Freshman and Sophomore
By S.M. Scott

A/N: I do not own the Outsiders.

Chapter Nine:
A Very Merry Christmas (Part Two)

When we came back to the chateau and I was getting ready for a day's skiing with my Dad, Uncle Jake, and Allison, I could suddenly hear Aunt Frances bring me up to Helen over coffee at the table. Ashley had just been put down for a nap by Janie, who was also going out, but not for skiing, she said. I asked her if it had anything to do with meeting Louis and she said that maybe it was, but she couldn't tell me anything yet, and I was not to tell Dad or Helen or any of the other grown-ups about it. I promised that I wouldn't, but that I would have to break the promise if Louis hurt her in any way. Janie told me, "Tania, stop worrying so much." I wished I could.

When Janie was gone, my attention turned back to the conversation.

"It isn't right or fair to you or Johnathan. Helen, you have got to find out where that baby came from and what to do with her."

"Yes, of course we do, but not while we are here. We have to go into town for that, and in any case, the baby's in good, capable hands here. I've never seen Janie so motherly, and Tania adores and protects Little Ashley like one of her own." Aunt Frances, however, either thought of me as a scatterbrained, naive, immature little girl, or someone who was untrustworthy, because she said, "I think that Tania has been giving too much attention to that baby ever since she carried her into this chateau in arms. The baby is really not hers, and a good thing she isn't. The girl is already showing all the signs of not wanting that baby to go anywhere else." She was right.

"Aunt Frances, you shouldn't be worried. Tania has done very well taking care of Ashley, with my help, of course. I know that we can't keep her, but where will she go?"

Helen said, "do not worry about that Janie. The best thing for you is to go out into the fresh winter air and have fun. Since you're not skiing, where are you off to?"

"Oh, I'm just going to take a good, long walk around, maybe later say hello to friends in the skiing lodge. I'll be back at around the same time the others are, you know me."

Just as Dad, Allison, Uncle Jake, and I were getting all of our skiing outerwear on, and getting our skis ready, I decided to say, "Janie, before you go, I have to ask you something." So, Janie and I went to a less crowded part of the lodge. "Okay, Tania, what's got you all nervous now?" I said, "You're sneaking off to see Louis, aren't you?"

"So what if I am? This isn't the way it was in the past where if unmarried women met unmarried men alone, it could be a scandal. I'm sixteen years old, and I know what I'm doing. I will be careful, I'm not going to end up like Amanda Timmins."

"Do you really like Louis? How do you know if he's really being true to you?" I had to blurt out.

"Honestly, Tania, you are just like her, your mother, I mean. I just know that he told me he wouldn't get me in any trouble, and it would probably kill him before Dad got a hold of him if he did. Now can you please leave me alone, promise?"

"Wait, Janie...!" But she was already gone before I could ask what she knew about Amanda Timmins.

I loved to ski very much. I always felt so much more freely while I did so. It was almost like gliding through a snowy dream, only we had to be extremely careful to look out for trees and control how quickly we went or it could be serious injury or instant death. But it really was so much fun, that I never even realized how much time had passed, until it was beginning to get dark, past another sunset, which left twilight.

Then, we called it a day and Dad, Uncle Jake, Allison, and I went to get some burgers and fries (I ate a grilled chicken sandwich because I did not like burgers much) and Allison wanted popcorn chicken. Then, we all went back to the chateau for hot chocolate and Christmas Carols, then went to sleep, until Ashley woke us up again.

I saw the dawn's light when I woke up again, and I realized it was December 24th, and it was the night we had to go to that Christmas art exhibition and then dance later on, get our photographs taken with our Uncle Jake and Aunt Frances for the papers, and I dreaded that I would most certainly have to wear another pukey dress. This one, which Helen had chosen, was red, and gold, and it was actually not as bad as the last one I had to wear. I thought it even looked so good on me I would gladly have chosen to wear it for next Christmas Eve, but Socs never wear the same clothes, especially if formal, twice.

Anyway, my hair was also curled and left down, while Janie had a powder blue and silver dress which was a little off-the-shoulder. Her golden blonde hair was twisted and secured elegantly with jewelled pins. Baby Ashley was left in the hands of one of Aunt Frances' maids.

As we had entered the Art Exhibition, the tour about the galleries and the chance to meet Jake Bluehill and his wife Frances Bluehill had been announced in English, French, and Spanish.
After all of that, we were expected to pose ourselves for several pictures, some with the entire family, some with just me, Janie, and Allison. The dancing ballroom was open only to the wealthy guests, and I saw Janie walking in, as happy as you please, with Louis as her date. Dad looked like he would have loved to stop them from dancing, but Helen actually said, to my surprise, "Let them dance, Johnathan. It won't do any harm. I didn't at first approve of Louis, but he's actually quite mature and understanding." Then, she looked at Dad with a sparkle. "I would love us both to dance." And so, they danced as well.

I was still sitting by the refreshments table, when someone I knew and didn't want to dance with walked up to me, it was Peter Bryant. "Tania, what are you doing here, sitting all by your lonesome? It isn't right to leave such a beautiful woman all alone. Mr. Bluehill..." He went to ask my Dad's permission to dance with me before I could even stop him. God, what an unbelievable little shmuck. But when Dad said yes, I knew I had no choice.

So, there I was, dancing, for the first time in my life with a boy, and he wasn't even the least bit considerate as he whispered. "I have so many charms, and I know you're feeling an attraction to me, I'm turning you on, aren't I Tara?"
"It's Tania, Peter, and I would appreciate it very much if you kept your hands off of any below-the-waist area. I do not feel that way about you and I never could. And I don't think of you as much of a person if you always cheat on Crystal, which you are so trying to do."

"Crystal?" Peter chuckled a bit sardonically. "I thought she was your enemy, that you were rivals, and after all, you really aren't any better. You kissed me, remember? You practically stuck your tongue down-"
"Stop it, please, just stop." I told Peter sharply. "Why can't you just admit to yourself that you want me, Tania? I want you in a way I can forget Crystal over, since she was always being mean to you."

"I was drunk!" I hissed silently. "You have no right to take advantage of me or Crystal because of it!" I stopped dancing with Peter, and he said, "You're creating a scene, Tania, by running away. But go ahead and run like you always do. When you've changed your mind and decided to grow up, you'll realize that all those greasers you thought counted are garbage."

Oh, that was it. I picked up the pitcher of cranberry juice, and I lifted it up, and spilled the contents all over Peter Bryant's expensive dance outfit. "Socs like you make me sick. Stay away from me, or you'll get something a lot worse than cranberry cocktail dumped on you." The rest of the people were scandalised by my behaviour, and Aunt Frances was practically swooning and insisting someone get her a strong drink. I saw the look on both my father's and Helen's faces, and I knew I was in trouble. They hurried me and Janie away, but not before the cameras were flashing everywhere in the Country Club ballroom.

Back at the cabin later, my Dad was furious. "Do you have any idea how badly you have embarrassed yourself, and us? The press reporters were going to town snapping pictures. We are going to be a laughingstock in Tulsa. Why would you do anything so immature, so incorrigible, as spilling cranberry juice all over Peter Bryant's suit?"
My only response to this was, "He was trying to cheat on Crystal. He should have known better, and I'll pay to get the suit dry cleaned, but no way in Hell would I apologize."

"If you were my daughter, I would..." Uncle Jake started, but Aunt Frances said, "Jake please, not on the night before Christmas, and you'll wake the baby." But Helen looked at me with all the bitter dissapointment she could show. "You are no better than them, Tania. She never could have been happy around here, and she left knowing it. Of course, she ended up having you sent here upon her death. Your mother wouldn't have dared to disgrace us this way. Miranda would be dissappointed in you. You could have still been mature about such a thing, but you weren't. I suggest you go to bed right now. We will discuss your punishment in the morning."

You say that you're leaving
Well that comes as no surprise
Still I kinda like this feeling
Of being left behind

So, I went to the bedroom, where Janie was getting ready for bed, also. But she only said, "Don't you dare expect any sympathy from me either. God only knows what Louis thinks, and this is your fault, now turn off the light and just go to sleep." Was all that Janie would tell me. So, I did as I was told and pretended to be asleep until I was sure everyone else was gone to bed. Then, I very silently dressed in some of my normal clothes and put my boots and jacket on. I wrote a note, explaining that I was going back to town, to find out more about Ashley's mother, and apologized for my behaviour, and then, I took my purse and silently left.

Yea this ain't nothing new to me
Well it's just like going home
It's kinda like those sunsets
That leave you feeling so stoned

I had been walking and walking, and even though I felt so cold and tired, I just knew that I couldn't stop, even when I was sure my feet would have blistered, it didn't matter. I deserved every bit of discomfort I got, and to think I behaved in such a way during Christmas Eve! In front of the paps who would certainly have an equally humiliating story in those pictures for the Tulsa World to tell. I can just see it now, "Lightstone dumps the Cranberry Punch, Yuletide Love Stings." I thought the only thing I could do to redeem myself was to find Ashley's mother somehow, or a decent home somewhere for Little Ashley if that didn't work.

Hey hey I guess it hasn't hit me yet
I fell through this crack
And I kinda lost my head
I stand transfixed
Before this street light
Watching the snow fall
On this cold December night

It was not too long before I had finally realized, to my own added anxiety, that I was lost, on a cold December night. I looked at my watch and I used my flashlight. 2:00 in the morning. Christmas Morning, what an interesting Christmas this has turned out to be. I could only hope I didn't fall into the clutches of the wrong sort of people.
There were a lot of hobos around, trying so hard to keep warm by pitiful fires they had built in the streets. One of them had quite a distressing cough. I carried on.

never thought this could happen
But somehow the feeling is gone
You got sick of the patterns
And I got lost in this song
Hey hey I guess it hasn't hit me yet
I fell through this crack
And I kinda lost my head
I stand transfixed
Before this streetlight
Watching the snow fall
On this cold December night

I had reached the corner of a street called Pickett and Sutton. I had never been here before, but I had heard that this really gross cowboy named Buck Merrill lived here, and had this bar. A lot of things happened there, especially during regular weekends when the dubious people Helen called "promiscuous dopefiends," came in to drink, smoke, toke, gamble, or fool around upstairs. Buck Merrill himself was just plain nasty, I heard. I'm sorry, but Hank Williams? And all that really cheap, corney music? Ew. Little did I realize that I was about to change my mind...a little, about this guy. By now, a lot of snow was coming down from the sky. I was just so tired, I had remembered, something, about what Mom and I used to say about the snow, then laying underneath the Christmas tree and smelling the piney fragrance...

Hey hey I guess it hasn't hit me yet
I fell through this crack
And I kinda lost my head
I stand transfixed
Before this streetlight
Watching the snow fall
On this cold December night

...the distant perhaps imagined, perhaps not, soft tinkle of sleigh bells...

And out in the middle of Lake Ontario
The same snow is falling
On the deep silent water
The great dark wonder
Into the waves of my heart
Into the waves of my heart
Of my heart...

I woke up, and the sun was very much up, but looked as though it was two or three in the afternoon on December 25th. I was not in the snow, however, but in one of the nastiest rooms I had ever seen, but I did my best not to think so then, because it was Christmas. "So, you finally decided to wake up huh, Tania, princess of the Social-Club Set?" I found myself looking at a dark-haired, seventeen-year-old girl. It's not that she wasn't beautiful, but it was just that she had some hidden look of despairing and defeat in those brown eyes.

"Yeah, I guess I must have really overslept. You're Amanda Timmins, aren't you?" I had asked. "I'm Tania-"

"Don't waste breath, please. I know who you are, the City of Tulsa knows who you are. Are you really always this stupid, by the way, Buck Merrill thinks so. Wandering around the worst side of the tracks? You're just basically begging to get jumped. Not to mention you could have caught pnemonia." I had rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. "I guess anything is better than staying where I was, especially after what I did to Peter Bryant, even if I thought he deserved it. I'm just waiting for it to appear in the papers on Boxing Day. It was all my fault." I realized I was rambling on about what must have seemed to Amanda such trivial, shallow problems compared to her own. But I had to explain myself to someone. "I dumped like, a whole gallon of cranberry cocktail on Peter."

"Oh boy, I guess you really have done it now, Princess." Amanda smirked. "But that kid must have been a real shmuck." She took a puff of the cigarette she was smoking. I never, ever wanted to start smoking, ever. But I think it might have been worth Amanda's friendship to tolerate it. "I've learned a lot about his types. I was actually naive enough once to think I was in love with a certain someone, and he loved me back. Oh, boy, then the next thing you know, I was pregnant. I was scared, terrified. I didn't know what I was going to say to my parents, I couldn't even talk to them about the weather, let alone a mortal sin. Of course, he broke up with me soon as he found out. What could I do? I couldn't keep Ashley, and I felt just sick about it."

"I have your baby." I told Amanda. "Not right with me at this very moment, but she is at the Country Club, where all of the Socs often go with their parents. How did you get in there? And why would you leave that baby all alone. I mean, you're her mother, and she needs you." Amanda looked at me pityingly. "You poor, poor, Princess..."

"And for the record, would you please stop calling me Princess?"

"Why shouldn't I?" Amanda asked. "Since you basically live like one. I've seen the way you think it's okay to have a bunch of greasers as your friends by the way, but it's not. What if your Daddy and Stepmother found out?" I found that I really didn't care, and I told Amanda so. I also told her to just call me Tania in the future. Amanda looked at me. "You behave like you're so freaking fearless. You are only fourteen, though. You also behave like you can just take a lost baby in, find the mother who left her, and everything will be all right. It shows how sheltered you've really been." Amanda sighed. "I can remember when I was like that, a long time ago."

"I'm not trying to be brave or some dramatic heroine. I'm actually scared, I don't even know how scared my family is now, and I don't think it's right for any mother to just leave a child who needs them!" I cried. Amanda looked quite startled. "You really don't need to yell. I'm just saying it's not as simple as that. I met this guy, all right? He wasn't rich or anything, but he wasn't a greaser either. His name was Forsythe Bennet, but everyone called him Floyd.

I knew he was interested in me, because, he said, I was the sexiest broad he ever looked at. Well, my parents are very strict and devout Christians. They didn't like Floyd, they didn't want me dating any guy, I was sure, until I was eighteen or older. I went out with him behind their backs when they didn't see me, and fought with them when they did.

Anyway, last March, there was this party going on, and Floyd told me we were going to a movie, but he took me there, to that horrible place instead. He knew I was afraid, and he took advantage of that. He knew I just wanted to go home, but he wasn't going to let me do that..." Amanda began to sob quite violently. "N...not until he had his way. He forced me too." Amanda was crying in earnest now. "That psycho little pig. That is just disgusting." I declared, "I won't spread this around, I promise."

Amanda said, "They know, Tania. My parents. I didn't change so much when I was pregnant, some women are like that, but when they had to bring me to the hospital last month, the truth was obvious, then Ashley was born. They are kicking me out, to live with my grandparents in Kentucky. They gave me enough money for the trip and then, told me to stay somewhere out of their sight. There was Buck Merrill, who at least found me a room to stay here, even if I don't really like him. God, his taste in music sucks."

"I wonder what he thinks of you letting me stay here."

"Please, he won't care, as long as he's still in the buisness and the Slash J isn't under."

"Well, I can call my Dad and Stepmother, and tell them to bring Little Ashley."

Of course, Amanda decided that she had no choice. She really did love Ashley, and she meant it too, about being sick about leaving her all along. When my Dad, Stepmother, and Janie brought Ashley to her, I said my own goodbye to Little Ashley, who was gumming her little fist. She was so precious. I gave her a picture taken of me.

As we drove away, I knew I'd never see Little Ashley again, but something had changed for me ever since I found her. Someday, I wanted to be a mother, too, but not too soon. And I would give my baby all the love in my heart.

End of Chapter Nine.