Chapter 9: Only Cats Have Nine Lives

When early morning came, I went to Hawke's estate to ask Bodahn to collect her robes and weapon. I did not want the townsfolk judging Hawke as some hussy, dressed in her nightgown, walking around Hightown. When I returned, she was still sound asleep and out of a moments weakness, I lay beside her in bed, pushing my face into her hair. She smelled sweet with a note of forbidden spices that I could not ignore. I groaned into her neck and she began to shift. Realizing how improper I was behaving, I sat up and pretended to shake her from sleep.

Her eyes fluttered open and seeing me, she smiled in a seductively drowsy manner. "Good morning. Where am I?"

My mouth went dry and I had the sudden temptation to cover her body with my own, kissing her until we were both breathless. I stood to grab her clothes and replied, "You're in my room, at the Chantry."

She giggled before turning in the bed, burying her face in the pillow, "Well well well, Sebastian Vael… what would the Chantry sisters say when they find out you've had a woman in your bed?"

She was obviously in a better mood than she had been the previous night and my throat tightened as she pulled her legs from under the blankets, exposing their familiar length to me. Stretching out like a feline, my hands twitched, wanting to grab her, love her… I closed my eyes against the assault of images that burned into my brain. My hands all over her, my mouth closing over her breasts… oh Maker, forgive me.

I left for her to change, bringing her some food for the walk to the Wounded Coast. When we passed the estate, Fenris and Anders joined us and once again, Hawke had the attention of three males upon her. I had to admit that I had been watching the swing of her hips as she walked and I'm not sure that the others were immune to her…bodily charms.

We found a group of guards huddled behind a rock. Lieutenant Harley greeted us, stating that Fell Ordan and Evett's mercenaries were attacking in large numbers. The guardsmen all seemed rattled and Hawke gave an inspiring speech telling them,

"Evett's marauders. They're just men. Flesh and bone. Flesh can be torn. Bone can be broken. Alone, they will pick you off. One by one. Together, we are unstoppable. On me!"

Harley's last words were to advise us on the traps hidden beneath the sand. I went to work immediately, disabling every trap that I could find that would impede our movements. Fenris hacked through any who dared to oppose us. Hawke placed a glyph of paralysis upon many of the men, making it far easier to dispose many of the rogues that had a tendency to disappear. The battle was long and hard. Though no more of the guardsmen fell, Fell Ordan was a blood mage, summoning many enemies. They seemed to come in waves. I had to wonder where all these thugs came from.

When at last, no more enemies seemed to be coming, we all put down our weapons. Harley began to thank us profusely for our assistance, leaving us to head for the barracks when disaster struck. We had missed two rogues, one on either side of Hawke hidden in bushes and behind rocks. With our guard down, it came as a shock when two arrows whistled through the air into Hawke's legs, impaling her right through. Crippled, she fell to her knees in a yell whilst another prepared to stab her from behind. With fast reflexes, I shot him down but the damage had been done. The rogue had cut right through the back of her robe and blood stained red against the normally pearly pink and purples of her robe. An ugly gash marred her back and she screamed in agony.

The three of us dropped to her side immediately whilst Anders searched for potions in his bag. He cursed foully, "I have no healing potions left but –" He poured a black substance down Hawke's throat. She convulsed but the bleeding stopped. The pool of blood stopped growing on her robes. Her eyes began to close.

Anders explained, "Hawke, you need to stay awake. This potion only stops the bleeding temporarily. If you fall asleep, you might not wake up. Stay with us, sunshine."

She was conscious. She tried to babble nonsensically from the pain and Fenris tried to distract her as Anders tried to look at her leg. Irritated by the folds of her robes, he took out a small dagger and cut through her robes to assess the damage. Two arrow were firmly embedded in her leg.

Anders shot to Fenris, "Keep your weight on her torso. She'll thrash. The first arrow is easy to take out with a clean entry and exit but the second one won't be so simple."

Fenris held onto her body tightly, refusing her any movement. With a nod, Anders broke the ends of the first arrow and pulled it straight through. A piercing scream shot from Evelyn and many birds took flight. Fenris whispered to Hawke, cradling her head, "Shhhh, Valentha… focus on me… keep those eyes open. Talk to me, Valentha."

Valentha? Though Hawke had never mentioned her first name to me, I knew for a fact that Valentha was not her actual name. Anders studied the tip of the arrow for a moment. It was a cruel invention, the tip designed with spikes to rip and tear flesh apart. He cursed foully, "Fuck! I need to push the arrow so that the head is out. Otherwise, it'll do even more damage. Keep a steady hold on her, Fenris."

It was the only time I had ever seen the two work together so efficiently. Her screams cut my soul made me want to kneel to the ground. I would have done anything to stop her suffering but I comforted myself, at least she was actually awake. She forced herself to stay awake but as Anders pulled out the second arrow, she slumped against Fenris, unconsciousness taking her over.

Distressed by the situation, I cried out to Anders, "Can't you just heal her?"

He shook his head, "Their equipment has been tipped with poison. If I try to heal her flesh, it'll only break apart again later. I need to heal her from the inside with lots of healing potions. We need to get her back to Hightown. Now."

Fenris passed me her weapons and carried her all the way back. Though I would have preferred carrying her myself, I did not complain. This was not about my ego but about Hawke's safety. Along the way, I had to ask, "You called her Valentha. That…isn't her real name, is it? I thought her name was Evelyn?"

Fenris nodded his head, "Yes. Valentha is not her name."

I persisted, "What does it mean?"

"It means 'little bird', I thought it fitting considering she's a Hawke but so delicate. Valentha is not her name."

I watched as he cradled her closer to his body, hastening his pace without jostling her. Anders and I seemed to realize the same thing but untactfully, Anders blurted out, "You're in love with her."

"Do not speak in such an accusing tone, hypocrite."

I looked towards Anders, "You're in love with her, too?"

Anders laughed morbidly, "Do you know any within our group who does not harbour love for her in one form or another? It's just that I cannot be with her. I'd end up hurting her."

I turned to Fenris, "And you?"

Fenris snarled, "That is not your business. I will simply say that when a man looks upon a woman, he knows if she'll become his lover. She is in love with another."

Before long, we arrived in Hightown. Anders quickly went down Hawke's cellars to take every single healing potion he could find along with elfroots whilst Fenris sat her upon a desk, keeping his hand behind her head to support her weight.

Anders arrived quickly and with some help, poured massive quantities of red healing potion into her mouth. It was endless, empty bottles littered Hawke's bedroom until Hawke coughed, her eyes snapped open and she looked around, aware of her surroundings.

We breathed a sigh of relief. Her voice was weak when she asked, "What's going on?"

Anders hushed her, "Don't talk, sunshine. I'm stitching your legs but you have to keep your weight off of your right leg for a while."

Anders stitched her legs, whispering to Hawke that he promised there would be no scars by the end of the healing process before wrapping bandages around her leg. When he was done, he motioned for Fenris to sit her down so that he could assess the damage on her back.

Fenris gently carried Hawke to a stool and Hawke sat with her back facing Anders. He tore through the back of her robes to expose only the part of her back that had been cut. Already, Anders' foul, black sludge of a potion had begun to stop working as drops of blood began to leak again. He poured a white salve on her wounds, causing the skin to hiss. Hawke cried out in pain, her entire body turning an awful shade of putrid grey. The skin fused together but was still a very raw pink. Anders stroked her shoulders, comforting her, "I'm sorry… the gash was too wide. The salve will weld your skin together."

The gash was also incredibly deep. Not only had the knife cut through her robes but also her breast band as the strap was broken. I made a mental note to ensure she bought new robes before venturing into more dangerous situations but just as soon as relief flowed through me, so too did fear and shock.

I had nearly lost her. What if Anders didn't have that potion? What if we hadn't killed the rogue fast enough? What if the knife had gone into her heart? She would be dead for sure.

"Don't spend it being blown about like a weathervane." Elthina's voice was in my mind, her words echoing over and over.

I needed Hawke. Needed her with a passion I had never felt. It was not just lust but I was afraid to use the word 'love'. I did not want to claim possession of her simply in response to her dying and the knowledge of two men who would vie for her attention, if possible.

Did I love her? My heart screamed at me to say the words but what if I was wrong? I did not want to hurt her.

I stood there, struck with fear, indecision and revelation, staring straight through her back. At some point, the two spoke to her, words of comfort and sweetness. I know that they told her to rest and to join them in the Festival of Lanterns in a few days time but all these words did not sink into my mind till much, much later.

Bodahn came up with a tub of steaming water for Hawke's perusal of a bath and still, I stood with Anders and Fenris, watching her weakened silhouette from behind a screen as she, with some difficulty, disrobed.

I did not wake up from my thoughts until Hawke's exhausted face peeked from behind the screen, her eyes filled with unshed tears as she choked out, "I can't get into the bath without help."

Knowing that she was in too much pain, I handed her a clean, white towel for her to wrap around her body and after she voiced her assent, I gently cradled her, my arms under her neck and knees and placed her into the water, towel included.

She was in much pain, I could see it in her eyes. Those expressive eyes told me everything. I poured some bath salts and oils into the water so that she would not need to use any energy to clean herself. I would have offered but I wasn't sure how she felt about my hands upon her flesh.

Fenris voiced his feelings, "We will leave so you have some privacy. Call us when you're done. You are not climbing out of the tub without assistance."

I was the last to walk towards the door but her weak voice stopped me, "Sebastian?"

I turned towards her, her body still covered by the towel, "Yes, Hawke?"

"My name is Evelyn. You can call me that if you wish."

Evelyn…so sweet yet so powerful a name. I knew it all along but how could I not have used that name to address her before? I didn't know. Then it occurred to me, had she been awake the whole time back to Hightown? Did she now know that Fenris and Anders were in love with her? Did she think that I had no affection for her?

Then Fenris' voice echoed in my mind. "She is in love with someone else."

I groaned, what if I was not the one she loved? Yet, she had slept in my bed with no qualms. She had touched my hands and parted her lips whilst revelling in pleasure. And that night as I kissed her hand, had her breath not hitched?

I had been staring at her, staring through her, once again lost in thought. Sounds of water woke me from another daydream. I apologized, "I'm sorry. Today's been –"

I broke off, how could I possibly finish that sentence? She leaned her head back against the edge of the tub and made an apathetic sound. Evelyn moved to get comfortable and from the door, I could clearly see the towel drifting lower, exposing gentle swells of breast. Minutes passed. She hissed in pain as she moved, tears glistening in her eyes.

"Evelyn…" I had to say it and though I had meant to show her that I adored her name, it sounded erotic and needy, even to my own ears.

'I want you', 'I think I'm falling in love with you', 'Be with me', all these phrases floated in my mind but when I opened my mouth, no words came out except, "Would you like me to carry you out of there?"

She reached her arms out for me, and towel included, I lifted her from the water, my hands grazing her silky thighs. As I placed her upon her feet, behind the screen, my hands brushed down her shoulders and though my mind screamed for me not to, I kissed behind her ear, telling her, "I'm very grateful that you're alive and well."

Evelyn shivered at my touch but I had taken all the liberties I could. After passing her clean towels and her nightdress, I left her alone.

From what I heard later on, Fenris stayed with her the entire day through. She was very restless and frustrated to be bedridden and so, Fenris had allowed her to teach him to read the entire day through until she fell asleep.

I was alone, though. I felt much attraction for her. She was both beautiful and intelligent, however, I had to admit to myself that I knew too little about her and all I did know was from other people. How she reacted to me could be different and though, she seemed to enjoy my affections, there were too many questions that were left unanswered.

Was I in love with her?

Was she in love with me?

Was she someone I could be with?

Could she be a part of my future and if so, what future would that be?

Was I a Prince of Starkhaven or just a Chantry brother?

And until the last question was answered, even though Evelyn would always factor into my considerations, I could not lead her on and pretend to offer a life that I had no intention of keeping.


Hmmm... Did I make it sound like a total shopping list? Let me know!

Love,
Ann