They were trying to help him.
Dick felt that he should have just swooped Damian up in his arms the moment he saw him jump out of the window... but it was too late now. Instead he had held out his hand for Damian to take... huge mistake.
Didn't he trust him enough to take his hand?
Dick was angry with both himself and with Damian. He had just let his unstable brother escape when he was in no condition to even leave the house yet. Besides he was KIDNAPPED for heavens sake! When he found Damian, he would nail his brother's window tight shut and... hopefully Damian would be alright.
He needed to tell his brothers about this. Not to mention Helena, Barbara, Cass, and Stephanie. They could probably help this whole situation too... it sounded like a plan.
"We'll get him back."
Damian hadn't even put on his shoes.
It wasn't like him to not have a plan for these sort of things but it was just so hard to think. It almost felt like a huge headache and... now that he finally focused on something other than the mess around him, he did indeed have a headache, and his chest was burning.
Something was happening to him.
He recalls all of his feelings that he couldn't control earlier and how hard it was to keep his poker face on. Even being mute was hard; he slipped up when baking with Steph and Tim. He should have known better but now he concludes that even if he did know better it didn't change anything because something was wrong with him.
Uncontrollable emotions. Difficulty thinking. Something was in his system and he needed to get it out.
He doesn't remember having something inserted inside of him when he was kidnapped but he had no doubt that it could have happened. He was to blame for being so stupid. To actually think his mother would want to see him in the first place to talk about his father, of course not, she just wanted to indoctrinate him so he could be at her side again.
His mother was the cause of all of this.
Damian Wayne- Aka- Robin, was pretty confident in his skills as a born bred assassin with Bruce Wayne's blood and Talia's surging through his veins. He also was confident in his footing but now... he wasn't so sure. He seemed to be stumbling everywhere as he ran away from the manor and he was failing to do anything stealthily. (not like stealth really mattered anymore. He just needed to reach Gotham so he could hide.) It just made him so... ANGRY, but maybe that was just a side effect of what ever was in him.
...He couldn't even trust himself anymore.
If only he hadn't slipped out that day to see his mother. He never anticipated her to have her league of assassins chase him and knock him out for her own pleasure. He was his own person, he didn't need his mother anymore, but she begged to differ.
Damian sneered.
As much as he hated her he couldn't stop loving her. She was his mother. His mom. The woman who taught him many valuable lessons and cared for him when others could not. If anything happened to her he would be depressed without a doubt... but... this was just going to far.
Why would she do this to her own son? She was his everything to him and he was her everything to her... but Damian had to move on. He could just stick to his mother's side for the re-... He stops. He's been sticking to his father's side this whole time. He was a hypocrite. He could not move on, not when he was so eager to gain respect from his father. He stuck to Batman's side like glue and now and forever he would question it.
But why question his loyalty to Batman? This could also be his thinking running out of control. Sooner or later he wouldn't even be able to control his opinions on matters... and he had to stop this somehow.
He narrows his eyes as a building of Gotham reaches sight. This was his home, his Avalon, and he wanted to protect it even though it was such a messed up disgusting place. No one ever comes here and the people who live here have to risk their lives everyday just by walking to the store.
"Damian."
His name. What a horrid name. It meant Demon... and Jason called him Hell spawn all the time. Tim called him Demon too... and maybe he really was one. He killed without thinking, without second thoughts, and he was often scolded for such things. His mother on the other hand would have praised him and then he would have an overwhelming since of pride and joy fill up in his chest. It was a nice feeling. Something he could live with for the rest of his life.
He liked getting praised.
But he didn't get praised often.
His mother was a very busy woman who hadn't had the time to praise him often.
His father was also a very busy man who was too indulged in the world and it's problems to praise him.
His brothers... they were a very confusing bunch. While he had wanted to be praised, they seemed to all want something different from each other. They all knew what they were feeling and what they wanted. And here Damian runs, watching the world past him, and he just feels so slow compared to his brothers.
They had so much time with their father. They grew up with him, they knew what he was like, while Damian is stuck trying to put the pieces together. He had thought he knew his father, his brothers, but the only person he really only knew was his mother in the end. She was the very first person Damian wished to impress... and now it's all just so chaotic.
"Damian."
He stops running and looks behind him to see no one lingering about. Who was calling his name? It sounded like his mother almost and... oh no... don't tell me... was he delusional?
"Stop." He states before tears start to run down his pale cheeks. He didn't want this. He never wanted any of this. Why did he have to suffer? He was always trying to live up to his mother's expectations when he was smaller and now he feels that he has failed.
"Just leave me alone."
"My beloved. Damian."
"I SAID STOP! STOP FOLLOWING ME EVERYWHERE I GO!"
"Come to me... I'm awaiting your return."
"Why do you have to torture me so mother!? I have done what you asked! And now I wish to live my own life! Stop trying to control me!"
Damian talking to nothing: upset, crying. In the small far away corners of his mind- humming, even as the rest of him has gone limps from exhaustion- he thinks of how stupid he must look. How incredibly disappointing he might be to his family.
"Damian."
This time it is not his mother's voice he hears but the voice of his brother. Jason. Jason was the black sheep of the family, he always roamed around the city protecting it even without his father's approval. He did what he wanted to do, he didn't need the approval of anyone to do anything, and for that Damian admired him. He had heard his story, the story of a boy who once was a robin... and then things took a dark turn for the little lost robin.
How did he feel? How did he feel when he woke up to dig his own way out of his own grave? Did he feel lost?
Did any of his brothers ever feel lost?
Was he feeling lost right now?
"Damian? Are you... okay?"
Damian doesn't understand if Jason is real or not, but he wants to submit to the illusion of a comforting brother at the moment. But Jason looks different: It's odd, seeing him in the evening, standing like a Shepard watching over his sheep. Every inch of Damian feels itchy with fear, and his eyes sting. He's almost afraid to see what comes next.
"Jason?" He croaks. He hates being so weak but he's not exactly in control right now is he? He KNOWS this isn't him. This is his body running out of control, and he doesn't like to admit it but he needs help.
"Damian... I heard you ran away and all but still... this is... what's happened to you?"
What's happened to you? Those words repeat again and again like a broken record in Damian's head and he wants to answer the question so much but he can't find his own words.
"It's okay Damian." Jason says and Damian knows that even Jason doesn't know that for sure, but it is comforting to hear his name used in such a soft voice. No one really talked to him like that, even his mother never really talked to him like that. This was something he had missed his whole entire life...
This is a total disaster. I must look like a fool. I've never wanted to look like a fool.
His jaw tightens.
"Jason. I..." Damian says before something hits him like a tornado. It's a pounding headache, one that he's never ever felt before, and he finds himself clutching his head in pain. When it stops for a few short seconds it occurs to him that he feels angry once again. The tears quickly disappearing and he was just..., "Jason you IDIOT, following after me? I- I..."
After the anger left he felt embarrassed and then quickly upset once again.
Uncontrollably he started laughing like a mad man and Jason winces.
"Damian, you are not alright. Let's get you back home. You need help."
Help. He needed help.
"But you aren't even real Jason."
Jason disappears into thin air.
When Dick had finally told everyone everything, they all were already planning a search plan for Damian. But the moment Dick opened the heavy oak front door he found that his search plan wasn't even needed, not when his brother who had just tried to escape was at the front door, shivering. It was a horrid sight and immediately Dick found himself pushing Damian in and there Damian had to face two of his brothers and Steph looking at him in terror.
Damian had just willingly come back? What... what was happening here?
"Damian?"
Damian had flinched at his name. He had heard it so many times that it was sickening. He just wanted people to stop saying his name for it was annoying.
"Dami what's wrong? Come on, if you don't say anything we can't help you."
He watches with bleary eyes as Dick drapes a blanket around his shoulders, and he tries his best to keep his frustration at bay.
"U-Unstable." Damian mutters. Dick would have thought him a robot if he were not his little brother.
"What do you mean unstable?"
"Need help." He struggles to say, looking up at Dick and then past his shoulder at Jason. His eyes waver for a few seconds with pain before glancing once again back at Dick, "I-I c-can tell you e...everyth-"
He didn't even have time to finish his sentence as he felt his knees finally give up on him, like they had lost their faith in him, and he feels someone catch him. Four people are calling out his name, but sadly he cannot reply.
He wasn't okay anymore. He was broken. He was broken like the servants he saw walk through the hall when training with his mother and he was broken like the flickering light bulb in the bathroom.
Just make it stop.
"I walk a road without people,
There is no world to snicker at me or to laugh at me.
Who knew I would miss something like that so much?
Nothing to trip over, surely there must be some mistake I must do,
But who am I kidding? My mistake was choosing to walk this road alone."
Sorry for not updating. I mean, I finally fixed my computer and all... so... PLEASE FORGIVE ME MY DEAR FOLLOWERS. Hopefully this chapter made sense, if you didn't get it... then here's a short summary.
Damian loses it.
Simple as that. I've also revealed a little about his kidnapping, yeah... if you hadn't guessed already his mom is involved.
PLEASE forgive me for grammar and spelling mistakes! Also, I own nothing, in case you haven't noticed.
This chapter's title reminds me of Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Greenday. Uh... I think that is what it's called... I'm pretty sure it's called that.
