Chapter 9
Disclaimer: I do not own House. Story contains various spoilers past and future (I forgot to mention before from Television Without Pity House forum-thanks guys-I know how many of you feel about fanfic but I hope I do it justice somewhat) and future episodes as well as my own ideas for Cuddy and House. (Wiggles eyebrows seductively).
Why me?
House sat in his bath tub floating along with the rippling waves of the water. He looked down at his penis glaring at it as if it had betrayed him. She only wants you.
He began to pull and tug on his member causing himself more pain than pleasure. Why does she even want you anyway?
House sighed. He ran a slightly shaking hand through his wiry hair before reaching up to drink his warm scotch. God, I am pathetic.
He stood up only to look briefly in the mirror. He hated his own reflection. It wasn't truth. It was a mix of confusion and sickness brought on by addiction and self loathing. Even my image lies.
With a heavy heart in anticipation of the evening's affairs, he decided that withering away to the size of a peach wouldn't help anyone.
He took one last look at his penis.
"If you were no bigger than a grape maybe she would leave me alone." Maybe, but hopefully not.
House went to get ready. He felt for some reason that he should be dressed for this occasion, but there was no reason for it. Cuddy had seen him at his best (diagnostic wise) and at his worst which was pretty much everyday anymore and yet she still asked him. Maybe because there was no one left. Maybe she made a chart on me to make me appear interested knowing I would look in the envelope and then say ah-ha knowing now that I was stuck. How do I get out of this one?
House thought the more appropriate line of questioning his brain should follow was did he really want to get out of this?
House finished dressing and kept one vigil eye on the clock. It was nearing 7pm. She should be here by now. Probably got stuck at the hospital again. Never be able to do that with a little rugrat nipping on her toes. The image of that actually amused him. He continued to drink sensing the clear sensation of the room spinning. Maybe I am drunk. Cool.
The door began to resonate loudly. House tilted his head toward its direction but not entirely sure if the sound was real. The alcohol was affecting him more than he thought it would. Probably because the last time he ate was…wait he couldn't remember the last time he had eaten. He took another look at his glass now very empty. Damn this is good stuff.
House limped over to the sound to see if it was possibly Cuddy. He had enough to drink to be able to handle this now. I think so anyway.
He slowly opened the door. She was dressed simply but looked so beautiful. His eyes widened in her direction. Cuddy noticed how could she not? God, this would be a lot harder than he originally thought. Here this beautiful woman wants to have his baby…well in the clinical sense. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea…
"Are you going to let me in or should I try to extract your sperm using this hair pin I found in the hallway?"
Ouch.
House stepped back to allow the she-devil to pass. Fucking hot, she-devil. Way too much to drink...well maybe not. I would think this anyway.
Cuddy sat down resuming her previous position on House's couch. He gulped but hoped she didn't see that. God this was nerve wracking. Let's just cut to the chase.
"So what is it you want from me? A few hundred sexy Gregs roaming around your coochie?" That didn't come out at all like I planned.
Cuddy's jaw dropped slightly before resuming her position of authority.
"I think we have more important things to discuss than your sperm. " Her voice lowered. "Why did you cut yourself?"
House dropped his gaze. He didn't want her to see his eyes. He tried to speak but couldn't.
"Is it the same situation as with your finger smashing incident a couple of years ago?"
House nodded remembering when he had detoxed several years ago to escape clinic duty. Thank God I don't have to go into that.
As if suddenly becoming a mind reader was added to her list of villainous activities, she continued her line of questioning.
"Oh no, you don't get off that easily."
House's blue eyes twinkled and with a boyish grin replied. "Yeah, I do."
Cuddy ignored the sexual reference.
"What I mean is that…I was here for you… why didn't you just talk to me?"
House's brows furrowed.
"Hmm. talking…not a good thing for me."
Cuddy stood up and began to walk in his direction. Oh no. She's going to touch me again. Bad move.
Her hand reached out to gently squeeze his arm. House swallowed hard. That's not the only thing hard in here.
"Contrary to popular belief…"she paused, "I do like you and care for you. I don't want to see you injured or injuring yourself. No one should have to go through that."
House kept his blue eyes steady on her.
"Maybe some people do." Why did I just say that? Is it the alcohol talking or do I really want to tell her…things. God, why do I keep opening my mouth?
"Why would you say something like that? You're a brilliant doctor. Do you have any idea how many lives would be..."
"Blah, blah, blah…now can we start the sex?" He said with a suggestive leer on his face.
Cuddy dropped her hand. "Can't you for once, be honest with someone? Honest with yourself at least."
His eyes looked wounded, childlike, and even innocent. What door have I opened?
"Maybe we should have this discussion another night."
He wasn't getting out of this that easily.
"No, we're having it now."
He looks like he wants to talk, but something's stopping him. Embarrassment? I have never known House to be embarrassed. Maybe the alcohol is severely affecting his judgment. Maybe the alcohol like the pills helps him to feel…something. anything... even though all of these years he has declared otherwise. Absence of pain, but not emotion…
House looked deeply into her eyes. Why is she looking at me that way? This is a nightmare I don't want to have to live through again. Then again…maybe its time….she has asked you to be the father of her child. Maybe telling her will actually get her off of your back. Knowing how damaged you are would suggest instability (more than she already knows) in you. Maybe…maybe not.
"I hate my father." House stated matter of fact as he inched along the floor to find a seat on the already warm couch left from Cuddy. She resumed a position next to him as well.
Cuddy nodded urging him on, but he stopped there.
"So, I don't always agree with my parents either, but…"
House shook his finger at her. "No, I said hate. Hate is very different from 'my mommy hurt my feelings when I was twelve.' Hate is much stronger, deeper emotion…" His eyes grew distant. "Even though as a species we are morons and do stupid, irrevocable things, few people in the world can truly hate another." He looked up into her blue eyes. "Unless the reason is good enough."
Cuddy's eyes widened. She doesn't understand and I am not about to discuss it.
"What can I say I was a stupid kid. Remember that, if you want my sperm, you too will have a stupid, ungrateful child."
Cuddy's eyes once widened in hope of his opening up were now left moist but she didn't let a single tear fall. House breathed a sigh of relief. Thank God because I don't think I could handle it right now.
"What could have happened to you that caused so much…hatred?"
House looked away.
"When you torment a puppy long enough it learns to expect it. In its own defense, it will lash out first as a way to protect itself against further torment. It knows its coming, hates it, but hates the fact that it feels helpless and weak, only knowing how to destroy, not create."
Cuddy's unwavering look as a single tear fell from her beautiful eyes caused House more heartache than he had felt since he was a teenager. Me and my damn metaphors. Can't even tell her what happened.
"Are you trying to tell me that your father abused you in some way as an excuse to bail out on me? Or is this your way of defending your nature of being an asshole?
House waved his hand casually in the air with a phish sound.
"Nah, I was always an asshole. I just continued to be an asshole after certain situations occurred. Certain experiences don't create assholes like me, but those situations mar the individual's existence and only continue to breed self loathing and contempt."
"Are you afraid that you will become like your father?"
House's eyes burned. "I am my father."
Their eyes met in silence.
"Just because you and your father may have some similarities doesn't mean you are like him. Everything you touch doesn't die. You do create wonderful miracles, more than you will ever know." Cuddy paused, "You deserve love as much as anyone."
House's eyes grew hopeful. Stacy's words tore into his heart. Why don't you think you are worthy enough to be saved?
He answered his own question out loud. "No."
Cuddy knew she had lost. There was no way to convince him he would make a good donor let alone a father. She had lost. With a heavy sigh, Cuddy went to gather her things from the couch. She stood up leaving Greg House to sit alone as he poured himself another drink.
"You're wrong you know."
House ignored her continuing to wallow in self pity.
"You are loved."
With that said, she headed for the door only to be stopped by the thump of a wooden cane blocking her exit. Cuddy turned to face him. His eyes were so bright. Maybe I got through to him.
House gazed back at her while pushing a strain of brown hair behind her ear. Maybe someone understands me….maybe a little piece of her does know me or wants to.
"How do you feel about me?"
House was thrown off by her remark. There are no words to describe it.
He kissed her.
Hope you like it. I tried to remain in character for the most part. The spoilers for future episodes are great. House spoiler that he was abused by his father seems interesting. Please review and let me know what you think. Sorry not too much sex stuff in this one.
Up next: Will they do it?
Sorry I had to lead into it without sounding like a plot less porn story.
