The beeping of the heart monitor was making me anxious. The pace was steady, but I felt like that could change any second. My eyes kept flickering over to it, to make sure it was actually working. The rising and falling of Noah's chest was the only confirmation that mattered to me.
It was already dark outside, but I had forgotten the exact time. It was definitely past midnight, that I knew. Not that time mattered right now. It was just a worthless thing these people hold onto.
After Deanna appeared and demanded an explanation about what was going on, I had just pushed Nicholas away. He was going to be the one to tell the story. He could be the one to tell Deanna how he'd tried to escape, leave us behind. How he'd gotten Noah bitten. I thought it would maybe make him realise what he had done. The only thing I didn't expect, is that he'd tell a different story. He twisted the whole thing around, blaming us for what had happened to Noah, to Tara. To Aiden. How I hadn't helped Aiden when I could have. How I practically pushed him towards the walkers.
I wanted to slit the man's throat, I wanted him to realise what he had done. But this wasn't up to me. We were part of a community now. Plus, I wanted Noah to be the one to choose. If he wanted Nicholas alive than I'd listen to his request. If he didn't want the man breathing, I'd happily listen to that too.
Noah was paler than usual. His breaths were slow but steady. His heart rate also had a decent rhythm but was still too slow for Pete's liking.
I had never actually met Pete before this. At first glance, he seemed like an alright guy, but when I saw him walking around here today, I started to doubt myself a bit. He was looking for a certain type of medicine, he was strutting around, cursing and blaming everyone but himself. When I offered to help he snapped at me, grabbing me by my arm way too tight. I had quickly pulled away, before he could do anything else. That hadn't been the best moment for me, the Governor had flashed before my eyes and I needed to walk away for a second. To calm myself down.
I looked down at the mark that was now turning into a bruise. I was alone in the infirmary. Of course, it was midnight and no one was really needed here. Pete had apologised later, but I just brushed him off. I wasn't interested in his apology, but I also didn't like how scared he'd made me feel in those few seconds. I let out a sigh and rubbed my thumb against the bruise that looked too much like an actual handprint or my liking.
When the door of the infirmary opened, I quickly covered up my bruise again, preventing anyone from seeing it. Glenn walked through, his eyes flickering to me and Noah. I attempted to smile at him, but both of us knew that it wasn't real.
Glenn grabbed another chair from somewhere behind me and sat down on it.
We just sat there in silence. None of us really knew what to say. There wasn't really anything to say. Noah's condition was steady. That was all there was to say about it. No one knew what would happen. Apparently, his body was channelling all its energy to keeping the heart pumping and the organs working, so keeping the mind awake wasn't its biggest priority.
My head was leaning against the wall next to me. Next to the annoying heart monitor that was still beeping regularly.
Daryl had attempted to get me to bed. To get me back to the house. He said I needed my sleep, but I wasn't tired at all, so sleeping wouldn't be in the picture for me anyway. When Daryl wanted to stay I refused. He did need his sleep. He was getting a job soon, I just knew it.
I wasn't sure why he hadn't gotten one already. Daryl was a very talented man in this world. He could do a lot of things for this community. He could hunt, track, skin animals, teach people how to fight, and so on.
I doubted that Daryl was asleep right now. Just like Glenn and I. I wanted to go to him, I wanted to lie down next to him and feel his body against mine. But it didn't matter what I wanted right now. Leaving Noah wasn't an option, it would be horrible if he woke up in the middle of the night without someone around him. Pete told us that wasn't even an option. Someone needed to watch over him, he couldn't be alone.
''What did Maggie say?'' I spoke up, raising my head to look at him.
''She agrees.'' He said, his eyes flickering over to me. ''She thinks you've done the right thing. With Noah and with Nicholas.'' There was a moment of silence, where I didn't know what to say.
''I think so too,'' Glenn added. I knew he thought I had made the right choice, by not killing Nicholas. Especially not there.
''I wanted to,'' I mumbled, not looking at Glenn. Instead, my eyes glanced over to Noah again. I tried to copy the rise and fall of his chest, hoping it would calm me down a bit.
''Me too,'' Glenn admitted and my eyes snapped over to his in surprise. I knew Glenn hated Nicholas, but at this point who didn't? But I never really thought of him as a murderer. When Glenn saw the look on my face he breathed a humourless chuckle.
"I did." He continued, his face had turned serious again and you could see he was thinking back to that moment. "There was a moment I wanted you to do it." He looked down, as if he was ashamed of admitting this.
"But I didn't." I stared at Noah, unsure what emotion was mixed with that statement. Disappointment, relief? I felt a hand on my shoulder and even though I knew who it was, I lifted my head up to meet his eyes.
"I didn't because of you." I spoke, there was no accusing tone in my voice. It was gratitude. It wasn't my place to decide that man's life. Maybe it wasn't even Noah's. But thanks to Glenn, I'll have time to think about it.
"Come here." Glenn mumbled and he wrapped his arms around me in an engulfing hug. I copied his movements and wrapped my arms around his torso, leaning my head against his shoulder. Glenn's hugs were warm, friendly, trusting. That was one that I needed right now
We sat there for a few seconds, just accepting each other. Before we both pulled away. I turned back to Noah and grabbed his hand that was placed above the covers.
"It's gonna be alright." I mumbled to him, "You're gonna be alright." I wasn't sure if I was trying to convince Noah, Glenn or myself. But it helped, I believed Noah would be fine. Noah's been through a lot more than this.
I remember the story he told me back at Grady Memorial Hospital. The story of how he got his right leg injured by a group of walkers. I wondered if his dad was still walking around, there was a slight possibility he made it out alive. But the chances were very slim.
My eyes glanced over at Noah's right foot, that was now just a stump. Noah was lucky that the walkers bit his already injured foot. Otherwise, there might have been a chance he'd never walk again. I almost laughed humourlessly at myself. Noah was lucky. It's not what I'd call luck. The bandages around his leg were slightly red. They'd been able to stop the bleeding eventually, but not before he bled through several cloths and bandages.
I let go of Noah's hand, placing it beside him. I leant back against the wall again. My eyes were still focussed on the boy. The 19-year-old boy. The boy who still had a whole life before him. He had so many chances and opportunities in front of him. He still had to face so many adventures. He didn't deserve this.
I didn't know when I closed my eyes, but when I opened them again Glenn was gone. Instead, Daryl was sitting in the spot Glenn was previously in. I slowly turned my head to get a better look at him.
The sun was slowly starting to rise, making me believe I slept a lot longer than I originally thought. Noah's body was still motionless. So practically, nothing had changed.
Except for the man beside me.
"Good morning," I mumbled while yawning. I rubbed my face lazily, trying to wake up a bit more.
"Mornin'" Was his response and when I looked up at him, I saw him staring at Noah. His eyes flickered over to me really quick before going back to Noah. It seemed like both of us weren't sure what to say. There wasn't really anything to talk about. Actually, I was wrong, there were plenty of topics to talk about, all of them unpleasant.
Daryl's face was filled with concern, but I had expected him to look at Noah with that look. Instead, his eyes were directed towards me. His gaze steady as he studied me. I felt slightly uncomfortable as his eyes scanned my face up and down. I stared back at him, trying not to show him how exposed he made me feel. This was Daryl we were talking about. So I knew he wasn't making me feel this way on purpose.
"How long did ya sleep?" He asked me, and I wondered if I had dark circles under my eyes that betrayed me. I hadn't had a chance to take a look in the mirror yet, so I had no idea what I looked like right now.
I shrugged as a response to his question. It felt like I had slept a few hours, but it could easily have been a few minutes. My mind wasn't cooperating with the sense of time, so it was hard to determine how long I had actually slept.
Daryl opened his mouth to argue with me, but the door to the infirmary opened. Reg came walking inside. He glanced at me and Daryl, giving us a polite nod before sitting down next to the opposite side of the bed. I noticed he was holding a particular object in his hand. Noah's notebook. Reg placed it on the bedside table, leaving it there for when Noah would wake up.
I realised Reg would probably want to be alone with Noah for a minute. It had been a while since I left this room and even though I knew the fresh air would do me good, I was nervous about leaving the infirmary. I didn't want to leave the boy, scared something would happen while I wasn't there to help him. But I forced myself to say goodbye to Reg and go outside with Daryl. Reg thanked us politely as we left him alone with Noah.
When I stepped outside, I breathed in the fresh air. The smell and coldness of the air was exciting and for a second I didn't feel guilty about leaving the building. It was warm today. I could already feel a small layer of sweat and my shirt was sticking to my skin.
I looked at Daryl, really looked at him. He was tired. The dark circles under his eyes proved my theory. I don't think he slept any better than I did last night. I wondered if I had come to bed, that would have helped. The sudden guilt hit me hard. I had left Daryl alone last night, all on his own. It wouldn't have surprised me if Daryl would have stayed awake, worrying about everything.
He wasn't looking at me, his gaze was set on the view before us. A few people were walking around in the early morning. Some of them were walking their dog, smiling at the creature before them. It felt uncomfortable, the normality here. While Noah and Tara were inside they were just roaming around, acting like nothing was wrong. For a split second, they reminded me of walkers. They were just living, not thinking about anything. Just because they were too afraid to face the truth.
I wanted to talk to Daryl, tell him how guilty I felt. How I wanted him to be here, to stay. But I knew all of us had jobs to do. Daryl couldn't stay by my side all the time, there were things to do in this community and Daryl would get his job soon.
I started to come up with several ways to start a conversation with Daryl, so that the awkward tension would go away, when Rick came up to us.
''Hey, you guys okay?'' He asked, his eyes lingering on me. He was wearing his officer uniform. Rick always walked around with a certain air around him, as if he had the upper hand. The uniform multiplied that air. It seemed like he was the actual authority now. Which he was. But this was different. He acted like he was the leader.
The situation reminded me of when I was at the hospital in Richmond. Dawn was in charge, but it seemed like several other people thought they were leading the group. The only thing that would cause was trouble. And it worried me.
I nodded in response and Daryl did too. We both didn't elaborate on the question, knowing none of us were really okay.
''How's Noah?'' He asked, this time his question was directed to me. Which lead me to believe he knew I had spent the night in there, maybe he'd been talking to Daryl.
''He's stable.'' Was the only thing I could say. Rick nodded, relieved by my answer.
''Aubrey, can I-'' There was a slight pause of barely a second before he continued, '' Can I talk to you for a second?'' My eyes flickered over to Daryl, wondering if he knew what this was about. His eyes seemed to be as surprised as I was.
''Sure,'' I said unsure, before following him down to the space in between the houses. Rick looked around real quick, making sure we were alone before turning back to me.
''Roll up your sleeve.'' He said and I froze slightly. Suddenly on edge. I knew why he asked, I just didn't want to show it to him, nor talk about it. Still, I sighed and rolled up my left sleeve.
The mark had gone from bad to worse. The red handprint had turned blue and yellow, making it obvious it wasn't an accident. There was no way I could tell people it was an accident, the blue fingerprints were visible on my arm and even rolling up my sleeve made it ache slightly.
''It's fine Rick, I swear.'' I tried to reassure him. Rick softly grabbed my wrist and turned my arm so he could have a better view of the bruise.
''Who did this?'' His whole posture had tensed and his eyebrows were furrowed. His eyes had a certain look in it that I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end.
''It doesn't matter, I-''
''Who did it.'' He interrupted me. I sighed, biting my lip slightly as I knew I had lost. Rick wasn't going to leave unless he knew who had done it.
''It was Pete,'' I muttered. ''How did you find out?'' I asked him. His eyes flickered up from my arm to my eyes.
''Glenn saw you. You were rolling down your sleeve, but he'd already seen a glimpse of it.'' He let go of my arm, leaning back a bit. ''He wasn't sure so he told me about it.''
''Of course,'' I muttered. I wasn't mad at him. I probably would have done the same thing if I was in his shoes.
''Does Daryl know?'' I scoffed at his question. Hoping it wasn't too loud for anyone else to hear.
''No he doesn't,'' I answered, ''And he's not going to.'' Rick opened his mouth. Clearly to object to my statement, but I beat him to it. ''We just got here. I'm not gonna stir things up. Pete did it accidentally.'' I lied to him, but still continued talking. ''I can handle it.''
Rick's jaw tensed up for a second as he gritted his teeth. He was clearly not on board with my idea of handling this, which was not handling it. But he seemed to let it go.
''He has a wife, Jesse.'' Rick spoke up, ''What if he hits her too?'' His question surprised me. I hadn't thought about that. I didn't know he had a wife. If he hit her too, that changed the whole scenario. I pressed my lips together, thinking about my options. Rick tried to keep his face nonchalant, but I noticed the slight twinkle in his eyes that showed his worry. Why did Rick care so much about this woman?
''I'll ask her. Or maybe I could ask someone else in the community.'' I offered, not really wanting to. But I knew that I had to. Just to find out what was really going on inside those walls. This was such a different world than outside. I sighed, rubbing my hand along my face quickly before averting my eyes back to Rick.
''I'll figure something out.'' I told him, he nodded in approval. Accepting my answer for now.
We walked back together, towards Daryl. Who was still standing in the exact same spot we left him. For a second, I was scared he had been listening, but Daryl's face didn't hold a particular emotion, except curiosity. Rick gave both of us a nod. Mine was filled with a knowing look, before he wandered off. I followed his figure until he turned a corner and was out of view.
I wasn't sure what to think about the situation. I wished Glenn had just asked me about it instead of telling Rick. Although I also knew that Glenn wasn't really comfortable with being blunt like that. Still, I had to talk to Glenn about the matter. Then there was Jesse and Pete. I wasn't excited to ask around. Of course, I was going to ask Jesse first and then, if I had some suspicions about her answer, I'd ask Deanna, or maybe her neighbours. Pete wasn't an option. That man had scared me last night, and just openly accusing him of such a thing probably wouldn't end well for me.
''What was that all about?'' Daryl asked me, he tried to act nonchalant, but I knew he was curious. The grip in his crossbow had tightened just slightly, barely enough to notice. And his eyes kept flickering over to my face.
''Rick suspects Pete is hitting Jesse, his wife.'' I mumbled and Daryl's face hardened. His eyebrows furrowed and his lips were pressed together in a tight line. ''He wants me to talk to Jesse.''
Daryl turned my way, facing me as he took in my expression. His gaze was intense as he studied my face, trying to figure out what I was thinking. ''You don't gotta if you don't want to.'' He told me, taking a step forward. I placed my hands on his chest slowly, not to keep him away, but just to acknowledge that he was there.
''I know, but I want to.'' I said, suddenly feeling the bruise on my left arm. I tried not to touch it or fold my arms, knowing Daryl would pick up on it. Daryl gave me a face that told me he didn't believe me in the slightest.
''I do, I promise!'' I tried to convince him. I sighed immediately after I said that. It wasn't a lie, not really. I wanted to help Jesse, I wanted to stop Pete. But, ''I'm just nervous.'' I added, which was the truth. I hated lying to Daryl. About all of this. He should know about Pete and the reason why Rick asked me. But I didn't want to burden him any further,
''Okay,'' He mumbled. There were a few seconds of silence. At first, I thought he was going to kiss me. I wanted him to. So when the seconds passed and he still didn't do anything, I started to lean in slightly. Right at that moment, Daryl took a step back. Confusion spread across my face as I watched him distance himself from me.
''Daryl what-''
''I need to tell ya something.'' He started. My world stopped for a second, every possible scenario went through my minds. Horrible things, to less horrible things, to even good things. I think the panic was clear in my eyes, but I didn't say anything. I waited for him to speak. He opened his mouth to say something. Doubt, clear in his eyes. He leaned forward slightly, took a deep breath in- when Reg came walking out the house.
''Hey,'' He said, hobbling down the small stairs in front of the house. ''You can go back in if you want.'' His eyes were slightly red, from crying, but furthermore, he looked normal. He seemed to be holding it together pretty good.
''Thanks,'' I told him, a bit annoyed that he had interrupted Daryl. Fortunately, Reg didn't pick up on this little fact and continued his walk home without even a hint of suspicion at our state. Daryl looked about ready to burst with nerves and my nerves had changed into annoyance the second Reg stepped out the house. My arms were folded together now as I turned back to Daryl.
''What were you going to say?'' I tried again, but the moment was gone. Daryl had lost his courage to tell me. I could see it, he had let it go already.
''Nothin''' He mumbled, but I took a step forward to him.
''Please tell me.'' I begged him, ''I have a feeling I need to know this.'' I told him. He fiddled with his hands and bit his nails as he thought about it. But after a few seconds, he dropped his hands in defeat and took a deep breath.
''I'm leavin'''
So, yeah. Cliffhanger? Kind of?
I wanted to thank you for all the reviews, follows and favourites I got. You guys are the best.
ALSO I wanted to respond to a review by
galwidanatitud:I would have killed Nicholas in a heartbeat.
I just wanted to explain to everyone that, yes, Aubrey also would have killed Nicholas in a heartbeat if it was up to her. But she's starting over, this is a second chance for her. An attempt to do things in a more civilized way. To find peace in all the noise (see what I did there ;) ) Anyway, I thought I'd elaborate on my decision to keep Nicholas alive.
Thank you galwidanatitud and everyone else for reviewing :)
