A/N Thank you for your patience :). My muse was on holiday apparently... ignoring my dreams and refused to turn them into a longer chapter.
Still late June 1914
"No, Mr. Carson. I have to face this alone." Stubbornly he stood before him, holding the sorrowful gaze the butler gave him for a while and refusing to allow Charles to accompany him.
"You do not know what awaits you, William. I've been through this before. Trust me, it is good to have someone there with you." he tried again to change William's mind, but to no avail.
"I have my Da." He lowered his eyes to the ground, his voice shaking now, full of worry and fear. "I will be all right Mr. Carson."
"Let him go." It was Elsie's voice from behind him that made Charles eventually reach out for Williams shoulder to give it one last reassuring squeeze. "We will think of you and pray for your mother and father."
The footman nodded, and then hurriedly went out through the backdoor into the wonderful sunny weather, letting in a breeze of a fresh, flowery scented air. How unfair life could be, Charles thought. Most people enjoyed the fair weather outside today, taking care of nothing else than their wellbeing. And yet there were others amongst them that had to face the saddest moments of their life. William being one of them. For a moment he stared out into the backyard through the open door, followed the boy with his eyes until he was out of sight.
"He knows that he is not alone." The still unfamiliar feeling of her hand in his made him once more aware of her presence and what had just happened mere minutes before William had left. "Trust me, he will look for your help and comfort later."
"And for yours as well," he whispered and was about to take her hand up to his lips to kiss it, but Elsie slightly shook her head, reminding him of the risk he took, of their exposed location. The kitchen behind them, housemaids scurrying busily around. So he reluctantly let go of her hand, memorizing its warmth and the feel of her skin against his.
ooooo
"I should return to my duties. You know how much work there is even when the family is in London." Elsie smoothed down her dress, trying to keep her thoughts away from wandering into the direction they had been going when she held his hand. They had not spoken a lot yet. There were still so many open questions, so many uncertainties and she needed to know where their lives would lead to now. An hour ago her world had changed completely.
She looked at her hands that played with the chains pinned to her waist, keys jingling faintly while she did so. Staying at Downton was not an option unless they kept their love secret. And love it was. Elsie no longer doubted that feeling the look into his eyes or the brief touch of their hands stirred in her. Not after they had shared that one, first and special kiss. However, she did not want to leave her home, her work, her life. This was her most important yet unanswered question. What would happen next?
"As much as I want to have you for myself for a few more hours", Charles started, "I am afraid you are right. I assume you do not need my assistance?"
How he stood there, looking down into her eyes with a lopsided smile on his lips, was most adorable. Elsie was tempted to answer with a short and simple no to his question but then reminded herself how unlikely it would be to get any work done when he was around. "Why don't you take a nice long walk, enjoy the afternoon sun?" she suggested.
"I would enjoy it much more if you would accompany me." She felt how his hand reached out for hers again, his thumb stroking her wrist, sending a shiver down her spine. Elsie had to swallow hard before she could answer and she had to ignore the warm sensation his touch caused within her.
"Then I should better make sure it won't take long." Reluctantly she walked away from him, holding his hand as long as possible, until their fingertips where the last part that still touched each other. Only then did she turn around, quickened her pace and walked up the stairs.
ooooo
The image of Elsie Hughes sitting in front of his desk at night while he was away in London, drinking tea, filling the room with her presence and with that wonderful smell would not leave his mind. She had accepted his gift, she had kissed him. When he closed his eyes, he could still feel her lips, so soft and wonderfully warm.
Yet, they had not found the time to talk and there was so much he needed to know, to make certain. Writing down the words that had opened her heart had cost him so much courage already. The consequences that would follow he had actually never considered thoroughly. When they wanted to stay at Downton they had to hide their love and he would not expect Elsie to put up with this burden. Not after all they had been through to finally allow themselves to show their real feelings for each other. But leaving Downton was not an option for him either.
Charles sighed and looked up to the window where he could still see the sun shining in. Maybe a walk was not the worst idea, even though he had to do without her company. It would allow him time to think, collect his thoughts, come up with a solution. He got up, decided to leave his hat and coat behind and went out through the back door, across the backyard and through the small wooden door inside the brick wall.
ooooo
She found the boy sitting bent double on one of the wooden vegetable crates next to the back door when she was on her way to see if the bed lines were already pressed and ready to be sorted into the linen cabinet again. He did not notice her presence, did not look up, only stared at his feet. His shoes were dusty and so was the seam of his trousers. Elsie noticed the wet drops on the sandy ground before him, silent witnesses of his tears.
"William." Her voice was very quiet. She did not want to frighten him, hurt his fragile soul even more. The boy did not react, so Elsie gave it another try. "William?" Louder this time.
Slowly his head turned to face her, quickly covered by his left hand that wiped away the tears. "She is gone, Mrs. Hughes" His voice tried to be strong but she could hear the grief nevertheless.
"I know." She sat down on a crate next to him and hesitantly patted William's shoulder. "Were you able to say good bye to her?"
He nodded. "She was almost unconscious when I arrived. I was almost too late, Mrs. Hughes."
Elsie tried to ignore the tears that threatened to flood her eyes. "But you were not William. She knows how much you loved her, how important it was for you to see her one last time." Her voice sounded stronger than she had expected.
"Why?" One simple word but the question he asked was unanswerable for her. Elsie bit her lip, swallowed down the sadness and helplessness.
"We will never know why, William. Only God knows." She draped her arm cautiously around the boy's shoulders, allowed herself to show him how much she cared. That she was not just his superior within the household but also someone he could trust. William accepted her offer immediately and his head fell on her shoulder, the tears now streaming down his cheeks. She felt his sobs shake his body and gently let her hand stroke his upper arm.
ooooo
He returned from his walk almost at dinner time. It had been a good decision to walk around the vast grounds, down to the small river and up to the orchard. Somehow the house had obstructed his thoughts, prevented him to find the simple answer to the most important decision of his life. Perhaps todays chain of events had also played a role, made it harder for him to clear his head. Before he opened the backdoor once more he looked up to the topmost windows of the house, their rooms, their place to be, their home.
Mrs. Patmore was busy ordering the kitchen maids around. He could hear her loud voice over the clatter of pots and pans. A wonderful smell of freshly baked bread and Downton's famous lamb stew filled the air. The London food could not compare with it. He passed by the closed door of Elsie's sitting room and paused for a moment unsure whether to open it and see if she was there waiting for him or to continue his way down the corridor towards the servant's hall.
"Mr. Carson!" Anna, a warm smile on her lips, suddenly stood before him. "Mrs. Hughes was looking for you." She turned around and obviously expected him to follow her. He took his hand off the handle where he had just placed it, and turned his head to see if Anna was waiting for him. But the housemaid was already gone though he could hear her voice from somewhere near.
Just as he was about to finally follow her, a familiar sound caught his attention. There she stood, in the passage between the kitchen and the servant's hall, smiling at him, waiting, the keys at her hip still jingled faintly. Unlike their first encounter earlier, his feet this time had no problem to obey. "Anna told me you were looking for me?"
"William is back." The smile vanished, but he could feel her hand brushing his as they walked next to each other down towards the servant's hall. "It took all of my persuasiveness to make him join us for dinner tonight."
Instead of an answer he took her hand in his, squeezed is reassuringly and let go of it before they entered the room together.
to be continued
A/N I know, the story is REALLY slow at the moment and the tone is different from the first 8 chapters, but that was on purpose :)
One more to go!
