Back to just the girls, oh how far they've come oh how far they have to go, hope you like, let me know what you think x

A New Phase Chapter 9

Lorelai watched her mother out of the corner of her eye. The movie playing was not holding her interest at all tonight. Everything felt off kilter, she had been worried since she had seen her parents on Tuesday and was now completely thrown by her mother's chipper behaviour tonight given how on Tuesday her mother had looked to be two steps away from crying.

The additional Tuesday visit had been down to her father who had invited her to attend afternoon tea with them both. She had been curious as to why he had been so insistent that she attend, especially given it meant her having to spend a large chunk of her afternoon away from the Inn when she should have been working. The last time he had been that insistent that he join her for afternoon tea he had presented her with 75,000 dollars and she had wondered if just maybe she was going to be presented with another vast sum of money to do with something maturing now she was turning 40 but that had made little sense as he had kept saying them, so there was no secret to keep from her mother this time, no reason for him to be insistent she attend a random cafe. But his insistence had bordered on pleading so she had agreed and spent a bizarre Tuesday afternoon with her mostly silent parents in a dated, unwelcoming café in Hartford wondering why on earth she was there on an unseasonably cold drizzly day.

The whole afternoon had been bizarre starting with her parents had ordering her a slice of rather stale yellow cake like she was a small child, whilst they had shared a pot of tea which they had sipped at and alternated between smiling weakly at each other and looking like they had been told that cocktail parties had been outlawed. She had felt like she should make some crack to lighten the mood but there had been nothing remotely humorous that she could bring to mind. So she had resorted to counting the flowers that littered the café in the décor in a way to combat the boredom. When she had finally managed to choke down enough of the awful cake to please her parents, they had announced that they were going for a walk, which had lead them to the park across from the café. Once in the park they had walked to a bench overlooking some trees and a rockery, where they had sat silently for fifteen minutes in the fine rain while her mother had looked like she was about to cry, before they had finally led her back out of the park, had thanked her profusely for joining them and abruptly left. She had been left soaking and completely confused.

Her confusion had meant she had analysed every moment of the bizarre encounter over the last few days. The last time she had seen her parents behave that strangely they had separated, and while she hadn't completely ruled it out, the way her father had been behaving around her mother had told her it was mostly likely not that. Richard had spent most of the walk and strange stare at the rockery with his arm draped around Emily's shoulder, in a way that if he hadn't have been so tender with Emily it would have almost looked like he was mauling her. This combined with her parent's sombre demeanour had filled her with the horrifying dread that there was something wrong with her mother, beside her overwhelming love of chenille. Her mother's ebullient mood when she had arrived this evening had made her reconsider her other alternatives such as pod people, something being put in the water or some kind of mutual mental breakdown but she couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong with Emily.

"Mom?" Lorelai's voice was louder then she had intended.

Emily jumped slightly, surprised by the interruption as the movie was playing and turned to look at her with her eyebrows raised in annoyance "Lorelai?"

"Is everything OK?" Lorelai blurted.

"Beside you interrupting movie night" Emily sent her a stern look, "breaking your own rules. Yes everything is fine. Why do you ask?"

Lorelai took a deep steadying breath, "Are you sick?"

"Sick?" Emily's brow creased in confusion and cast her eyes down, checking herself over. "No I am not sick. Why do I look sick?"

"No," Lorelai shook her head. "You look great," she answered truthfully. In the past few weeks Emily had subtly changed her hair, adding more red tones to the colour and it was less structured, no longer teased for height which allowed for a soft wavy curl at the ends. It made Emily look softer and warmer, it lifted her somehow. "It's just Tuesday." Lorelai tried to explain lamely.

"Tuesday," Emily repeated.

"What was that? it kind of felt like you and Dad were about to say something but you didn't say anything." Lorelai tried to explain her concerns.

Emily's eyes widened with surprise and she leant forward to collect the remote and pause the movie. "Your father didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Lorelai gestured widely. "He just called me up and begged me to come to tea."

"He didn't explain?" Emily frowned slightly.

Lorelai shook her head with an air of annoyance, "no."

"And you still came," Emily's voice softened, a look of gratitude flushing across her features.

"Yes I came, he made it sound important."

"It was," Emily nodded.

When Emily didn't expand on her comment Lorelai exhaled heavily and rolled her eyes. "Ok. Why was it important?"

"We wanted to share our visit to the garden with you." Emily told her softly, as if it explained what had happened. She inhaled deeply and tried to explain further. "We had it built so we could have a special place to go, there wasn't enough space here so your father found the park," she glanced at Lorelai, almost hoping that her daughter would have understood what she was saying so she wouldn't have to say anything else. Lorelai's face was a picture of complete bewilderment and she sighed heavily. "It's our memorial garden."

"You have a memorial garden," Lorelai stared at her mother blankly. "For who, for Gran?"

"No," Emily scowled. She closed her eyes and took a calming breath "It's for the others, the ones we lost. The five trees that surround the rockery," she exhaled her breath wobbling as she divulged information that was painful to her, "one for each. We wanted somewhere where we could go that was peaceful. We go once a year. Now that you know we thought you might like to join us."

"Oh," Lorelai gulped uncertain what to say. Beyond her mother's admittance of what had happened to her and her own concern that she was being frozen out Lorelai had not thought about what her mother had told her. She had filed away the tragic information under valid reasons why my mother is the way she is and had figured that they would never speak of it again. Clearly Emily had other ideas and now expected her to be part of their rituals. Normally forced traditions had Lorelai running for the hill, this one was different. She smiled awkwardly, it was just like her parents to not explain what had been going on but it was touching that they now wanted to include her.

"I'm glad we were able to share it with you," Emily fiddled with the clasp of her bracelet for a moment using the distraction to steady herself. She straightened her back and looked across at Lorelai, her daughter look bewildered but relieved. "It worried you? That I might be sick?"

"Well yeah," Lorelai shrugged. "I mean look what happened with Chris' Dad." The mood was getting too sombre, too personal and she forced herself to smile. "It worried me for a bit but it's kind of dumb on my part I mean I've known for years that you are going to outlive me and considering that I plan on reaching 100 you're probably in the running for Guinness oldest human."

Emily patted Lorelai's knee. "I appreciate your concern," she fixed her daughter with a curious smile.

"What?" Lorelai picked up on the smile, knowing the look that accompanied it meant Emily had more to add.

"We've come a long way don't you think?" Emily said softly. "I'm sure some years ago it wouldn't have bothered you at all if I was sick."

"Mom!" Lorelai stared at her mother in shock.

"It would of?" Emily's smile wiped off her face and she studied Lorelai intently surprised by her daughter's response. "During the years that we were…"

"Mom of course it would have bothered me!" Lorelai stared at her mother incredulously. She looked her mother up and down; Emily looked genuinely surprised at her words. "If you and Dad and had been sick like that of course it would have bothered me."

"Even though you …" Emily stopped herself from finishing her sentence by pushing her lips forcefully together. She squared her shoulders, her eyes widening and the whites of her eyes flaring. She had spent so long believing that Lorelai had hated them she had now taken it to be fact even though she longed for it to be otherwise. Emily knew her belief was doing Lorelai a disservice as no matter what had happened Lorelai was not a deliberately cruel person, it was simply 23 years of fears projecting onto her daughter which was in danger of derailing everything. Lorelai was staring at her, her blue eyes crackling with indignation her arms crossed across midriff. Emily was afraid to move afraid of what would come out if she did.

"Even if I had hated you I never would have been Ok with either of you being sick." Lorelai raised her eyebrows challengingly as she studied her mother. Emily was motionless apart from her eyes that were darting back and forth. Her mother looked terrified and mortified and desperate, it was almost visible, a miasma surrounding her like her Chanel perfume. Lorelai slowly pulled her hands away from her side and held them out as a sign of a truce. As Emily's posture softened, Lorelai sank down into the couch with an air of defeat. "Besides I didn't hate you," she muttered quietly, "I thought I did but I was too young to understand what it was I was feeling. I still don't know if I understand what I was feeling back then." Lorelai blew her cheeks out and started to pick at the hem of her sleeve. This was all too much. "This country is 3000 miles across and I ran 30. I didn't hate you I was scared and confused and an unhappy square in a round world."

"I understood until that last part," Emily told her quietly as she flicked her eyes over Lorelai studying her with concern over the damage her previous statements could have made.

"Square peg round hole. Technically you and Dad should be square because I think we can both agree that I am the bouncy ball of this family, but that doesn't work for the analogy," Lorelai fidgeted as she tried to make the conversation more palatable to her. "I didn't fit. You and Dad and your world was round I was square."

"Was?"

"I have cultivated myself into shining star, can't you tell by my luminousness," Lorelai shook her head dramatically her tone light and childish. "I mean look how I sparkle."

Emily sighed as she realised that Lorelai had pushed the conversation away from the uncomfortable and onto something frivolous. "Do you think we will ever…"

Lorelai cleared her throat cutting her off "Mom I'm sorry, I'm not feeling this tonight." she glanced at the paused movie on the screen and scowled.

"Do you want to go home?" Emily asked disappointedly as she studied Lorelai. She was annoyed at herself for bringing up something she knew Lorelai would run from. "Are you feeling sick?"

"No, just not in the mood for this," Lorelai gestured at the screen. "It feels too passive I want to do something active."

"You hate exercise." Emily chuckled, trying to lighten the mood

"That is very true."

"You should exercise more," Emily set the remote on the table and settled back into the couch. "It's not good for you to not exercise. The government says that you should get 30 minutes of exercise a day."

"I get plenty of exercise," Lorelai waved her hand dismissively as she reached and grabbed for one of the candy boxes. "I walk a ton and then there's…um…Luke," she grimaced. "I mean you know what they say about that burning calories."

"Lorelai," Emily held up a warning hand. She was pleased that they were still talking but she had no desire to discuss her daughter's sex life.

"Sorry," Lorelai poured some candy in her mouth direct from the box. As she lowered the box and saw her mother's disapproving look. "Sorry?"

Emily forced herself to take a calming breath and think of a way to salvage the evening. With a soft sigh she fixed Lorelai with a hopeful gaze. "Now, since you don't want to watch the movie. I want to discuss the subject of your birthday," Emily clasped her hands in her lap and studied Lorelai as her daughter shifted awkwardly. "It's a big birthday."

Lorelai groaned, "It's not that big Mom. It's not a big deal."

"You're turning 40!" Emily smiled widely. "Do you have anything planned?"

"Luke and Sookie have something going on that I'm not supposed to know about. Well they've told me that they are doing something and I shouldn't ask questions. They'll be inviting you when they finalise it." She sighed. "I think Luke's told me they're doing something because he's trying to combat my FOMO thing."

"Your what?" Emily stared at her blankly.

"Fear of missing out, something Rory said, think it's a social media thingy, kind of an oxymoron though seeing as social media is just people shouting out to no one and not really that social. F O M O, fear of missing out." Lorelai babbled before shrugging her shoulder and shook out some more candy, eating it out of her hand. "It's just a birthday Mom, It's not a big deal."

"Is it not a big deal because of Rory?" Emily asked carefully as she took in her daughter's sighs and sagging shoulders. She knew Lorelai loved birthdays, festivals and frivolity; the fact that she was not excited about her fortieth birthday told Emily just how much that Lorelai was missing her daughter.

Lorelai scowled. "I've never spent my birthday without her Mom. Her schedule means she's too busy. I thought maybe I could fly out to her but she doesn't want me to miss out on the party. Which is stupid because I would rather have her then the party. She doesn't want me sleeping on a crappy motel bed for my birthday," she sighed heavily once more. "She's too stubborn, which she gets from me. Did I get that from you or Dad?"

"Your father," Emily answered simply and waited for Lorelai to finish her mini rant.

"Gilmore stubbornness, it's stupid. She's stupid. Well she's not she's Rory and she's super smart, but we knew that. I just mean she doesn't get how much I miss her and how I do not care about sleeping in a crappy motel. She thinks I want the party, which I know will be great because when are Sookie's parties not great." Lorelai burbled tiredly, not really sounding like she was talking to Emily and more just talking to herself. "But anyway, it's just a number, it's just another year and as I'm not going to be with Rory I'm just gonna be working so…"

"It's not a big deal," Emily finished for her. "Well, I think it's a big deal that my daughter is turning 40."

"Well you maybe have a different perspective on the whole thing," Lorelai gave her mother a half-hearted smile.

"I do," Emily smiled softly. "Gosh, this time 40 years ago I was so nervous. Every little twinge and ache, I was convinced was labor about to start," her smile widened, "but oh no, not you. Your predilection for lateness started in the womb. Those last weeks were so long. The waiting" she gave a mock shudder, "the worst. Except for being so uncomfortable," she tipped her head as she reminisced over the trials of being heavily pregnant, "and none of my clothes fitting. And the not sleeping and the overuse of the bathroom. I was glad when those last weeks were over," she admitted softly "mostly, because I got you." Emily fixed Lorelai with a tender loving smile. "You were such a beautiful baby. When they handed you to me it was one of the most amazing moments of my life. You looked so shocked, these big blue eyes staring at me wondering what on earth was going on. Everything just felt so right the moment I held you."

"Mom come on," Lorelai rolled her eyes again dismissing Emily's tender words. She was too agitated to deal with where her mother was taking this conversation. A glance at her mother knew she had said the wrong thing, that by dismissing Emily's admission she had hurt her. Lorelai shifted in her seat trying to think of a way to make things better. "So I'm guessing this line of questioning is about what do I want? Which in answer, no clue, not fussed." She sighed inwardly in relief as the hurt look wiped off her mother's face and an annoyed one replaced it.

"There must be something," Emily pressed her lips together in annoyance. "You should get something special for your fortieth, perhaps some jewellery?" she scowled as Lorelai gave a despondent shrug. "Lorelai! This is important. A fortieth birthday is something that should be celebrated!"

"Just get me whatever Mom. You have good taste" Lorelai sighed and slumped into the couch once more. "Ok desire to be active has gone. Can we start watching this again?" She didn't want to watch the movie but at least that meant they wouldn't have to talk.

"Well maybe we could go shopping together and you could give me ideas," Emily asked hopefully.

"Sure Mom, shopping," Lorelai picked up the remote. "But it really isn't a big deal."

Emily tipped her head in acceptance and sat back into the couch as Lorelai started the movie playing once more. A plan was beginning to formulate in her mind about how she could not only get her daughter something fabulous for her fortieth but also cheer her up and repair any damage her words this evening had caused. She smiled to herself and linked her fingers together as she gave a little gleeful shimmy of her shoulders. She had just thought of the perfect thing.