Click. The awareness ponders the sound that just filled its senses, even as new sensations vie for dominance. There is the burning cold of a surface, the dull throb that feels somehow closer to the center of the awareness, and the sudden discomfort of realizing that it is aware.
"Gemmina." Another sensation like the "click," a sound.
The awareness remembers sounds now, remembers other awarenesses use them to communicate. Words. Names. Voices.
"I don't think she understands yet. Give her a macrot. She had the collar on almost six arns." That voice is soft, feminine.
She. Her. The awareness remembers being a "she," remembers the sound of her own voice, so high and soft that she struggled to make herself sound serious and stern. Now, she'll be glad if she can make a sound come out, any sound. "Where? What?" Question words. Those are the ones she wants.
"Is there a way to reverse the damage?" The voice that spoke those words is deeper, masculine and familiar.
"We don't even know if there is damage. Be patient. And be glad you caught us when you did. We were about to begin with electrode insertion." The woman's voice sounds amused.
"The other technician, Jayza..." The man's voice trails off in a way that suggests he wants to ask a question, but is afraid of the answer.
"Beyond recovery, I'm afraid."
"Frell. Put her in a stasis field anyway. The Scarrans want them both alive and in tact. Can you at least salvage her appearance? If she looks undamaged, they may still be able to use her as bait."
"As you wish." The woman's next words come from somewhere closer, and are accompanied by a warm sensation and an unpleasant smell. "Gemmina? Gemmina, open your eyes."
Gemmina. Eyes. Open. The awareness fumbles for meanings to fit those words.
"Oh, leave us. She needs someone familiar to trigger her memory. Gemmi!" That word is followed by a sharp sound and a microt of acute pain that dwarfs the dull throbbing.
"You!" Light stabs through her eyes as she looks up at the familiar face of her direct superior, Director Kidan. "How could you let them do this to me? You authorized the Living Consciousness project, said I had full authority to conduct the experiment, and then--"
"And then I watched two of my most valued technicians go completely farbot. I tried to protect you, but when 355 attacked a security officer's children, what did you expect? The facility still exists primarily because the Scarrans valued my work."
"Your work? Could you even write a line of bioloid code? Could you make a likeness close enough to fool a mother or a lover?" Gemmi laughs, knowing it sounds forced and false, but unable to think of anything that could hurt Kidan more than her contempt.
"No," he admits. "That's why I relied on you and Jayza to perform work of an appropriate caliber! When you created serviceable tools for the Scarrans, I rose in favor and rewarded you accordingly by extending your tenure. When your... experiment became a danger to the Scarran children, I could no longer justify expending currency on your upkeep. And when you started frelling 354, I looked like a farbot fool, Gemmi!"
"That's why I'm here, isn't it? That's really why I'm here!" This time, her laughter flows as naturally as blood from a wound. "This isn't about Veena and Zinoch. You're embarrassed by my personal behavior."
He shrugs. "I hold high standards for my own achievement, and I believed the project to be a failure. Tell yourself whatever stories you like regarding my inner machinations."
"Believed?" She repeats.
Kidan grimaces. "Recently, bioloid 354 has displayed behavior outside the range of reasonable prediction but within the estimated parameters of normalcy for Bialar Crais."
Gemmi smiles. "I removed the fail safes. I only wish you had gotten in his way."
"Yes, well, he made a quiet exit. Despite his history of violence, Crais is not a stupid man. He appears to prefer the calculated application of leverage to the path of brute force. He's demanding you and Jayza in exchange for the fugitive John Crichton. I intend to have you in tact for the exchange."
Her heart jumps. "Then the assessment is canceled! You're setting me free! I can continue the project, try to sort through the data spools for information on the process of uploading a consciousness. The implications of this research are--"
"No." Kidan shakes his head for emphasis. "Until and unless your bioloid is able to give the Scarrans something they want, this project is still a failure, and you are still slated for assessment. I've simply given the order that no irreversible damage is to be done."
"But I am the only scholar ever able to transfer a living mind to a bioloid body!" she protests. "There is so much more I can do!"
He chuckles in a way that conveys no humor, only bitterness. "Would you like to know the truth, Gemmina? You are at this very moment illustrating exactly why you are here. You forget that I am the scholar and you are simply an instrument of my work, as you forget that 354 is only a machine. You have no sense of the proper order of things, and I have no use for a technician that fancies herself my superior." He pivots and walks out of her sight.
She hears a door close, leaving her with only the maddening hum of machinery in her ears and the aching cold of the metal surface on which she lays. She tries not to think about what they'll do to her, instead calling up the image of Bialar's face and the sound of his voice. He could have left in the prowler without making demands, but he wouldn't leave her here to die, not when only she can help Talyn.
She had never needed a Scarran heat ray to see that Crais and Talyn were real. From the moment Bialar had laid eyes on 355, Gemmi had been sure of her own success. She had never been able to create such convincing affection and probably never would be able to. Watching the two of them together, she had realized the futility of her life's work, and she had found a new purpose.
As the door opens, admitting three Kalish in sterile suits, Gemmi reminds herself of that purpose. She will learn to transfer a living mind directly to a bioloid. Perhaps she can use what she learns to save Jayza. Whatever they've done to Jayza, surely there is enough of her consciousness remaining that Gemmi can decompile it, recompile it, and give her friend a second chance.
Whatever they do to her, they won't stop her from being able to do that. They won't destroy her mind. By making her his bargaining chip, Bialar has ensured her ultimate safety. She has to believe that, has to hold that thought like a talisman, clutch it like a lifeline.
How else could she endure such blinding pain?
