A/N : It's been dawning on me that I'm horrible at replying to my reviewers, and I feel awful about that you guys. Here you are, taking the time to review and tell me what you think and I'm completely ignoring you guys (I'm not really, I read and appreciate everything you say, but I feel that way) so I'm taking this time to say something to all who reviewed last chapter :)
Laughing Dragoness - While a good battle would be nice, I have a pretty good idea where I'm going with this story and don't see any 'mythical-showdowns' outright...but who doesn't love a few good skirmishes? (and keep in mind that my idea's change and reshape all the time, so who knows...Edward and Jacob do like to push each others buttons...)
YouKnowDebussy - Go Team, Go:) 'Twilight' & 'New Moon' Jacob were fun and lighthearted...not all cocky and smug like 'Eclipse' Jacob...
ChieriAn9el - Sometimes I feel like I play too much with Edward's feelings and make him all 'grr' and kinda mean...but thanks for saying otherwise :) Also, Jacob can't help but do something stupid - he's too damn smug for his own good.
Vampire4evernever - I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter! Though now we leave some of the sweetness behind and dive right into the angst, so be prepared! (but don't worry, more fluff and 'candy-heart-chocolatly-goodness-sweetness' coming up next chapter!) LoL
lafrancesa - I welcome all walk-ins and newbies - no appointment necessary! LoL :D I'm glad you found this fic and don't worry, you will get your Jasper fulfillment soon enough...
Rebecca - Your words made me blush! I'm ecstatic that you adore my writing so much! I don't know if I deserve to be in the same realm as Stephanie Meyers, but I deeply appreciate your wonderful review - it made my day! (hell, it made my week, year - LIFE) :D
mrs Edward cullenxxx - I'm glad you liked the last post!
J.Farrell - I totally understand what you're saying - This series wouldn't be the same without that hate-able, yet love-able, teenage werewolf.
SuprSmartChic - While I'm loyal to my team, I don't hate Jacob outright...dislike, yes, but not hate. He does get a bad rap, and I'm noticing and a lot Edward fans are pretty strong about their hatred for Jake, but I can't take it that far - I can't help but remember that if it wasn't for him, Bella would have been in far worse shape when Edward finally did return.
Amobutterfly25 - Don't worry about my feelings - I can take some Jacob bashing ;) And I have also noticed that Jacob likes to just 'pop' up and ruin special moments between Bella and Edward, but don't worry - No Jacob sightings in this chapter!
abbie - :D LoL
And now, here is the next chapter! Enjoy!
Disclaimer : Not mine! I'm too poor to buy 'em and too scared to steal them so I just have to keep on pretending like everyone else...
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Chapter 09 - Revelations
"What about him?" Edward demanded.
"Call Alice," I told him. When he just stared at me, I added, "call Alice and tell her to look for my future again."
Before he could pull the cell phone out of his pocket it suddenly buzzed. For once I was quicker than him and snatched it out of his shirt pocket. "Alice?" I asked, my voice rushed.
"How did you know?" she questioned across the line.
"This morning," was all I said; I knew she would understand.
"What is going on?" Edward demanded, obviously frustrated by my lack of information.
"Pull over, everything's fine," I told him while Alice simultaneously said in my ear, "I don't think it is, Bella."
"What do you mean?" I questioned her as Edward swung the car onto the side of the highway. I wasn't sure if Edward could hear her side of the conversation but he remained quite as she continued.
"If you're correct, which I believe you are, that means you were out in the middle of the woods with a newly-born werewolf."
Before I could argue Edward took the phone from my hands and placed it to his ear. "Explain, now," he told her, his voice severe. I, most definitely, could not hear the whole conversation and listened as he added back to his sister quickly, "I didn't hear anything big enough for that to be approaching."
A thought occurred to me and I blurted out, "if they had just then made the decision to come to the meadow, Alice would know before they even got close." When he looked at me, I added, "we wouldn't have had a reason to leave yet - we'd still be there if she hadn't called."
I waited as Alice told her brother something else, which he agreed to, before he shut the phone and replaced it into his pocket. He closed his eyes and laid his head back, resting it against the top of his seat. I watched as he pinched the bridge of his nose in a move that I had come to recognize he did when he was stressed.
"We were never in any danger," I said finally, my voice light with relief.
"What you and I see as dangerous is two very different things," Edward growled, his voice thick. "I was right to make us leave."
"What are you talking about?" I stared at his rigid posture and shook my head. "It was just Jacob or one of his friends."
"You seem to be forgetting the main part of this conversation," he accused me. When I just raised my eyebrows, he added, "werewolves are not stable creatures, they are dangerous."
"The pack has never hurt me." I thought back to Paul's first reaction to my knowledge of their existence and added, "Jacob would never allow it."
Edward laugh was bitter as he told me, "I'd be more worried about him than anyone else." I could see his sarcastic smirk in the glow of the dashboard's lights and I instantly got defensive, taking on the role of Jacob's protector quickly.
"What does that mean?"
"That child has no control over his anger or actions. He's-"
"That child is my best friend," I interrupted him, my voice rising to meet his angry tone.
"He's too dangerous for you to be around."
I stared at his profile in the neon light. "Excuse me?"
"He's a risk I'm not willing to take," Edward added, his voice firm.
"You're not willing to take?" I repeated, my voice slowly growing more sarcastic and hard as I went on. "That's great to know, Edward, but I think I'll keep taking my chances."
"No, it ends now," Edward nearly yelled, the small confinement of the vehicle making his harsh voice echo. "I'm not letting him near you." His lean arms clenched and I noticed his balled up fists when he placed them on his knees.
"It's not always up to you Edward," I stressed, resisting the urge to pull on my own hair in frustration. "I do know how to make my own decisions."
"Not this one!"
"Then which one? Do I get to pick out my own clothes tomorrow? What about my breakfast? Tell me, will I be eating eggs or cereal?" I screamed back.
"Don't be childish," he snapped.
"What's childish is everyone seeming to think I can't make my own chooses, that I need someone to hold my hand and decide everything for me. Well, newsflash, I don't. I was on my own for 6 months and I'm still here."
Edward turned his eyes from my face and I knew I had struck a chord. I pushed my words of reassurance down and bit my tongue, knowing I didn't have much footing to stand on when it came to making Edward see that Jacob and the rest of his pack were not the bad guys, and I had just spent the last few minutes arguing stupidly.
"Edward you have to believe me, Jacob would not harm me," I stressed, keeping my voice even, not wanting to start another shouting match. "Even in his wolf form he's never-"
"You were around him like that?" Edward's lethal voice stopped me cold. I looked up into his eyes, not sure if I was frustrated or relieved that I couldn't make them out in the dim light.
"Yes."
My eyes slammed shut at the force behind the growl that erupted from him; it was deadly, ferocious and I had to clench my fists in an effort to not throw my hands up over my ears.
"Damnitt Bella!" he cursed, throwing his head back once more. "What were you thinking!"
"Does it really matter? Everything I'm doing is wrong apparently!" I forcefully turned away from him, leaning into the door as far as I could.
"I didn't mean..." I listened as Edward trailed off, his voice slightly calmer. I heard him chuckle to himself before admitting bitterly, "it seems I also can not control my emotions when it comes to you."
His touch was tender when he reached for my back, caressing it gently. "Bella...love, I just don't want you to get hurt. I didn't mean to imply you have no rights or reasons to make your own decisions."
I sighed deeply, not even trying to hide the fact that I would give in - I always gave in when it came to him. "I know...I get it." And I did. He wanted to keep me safe and in his eyes, Jacob was not safe. "But Jacob isn't any danger to me, please understand that." I turned to look into his eyes, to see if he agreed with my decision but he just looked away.
"Do they cross through that area much?" he asked instead, leaning back into the seat.
I crossed my arms and leaned back also, looking back out the window once more. "Maybe, I'm not sure." Without thinking, I admitted with a tired voice, "Jacob would more than the others."
"Do I want to know why?" he questioned softly, his voice uncharacteristically unsure, catching my attention.
I could see the pictures in his head almost as if I could read minds instead of him. He was upset that I had shared something that was special with us, something he held close to his heart, with another person. That was our meadow.
"No...but not for the reason you think." I could feel his eyes on me once more and I sighed deeply, closing my own eyes. I could still feel my fear when I thought back to the day in the meadow when Laurent cornered me and I had finally saw Jacob's wolf side for the first time.
"What's wrong? Your heart is racing..."
"I haven't told you yet why I was hesitant to go into the meadow today," I started slowly, keeping my eyes closed.
"No...you haven't." I took in his calm voice, the way he was he almost hesitant himself, not sure on where I was going with this. I felt his fingers graze my cheek gently then, their coldness a comfort, adding strength and giving me the motivation I needed.
"After you left I fell apart..." I didn't want to rehash this part of the past 6 months but I owed Edward the full truth, if only to make him see how much Jacob meant to me. "I basically collapsed into myself. It took Charlie trying to send me with Renee to make me see what I was doing to myself."
Once more Edward reached out to me. This time he simply placed a stray hair back behind my ear before letting his hand fall back, tracing my arm in the process. I knew he was trying to console me in a way right now that still allowed me my freedom to express whatever was on my mind but I also knew he needed these touches as much as I did. Those small little reminders to make the memories seem less harsh, less real.
I cringed inwardly as I remembered screaming at Charlie and Renee, who had showed up to take me home with her. I screeched and threw things, I cried for the first time since the week after Edward's departure, and I begged and promised to change, vowing to get better as long as I didn't have to leave Forks.
I licked my lips as I pushed the memory away. "But I didn't really get any better - I just learned to fake it." I laughed bitterly there, getting into the story, the dark interior of the car urging me to say more. I could feel a cocoon almost start to wrap around myself, sealing me tightly in the night and making me feel like I was free to say anything I wanted.
"I tried to reconnect with my friends when Charlie started to talk about me leaving again but everything seemed so hollow to me by then. Jessica, Mike, Angela - they had no idea what I was going through; they barely knew me or you. But Jacob did. I knew he thought the idea of you being a vampire was just old tales passed down from his ancestors but he was the closest thing I had. But...it still wasn't enough."
I took in a deep breath and went on, refusing to open my eyes still; it was easier to get it all off my chest if I didn't have to look at him. It left me to imagine that I was alone and no one was listening, no one was hearing my deepest fears and regrets. "I wanted to find the meadow again; I felt like if I was there maybe...maybe you would be there too," I finished in a rush. "But I didn't know where it was. So Jacob offered to help me find it."
I paused to see if Edward wanted to comment; the silence in the small vehicle was deafening and I become suddenly aware that somewhere along the line he had stopped breathing and moving. The action caused a small tremor of fear to grow in my stomach, urging me to reach out in the darkness, searching for his hand. His cold fingers intertwined with mine and I pulled our joined hands back to rest on my knee.
"After looking for some time Jacob got sick. And then he started to avoid me. He wouldn't answer my calls and when I finally talked to him he acted like he didn't even know who I was - like we hadn't spent every day together for the past few weeks."
"Bella.." Edward's gentle voice startled me and I opened my eyes. He turned in his seat till he was facing me, reaching out with his free hand to caress my cheek and squeezing our interlocked fingers also. "I'm sorry...I know that must have hurt you."
I nodded before taking in a deep breath, determined to finish my story. "I didn't understand at first," I admitted, tilting my head down as I added softly, "he promised he wouldn't leave me - he'd always be there."
I wanted to close my eyes again but forced them open and looked in Edward eyes as I continued, using them as an anchor to keep myself from letting my emotions get the better of me. "After a few days he showed up one night, claiming it wasn't his idea to stay away from me but he couldn't tell me why or what was going on. He hinted that the stories he had told me about you weren't fake - no part of them were.
"Eventually I caught his meaning and started to wonder if there were indeed such things as werewolves. If vampires exist...who was I to say other things didn't? And then I remembered your warning to stay out of the woods and how people were saying there were large bears roaming loose. But I still couldn't believe that Jacob, my Jacob, could be anything but just himself."
I stopped to take in another deep breath, letting it out shakily. Edward, sensing my rising nerves, lifted our hands and kissed my knuckles, never once letting go. I looked up and smiled briefly, thanking him for the small gesture again. I could tell from the stiffness of his back and the lack of speech that this conversation was hard on him too, but I knew I had to keep going; I had to explain everything to him.
"I was hurt once more and angry at Jacob for keeping that from me. But I went into the woods alone one day, needing to feel closer to you." I felt Edward's grip on my hand tighten and I looked up, watching his lips thin into a narrow line. I knew I would hear it later over that bit of information but right now I was more worried about his reaction to what happened next in my story.
"Maybe it was luck or maybe it was fate but I found the meadow that day. But I wasn't the only one there." I glanced up quickly and watched Edward's eyes as I told him, "Laurent was there too."
I watched as his eyes turned into slits and his grip on my hand tightened even more. I felt like my fingers might loose circulation but I didn't break the hold, needing that small contact to help me finish what I had to say.
"I wasn't scared at first," I muttered, thinking back to that day. I reasoned that my stupidity wasn't without merit - he had offered me no harm the first time I had met him and had even spent time with another non-murderous clan of vampires.
"Bella," He let go of my hand and took my shoulders, pulling our bodies closer. His voice was frustrated as he told me, "I don't know how else to express to you how dangerous our kind is. Just because my family and I don't feed on humans doesn't mean others don't!"
"I know, I get it."
"Do you really?" he tossed back, pulling me closer still until I was half on his seat also, his arms wrapping around my waist. "If I had lost you..." Edward trailed off and groaned in frustration, shaking his head. "When I find him-"
"Laurent is dead," I informed him, not waiting for him to question me on just how that was. "Jacob and his pack found us and killed him before he got the chance to attack me. They saved my life."
Edward pulled me the rest of his way on his lap, holding me close between his chest and the steering wheel. I leaned into the embrace, closing my eyes as the memories of that day crashed though my mind, reminding myself just how close I had gotten to death that afternoon.
"He did it for her didn't he, for victoria," Edward demanded after a few minutes. When I just nodded and he rubbed my back and placed a kiss on the crown of my head, adding in a hard voice, "she's not coming near you Bella - I won't allow it."
I didn't trust my voice and just nodded once more, but I found my eyes wondering the dark night surrounding the car.
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Ok...so, yeah, Edward was like a yo-yo in the chapter...mad, sad, annoyed, loveable...I couldn't decide! Please don't flame me:(
Melissa
