It was silent down in autopsy. Tim was sat with his back pressed to the cold of the freezer, the chill helping not only with the thudding pain in his head but the numbness he already felt after his outburst upstairs. Silent tears cascaded down his cheeks and he pressed his palms tight over his eyes as he sat there. Ducky was at lunch with Jimmy, Tim knew because Breena was bringing Victoria down to see them since Jimmy would be working late that night, so autopsy was empty and dark and much less eerie than Tim thought it would be. There weren't many occupants of Ducky's cold storage for the time being so he didn't feel as creeped out as he usually would. To be honest at the minute he felt more comfortable down in the basement surrounded by corpses that couldn't judge him or stare him out or criticise his every action than with the cold hearted bastard Gibbs was slowly becoming upstairs.
This was the second time that week Tim had landed on the floor of autopsy with just a few bodies and his own thoughts for company, though then the presence of a body bag in an otherwise empty, shadowy room had limited his stay. The first had been after another very similar showdown with Gibbs, though he had managed to keep his cool and not flip out that time. That time he had been hurt, truly hurt by Gibbs continuous, however accidental it might have been, reference to him as Tony. This time he hadn't managed to keep calm. His head had already been aching and Gibbs nagging hadn't helped. He could feel the remnants of alcohol still working its way through his system and the buzzing of the bright orange squadroom hadn't helped with his nausea. Maybe it was good he had flipped a bit this time. Maybe he just needed to get it out of his system. Maybe, but he knew he was trying to convince himself too much for it to be true.
His cell bleeped in his pocket but he didn't check it; most likely it would be Delilah checking in or Bishop texting to ask if he was ok. Truth is, he didn't know if he was ok anymore. He had felt ok, kind of, all up until that shrink had gotten into his head and make him think too much and feel a dozen different things at once. Yeah, that's when this had started, his strained relationship with Gibbs, his not being able to think straight over anything including Tony, his drinking (though that had merely increased), all because of Grace. He snorted at the thought. Grace didn't start this, sure she had made Gibbs a little angrier at him because he'd been caught talking to her but she hadn't caused the awkwardness between them, she hadn't really messed his head up much more than it already was, she hadn't even increased his drinking by that much, she simply made him realise it all himself, and that's what he was probably more pissed off at. I mean how ok could anyone be after everything that had happened recently?
He let several more tears fall and didn't bother trying to stop himself. He wasn't even sure why he was crying anymore. He had never cried after Ziva, not since that one time at the funeral, he hadn't had time to, he was never upset enough over Gibbs to cry and Tony wasn't exactly gone, he was still keeping in touch, though it had been a while since Tim replied to any of his messages and there had been several…
Timmy, just checking in again, you missed my last call and never replied to the message I left. Assuming you're busy with work but then Gibbs says never make assumptions. Hope things are ok? Did you get my letter? Give me a call kid x
…
Hey McMissing, where you been? Or should I say, where are you? Why haven't I had a Skype call back yet? Why haven't I had a response to my letter? Why have I spoken to Delilah more than I've spoken to you in the past three days? You never miss a day. I haven't done something to upset you have I? x
…
Hey Probie, I'm actually starting to get worried now, I know you've been on the laptop because Delilah told me. Are you deliberately ignoring me? I need our daily catch ups! x
…
Elflord, I'm actually worried I have done something to upset you now, it's been five days since I heard from you McGoo, I need you in my life! Message me please? x
…
Ok, will you just talk to me Tim? I miss you bro xx …
Truth be told he wasn't sure he was upset. He didn't feel upset. He didn't know what he felt but it wasn't upset. All he knew was that Ziva was gone, Tony was not here and Gibbs and the rest of the team seemed to be forgetting who he even was these days. He wasn't the wonderful, funny, cleverly witty and smart senior field agent they had always had. He wasn't Tony and that bothered them.
From outside Tim heard the ding of the elevator and hurriedly wiped the stray tears from his eyes. He'd only just regained his composure when the lights flickered on and Ducky appeared through the doors, Jimmy, Breena and Victoria in his wake.
"I'm simply saying Mr Palmer, you cannot freak out at every moment just because your daughter has a sniffle and assume the worst, good gracious I don't know how Breena copes."
Breena gave a chuckle as Jimmy replied.
"It wasn't just a sniffle ok, Breena you always make me sound like I overreacted,"
"Because you did Jimmy." She grinned.
"She had a fever,"
"Very low grade fever."
"And her eyes were very red,"
"They were barely pink."
"And she was coughing quite a bit,"
"I, ok, I'll actually give him that one."
"Jimmy, do you think we'd be anywhere if we took our children to see someone every time they had a slight fever and cough, half the district would be at the health centre 24/7 if we did."
"Ok, so I overreacted, but, it could have been worse."
"But it wasn't so no sense in worrying, right Jimmy." Breena squeezed his arm and pecked his cheek in an effort to hush him.
Ducky chortled as he shrugged off his coat and hat onto the stand.
"She's a very wise woman that wife of yours Mr Palmer."
"I keep telling him that Ducky, I'm not sure he believes it." Breena grinned.
Jimmy made to retort but jumped as Ducky yelled, having moved closer to his desk and caught sight of a deathly white Tim hunched on the floor.
"Good grief Timothy, you scared the living daylights out of me!" Ducky clutched his chest and muttered to the ceiling as Tim scrambled to his feet, wiping his sleeve across his face as he did.
"Sorry Ducky, needed some quiet and I knew you were out." Tim forced a smile, which faltered once he saw Jimmy and Breena properly.
Victoria was currently nestled in Jimmy's arm, her head lolling sleepily against his shoulder. Tim felt his breath catch and his heart ache at the sight. It reminded him so much of Tali. He could feel his eyes starting to fill again and Ducky frowned at the pain he saw etched on his face. Jimmy shifted his feet awkwardly at Tim's apparent upset at the sight of them and murmured something about just grabbing his coat. Within seconds he was ushering Breena back out of the doors and towards the stairs. Tim returned the smile to his face as he forced his thoughts away and made to leave. Ducky however, reached out a hand before he'd taken more than two steps.
"Ducky, I have to get back to work."
"You are not going anywhere until I've addressed that cut on the side of your head young man."
Tim tried to brush it off as nothing but stopped under Ducky's stern look.
"Not even Gibbs would be leaving here with that on his head so don't think you are. Sit."
Ducky waved a hand to one of the slabs and Tim grudgingly pulled himself up onto it. He tutted as he examined Tim's head and set about dabbing at it to clean it up, Tim flinching as he hit a more tender spot and Ducky set about it again with a little less vigour.
"So I don't suppose you plan on telling me how you came to gash your head open so nicely?"
"Not particularly." Tim grimaced.
"Hmm. Of course not. I gather there was alcohol involved?"
"Probably."
"Typical." Ducky mumbled under his breath as he added gauze to the cut. "And has Gibbs seen the very state of you today?"
"I don't think Gibbs was actually too concerned with my head but more concerned with my ass not being in my seat on time." He muttered darkly.
Ducky paused with steristrips in his hand to observe his newest patient.
"I think you underestimate him Timothy."
"Do I?"
"You think he wouldn't be concerned?"
"I think he's not. Hasn't been for a long time."
"And what makes you say that?"
"Because I've been conscious while working with him the last two months."
Tim hissed as Ducky pressed a little too hard on his head.
"When was the last time you talked to each other?"
"About fifteen minutes ago."
"I mean actually talked Timothy."
"Who knows, never probably."
Ducky sucked in a breath and stopped to observe the damage. Maybe it was much worse than he'd thought.
"Your knuckles are rather bruised."
"I know."
"What happened with that?"
"Don't know."
"Don't know or don't want to say?"
"Both?" Tim shrugged again.
Ducky shook his head and took Tim's battered hand in his own, gently feeling along the lines of his fingers for breaks.
"Well I don't believe it's broken, just badly bruised."
"Hmm."
"I will clean that second cut and bandage it up though. Last thing I'd want is you catching some kind of infection."
Tim stayed silent this time as Ducky went about his way, cleaning and bandaging his hand. It wasn't until the silence got a little too prolonged that he spoke.
"Ducky, you ever tried to head shrink Gibbs?"
Ducky narrowed his eyes at him.
"Why would I put myself through such torture?"
Tim didn't flinch.
"Gibbs hates shrinks." He spoke, more to himself than Ducky. "Apparently hates shrinks." He added quieter. "You ever met Grace? Gibbs' shrink."
"I don't believe I've had the pleasure."
"Strange woman. Gets in your head. No wonder Gibbs butts heads with her. They're very alike. Maybe that's why they like each other so much, or why she likes him anyway. She keeps coming back for him. Maybe she likes the challenge."
Ducky watched Tim mumble to himself, barely catching what he was saying but understanding just enough to get the idea. It was several minutes before Tim realised he was free to go. He slid from the table, still speaking of Grace and her head-shrinking tactics. He finally glanced up at Ducky before he headed for the door.
"Ha, you know, maybe I'm the one who needs a shrink." He grimaced as he left.
Ducky stood by the table, gloves still on his hands and watched as Tim entered the elevator and the door closed behind him. He suddenly felt very concerned for the boy and it had little to do with his injuries.
