his cheek. Her fingers slid down toward his mouth, trying to bring warmth back to his frozen skin.
Sheldon's eyes widened and his lip trembled as her warm fingers touched his face, and he pulled away slowly.
"It was a bit chilly. We had a good walk, though. He should sleep well tonight." Sheldon murmured, lowering his eyes.
"Thank you for walking him," Amy said gently, and Sheldon nodded.
"You're welcome. Goodnight, Dr. Fowler." He said, his voice cracking. Amy watched him go to his room, stepping inside without giving her another glance.
What happened? She wondered groggily, shutting her own door and closing the deck door with so much force that Chaucer jumped.
What was she thinking, touching him like that? Good God, the man probably thinks she is some kind of harlot! She thought in horror.
Getting back into her warm bed, she threw the covers over herself in a huff. Chaucer watched her, cocking his head back and forth as she grunted in loathsome frustration. Her eyes met his, and she narrowed them at the all too clever pooch.
"And don't you say anything," Amy warned the dog, prompting him to whine softly and rest his head on his paws.
Sleep evaded Amy for the rest of the night.
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Sheldon tossed and turned, unable to find a comfortable position. He glanced over to the bedside table at the clock with bleary eyes. It was after 4 am.
Sitting up, Sheldon went to the window and looked out across the lake. The moonlight was shining brightly over the water. Sheldon sighed. He was tired and yet distracted. He wanted to sleep and yet, he knew it would be fretful.
After listening to Amy play and sing that song, something had turned over inside of him. The words, her voice, the melody…it struck a chord in him that actually hurt. Those words could have described him, and how meeting her had awakened something in him that was dead. He had never desired the touch of a woman. Yet when she innocently touched his cheek, Sheldon nearly moaned with pleasure. No one had ever touched him so tenderly before, outside of his mother and grandmother. It seemed so natural, the way she reached out with her warm fingers and grazed his frozen skin.
He closed his eyes tightly, running his hands over his face. He was losing his mind. Perhaps his mother should have followed up with that Specialist in Houston.
It was simply the evening; their heartfelt talk, their lovely dinner, trimming the tree, He told himself. It simply dredged up some deep seeded longing for companionship. That was all. She was so understanding and sweet when he opened up to her about losing Pop-Pop. He'd never admitted those things to anyone before. She put him at ease in a way he'd never experienced.
Sheldon paced his room for at least half an hour, before booting up his laptop. He signed into Google, entering her name.
Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler
Her bio came up immediately, and he clicked on it swiftly.
Dr. Amanda (Amy) Farrah Fowler born December 12, 1984 is one of the country's leading researchers in Neuroscience. She won the McKnight Endowment Fund award which offered her a full scholarship to the University of her choice at the age of sixteen. Having graduated Harvard University Summa Cum Laude in 2003 with a PhD in Neuroscience, she went on to work at the esteemed Chadwick Facility for Addiction Research. She is one of only five Scientists in the entire country who took part in a successful study to prove the negative and life altering effects of Heroin and Cocaine on the brain. Reported to have an IQ of 185, she is certainly one of Neuroscience's brightest stars.
Sheldon read and reread the paragraph twice more. Already committed to memory, he sat back and stared at the words without seeing them.
Amanda…
Such a beautiful name.
He said the word quietly to himself, thrilling at the way the three syllables rolled off his tongue.
"Amanda. From the Latin meaning lovable. Worthy of love." He murmured, his eidetic memory conjuring up it's meaning at once.
IQ of 185…
Good Lord. He knew she was brilliant. But to that level? He shook his head clear of his exhaustion. Lying back down, Sheldon closed his eyes. He tried to keep thoughts of the way she sang, the way she looked when he found her asleep, and the way she looked when she smiled at him out of his mind.
You cannot fall in love with this woman. There is no way that it could work. You have no experience with love. Romance. Sex. It will chew you up and spit you out, and all that will be left of you is an empty shell. Even emptier than the one you occupy now. She's a nice person. She will make a fine friend. Leave her there. Let her find a man who can be all that she needs. You could only bring her heartache, and you know it. What can you offer her, in your current state? Will she constantly be your sounding post, when the struggles of the past worm their way to the surface? She's remarkable. Keep her that way, Cooper. Don't burden her with your neurosis. It isn't fair to her.
Sheldon turned on his side, staring into space. He knew his conscience was right. She was a star, and she didn't even know it. That was what made her so appealing. What he wanted to do and what he should do were battling for control of his heart. He had never kissed a woman before. But tonight, as Amy played that song - that beautiful, haunting song…he wanted to pull her against him and touch his lips to hers in the gentlest of ways.
He'd watched couples kiss over the years; Leonard and Penny nearly devoured each other on an hourly basis. He'd always deemed that sort of behavior undignified and unnecessary. And, obviously, totally unhygienic.
Yet as he gazed upon Amy as she played the piano, her full, luscious lips twisting to the words of the song, he nearly passed out from the aching in his chest to touch her. A real man would have taken her in his arms and kissed her passionately. Not panicking, stuttering like a fool and running away from her.
He couldn't even face her afterwards, having to escape her presence. He walked for hours, trying to clear his mind and gather his wits. It was pleasant having Chaucer for company, but he could tell the sweet beast was tired by the way his long limbs were dragging against the soft brush. He had to bring him home and let him rest.
When he returned home to find Amy's door open, he was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. Finding her curled up in her bed, fluffy pink robe shielding her from the cool night air, he nearly cried. She was so perfect, it nearly hurt to look at her. But watch her he did, for at least five minutes until he startled her awake.
He needed to get his emotions under control, before he did something or said something that completely wrecked their growing friendship. He was a Scientist. He could remain aloof and clinical. He'd done it his entire life, after all. It was better this way.
Better.
After another hour of debating with himself, Sheldon's eyes closed, the sweet lull of sleep finally willing to pull him under. As he drifted off, the words of rebellion forced their way into his troubled thoughts. They wouldn't let him go. Not that quietly.
Better for whom?
A/N – Thank you for reading. A few notes: Yes, I chose Mayim Bialik's actual Birthday of December 12 for Amy. There is a method to my madness which will come later. Also, I'm pretty sure Amy's name is actually Amelia. But for my story, the meaning of her name was very important. So, I went with Amanda. Things are beginning to heat up between Sheldon and Amy. I know everyone wants a KISS. I hear you. I do. And it's coming. But remember: these two have never been in a relationship before. I'm trying to establish trust. Also, it's not only their first kiss, but their first kiss with each other. It has to be special. So please, hang tight. Neil Diamond's The Story of My Life used without permission. No copyright infringement intended.
