Falsehoods

I had to take three pills a night to put myself to sleep. I might have stayed awake and in pain otherwise. But long dreamless nights left me still feeling a little tired and depressed in daytime because Leah had been ignoring my calls. Finally, the phone rang on Saturday.

"Leah?" I asked.

"No, it's Jacob," said a familiar boyish voice.

"Jacob, why are you calling? Is everything alright?"

"No," he said worriedly. "I can't tell you everything here. You need to come to La Push. I can pick you up tomorrow."

"Alright, Jacob," I told him.

I spent all night studying. Golem was snoozing under my foot.

On the next day, I took a nice, strong cup of coffee before Jacob picked me up in his 1986 Volkswagen Rabbit, a faded orange station wagon. He greeted my mother and promised to bring me home in the night. "See you later, baby," Mama said, kissing me on the cheek.

Mama didn't leave the spot until we were out of sight.

Jacob drove the car toward La Push, but for some reason, he stopped when we were a short way from the residential area. "We're at the border. I hope you don't mind someone else joining us," he said, when he left the car seat, took off his shirt and leaned against the back of the car. I joined him.

Later, a shiny black car came into view. Edward Cullen's sickeningly pale figure emerged from the vehicle. I wondered what he could possibly be here for.

"Am I to understand that you're cooperating with them?" I asked Jacob.

"It's only for Bella, I assure you," said Jacob. "A vampire—a stranger—entered Bella's house."

"What about Chief Swan?" I gasped.

"Charlie was left alive; he didn't notice a thing," Edward assured. "And don't start hoping Bella was snatched. She was with Jacob the whole time," he added, when an image of a dead Bella appeared in my head.

"Get off my back!" I hissed. "Just because you can read my mind doesn't mean you have the right to control it, too."

Edward pursed his lips. I tried not to smile triumphantly, but I couldn't suppress the feeling of disappointment when Bella got out of his car. I didn't understand why Bella had to ride in someone else's car when she could just drive her truck to La Push. I guessed that it was for her "safety."

Edward's black eyes flickered toward Jacob. "Doesn't he own a shirt?"

Bella ignored the question and instead said to Edward lovingly, "I'm good here. You should go."

"I'm not gonna be gone long," promised Edward, but the repulsed and agonized look on his face told everyone present that he'd rather not leave Bella here. I felt insulted that he'd think that Bella would actually get hurt here.

"Don't rush. You need to hunt," said Bella. She seemed eager to be with Jacob when she glanced at us. She looked like she was about to say something when Edward leaned over and kissed her, and then curled his arms around her waist so possessively and passionately.

I felt disgusted. Being telepathic, Edward must know full well how Jacob felt about Bella, who kissed him back shamelessly in front of Jake, who now looked away from them and me. My heart broke at the memory of him crying to me, so I held his hand as tightly as I could.

When the kiss was finally over, Jacob resumed his upright position and his straight face. He breathed deeply as though a particularly frightening scene from a movie had just ended. "Maybe rush a little bit," Bella told Edward. Bitch—not in front of Jake, for goodness sake!

She slowly approached Jacob, who said, "Hey, beautiful," as though nothing had happened.

"Hi," said Bella softly. She was trying not to sound too happy in front of Edward.

But Jacob wasn't quite as restrained. He pulled Bella into a tight bear hug. I bit my lip. Why must he torture himself like this?

"So, what d'you wanna do today? Bike?—Hike? … We're going to a party tonight."

"Party?—aren't you gonna study for the finals, Bella?" I asked when Jacob brought us to the rez.

"It's cool. I can do it. You're here."

"Only for a few hours," I said. "My aunt's taking visitors around the region. She's picking me up when they're done. How come you get to go to a local party?"

Jacob said to me, "We negotiated with the local bloodsuckers to keep watch over Bella while they go hunting."

"Is Sam in on this?" I asked disapprovingly.

"Actually, yes," said Jacob. "He felt it safe for Bella to come over; not to mention he felt it wise to avoid letting us getting me into a brawl with Edward."

"Which you manage to come close to doing, every time you meet," complained Bella.

"Why do you scold him, Isabella?" I said. "It's not like he should be polite to your boyfriend, who looks at Jacob like he's a maggot."

"That's not true."

"You refuse to see it!"

Jacob interrupted, "Now it's you acting like Edward and me. Let's cool it, okay?"

But I wasn't about to calm down yet. When we arrived in the rez, I found Sam and his gang having a discussion. "Sam, can I talk to you?" I said, struggling to keep my voice level.

Sam immediately indulged me. His fierce appearance was something to get used to. But his voice was gentle. "Is there a problem, Beulah?"

"Was it your idea to bring Bella here?"

"No, it was really Bella's. Through Jake, she explained it was a sort of a compromise. Edward Cullen is apparently overprotective to the point of not letting her see Jacob. But last night, he and his family were getting hungry, but Edward insists on keeping patrol around Bella's house to protect her and Charlie. Bella was also worried about her lover's family, so she got them to let us have her stay here, where she'd be much safer."

"So, Bella's here for you to protect, while the rest of the town is vulnerable to a vampire—or more—and they have no idea they're in danger."

"Beulah, you mustn't think of it that way," said Sam.

"My family is in town!" I shrilled. "Everyone I care about live, not knowing that one vampire just entered somebody's house! What if that vampire entered my house?—or anyone else's? Is that okay for you?—'coz at least, Bella is safe. Since when was her life more valuable than anyone else's?"

Seth looked at me warningly. The others reluctantly considered my words, especially Sam. Leah looked rather smug. The only thing I liked about Sam was that he was strictly concerned with their most important task: protecting the tribe. The one thing that I didn't like about him (aside from the fact that he had broken Leah's heart) was that Jacob was so valuable to his pack that he was willing to let the boy have his way and put Bella above all priorities. If Bella had the luxury of being escorted to the reservation and back and have constant supervision from the pack and the Cullen family, it seemed only fair that the rest of the mortals in the county should get that much security. If the pack couldn't provide that, Bella shouldn't get special treatment.

"You wouldn't be insinuating that we're not going to protect you, would you?" said Paul threateningly. On an ordinary day, I would have been frightened by the way his handsome face contorted into a monstrous mask. But I was too ticked off with Bella being a special case even to the Quileute pack that I mirrored Paul's expression and replied, "I'm not talking to you, Paul."

I didn't miss the flicker of fear on Sam's face when he gripped Paul's arm and firmly told him to calm down. "I'll handle this," he said.

"She's insulting our job!" Paul pointed out fiercely.

"Look, if you're letting everyone become vulnerable to vampires …" I began.

But Sam stood between me and Paul, facing me. "We're doing everything we could to ensure your safety and that of your family and your neighborhood," he told me calmly. "Bella's safety is just our way to maintain the peaceful relation between our tribe and the vampire coven she's affiliated with. We don't want conflict with the Cullens on top of the potential danger that strange vampires impose on our tribe. Do you understand?"

I kept a straight face and gave him a nod. Only Jacob and Leah were the ones who could see that I wasn't convinced.

"Beulah, you should know better than to pick a fight with Paul, of all people!" said Jacob, minutes later, when he took me aside.

"I'm not afraid of him. I'm more afraid of what the normal vampires are capable of," I said. "I'm going to college, get a job, get married, and raise a family. I want to be a writer. In other words, Jacob, I have dreams to fulfill. If that's not valuable enough for you, let me die. But let me take Bella with me, if that's what it takes to show you that I'm just as important as she is!"

"Nobody was saying that you're insignificant …"

"Nobody has to say it! Here I am, worried about keeping my family alive, and Bella gets to have constant supervision from people who actually know what's going on. And it doesn't seem to occur to her how vulnerable that makes everybody else in this town!"

"Beulah," said Jacob, putting his hands on my shoulders, "that's why we're here. It's our job to keep everybody safe, and nobody else apart from you would ever notice anything happening. It's gonna be alright. Sam hasn't mentioned to you: the Cullens would be patrolling Bella's house from now on. But when they need to hunt, we'll take over. And if need be, we bring her to La Push."

I would never doubt that Jacob and the rest of the pack would be able to track and kill the stranger who entered Bella's house. I just couldn't accept that Bella was getting treated with favor. I would never ask for it if I could help it; I wasn't even envious of Bella in any way. I just thought that she didn't deserve it.

Jacob later stayed close to Bella, while I got to chill with Leah at the cliff where the rez kids loved to dive from. "I am so impressed at you for screaming at Sam like that," said Leah haughtily. "You don't know how much he deserved it."

"Actually, I'm kinda sorry I did it. I could have been a little calmer."

"Oh, come on, Beulah! I have to endure Jacob's constant whining about Puny Paleface Bella. Her death would give the poor guy a rest."

"Leah, that's just cruel. And I didn't say it like that."

"I remember 'Let me take Bella down with me.'"

"Jacob is thinking about what I said, isn't he? I don't like this group telepathy thing."

"You're telling me. It's no joke, Beulah. It's bad enough to think about your own problems, and then other people's problems get in your head, too. It's really annoying when each one in the group thinks that his problems are worse than the others'."

"Your own included?"

Leah didn't answer for a moment. I must have touched a nerve. But she seemed rather ashamed.

"I'm not petty, am I?" she asked glumly.

The abrupt mood shift caught me by surprise. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way. You're not. But I think because they—well, like you said—they think their problems are worth more than anyone else's, they might think that yours aren't for them to think about. It's true that your problem is none of their business. But they're stuck to it. And that bothers them."

"Why are you so insightful?" asked Leah, who started to smile again. Then, she hugged me tightly. "I'm so sorry about what I said, before."

"I know you were only carried away. I don't hold it against you."

For a moment, Leah looked torn between laughing and going back to moping. She sighed and lied on the smooth stone floor and closed her eyes. I felt helpless watching her suffer. No antipsychotic pill could take away the voices in Leah's head because those were real.

"I am so not looking forward to killing my first vampire," said Leah suddenly. "It's bad enough to know what they do. But now it's my job to get close and—sink my teeth in one." She shuddered.

"Sometimes I wish that the Cullens never had to make that stupid treaty. You all could have just killed them all in one strike and we'd never have to deal with this."

Leah burst into laughter. "You know, that's exactly what I was thinking!"