9. I Still Think Of You

"What's your name?" Meredith asked as she looked down at the young blonde haired girl. She had just woken up and was a bit groggy from her X-rays and CT scans.

"I'm Marie." the girl answered, her voice croaking.

"Could you tell me what happened?" Meredith asked her.

"I was driving…" Marie whispered. "And I fell asleep. And we crashed. And it hurt."

"Yes," Meredith nodded. "Who is the other girl? Your friend who was with you?"

"Um-" Marie frowned. Meredith looked at her. Was she struggling to remember her friend's name?

"Did you hit your head? Can you remember that?" Meredith asked.

"No!" Marie shook her head. "No, I didn't hit my head. Her name is Anita. Where is she? Can I leave yet?"

"Well, I'm not your doctor," Meredith said. "I'm Anita's. And she's here. In the hospital, and she's in a coma."

"A coma?" Marie gasped.

"Grey!" Bailey snapped as she looked into the room. "Why are you talking to the patient that isn't yours? Get back to your patient!"

Meredith sighed and smiled at Marie before leaving the room. Bailey glared at her as she left.

Meredith hurried down the corridor to see Derek stepping into the elevator. She felt a pang of misery. She could still remember when Derek had looked at her in that intense gaze, when he had kissed her in the elevator. That would probably be the last time that we kissed, Meredith thought unhappily. She watched as Derek stood in the elevator, and for a second she wanted to go in there and see him. But she knew he was with Addison. And he had chosen Addison over her!

Meredith stepped back, her eyes focused on Derek. He had his tousled hair around his face, and as he looked up, his eyes focused on her. Meredith looked at him, not wanting to look away but she knew she had to. She needed to get over Derek.

Derek looked at Meredith intensely and began to step forward as though he wanted to walk over and speak to her. Meredith quickly looked away and walked down the corridor, feeling Derek's gaze on her back.

She couldn't stand Derek looking at her in that way. She wanted to leave and think, but not think of him. She didn't want to think of Derek. He was married. With Addison.

"Meredith?"

George walked up to her.

"George." Meredith smiled sadly and walked with him to the call room. She sat down on a hospital bed and put her head in her hands.

"Mere, what's wrong?" George asked. "I know that you're upset about Derek, but-"

"Upset?" Meredith cried. "I'm more than upset! I'm depressed, I feel like used scrap! He chose Addison over me! Seriously, George! Whenever I see him, he always looks at me! In that look, that look George!"

"Well, maybe you need to get away from him," George mumbled. "Maybe, um, do you want to-"

"Meredith!"

Cristina stepped into the room and looked at her. Then she walked over and sat down beside her.

"You need to get over Derek. Seriously," Cristina said. "He's married."

"I know." Meredith snapped, then sighed heavily and leaned against the wall. "It's so hard. I can't stop remembering, remembering when we kissed, when we last had sex, when we actually talked to each other!"

"I know what you need," Cristina smiled. "Hot chocolate in bed."

Meredith snorted and laughed. "Hot chocolate in bed?"

"It got your mind off him for a second." Cristina grinned.

"All I need is Derek," Meredith sighed unhappily. "When will this end? I can't just forget these feelings I have for him. I still want to be with him, but I know it's over."

"You need to move on." George pointed out.

"Exactly." Cristina agreed.

Meredith could still see Derek in her mind, standing in front of her.

"Meredith." He smiled, those crinkles forming around his eyes. "I love you."

"It all seems like a lie," Meredith whispered, tears forming in her eyes. "When he said he loved me. And he chose Addison over me!"

"Mere!" George sighed. Meredith started sobbing and cried, leaning on Cristina's shoulder. George watched sadly and looked at the ground; Meredith's crying echoing through the room.


"Hey." Addison smiled. Derek looked up at her and smiled.

"Hey Addy."

"Do you want to go to the ferry boats tonight?" Addison smiled.

"I don't want to be near the ferry boats at the moment." Derek said quietly, thinking of Meredith. At Addison's look, he sighed. He needed to stop thinking about Meredith, for now.

"Ferry boats it is."

"Good," Addison smiled. "You know, I'm really happy that we're communicating more. And the shower sex was great."

Derek laughed and smiled at his wife. For a moment, he didn't think of Meredith. But when he remembered how she looked at him in the elevator, he wanted to go and talk to her.

"Well, I have a patient to check on." Derek said. "I'll see you later?"

"You will." Addison smiled, kissing him passionately. Then she left. Derek sighed and looked at his wife as she walked away.

Derek turned and walked down the corridor, wandering around, looking in Meredith's patient's room. She wasn't there. He walked over to the elevator and waited for the doors to open. Five interns hurried out, but no Meredith.

Derek walked down the corridor. Maybe he shouldn't talk to Meredith. She was hurting now that he had chosen Addison, and she probably wouldn't talk to him. Derek took a seat and checked his pager. His next surgery was in an hour. Derek leaned back on his seat and watched as nurses hurried past. Then he saw Meredith walk past and it looked like she had been crying.

"Meredith!" Derek got up and hurried over to her.

"No Derek," Meredith said coldly, glaring at him. "You've made your decision. I don't need to talk to you."

Meredith turned and walked away. Derek sighed and ran his hand through his hair, looking at Meredith as she walked toward the elevator. Derek wanted to see her. He walked after her, wanting to comfort her. But she took the stairs when she noticed he was walking after her.

Derek sighed and leaned against the wall, picturing Meredith's face, how she had reacted when he had told her that he had chosen Addison. He felt horrible.

Suddenly his pager beeped. Derek grabbed it and stared in shock at what it read. Addison had fallen. She was on a gurney and getting wheeled to room five eighty eight.

Derek ran down the corridor, forgetting about Meredith's problems.


George looked down as Addison fell down the stairs, hitting the bottom and wincing in pain. Some nearby nurses ran over to help her and one brown haired intern got out her pager. For a moment, George considered going down to help Addison, but couldn't stop the small smile on his face.