The infirmary was cold and unnerving as the chemicals managed to linger in the air. Drew sat in the only chair in the room, watching Paul as he laid in bed. Gary went to talk to the doctor and Ash went to go get them food, leaving Drew to watch over the bass guitarist in case anything happened. He hadn't moved since the time when he fell unconscious, and with the room feeling as if it was squeezing him in, Drew was sure that he was going to snap. He never liked hospitals and this room was like the numerous ones in any medical facility. A hospital was a place where too many people died or got hurt. Whenever something was wrong, people came there, and Paul was a good example of his beliefs. Drew threw head into his hands, not knowing what to do. He didn't even know what happened! All he remembered was awakening to see a surprising scene before him; Paul laying on the ground unconscious. It took him a moment to fully understand the intensity of the situation, recovering from his sleepy haze, before bolting towards his friend's side.
"What happened?" he yelled, grabbing Gary's arm and turning him around.
Everyone looked at him in surprise, testing his annoyance. He stared at Gary with an unwavering look, but only watched as he slowly deflated and averted his gaze in guilt. Drew rolled his eyes and grabbed Paul, helping them into the academy. He never even received an answer.
Drew sighed, bringing his eyes back to his unconscious friend. He had suspected that there was something wrong, but it didn't occur to him that Paul needed medical attention. He should have known better though, Paul was the type of guy that wouldn't let people deal with his problems. He thought that telling someone his weaknesses reminded people that Paul was still just a person like everyone else. Drew gritted his teeth.
"Why did you let it go this far, you idiot!" Drew roared, his words running on full emotions.
They were basically family, all four of them, brothers, not just a band! Drew thought he knew that, but as he stared at Paul, watching his steady breathing, he realized that Paul didn't. He didn't know that his problems were also their problems. He didn't know that they were supposed to be there for each other though thick and thin. He just... didn't know.
Drew breathed in slowly and steadily before reaching in his back pocket retrieving his song book. He wanted to let Paul know that he wasn't alone, that they were by his side. He took his pen from his breast pocket, opening the small journal to the next clean page. This song was for Paul.
'Brothers in Arms' Drew began.
Gary looked out the waiting room window with irritation and worry, making his leg shake vigorously. The doctor had told him to meet him in the waiting room for some urgent news, and by the sound of his voice it didn't sound good. His skin prickled slightly, signaling the start of his anxiety disorder. Gary had to keep control. He couldn't remember the last time he had a panic attack, but he did remember the horrible squeezing, choking feeling that came with it. His skin prickled and his breathing became short and shallow.
"Um..."
The voice caused him to turn around sharply. He expected the doctor or nurse, but instead saw the brunette that plagued his mind for the past week, making him hold his breath, surprised by her sudden appearance.
"How is your friend?" Leaf asked coming into the room.
He stared at her before, reminding himself that his best friend was still unconscious. His eyes traveled down to the floor before looking back out the window.
"He's still out." His throat tightened.
There are a silence in the room as they both wondered what to say to the other. Gary tapped his fingers on his knee as Leaf took a step in his direction.
"I'm sorry-" They both started, but stopped.
Gary turned to her, wanting to hear what she was going to say, but only saw her stand there nervously. His eyes softened at her discomfort before giving her a small smile.
"What were you saying?" He asked gently, making her lift her head.
"No you first. I'm sorry for interrupting."
Gary chuckled lightly, looking back out the window and watching the clouds roll across the skies. They both sat in silence as they each waited for the other to speak. The boy felt a smile creep along his lips as he realized what was happening.
"I'm not saying anything until you say something," he finally said, breaking the silence.
Leaf looked up with a frown, ready to argue until she forced herself to stop. It probably wasn't the best thing to do at the moment. The least she could do was do as he asked and speak first.
"I'm sorry about not having the stage ready for you. Maybe if it was finished..."
"Hold on," Gary said feeling a strange anger build up, making him stand, "let's get this straight. I will not take bullshit maybe's like that. What happened, happened and there's nothing to fix it, so don't come to me, or any of us, saying you're sorry because you're not."
A flash of surprise and hurt spread across her face as he basically yelled at her, but it soon turned into anger of her own.
"Excuse me? Who are you to tell me what I feel?" Leaf yelled, taking Gary by surprise, "I do feel horrible. Horrible because if we weren't so caught up in our own little world I am sure that the stage would have been finished and your friend would be fine! So do not tell me that I am not sorry!"
Gary stared at her unable to create words. In all his years of knowing women, he never met someone so stubborn or headstrong and honestly, he was at a loss for words. Whenever he was with women they would listen to him and follow his orders, but this girl was different. Whether it was a good thing or a bad thing was still uncertain. All he could do was frown and look back out the window, suddenly interested in the scenery outside.
Leaf saw his quick change in mood and felt a wave of guilt over come her. She didn't mean to hurt his feelings, but in her defense he was being unfair. How could he tell her that it wasn't her fault and that she wasn't actually regretting what she failed to do? Even if assembling that stage wasn't a job they volunteered for it was still their responsibility which they ignored. His friend Paul was in the infirmary because of them and there was nothing that Gary could say that could change that.
"Gary, look," Leaf sighed, "I really believe that if my friends and I weren't preoccupied, this whole matter could have been avoided."
"And what if it couldn't have been?" Gary quickly retorted.
Leaf walked over to his slouching form still looking out the window. Her hand was gently placed on his shoulder to comfort him.
"What if he has been hurting this whole time and I have been blind to see it? I'm the one to blame... No one else."
The room became quite once again as the two just stood there staring out the window. It wasn't uncomfortable or tense, but soothing. In a way they both had an understanding of each other's thoughts and each respected that. They knew that they each couldn't change one another's beliefs and so they just stood there in silence.
"Gary Oak?" A male voice spoke, causing them to turn to him. Leaf glanced at the lead singer beside her and removed her hand from his shoulder. She didn't say another word to him as she walked out of the room to leave the two to talk about the bass guitarist.
"Yes?" Gary asked once he heard the door close behind her. He stood up and walked over to the doctor with a concerned expression as he observed the doctor's own face. Something wasn't right about the look he had. His eyebrows were knitted together in confusion and his mouth was turned down in a frown. Gary couldn't predict the future, but by the way the doctor looked at him, he knew that the news wasn't going to pleasant.
"I have good news and bad news about your friend," the doctor started off once Gary stood right in front of him, "bad news is that Paul Shinji has developed a brain tumor."
Suddenly, Gary's mouth was dry as sandpaper. His vision became blurry and his body felt numb as the news sunk in. What?
"It is categorized as a benign tumor which is thankfully not cancerous, but it is difficult to live with and causes problems. However, the good news is that we might be able to operate and remove the tumor."
Gary snapped his head up at his words. If he could remove the tumor then why was the doctor still standing in from of him? Anger welled up within Gary as he curled his fists into tight balls. What the hell was he waiting for?
"Why aren't you operating then?" he asked surprisingly calm.
The doctor sighed, running a hand through his hair before taking off the glasses that rested on the bridge of his nose. He looked tired and stressed, but Gary didn't really care if he was being overworked at the moment. Brain tumors were dangerous if not dealt with immediately and Gary refused to loose someone else close to him. He would not have it.
"Sir, we haven't been able to contact any relatives and with the patient unconscious, we aren't able to do anything."
"So you're telling me you're going to let my friend suffer because you don't have permission?" Gary roared, slamming his fist onto a table that he didn't realize was there, "I'll give you my permission! He's been with me for years and I'm telling you to fix him!"
"I'm afraid it doesn't work like that. Not only do I have to have authorization from a relative, the surgery cost thousands of dollars."
"You are going to let him die because of money?" he screamed in his face, "I thought doctors cared about the well-being of others, so why aren't you doing anything?"
"Sir," the man began, but was abruptly cut off.
"Shut the fuck up!" Gary yelled, storming out of the room in a heated rage. He couldn't believe this bull shit. BULL SHIT! He ran down the hallway uncertain of his destination. His fingers itched and his ears pounded as his vision became red. BULL SHIT! He grabbed a glass vase that sat on a table in the hall and, with an angry cry, slammed it against the wall causing to shatter into millions of pieces. His fist quickly connected with the wall, feeling his skin split and blood gust from his open wound. BULL SHIT! He punched the wall again and again and again, leaving the once white wall red with his blood. The pain he felt rushing up his arm was nothing compared to the pain that crushed his heart and soul.
"Gary, stop!" a familiar voice screamed, but he didn't... couldn't relent. Everything was falling apart and all he wanted was pain.
There was a gasp and more yells before a pair of arms pulled him back and away from the wall. His breathing was rugged and heavy as his adrenaline began to fade and he was left empty. Gary shook violently as his eyes filled with water and a sob left his lips. He didn't want loose someone else. He didn't want to go to another funeral. He didn't want to slip back into the guilt and blame.
This was BULL SHIT!
This was... his fault...
Torii: *shoots self* I HAVE NO EXCUSE I AM TRASH AND I DESERVE TO ROT IN HELL!
Jenna: I agree. There really is no excuse this time. *shakes head*
Hamish: Well at least you got to the good part. It gets better from here... I hope.
Torii: *sighs* I am ashamed and I won't say that I'll get better at updating because I won't. It's just such a hard thing for me and ugggggg... I'm horrible.
Jenna: Neglect is all I can say.
Torii: *nods* Yeah.. but I have news... sort of... anyways I have started a story on WattPad and it's called 'Following a Memory (5SOS)' 5SOS stands for 5 Seconds of Summer and for those of you who don't know who they are, they are an australian 'punk rock' band that is opening for 1D. I love them to death and I started a fanfic about them. Just putting that out there.
I'm not saying I'm moving sites or anything so don't kill me. I am not any better at updating on WattPad than here so yeahhhhh... I'm just a horrible person. *bows* I wish you could forgive me. I want to say that I'll double update to repent, but I'm not sure if I should make that promise in case I don't and then people become upset and raging mad.
Jenna: Just Review and we'll see what happens.
Hamish: We love you guys! Really!
