Disclaimer: Too bad… not mine. I'd have lots of fun with it if it were.
Author's Notes: Grrr. I HATE speakers. Never buy those cheapo computer speakers, go for the more expensive high name ones, otherwise you're in for some bad times. Anyway! Sorry the last chapter was depressing, it's just one chapter, but the title of the story is "No Such Thing…", and it is marked as a tragedy. All that said, there is hope on the way. But that's all I'm gonna tell you, you'll just have to find out for yourselves. I hope you enjoy this next chapter. When I began writing my story three years ago, this chapter was the one that got me going. A certain scene in it was what I started with and since then the rest has kinda fanned out from it. Okay, enjoy, and don't forget to REVIEW!
Last Chapter: Two months has passed since Aiko and Kiyoshi's birth. Kagome's dreams are growing steadily worse, and the whole of Japan is in a political uproar. InuYasha pushes for Kagome to leave early, to which she agrees to leave one month earlier than they had planned. They decide to name their pup Nozomi, ironically. Kagome wakes one morning to find that she is living her nightmare, every bit as it is in her dreams. Through a long and dangerous struggle, the pup is born and pronounced a stillborn.
Chapter 9: Shattered Dreams and Mending Hearts
"InuYasha?" A gentle hand settled on the hanyou's freezing, snow covered shoulder.
InuYasha did nothing to respond. He simply continued to stare at the grey, aging wooden walls of the Bone Eater's Well. All around him, the snow was several inches thicker than he had remembered it being. His hands and feet were numb with the cold; his whole body was covered in a thin layer of ice that crackled when he moved his frozen limbs slightly. Off on the horizon the sun was just beginning to rise, its rays painting the pure white canvas with a blood red glow, very fitting for the circumstances. He was beyond caring though; his entire world had come crashing down on him in only one night.
"InuYasha, come inside and drink some tea." The voice said again. "You need to get out of the cold."
The young man pushed the hand on his shoulder off and stood up slowly. His joints groaned and creaked from the cold, his ears turned back against his head hiding from the cold wind. Without bothering to acknowledge the speaker he turned and walked stiffly towards his home. Behind him, he could hear that someone sigh heavily and then begin following after him. Numbly he stepped up onto the walkway and made his way towards the tearoom. As he passed one door though, he stopped. Behind that door he knew his Kagome lay despairing over their loss as he was. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. For once in his life, his hands shook as they pulled back the door. As he stepped into the darkened room, the overpowering smell of death and depression rushed over him in a thick wave.
"Kagome?" He called into the dark.
His sensitive ears began to pick up someone quietly humming a calming but yet haunting tune. As his amber eyes adjusted to the gloom, he could see Kagome sitting on her futon gently rocking back and forth. She was holding a small bundle in her arms. She looked positively serene, completely happy with herself and the world the way it was at that moment. She smiled gently down at the little bundle, every now and then caressing it lovingly.
"She's been like that since you left." Someone informed him from behind. "She won't let anyone touch her or the pup."
"Sango, will she be okay?" InuYasha asked. He turned to look at the demon slayer behind him questioningly. He knew what the answer would be, but he wanted to ask anyway, hoping that he would be wrong.
"I don't know, InuYasha, I really don't." She admitted sadly. "I remember my mother telling me about this after Kohaku was born. She said that most of the time the woman gets over it as she realizes that there's more to live for."
InuYasha nodded his head slowly and took a good look at Sango. Securely strapped to her chest in a primitive sling, Kiyoshi slept peacefully, completely oblivious to the world. He had hoped with all his heart to see his own daughter held in just that way to Kagome's back or chest, to see her tiny face smiling at him with twinkling eyes. Before he could allow himself to cry he turned and knelt down next to Kagome.
"I'll be in the tearoom in a few minutes." He said quietly over his shoulder. Sango nodded and left the couple alone, being careful to shut the door behind her.
"Kagome?" InuYasha breathed as he reached out to brush a stray lock of jet-black hair behind her ear. She turned a smiling face upon him.
"She's beautiful, InuYasha. Isn't she? She's even got your ears." She bubbled happily. With her index finger, she rubbed the soft white fuzz of their daughter's dog-ear.
The hanyou squeezed his eyes shut tight and bit his lip hard. "Kagome, she's…" He started. Kagome looked curiously into his eyes. "She's dead, Kagome. She died before she was born. We lost her." He finally managed to say.
"No… no she's not." Kagome replied quietly. She was rocking again. When she finished saying this she began to hum a haunting tune. "My momma used to sing this to me and Souta when we were babies." She said. She began humming again.
"Kagome, you have to let her go." InuYasha told her. "She's gone."
Kagome only shook her head and continued to rock back and forth and hum the same haunting tune over and over again. It was too much for InuYasha to handle. He rose from his seat and left the room as quickly as he could. He had to get away from it all. As if the devil was nipping incessantly at his heals, he made his way to the tearoom where he knew the rest of the group was waiting for him. Maybe they would be laughing and joking like old times, maybe they could help him get his mind off his stillborn child. When he reached the room he slid back the door and took it all in.
Sango sat near one the brass braziers with a blanket draped over her shoulders, most likely feeding the noisy Aiko. A few feet away, Miroku sat with Kiyoshi lying in front of him. Beaming with fatherly pride, Miroku made happy faces at his son that made the little infant coo cheerfully. Over on the far side of the room, Shippou lay on his stomach playing some sort of dice game with Kirara. When InuYasha entered though, everything stopped. Shippou sat up on his heels and stared at the man, Miroku straightened from his son and gazed up at the young hanyou, Sango turned her gaze from Kiyoshi's smiling face to the brooding face of their host. He sat down against the wall and folding his hands into his wide red sleeves.
"I take it that you saw Kagome." Miroku inferred from his posture and his uneven breathing pattern.
InuYasha only nodded his head in reply.
"Her mind won't let her accept the death of Nozomi." The monk informed quietly as he lifted a cup of heated sake to his lips. "I've seen it before many times. The later in term a mother loses her child, the harder it is for her mind to cope with the loss. In Kagome's case, she lost the child on the very day she should have been born. So she believes that Nozomi is still alive, just sleeping peacefully in her arms. It is not uncommon."
"Is there anyway to show her that the baby's dead?" Sango asked.
"Yes, but you have to be careful when you do." Miroku warned after taking another swig of sake. "If you take the body away just like that when she's awake, you run the risk of making Kagome go crazy and kill herself in grief. Well… actually, anyway you do it, there's always that risk."
"We have to bury her soon." InuYasha whispered, drawing everyone's gaze swiftly to him. "She needs a proper burial."
"Yes, she does." Sango conceded. "We need to get Nozomi away from Kagome, but she refuses to let go of her or even let her out of her sight."
"Maybe you could drug her into a deep sleep and while she's sleeping take the baby away and cremate her." Shippou suggested.
"That's a good idea," Miroku agreed, "But what do we tell Kagome when she wakes up to find Nozomi's gone?"
"Tell her the truth." InuYasha said simply. "I don't gloss over things like you do, Miroku. Kagome needs to be told the truth. She needs to snap outta that daze."
"I know, but if you do it the wrong way you could lose Kagome too. And if that happens, what will you do, InuYasha?" Miroku chided the hanyou harshly "Think about it InuYasha, you've lost your child but Kagome has lost a part of herself. That pup was growing inside Kagome; she could feel everything that Nozomi did. She shared a deeper connection with the baby than you did or ever would. Don't you narrow your eyes at me! You have lost something too, and you have every right to grieve and then be done, but don't tell Kagome to get over it so quickly!"
"Then what do you suggest we do, Miroku?" InuYasha growled angrily.
"We'll do what Shippou suggested." Miroku decided. "We'll drug Kagome then take the body away to cremate it at the temple. Once that's done, we'll bury her ashes somewhere here on the property. Does that suit you well enough, InuYasha?"
"Keh."
"Then it's settled." Sango said sadly.
"I'll go and get the herbs from Kaede." Shippou offered. When no one gainsaid him, he hopped up from his seat and took off running.
AaA
The light was creeping away from them. Darkness spread a thick blanket over the group as they made their way to Kagome's room. The tensions between them were almost tangible as they walked in a single file line. At the head, InuYasha walked stiffly, a deep bowl held in one hand, behind him Miroku ambled quietly with his tiny son strapped to his back securely, and behind him, bringing up the rear, walked Sango. Aiko was strapped, like her brother, to her mother's back and sleeping soundly. Shippou and Kirara had opted to stay behind in the kitsune's room. Ever since the fateful night, Shippou had refused to get anywhere close to Kagome's room, let alone enter; her grief was far too much for him to stomach.
As the solemn procession finally reached the darkened room, a sprightly breeze rushed through the courtyard and picked up their hair and loose clothing, tugging it playfully to come join it's journey. InuYasha swallowed loudly and shut his eyes as tightly as he could. How he longed to reverse time, to go back to the day when he had fought Kouga. He wanted to plunge his Tessaiga deep into his chest, kill him on the spot, but something had stayed his hand. Now, his child had paid for his mistake, paid dearly.
"InuYasha…" Miroku cleared his throat behind the hanyou, "It's time."
InuYasha nodded wordlessly and pulled back the sliding door. A gush of warm air escaped quickly from the room. Each of the three covered their noses with disgust as it waved passed them. Floating on that wind was the scent of death, depression, sweat, blood, even a little bit of birth fluid still. There was no turning back though; they had to finish what they had started. So, with a deep breath, InuYasha stepped into the room and let his eyes adjust to the light before he knelt down next to Kagome. She was still rocking back and forth the way she had been, still hummed that same haunting lullaby, still had her daughter tightly held to her chest.
"Kagome…" InuYasha said thickly, "Kagome, you have to drink this. It'll help heal you faster."
Suddenly InuYasha felt his arms weighing him down, his limbs felt like lead weights. When Kagome nodded slightly it was all he could do to pass the bowl of liquid to his dazed wife. With her free hand, she took it and lifted it gingerly to her lips. As she tipped its contents into her mouth and swallowed, InuYasha felt heat rising to his ears. His heart hammered loudly in his chest, threatening to burst out at any second. He sat there tapping a clawed finger nervously against the hilt of his katana as he waited for Kagome to drift to sleep.
"I'm so tired, InuYasha." She whispered quietly. "Inu…Yasha… what's… going on?" She slurred drunkenly as the potion took hold of her.
"Go to sleep, Kagome." He soothed. "When you wake up, everything will be better. I promise." He said as he glanced nervously at the door.
"Inu…Yasha… What's… wrong?" She murmured.
Finally the bowl slipped out of her hand and fell to the floor with a dull thud. Her brown eyes clouded over and her lids sank heavily towards her cheeks. Her whole body sagged as the potion did its work, her heartbeat slowing to a gentle sleeping rate. When her breathing evened out completely, InuYasha reached out and took the tiny bundle she held. Even in sleep, her grip on Nozomi was strong. He set Nozomi's body gently down beside him and then addressed his wife. He pushed aside the soiled blankets and laid her down fully so that her head rested peacefully on her pillow. He pulled a clean blanket out of the closet and placed it over her. When she seemed to be adequately laid to rest, InuYasha stroked her cheek lovingly.
"I'm so sorry, Kagome." He whispered as he kissed her forehead tenderly.
"InuYasha, we need to go now." Miroku called from the door.
"I'm comin'!" InuYasha growled in reply. "Unlike you, I'm burying a child here and deceiving my wife to do it! Give me a (bleep!) minute!"
He took one last look at his sleeping mate before lifting his daughter into his arms and rising from the floor. With a heavy heart he turned and exited the room. Outside in the fresh night air Miroku and Sango awaited him. As he closed the door behind him, Miroku turned and began to walk towards the gate, and Sango turned quickly to follow after him. InuYasha took up the path as well, but haltingly. Before he could register a change in the scenery, he was standing in front of a large Shinto shrine not far from their home. The couple waited patiently for him at the base of the stairs that led into its silent depths.
"I talked to the head priest earlier." Miroku informed them. "He said he would wait until we had come with the body before he left. He will cremate Nozomi properly so that her soul can be at peace."
"How long will it take?" Sango asked. "How long will it take for her to be fully cremated?"
"Longer than you think it should." Miroku sighed. "It might take two hours or more. It all depends on how hot the flames are."
Above them, at the top of the stairs, the darkness stirred. A dark figure appeared holding a tall staff at its right. Silently it began to descend the steps towards the trio. "Greetings." It called in a deep voice. The man was tall and straight built with a bald head. His eyes were a warm chocolate brown that shone with understanding gained with many years of trial. His deep purple robes swished quietly as he walked towards them.
"Yasuo-dono." Miroku bowed deeply in respect. "We have brought the child."
"I can see that." The priest said blandly as his gaze rested on the somber man holding his stillborn baby. "Times are indeed hard when one must see his own child buried before himself. May peace find you before too much time passes."
"Let's just get this over with." InuYasha growled irritably.
"Certainly," Yasuo bowed in apology and beckoned them to follow, "Right this way."
He led them deep into the shrine, past many looming statues of peaceful gods and goddesses. Around many of the pillars, incense swirled up into the night skies taking the prayers of faithful believers to any ears that would hear them. When it seemed as though they could go no further, Yasuo pushed aside a heavy wooden door and motioned for them to enter first. When they had all filed into the warm room, he shut the door behind them, walked to the end of the room, and opened a small hatch.
"We will place her body into a small metal box and then set it inside this oven." He said quietly. "When she has been in there for two hours or however long it will take, I will take her out and offer up as many prayers as I can to the spirits that she pass quickly and without hindrance to the next world. Now, please put her into that box over there on your right."
InuYasha could not stop the tears that welled up in his eyes as he knelt down next to the small metal coffin. Several crystalline droplets fell to darken Nozomi's silken wrappings as he laid her gently down into the box. When it seemed as though InuYasha could do no more, Sango lifted the box away from him and handed it to Yasuo to take care of. The priest did not bother to put a lid on it but simply pushed it into the glowing cavern and shut the hatch tightly. He turned his gaze upon the group and nodded slightly that it had begun. Sango had taken Aiko off her back and now held her tightly to her chest, letting her warm tears fall down her creamy cheeks and splatter the front of her white and pink kimono. Miroku sat cross-legged on the floor with Kiyoshi resting peacefully in his lap. He held his right hand up in front of his face with his index and middle finger pointed towards the sky and his thumb holding the other fingers down, a prayerful position. He had taken this pose before when grave tidings had plagued the group, but that had been years ago. Off to the side in the darkest corner of the room, InuYasha sat with his hands tucked into his wide sleeves, brooding.
"I shall go and fetch some tea for you to drink as you wait." Yasuo bade as he exited the room slowly, his tall wooden staff tapping lightly on the floor as he walked out.
"InuYasha," Miroku called once the priest had had left them, "Do you want to go back to the estates and rest? Sango and I can wait here for the ceremony to be held, you've done so much for us it would only be fair."
"What are you talkin' about, baka?" The hanyou growled. "There ain't any way I'm leaving here without Nozomi's ashes! Just shut up and give it a rest, would ya?" He grumbled.
Just then, from the depths of her swaddling clothes, Aiko began to mew for her mother's milk. Sango quickly set about feeding her with as much dignity as she could by draping a blanket over her shoulders. Hearing his sister's malcontented state, Kiyoshi followed suit with his own whimpering mewl, though it was not as loud. Sango sighed heavily and reached out for her whimpering son. When Miroku had handed him over, Sango put him on her lap and adjusted her kimono for a double feeding then gently raised him to suckle as well. She would tire soon with both arms holding an infant to her breasts but she did not utter even the smallest complaint; she merely took it as her lot and made the best of it.
Off in his dark corner, InuYasha could not help but sadden at the sound of the crying babies. He had longed for the sound of children since Kagome and he had married over a year before. He could still remember their wedding ceremony as though it had only been a day before. Kagome had donned the most beautiful traditional white wedding kimono with her hair done up like a beautiful geisha. When they had shared the cup of sake, he could have fainted with joy. That day had long since passed though, and things were not as happy and carefree as they had been then. He could only hope that there would be another chance to create a new life and start over. If Kagome did get pregnant again, he would be sure to tell her as soon as he knew and send her straight way back to her time. He did not even want to chance her being in the feudal era for more than two months of pregnancy, not when Kouga still lurked somewhere nearby.
"I hope Shippou is doing okay." Sango said lightly, trying to make conversation.
"He'll be fine." Miroku assured her. "With Kirara at his side to help him guard Kagome, there is no possible way he could be bored or unsafe."
"I guess you're right. Don't you think so, InuYasha?" Sango asked.
"Keh."
"Don't bother with him, Sango my love. Just let him sit in peace and mull over the events of the past days. I'm sure it's the best we can do for him right now. I know I certainly would not be a very happy person if I had lost my first child before I could even know them properly and my love went into a shock because of it." Miroku conceded.
"You're actin' as if nothin' happened!" InuYasha snapped angrily.
"Not so!" Miroku countered. "I was merely putting things into perspective. If the roles were switched, I assure you that I would be the same way." He explained hurriedly, not wanting to call down the wrath of the angry hanyou.
Much to the relief of the houshi and his wife, just as he had finished, a young acolyte entered the room with tea and cups for them, thus forestalling InuYasha's ire from rising any further. The boy set a tray and cup before each member of the group and poured them some of the steaming hot liquid. When he had finished, he exited quickly, frightened by InuYasha's angry visage. So, in silence the group sipped on their tea as the fire blazed in the crematorium and snow fell continually outside.
AaA
"One of the trainees has carved a small headstone for you." Yasuo said as he handed a heavy package to InuYasha.
The group now stood in front of the shrine, ankle deep in snow and laden with two sleeping babes and a small, unremarkable earthen jar full of ashes. On the distant horizon the sun had already begun to rise, turning the cloudy skies and white landscape into a bright fresco of deep red and orange. Winter birds started to stir in their nests, singing out good mornings to the coming day. For all the brightness and cheer of the world around them, the group was as somber and weary as could be, for good reason.
"Thank you for your help." InuYasha murmured as he took the package in his free hand. "Come on, Miroku, let's get back to the estates and bury these ashes before Kagome wakes up." He said quietly as he started walking away glumly.
"I hope we can meet again under better circumstances, Sango-sama, Miroku-sama." Yasuo said in parting, gently laying a hand on each of their shoulders.
"Yes, I'm sure." Miroku replied with a slight bow. "Come, my dear Sango. We have a burial to attend and young mother to address. Not to mention the fact that my stomach and head are telling me that I need good food and a long rest after the trials of this night."
Sango chuckled as she followed after her husband. A few minutes ahead of them, just within sight, InuYasha walked alone. His bright red haori were hard to miss even though the rest of him blended in quite well. It was quite a regal scene when Sango took it all in. With the way the morning breeze blew InuYasha's silver hair playfully, the long, even strides he took, even the way he stood and looked back at them, waiting for the two catch up. It seemed to the young demon slayer that he had aged considerably in only a few days. For once he appeared truly weary and very human. The mischievous glint in his amber eyes had gone the way of the summer flowers, leaving behind a very lonely glaze. Once they had reached him again, he continued his long gait homeward.
"InuYasha?" Sango queried. "Where shall we lay her to rest?"
There was a long, awkward pause as he mulled the question over in his head. "Beneath Goshimboku." He said finally, referring to the large tree to which Kikyou had pinned him over fifty-four years ago. It seemed a fitting place to him, a place full of memories happy and sad alike. "Yeah, Goshimboku is where she'll stay."
"A good resting place if ever there was one." Miroku agreed. "The wood of that tree has some sort of spiritual power that none of us can fathom, I'm quite sure of it. I can clearly remember Kagome telling us of the time when she thought she had killed you and fled back to the modern era. She said that she could hear you speaking to her through the tree and through time itself! That simply amazes me!" Miroku awed.
InuYasha only nodded silently. He had no desire to discuss the past, even if it was mostly happy. Rather, they walked in complete silence until the tall wooden gates of the Tessaiga home looming above them. The hanyou pounded heavily on the gate and stepped back when the lone guard, the only one the couple kept, rushed to unbar and open the heavy gateway.
The three filed in completely sidestepping the house and instead went straight way towards the giant tree that lay on the far side of the compound. There, to the left side of the thick trunk, they dug a deep hole and laid the earthen jar of ashes on the ground. Miroku erected the little headstone, which simply read "Tessaiga Nozomi, first daughter of Tessaiga InuYasha." When the proper prayers and offerings had been offered up to the gods of the netherworld for safe passage, Sango and Miroku departed to bathe, eat, and rest, leaving behind InuYasha to sit in silence and contemplate the future.
"I'm sorry, Nozomi." InuYasha whispered to the fleeing wind. "I let you down before you even knew me. I swear I'll avenge you though. I'll track down that (bleep!)ing wolf and make him pay for what he did to us, to you." His clawed hands clenched down on the white snow at the base of the tree, turning it into tightly packed ice balls.
With one last prayerful bow he rose and greeted the coming down with a tighten jaw. There was a renewed sparkle in his amber eyes, a determined carriage in his gait. As he stepped onto the walkway across from Kagome's room, the sun peaked in full power over the high walls right behind him (IB:I have no idea where the west is in relation to their home) and lit him up like an angel. The wind picked up just as Kagome's door slid aside to reveal the young woman gripping the frame with one hand and holding her blanket tightly around her. When her eyes landed on the glowing silhouette of her husband, a single tear trailed down her cheek and her neck refused to hold her head upright any longer.
"She's gone, isn't she?" Kagome said rather than asked. "She'd dead."
In reply, InuYasha gathered his young wife up into his arms and held her tightly. He rested his chin on the top her black haired head and sighed. "She's buried beneath Goshimboku."
Kagome nodded into his chest slowly. "I'll go to see her tonight. I'm too weak to walk still." She murmured as she pulled away from him and disappeared back into the birthing room. "Please let me be here alone for now." She begged as InuYasha began to walk into the room after her. "I'm not ready to be with anyone right now."
"Kagome-" InuYasha started.
"Please, InuYasha." Kagome whispered with her back still turned to him.
InuYasha nodded sadly and left the room, careful to shut the door tight behind him. Once he had gone, Kagome's legs gave out from under her, causing her to collapse weakly onto the futon. The tears she longed to shed refused to leave their reservoirs; the sobs she knew she needed to be rid of would not come, so she sat in complete silence. Her mind worked a mile a minute but her body was frozen in time.
Outside, when InuYasha heard Kagome collapse, he stopped and turned for the door but stopped himself before he could open it. She needed her time alone to think about the death of her child. He could not interfere with that. The best thing he could do for her was let her be, just go on with life until she was ready for his love and care. So he turned back around and headed with heavy feet towards the rest of the house. He would bathe, it had been a while since he had done that, and perhaps it would clear his mind. After that, he would get the cook to prepare some ramen noodles to appease his growling stomach.
AaA
Nighttime quickly settled back over the land and when it did, it found Miroku, Sango, Shippou, and InuYasha sitting in the dining room quietly eating ramen. Occasionally they would laughingly tease each other about something they had said or done in the past, just to keep the mood light. They did all they could to stay away from the subject of Kagome and the baby that lie buried beneath the God Tree. Finally, after he had finished two cups of noodles in sheer anxiety, InuYasha rose and grabbed a bowl of still warm noodles.
"InuYasha," Shippou looked up curiously from his first bowl, "What are you doing?"
InuYasha paused for a moment on the threshold of the door. "I'm… I'm going to take Kagome some food. She hasn't eaten since yesterday or…" He stopped himself from saying that she had not eaten since before Nozomi's birth.
"InuYasha, you know she needs to be alone." Miroku sighed, setting down his chopsticks.
"I'm her (bleep!) mate and husband! She needs me whether she knows it or not!" He growled. Seeing that no one dared to stop him, he turned and exited the room quickly.
He walked down the walkways with the Styrofoam cup of instant noodles steaming in the cold winter cool. Around him the wind had picked up slightly, bringing with it the hints of another snowfall. Inches upon inches of snow already lay thick in even the most covered areas, the ponds covered over with a thick layer of ice. Through his fogging breath, InuYasha could make out the door behind which Kagome had barricaded herself. His heart ground to a halt when he saw that the sliding door was ajar, snow blown a few inches into the room.
He rushed into the darkened room and waited as his eyes adjusted to the gloom. When they had, all he could make out was the rumpled covers over the futon, a few neglected bowls of salve and broth, but no Kagome. "Kagome?" He called out, dropping the cup of noodles on the floor.
The warm contents of the soup splattered across the floor, sending noodles and rehydrated vegetables far and wide, but InuYasha did not notice. He was too busy looking for his wife that had somehow disappeared into thin air. He lifted his sensitive nose into the air and took a long pull on the cold winds. Her scent was there, though barely. He then plunged down to the floor and pressed his snout to the floor, picking up even the slightest of scents. As he neared the door, he could make out her scent more acutely. She was headed towards the gardens.
AaA
Kagome wrapped her soiled kimono tightly around her and grabbed a blanket to fight off the chill. Her hands shaking violently from the cold and from fear, she pushed aside the door and stepped out into the wintry night. Taking a deep breath of the crisp air, she set out towards the gardens on the west side of their lot. Suddenly the walkway gave way to inches of snow, the end of the house gave way to open land. Tightly gripping the side of the house with one hand, Kagome stepped down into the deep snow with her left foot. Somehow her right foot slipped from its perch as she stepped out and sent Kagome down on hands and knees, the snow crunching loudly at her fall. For a second she stayed there staring at the pile of white below her before finally managing to get back up.
Her breath was clearly visible as she set out yet again towards the God Tree, the place where her baby had been buried that morning. Behind her she left a trail that could be easily followed by even the most blind of people. She stumbled constantly, her body tired quickly, making the walk harder and longer than she had first hoped. Now and then her bare feet would find a rock under the snow and pitch her foreword, most of the time onto her hands. By the time she finally reached Goshimboku, her entire was numb from the cold, the blanket she had grabbed was wet, and she ached all over from the journey. When she spotted the tiny little tombstone, she rushed towards it and dropped to her knees two feet in front of it.
"I'm so sorry, Nozomi." She whispered. "It's all my fault. I should have listened to your father and stayed back in the modern era. If only I hadn't been so stupid, you might still be here with us!" Her hands clenched tightly on her lap, turning her already pale knuckles even whiter.
"It's not your fault, Kagome." A voice said quietly from behind her.
Kagome turned quickly to see her husband standing a few feet away. His hands where folded deep into his red haori sleeves, his ears folded back against his skull. He looked sadly down at her with something that looked like tears brimming under his amber eyes.
"It is my fault, InuYasha!" Kagome said, the beginnings of a sob evident in her cadence. "If I had listened to you we wouldn't even be in this situation!" She finished burying her face in her hands.
A firm landed on her shoulder. "Kagome, listen to me," InuYasha ordered, "Nozomi was cursed to die long before she was actually born."
Kagome turned surprised eyes upon him, not wanting to believe that her daughter would have died no matter what. "What do you mean? She was innocent! She was our daughter, InuYasha! Why would you say a thing like that?" Tears began to stream down her cheeks.
"Because it's true, no matter what you or I say about it." He replied. "Kagome, the dreams you had were visions. When Kouga came here all those months ago, he came to claim you as his own. When he found out that he couldn't, he cursed the baby. Just like me, he could smell her before you knew about it, and he couldn't bear the thought that you were going to have my pup. So, to strike the deepest blow to me, he cursed Nozomi and ran off before I could do anything. That's why I wanted you to stay in the modern era. When you argued I should have just stayed my ground but I couldn't."
Kagome shook her head slowly in denial. It could not be true; her friend of so many years had cursed her baby! He had been the cause of this. "Why?" She asked weakly.
"I told you! He couldn't stand the thought that the 'mutt' that he hated so much had sired a pup with the woman he loved, or, to be more precise, stalked. Any pup that I sire with you would be, to him, a mistake, an abomination."
"Why didn't you tell me this before now?" She asked through sobs.
InuYasha sighed dejectedly. "I didn't want to worry you. I thought that if I just ignored it, the curse would go away. I should have told you, I know that now. But we can't dwell on that anymore! Kagome, we need to move on. I made a huge mistake in not telling you, in letting Kouga live, in letting you come back her. I'm sorry, because this is all my fault. Please, forgive me?"
Kagome shook her hanging head again and looked up at the cold granite headstone. "No, InuYasha. This is both our faults. I should be asking for your forgiveness too." She stood slowly and wrapped her arms around herself tightly.
InuYasha stood as well and began to untie his haori. Gingerly he rested it on her shaking shoulders and said, "It's cold out here, you should have grabbed something warmer. You humans are so weak."
That was all Kagome needed. She spun around and wrapped her arms tightly around InuYasha's well-muscled chest and sobbed brokenly for the first time. Without any hesitation, as he might have had when they had been searching for jewel shards, InuYasha wrapped his own arms around her shoulders and rested his cheek against the side of her head. As they stood there seeking comfort from the other, light snow began to fall around them, giving them a light dusting over their shoulders (IB: This is the scene that was inspired by one picture, the scene that drove me to write the whole story. If you wanna see it, just go to my profile and have a look, it's my profile picture. Just in case you wanted to know what it looks like. When her sobbing seemed to have died down a bit, InuYasha pressed his lips against her ear.
"Don't worry, I'll be here with you. We'll just start over again. When you're ready, we'll try again." He whispered quietly into her ear, his warm breath sending shivers up and down her spine. "We lost one pup, but we will make it happen next time. We're stronger now, we know what to do."
Kagome nodded into his shoulder and replied, "Okay. But give me time."
InuYasha smiled warmly. "Of course. All the time in the world. And when you're ready for another try, we'll start over, in the modern era, away from Kouga." With that, InuYasha lifted Kagome up into his arms bridal style and walked back towards the warmth of the home they had made together.
End of Chapter
Translator:
Baka: Stupid fool.
To the reviewers: ShadowDragon:Yeah, I would have to argee with you! We'll just have to see though... Anime-Gurl-5489:Thank you, thank you! phlawere: (laughs nervously) Well, I hope you can forgive me! It was sort of my plan to make people sad, but yeah... I'll shut up now... brokenchaos: Again, sorry to disappoint you. If you can just stick with me here, I promise you that some good will come! Shortly! Leslie-ann: Hey, no hard feeling here! No flames please. I will get to the point, and like I said at the first part of my chapter, it is a tragedy... hence the name. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter a little more. the next one will be much happier, no joke. Please don't hate me though... Please? T G Athena: Thank you for being faithful again, and also for not flaming on me... Keep with me a little longer, I'm almost done and things WILL look up. And that wraps it all up...
AaA
Last notes: I know that this chapter was a little dark to start off with, but it did get better there at the end, right? Well, anyway, sorry it took me so long to update this. We've been traveling a lot, so I haven't had time to upload it. I really hope you guys don't kill me, but please hang in there with me, I am getting somewhere with all this! Trust me! Ok, please review and tell me whatcha thought. THANKS!!!!
